Wild Soul, Running Free

[[Be...]]

You sound so good, Nola.    I'm glad you feel the Christmas spirit, even if your kids aren't yet into it. 

 

I asked Theresa to change your username and, since you didn't say what you wanted your thread/blog changed to, I called it "Wild Soul, Running Free".  Do you like it?  Hope I did it right.  I'll send you a link just in case you don't recognize yourself. 

[[Wi...]]

thanks so much Beeper. .sounds great to me...I needed a change ..

 

[[Th...]]

Nola,

 

I sent you a pm, did you get it?

 

 

[[Th...]]

Nola,

 

I sent you a pm, did you get it?

 

 

 

Nola,

 

I sent you another PM. 

[[Ki...]]

  Hey there buddies.. I am now ready to change my name on here to " Wild SOUL" .thanks to WW..she inspired me by saying that I was a wild soul a couple of times..I take it as a compliment 

   ..and my saying now is          "a wild soul will find a way to be free "         that is so true and that is totally me.. nothing can hold me down anymore,I am independant and depend on noone and never have..just like a wild horse running through the open field all alone..that is me !..don't try to hold me back as I will break free from whatever is in my way..Its been a long journey to nowhere it seems at times but I know I have a destination and that what is most important ...

 

   getting off benzos will free my wild soul for good..

   

Love,Peace and hugs to all                                            Nola ("WILD SOUL")

 

Hi Wild Soul (Nola!) 

 

Just wanted to say that I have kept up with your blog since you started, and I just love reading your posts. I agree with WW, you have a "wild soul", and I see that as a total compliment, too. I just LOVE your honesty. You just put everything out there and are what I call a true blue person; straightforward and honest about yourself, kind and very understanding, and loyal. Also you are very strong and independent and I so much admire that about you. I bet you make one heck of a best friend. 

I love your new name, and it suits you: Beautiful, Strong, Loving, Free, and an Independent Thinker. 

 

Peace to you and your family this holiday season. I pray for all the people on this site, and I will continue to pray personally for you and your journey, as well.

 

http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb58/HillHouseIsAlive/3b0ere2.jpg

 

Happy Holidays, Nola, Wild Soul!

[[Wi...]]

 

 

Hey Kimba ,

 

  thanks for your prayers  .. I do have 1 best friend and she is great too.she will be a BFF for life . we are a lot alike and have a lot of the same ways....She knows the real me and we have never had an argument in all our 20 years of freindship either..We know each other probably more than our hubbies know us though..more history there ya know..there is just certain things girls can talk about to each other that can't necessarily be discussed with the hubby..    hence girl talk..

I just try to treat people how I want to be treated and show respect to everyone ..honesty is the only way to go.. sometimes I can be too honest though I think.. there is just some things better left unsaid..

 

  It feels so good to know I have buddies out there who understand what I am going through too..

I am truly blessed already and the new year has nothing but good to bring me.. I am sure of that..

yeah the economy sucks right now .. but I still have my health and will to live and do better for myself and my family and my energy is coming back so much I feel like I am in my 20's again..

 

Happy Holidays everybody... thanks for being there for me and taking the time to read my posts..

 

  may peace fill your hearts and love pour out of your soul to everyone you know..

 

                                blessings                                    wild soul.

[[wo...]]

Hey Wild Soul, this is one of my favorite songs about loving wild things.....sad but beautiful Emmy Lou ....

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=GOVxQkOEALA

[[Wi...]]

beautiful song! almost broke into a full blown squawl though.. :'(  I never heard that either..wow.. thanks WW

that was great. 

[[Wi...]]

 

 

well I had a down day with no energy yesterday ...but today I am back up an running..

If I go by my schedule then I willbe totally off benzos by march 9th..seems so far away though but I wanna do this right ..that is cutting 5ml every 5 days...if I can do more then I will but I wanna smooth ride here...and this seems the way to go so far....

 

 

peace and love..                                      Nola ( wild soul)

[[...]]

A smooth ride is very important.  That is where I am at....take it slowly and smoothly.  I will be off benzos, but it is going to take time.  My last day is Jan 31st.  Time does heal and pass, you will be benzo free before you know it.

[[Lo...]]

 

 

well I had a down day with no energy yesterday ...but today I am back up an running..

If I go by my schedule then I willbe totally off benzos by march 9th..seems so far away though but I wanna do this right ..that is cutting 5ml every 5 days...if I can do more then I will but I wanna smooth ride here...and this seems the way to go so far....

 

 

peace and love..                                      Nola ( wild soul)

 

Slow and steady beats the benzos! I think you are being very wise in cutting 5ml every 5 days. Don't think about how long till you are done tapering, but look back and see how far you have already come!

 

Lori

[[Wi...]]

Hey Lori ..

 

    I just hate taking the benzo.. its getting to where now when I take it  ..it makes me really sick to my stomach.. another sign my body wants off..as I feel good before I have to take it.. I know I have come a long way and am really looking forward to being off for

good.. I am getting there.. at least now I have a date to look forward too. I will celebrate it thats for sure...it will not come too soon for me at all...  

 

thanks .. happy holidays to ya.. and big hugs..          Wild Soul

[[Wi...]]

 

been doing surprisingly well this weekend .. I even drank some beer and quite a bit at that and it didn't even bother me at all or make my wd worse.... first time in a week or so...been kinda slacking off on that.. I guess every now and then won't hurt me huh?

at least I am honest.. lol...I even had about 3 cokes today when I went out to eat..been craving one really bad ..I can't normally tolerate caffeine either so that in itself is a milestone for me.. something good is definately taking place in my body now..

I am loving it too..went christmas shopping today with my oldest daughter so we got some of that outta the way.. got plenty more to do though..gonna have to change my diet soon.. aw..shoot .. gonna wait till after the new year to do all that..thats what new years resolution are for..

      I am just taking it as it comes for me right now.. it's truly getting much better .. and I love the fact that I am starting to feel more normal every day.. I never thought I would feel that way again.. for those of you stuggling with the feelings like you are going crazy just remember those feelings are coming from the benzos and all the phobias are also benzo related...shoot I thought all kinds of things were wrong with me at one time.. I just thought the doctors weren't smart enough to figure it out..but there was nothing to figure out for me.. it was the benzos going against my body as they tend to do eventually and those awful tolerence wd's I experienced for years kept me in and out of the ER with no real answers for me at all...I was ignorant at one time but now I am educated and although I don't know all the answers I know enough to help get me off the benzos and get my life back to normal..the healing has begun for me already and I am so overjoyed and happy because freedom for this wild soul is just beyond the horizon and I am running tirelessly unto the end to get there 

  which will be my end of the rainbow and the end of a long journey and beyond that awaits peace, rest and healing for my mind,body and soul...

 

  thanks to this forum and all the buddies who are helping me on my way to freedom as without you I would be lost and afraid... but instead I have been transformed into a strong brave fighter till the end... I am truly blessed as is anyone who has found this forum and uses is to their advantage... there are no incurable diseases .. only incurable people....the body can heal itself when given a chance..don't ever forget that....

 

Have A Wonderful Christmas Holiday and a blessed New Year folks... I love ya'll   

 

                                    big hugs          ( Wild Soul)

[[tr...]]

Wild Soul, I'm so glad to see you feeling better, right in time for the holidays!  Life is good once we're off the benzos, it takes getting off to see how much of an affect they have on us.

 

Be care with the celebrating though, you don't want it to come back and bite you.   

 

Merry Christmas to you and yours!  Enjoy!

[[wo...]]

Wild Soul, I am lovin' on ya right now! You go girl!!! I know what you mean...I get glimpses of my real self every now and then and it is just thrilling to feel like me again! I just love it when you are on fire! Makes my day!!

 

Here's a little Marshall Tucker for ya hon... http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=w-hxY2V9yrQ  Searchin' for a Rainbow its happy!

 

 

.....well I think it is!

[[ha...]]

HI Nola,

I'm glad to see that you are feeling better. I hope it continues to go that way for you. Kel

[[Wi...]]

 

thanks to all... Love the song WW.. I love music period.. its just plain relaxing 

 

love                                  ( wild soul)

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hi buddies..

 

  unfortunately the old wd side effects have come back. I do cherish the few weeks I had of feeling normal again.. and I do know this is a process.. My throat feels tight and my chest feels tight and for some reason my gums are just inflamed and raw...

  I have had these sx's before though so I am not worried .. just irritating dealing with it all.. The cuts have caught up to me now...5ml every 5 days may be too much for me but I am gonna keep going the best I can ....I know I will not die or nothing major is going on with me so I will be ok..

  the adrenaline rushes have started to come back also but not as bad.. and I didn't get to sleep last night until after 4am.. all the caffeine I had yesterday I am sure did not help the situation although I didn't feel any effects at the time..I feel cold again too with nasty cold chills that literally chill me to the bone so I keep a little heater beside me that I sit in front of till I get warm and toasty ..the central electric heat unit is not working for me at all. All my energy is drained tonight and I really feel exhausted and wound up at the same time.

  I took my 2.5mg - 20ml tonight so I made an additional 5ml cut on Sunday..and I ended up taking a 2 hour nap afterwards.. so good sleep is probably outta the ? for me tonight.

just thought I would chime in and let eveyone know that it is not very good for me right now but I know it is the meds...the nausea has subsided for now at least though after the dose..funny how some sx's go and are replaced by others for a while..just a way of letting me know that I still have a lot of healing and repairing to do ..the ocd and paranoid feelings have come back to visit me too... lovely..   and some depression and brain fog.. I haven't been taking my Vit D so that is definately on the menu tonight..

  I am gonna have to force myself to take a bath tonight as I really don't feel like it at all. I will get through this hard time and hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better once again..I am still upbeat and positive though and probably gonna get outta the house tomorrow and go somewhere and maybe do some more christmas shopping to help get my mind off the WD.... 

 

  still running for freedom                                                Nola ( wild soul)

[[wo...]]

Awww Wild Soul, yes this happens to me too. Its very frustrating! But yes it does go back to windows. Just keep reminding yourself that the bad times are temporary, and the real you is the healed one. I have to remind myself of that when I crash down. You are doing super well, even with this blip. Take extra special care of yourself during this time, it really does make a difference to how long the "wave" lasts. I wish I could send you some Raw Milk!   Darnit!  ........I know all of what you speak.....I'm sending you love!

 

 

Remember, EXTRA SPECIAL CARE! :smitten:

[[Wi...]]

 

thanks WW.. I am feeling somewhat better after a good shower..but the ringing in my ears is annoying.. I have to have the tv on or some racket or I just can't stand it..

Yeah I wish you could send my some raw milk too... 

I keep forgetting to ask about that around here...I will be glad when my brain quits farting.. .. I've been up playing video poker on here.. I didn't even know there were games we could play.. I am now addicted to that 

 

thanks for the love WW..  back at ya with the love and hugs...        WS

[[st...]]

Hi Nola,

 

Just letting you know that I am still following your story every day and am very proud of how you are handling your taper.  Hope another window comes real soon.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

 

Hello Miss Patty..

 

    My sx' have been coming and going.. I know its because of my recent cuts of 5ml every 5days.. nothing unbearable though compared to what I have been through 

my mind is racing right now and I feel like I am shaking inside at times ..it seems to peak and then it just goes away.. been trying to keep myself busy though to keep my mind off of it..but the hardest time I seem to have is late at night when everyone is gone to bed and I am up alone and bored outta my mind watching tv..or on the forum and playing puter games ...Idle body with racing mind..I think that sums it up.. there is only so much a body can move around in a days time without getting exhausted ..

  I cannot even tell you what is running through my mind it is so fast..

I have been dreaming a lot more lately (ever since I tapered down to 2.5mg)thats something I havent done in years or at least not memorable to me.

I will get there ..its just a long process ya know and I can't wait till I am free 

 

 

  I appreciate ya Miss Patty..          love and hugs..          Nola (wild soul)

[[Wi...]]

I have a ?

  dose this schedule sound kinda drawn out .. it does to me..

when I get down to 1.25mg I am wanting to do 10ml at a time instead of  5 so I think it will work out for me but just wanting a mods opinion here.. would love to go faster but will have to see how it goes..as of now I think this is a pretty good ..drawn out ..but good..                                                

 

 

  2.5mg -15ml = 2.125                                Nov 29th

          -20ml = 1.80           

          - 25ml  = 1.875                                Dec-19th

          - 30ml = 1.75             

          - 35 ml = 1.625         

          - 40ml = 1.5               

          - 45ml = 1.37             

            - 50 ml =1.25mg                              Jan -15th

 

then

1.25mg -10ml total = 1.125

1.25    -15ml  total= 1.06

1.25    -20ml = 1mg

          -30 ml  = .875

          -40ml  =  .75

          - 50ml =  ..625

          - 60ml =  .50

          -80ml =  .25                                        Feb 19th last dose 

then drop off from there

 

 

  thanks a bunch..                      WS

[[...]]

"but the hardest time I seem to have is late at night when everyone is gone to bed and I am up alone and bored outta my mind watching tv..or on the forum and playing puter games "

I remember feeling this way and just getting mad that everyone else in the house was able to sleep and I wasn't.  Thankfully, it does get better.  And staying as busy as possible is one of the best things you can do.

 

As far as adjusting your schedule....you will probably get different opinions.  We all agree and KNOW that cold turkey is a very bad idea.  So what is the opposite of that?  Going very slowly.  This is what I feel is the best course of action.  I have decided that I want to be able to live my life while tapering.  IF that requires a turtle slow taper, then so be it.  You are the only one who can decide what is best for you.  You can try speeding up your taper a bit and see what happens.  You can also go slower if necessary.  This is what has happened to me each time I try to go a bit faster.  I have to take a few days to stabalize and then slow it back down.  I've done this twice now and think I have learned that very slow is best for me.

[[Th...]]

I have a ?

  dose this schedule sound kinda drawn out .. it does to me..

when I get down to 1.25mg I am wanting to do 10ml at a time instead of  5 so I think it will work out for me but just wanting a mods opinion here.. would love to go faster but will have to see how it goes..as of now I think this is a pretty good ..drawn out ..but good..                                                  

 

   

   2.5mg -15ml = 2.125                                Nov 29th

           -20ml = 1.80           

           - 25ml  = 1.875                                 Dec-19th

           - 30ml = 1.75             

           - 35 ml = 1.625           

           - 40ml = 1.5                 

           - 45ml = 1.37               

            - 50 ml =1.25mg                               Jan -15th

 

then

1.25mg -10ml total = 1.125

1.25     -15ml  total= 1.06

1.25     -20ml = 1mg

           -30 ml  = .875

           -40ml  =  .75

          - 50ml =  ..625

          - 60ml =  .50

           -80ml =  .25                                         Feb 19th last dose 

then drop off from there

 

 

  thanks a bunch..                      WS

 

Hi Nola,

 

I don't understand your titration method? Are you currently mixing your 2.5mg in 100ml of milk/water? If you are titrating 5ml every 5 days, why not just do 1ml per day? It may be easier on your system.

 

T2