Anyone have a setback after being off 10 months or more?

[[km...]]

Sunny what you are describing is exactlly what I'm going thru at 10 1/2 months benzo free.  It is horrible to say the least.  Like you I want to blame it on the a/d I'm on but I'm on such a low dose I don't believe it can be that.  This wave started a week ago but I have to say in the evenings it lets up it's just from the time I wake up until sunset that I feel so horrible.  I am trying to ignore it and do my day to day things but it gets hard and I end up crying/sobbing for about 15 minutes.  Hang in there we will get thru this. Thanks for posting because I thought it was just me getting hit  like this so far out.  Healing is taking place

 

Hugs

Kristin

[[Su...]]

Isn't it kind of funny or ironic that we all are suffering w/the exact same thing, yet we often feel so alone in this experience? I believe the suffering and the grieving we do for our lost lives and lost health is a lonely experience...it's like being in a room of 10,000 people yet feeling so very lonely.

 

You are not alone Kristin...here is the thing about the A/D...I have to remind myself of this every single time I take it...I have great days where I feel 100% healed and that happens even though I am on Trazodone...so why do I blame the bad days on the Trazodone and yet think the good days are in spite of the Trazodone?..deep down I don't believe that, though occasionally/or rather frequently I still am terrified the Trazodone is keeping me from healing. It's a catch 22 I guess.  

 

Remember what you were like 9 months ago...6 months ago? Granted healing seems to be at a snails pace right now and is often 1 step forward 1 steps back, meaning I feel like I'm doggy paddling in this, but realistically we are making forward progress even though we don't feel it.

[[km...]]

Yep a catch 22 and I do feel so very alone and scared but I hang in there hoping for a better day.  This came on onvernight so I know it's not the a/d its just the benzo monster, but my mind keeps going to the a/d I guess we are just reaching for answers we really don't have and only time will be the true healer.  I have to say this is my worst wave ever even during and after my taper and I hope it just goes soon.  Hang in there Sunny.

 

Hugs

Kristin

[[ma...]]

You  know I keep coming back to this issue of...whatever our problem was before the benzo, the reason for the benzo in the first place...why would that problem not come back once we're off the benzo? It just makes sense. In my case it is the insomnia. I'm 6mos off and not sleeping at all. This is why I took drugs for sleep but the same makes sense for anxiety. If you had anxiety and panic prebenzo, why wouldn't it come back? In my case the insomnia is worse than prebenzo but I would think it would be getting somewhat better.

I can only pray that now that I am stopping my wine and as more time goes by, my sleep will get better but I don't know how. Won't I just go back to how I was prebenzo? Actually I'm sure I'm worse because I am post menopausal and many women have sleep problems at this stage of life. I am trying to tough it out in hopes that somehow something will change and I will be able to sleep.

[[Su...]]

I agree w/you maltesemom, the insomnia is an issue I had before even starting benzos but it for sure wasn't this bad..and I started Klonopin for anxiety but nothing like the kind of anxiety I have now...this is not normal, this is not me, and this is not the pre-benzo me... I get that what we were like before benzos is how we will be after benzos...but I can assure myself that this is not as good as it gets.

[[ma...]]

Hi Sunny. I guess that's a good point. I was bad pre benzo with insomnia, but not like this. I used to have a sleep window where I had to go to sleep within about 10 min of feeling tired, or I would be awake a long, long time. Now, I just don't get sleepy at all unless I use something like benadryl or melatonin and melatonin doesn't work very well. I just pray I will get better than I am now, which is horrible insomnia. I'm giving up wine, which I love, in order to try to sleep.

[[Su...]]

I see from your signature that you are a long timer user of sleep aids also...I have a long history of using Bendary/Ambien/and Trazodone to go to sleep...over 10 years...I truly wonder if by doing that i some how damaged or rendered useless whatever mechanism  that puts us to sleep.

 

Melatonin worked for me every once in a while...but only for 3-4 hrs...I was thankful for even that though.

 

 

[[ma...]]

Yes, I wonder the same thing. I think my sleep mechanism didn't work very well to begin with. Then sleep meds for so many years along with wine. I think my brain is just hyper most of the time. I've always been thin and I don't exercise. I've been told my brain uses up all my energy. I think that is true. If my brain is wired and hyped up it doesn't want to calm down and sleep. But sleep is natural and necessary.

I took Unisom last nite and while it helped, it didn't give me good sleep. I was awake at 4. My joints feel a bit better tho so I will stay away from Benadryl for a while.

I just want to sleep. I heard meditation helps but I really struggle getting myself to sitdown and meditate.

[[Su...]]

lol...meditation...not an art I can master right now, unless I can sit in a quite room, legs cross, middle fingers and thumbs touching, sayiing "OOOMMM" all the while I'm mentally balancing my checkbook, making a grocery list, and trying to figure out what we are going to have for dinner. ..

[[ma...]]

Yep, that's the same problem I have. I can't get the mind to shut down. In addition, I keep thinking about things I need to do and keep getting up. I have the kind of brain that would most benefit from meditation because it is so calming...but it is so difficult for me. The teacher keeps saying it is effortless and to just take it as it comes. For me it isn't so effortless. I did it daily for 3 yrs but I didn't notice any real improvement in my sleep or my life. Haven't been able to get back into it during withdrawal.

Gotta keep trying tho.

[[Su...]]

I just wanted to update that I am sleeping better...6-8 hours..not the deepest of sleep, most nights I wake up often but can go back to sleep w/in a reasonable period of time.

 

 

[[he...]]

Hi Sunny,

 

    Hi from what I have experienced and read its common to have set backs at this far out, I have been having a really bad set back ever since I hit 11 mths to recently I felt that I was gng backwards , I am now at 15 1/2mths and finally had a nice break from the intensity , keep gng sweetie, it will get better I promise, I am finally starting to see some improvments from intensity , all though I am stinging right now and its a bit intense but its not all over as it was b4, I know your gng to be ok. You are in my prayers sweetie as always.

 

Love Laura

oxoxooxoxxo

[[ma...]]

Oh my gosh Sunny. That is fabulous! Are you using anything to help with sleep? I skipped the Unisom last nite and could not sleep at all. I used melatonin and tryptophan and it did zero. I took 5mg of ambien at 2:30 because I had a lot to do today and needed some sleep. I am so bummed. I'm scared about tonite. If I don't use unisom, will have have another totally sleepless nite? This is almost 7 mos off for me.

Kathi

[[Su...]]

Kathi, you are so early off that i'm not sure what can help you...when I early off as you are nothing but Seroquel knocked me out and I woud NOT recommend that!

 

Right now I take 62.5mgs of Trazodone every night to sleep...I took Trazodone for a decade (100mgs) and it worked well for me...then I was c/t off of  it (really bad idea) and then the benzo nightmare began...early and in the middle of benzo w/d Trazodone did nothing for me, it's not until the past month that it has started to work (which tells me I am really healing from benzo w/d) and at a pretty low dose...I am hoping to start tapering off of it in a couple of months...

 

Honestly at this point, If I have to take 50mgs a night for the rest of my life to sleep, I am ok w/that...I am just so grateful to be sleeping consistently...but I do plan to taper off of it!

[[ma...]]

Thanks Sunny. Do you think a person needs to taper off Benadryl or Unisom? I've only taken unisom for about 2 weeks but did Benadryl for about 3 mos. Like you, I absolutely could not get any sleep without some help. I even stopped my daily wine in order to heal from this. I thought I would be able to sleep at least some, without unisom, but I couldn't. I'm going to try again tonite with just melatonin. I wish that would at least get me a little sleep. Then I could wean off that. I wonder if some of us will never be able to sleep without some help. I hope that is not true. I can only go so long without any sleep. I can't think, can't drive, can't function unless I have about 5 hrs...and I'm sure not getting that without help. So frustrating. Thanks for your help.

Kathi

[[Su...]]

I think tapering it would be a good idea...3 months is a long time to be on the Benadryl..and you've just replaced it w/the Unisom...I've learned if it makes you sleep you will get reliant on it...I know I am reliant on the Trazodone and if I were to stop it suddenly I would get 0 sleep....that's why I'm going to do a super slow taper, I don't care if it takes me a year to get off it, I am not going to trigger any w/d from it.

[[Mb...]]

Hey there,

 

I have had several set backs. I had two major surgeries on my knee (each time being a huge set back because of being put to sleep) I also had a setback from zyrtec, and most recently from a tiny bit of caffeine. I just have to accept the fact that my cns is crazy sensitive now, and i can not tolerate anything extra in my system.

 

needless to say i have been through hell several times from these setbacks and am still standing. if you had a setback you will get back as well.

[[Su...]]

Hey there,

 

I have had several set backs. I had two major surgeries on my knee (each time being a huge set back because of being put to sleep) I also had a setback from zyrtec, and most recently from a tiny bit of caffeine. I just have to accept the fact that my cns is crazy sensitive now, and i can not tolerate anything extra in my system.

 

needless to say i have been through hell several times from these setbacks and am still standing. if you had a setback you will get back as well.

 

Thank you, these setbacks are painful...you just get back up on your feet and then out of nowhere you get slammed back down...it's like a cruel joke...but I know setbacks always go away...I just want them to go away FOREVER!!!