[Je...] Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Try to remember each day that even in our struggles, the potential for Transformative Joy is unlimited: I personally find that there is so much hope in the word potential. Hold that thought ... On October 23, 2023, I took my last dose of clonazepam (0.03125 mg) and am trying diligently to live each day in the fullness of potential: Potential for Awe. For Transcendence. Potential for Complete Healing. For Miracles. For Love. For Joy. It's been a long-ish road, fellow Buddies, but I think I am safe in reporting that I have succeeded in my goals and am healing well! Notable Improvements: During and right after completing my taper I would get extremely cranky. Sometimes irrational feelings of rage (like wanting to kick puppies) would appear out of thin air. I still get cranky, but it's no longer extreme and my rage has disappeared. (All of the puppies are safe!) I have been sleeping better. I still have problems and I always will because I have to take a steroid which amps me up like a hamster on meth, but I have been experiencing more nights of decent sleep. Hooray! (Last night I slept GREAT!) My anxiety has improved, and I haven't had a panic attack in ages. When I do feel anxious, I can bring the level down with deep breathing and distraction. I feel very hopeful and optimistic and filled with Potential! ~ This was my second taper, and it actually went more smoothly for me than my first one, even though I was tapering from a larger dose. (No kindling!) I started out slowly and then went more quickly as I neared the end of my taper. (Details below.) I dry cut all the way down and used a spreadsheet to help keep track of where I was, plan my cuts, and compare how I was feeling with my half-life calculations. (Note: When I got to the lower doses I dry cut orally disintegrating tablets – ODTs – they cut much easier and didn't crumble like the regular tablets.) The best advice I can offer is to try not to anticipate withdrawal symptoms. Let them come when they will but don't label them as “good” or “bad” - just sit with them objectively. I know this is much easier said than done but it really helped me. Something I noticed, too, was that when I read about other Buddies' symptoms, I would do a body scan and end up bringing symptoms I had not previously noticed into my awareness. Maybe try not to do that. Other things that helped/still help: Meditation and deep breathing. (I meditate every morning and have received instruction in biofeedback techniques.) Walking in nature. Just getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine gives me an immediate lift. Listening to my favorite music. Singing along – badly but with enthusiasm. Playing music. (If you play an instrument, this is a great way to distract because you really have to focus on what you're doing.) Having little projects going for those times when I can't sleep. Especially things that don't involve screen time/exposure to blue light. Speaking of light, I've found that on gloomy days if I wear glasses with yellow lenses, I feel quite uplifted. I got some of those yellow “clip on” shades to put over my reading/computer/music glasses. I use them when I'm driving, too. I hum to myself. I know this may sound weird, but humming sort of soothes me. Making appointments and forcing myself to keep them. Just getting out of the house and doing something, even going to the dentist, helps me to feel more "normal". Get and give hugs. Smile when you do it. Hugs from a loved one induces the release of oxytocin and reduces cortisol levels. I'm a hugger - fair warning. Sometimes I hug, smile, and hum at the same time ... If that's wrong, I don't wanna be right. I will continue to pop back, but I am also trying to move forward in a very challenging (but full of ... potential) situation. I wish each and every one of you good luck and success on your Journey. You are stronger than you think! Jess Tapering History 1/22/21 - 1 mg AM / 1.25 mg PM (Cut from 1.5 mg PM) 7/16/21 - 1 mg AM / 1.125 mg PM 8/01/21 - 1 mg AM / 1 mg PM - Hold nearly a year while we sell our house and move in with my parents. (!) 7/01/22 - .75 mg AM / 1 mg PM 7/26/22 - .75 mg AM / .75 mg PM 8/26/22 - .625 mg AM / .75 mg PM 9/08/22 - .5 mg AM / .75 mg PM - Move out of my parents' house and into our new home. 9/26/22 - Relapse of Cancer - Start Treatment - Hold a little over 3 months. 1/01/23 - .5 mg AM / .625 mg PM - Happy New Year! 1/19/23 - .5 mg AM / .5 mg PM = 1 mg 3/13/23 - .375 mg AM / .5 mg PM = .875 mg 4/03/23 - .375 mg AM / .375 mg PM = 0.75 mg 5/01/23 - .25 mg AM / .375 mg PM = .625 mg 5/29/23 - .25 mg AM / .25 mg PM = .50 mg 6/19/23 - .125 mg AM / .25 mg PM = .375 mg 7/12/23 - 0 mg AM / .25 mg PM = .25 mg - Start taking dose only in the PM. 7/31/23 - 0 mg AM / .1875 mg PM = .1875 mg 8/14/23 - 0 mg AM / .125 mg PM = .125 mg 8/28/23 - 0 mg AM / .09375 mg PM = .09375 mg 9/04/23 - 0 mg AM / .0625 mg PM = .0625 mg 10/02/23 - 0 mg AM / .03125 mg PM = .03125 mg 10/23/23 - 0 mg AM / 0 mg PM = 0 mg DONE! 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ro...] Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Congratulations on your successful journey, and many thanks for the tips you provided to the BB community. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Oh my goodness @[Je...], I'm so happy to read you're doing well, thank you for letting us know! Sharing what has helped you is so generous, these are great tips. I know you have other challenges you're facing but I do hope you'll pop in when you can, you're a force for good and BenzoBuddies has benefitted from your engagement. All my best to you, Pamster. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 13 hours ago, [[P...] said: Oh my goodness @[Je...], I'm so happy to read you're doing well, thank you for letting us know! Sharing what has helped you is so generous, these are great tips. I know you have other challenges you're facing but I do hope you'll pop in when you can, you're a force for good and BenzoBuddies has benefitted from your engagement. All my best to you, Pamster. @[Pa...] Thank you so much! I'm in a good place! And I'm grateful for all the support that I have received from BB during both of my tapers! And I slept great again last night! Double Woot! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 I've been meaning to comment on your story! It's wonderful to hear you're doing so well. You have the most amazing attitude with everything you've been through. Wishing you more and more recovery ahead! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 9 Author Share Posted March 9 4 hours ago, [[j...] said: I've been meaning to comment on your story! It's wonderful to hear you're doing so well. You have the most amazing attitude with everything you've been through. Wishing you more and more recovery ahead! Thank you so much @[je...]! It's been - and still is, really - a roller coaster, but I am so grateful that the benzos are no longer part of the equation! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pi...] Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Woot to you @[Je...]! What a treat it is to read this thread and hear how well you are doing. You’ve had a myriad of challenges, but your inner strength shines through it all. I wish you continued good healing! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 On 09/03/2024 at 06:08, [[p...] said: Woot to you @[Je...]! What a treat it is to read this thread and hear how well you are doing. You’ve had a myriad of challenges, but your inner strength shines through it all. I wish you continued good healing! Thank you so much!! It has been a treat to be able to write this! Every day I see improvement I didn't even know could be improved! I wish everyone at BB good healing, and I hope that my story gives hope to people that are just starting a taper - that it is possible to do it without kindling and without the horrible long-term effects that so many Buddies experience! It's not fair, that's for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[he...] Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 Congratulations!!!! Well done! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 13 Author Share Posted March 13 On 10/03/2024 at 18:08, [[h...] said: Congratulations!!!! Well done! @[he...] Thank you so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 The last of the benzos ... this was right before the New Year, and I took the bottles of pills that were left after my taper and disposed of them at the local pharmacy. It felt soooo good! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ji...] Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Way to go Jessamy! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 4 hours ago, [[j...] said: Way to go Jessamy! @[ji...] Thank you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ns...] Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 On 14/03/2024 at 17:39, [[J...] said: The last of the benzos ... this was right before the New Year, and I took the bottles of pills that were left after my taper and disposed of them at the local pharmacy. It felt soooo good! That's so awesome! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 On 19/03/2024 at 10:41, [[n...] said: That's so awesome! @[ns...] Thank you! It really, really was! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ns...] Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 On 19/03/2024 at 10:41, [[n...] said: That's so awesome! You are such an inspiration! I've re read your post! Your inner strength shines thru and you've given me such hope! God bless you for your future and health. I'm sorry I didn't fully grasp the entire post the first time I read it. So glad I came back to it! Keep that light shing bright! You are a force for good, for sure! Blessings Ns 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ru...] Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 @[Je...]Congratulations!! Way to go!! You give me so much hope. I look forward to the day that I write my success post! I love your optimism and Potential!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Congratulations on your successful taper and your positive attitude it’s encouraging to all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ha...] Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 (edited) Your story is very inspiring! Congratulations and thanks for sharing! By the way, I also bought glasses with yellow lenses via pair eyewear customer service and noticed that they improve my mood, especially on cloudy or rainy days. It's great that you decided to mention it in your post. Edited March 24 by [ha...] 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 On 20/03/2024 at 15:00, [[n...] said: You are such an inspiration! I've re read your post! Your inner strength shines thru and you've given me such hope! God bless you for your future and health. I'm sorry I didn't fully grasp the entire post the first time I read it. So glad I came back to it! Keep that light shing bright! You are a force for good, for sure! Blessings Ns @[ns...] Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so grateful my post can give some hope! Blessings to you on your Journey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 On 20/03/2024 at 19:16, [[R...] said: @[Je...]Congratulations!! Way to go!! You give me so much hope. I look forward to the day that I write my success post! I love your optimism and Potential!! @[Ru...] Thank you so much! I know you will be writing your success story, and I want to read it when you do! Potential! Yes! Always! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 On 21/03/2024 at 00:31, [[G...] said: Congratulations on your successful taper and your positive attitude it’s encouraging to all. @[Gr...] What a beautiful photo! Thank you for sharing this! And I love your name: Grateful! That is what gets me through each and every day: Gratitude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 23 hours ago, [[h...] said: Your story is very inspiring! Congratulations and thanks for sharing! By the way, I also bought glasses with yellow lenses and noticed that they improve my mood, especially on cloudy or rainy days. It's great that you decided to mention it in your post. @[ha...] Thank you so much! Yes! The yellow lenses help so much! I noticed this when I was wearing safety glasses while doing field work. I'd be humming along, and then when I took them off, I'd immediately notice a drop in my "mood". Once on vacation it was raining and overcast and I was feeling a bit down, so we made a special stop to a hardware store to get yellow safety glasses. It actually rather amazes me that they can make such a difference for me. So simple. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Thank you for the success story and the details of your taper. I'm grateful for the hope. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Je...] Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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