Trazodone

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[K...] said:

4 nights now.  Only had a headache after the first night.  25mg.  Seems to help.  I am getting 4-5 hours uninterrupted and then maybe 2 more after.  I Used to sleep 9 but then I was taking X at bedtime.  7 hours is pretty good but the suffering the other 17 hours makes 7 seem like not enough of an escape.  Off V about 10 days now.  I have come to understand being off means very little in the way of healing.  I wonder every day how long this can go on and how long I can endure 😣 

@[Kh...], thank you for the reply) Keep going. Sure you'll endure as long as need be. Hope not that looong. Nobody knows how exactly our healing goes. I did get a bit better at the end of my tapering but the tapering itself was a cruel nightmare.

It's great trazedone is working. 7 hours of relief is, at least, a something. Just try to believe you're healing, though, as they say here, believe it or not we're healing anyway. Pls, go on with the upgrading.

Edited February 24 by [...]

[[Kh...]]

[[wi...]]

@[Kh...]

It just sucks right now buddy. It’s impossible to feel hopeful and put on a happy face when you’re in the thick of it.

it’s not your fault. Your brain is going through recovery from a highly toxic and powerful drug.

it’s misery right now. It waxes and wanes. It won’t always be excruciating. Hang on. I’m  white knuckling this also.

Just have to make it through today. 
 

❤️

Edited February 24 by [wi...]

[[Kh...]]

2 hours ago, [[w...] said:

@[Kh...]

It just sucks right now buddy. It’s impossible to feel hopeful and put on a happy face when you’re in the thick of it.

it’s not your fault. Your brain is going through recovery from a highly toxic and powerful drug.

it’s misery right now. It waxes and wanes. It won’t always be excruciating. Hang on. I’m  white knuckling this also.

Just have to make it through today. 
 

❤️

Thanks for your support and inspiration.  I just been going thru this since summer last year without a flicker of hope.  Wondering when a window might appear.  Are ur having any? 

[[wi...]]

I had one one week ago for a few hours. 
 

as always, when the window ends it feels worse and very dark.

This is all without rhyme or reason.

Tinnitus has been the worst level in a while. Head is full of pressure and throbbing. Heart palpitations, too. 
 

It’s been almost 10 months off from a taper that got rushed at the end. Like you I was using Xanax and switched to that stupid Valium.

[[Kh...]]

5 minutes ago, [[w...] said:

I had one one week ago for a few hours. 
 

as always, when the window ends it feels worse and very dark.

This is all without rhyme or reason.

Tinnitus has been the worst level in a while. Head is full of pressure and throbbing. Heart palpitations, too. 
 

It’s been almost 10 months off from a taper that got rushed at the end. Like you I was using Xanax and switched to that stupid Valium.

Man.  I don’t know how to continue   Don’t see any light 

Edited February 25 by [Kh...]

[[wi...]]

3 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

Man.  I don’t know how to continue   Don’t see any light 

This is the most intense thing either of us will ever have to endure. We’re still here, so that’s a miracle.

I’m really glad you’re here, man. I feel a connection with you 🙏

[[Kh...]]

You are kind.  You have been going a lot longer than I have and you sound very strong.  I have lost my will.  I appreciate u giving me hope.  I am trying and my wife is beside herself with all my negative talk.  But it’s a Real struggle never imagined this in any of my nightmares.  I worked and saved and readied for retirement.  Used the drugs to manage sleep and work anxiety and here I am now in the deep dark.  

Edited February 25 by [Kh...]

[[wi...]]

I don’t feel strong. I feel like I have purpose if I can give some real comfort. My heart knows the crushing weight of this, it’s cruel. I am so insecure and in a state of fear most of the time , so when I see you suffering so much I want to let you know you have a friend who truly sees you. 
 

Im tearing up as I write this. We’re going to make it. We’ve temporarily lost ourselves, our dreams and desires are frozen beneath this tortured state we find ourselves in.

It’s devastating not to be able to travel, be in the gym, be social, and all the rest we thought we’d be doing right now.

Our story is not done yet, I know it’s hard to believe, for me too. 
 

[[Kh...]]

Thanks friend.  Gonna lay down and cradle my head for a bit.  I guess we will hang in there one more day today.  Tomorrow is another day.  Be well. 🙏🙏

[[wi...]]

You too. You’re in my prayers 🙏

[[Pi...]]

55 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

You are kind.  You have been going a lot longer than I have and you sound very strong.  I have lost my will.  I appreciate u giving me hope.  I am trying and my wife is beside herself with all my negative talk.  But it’s a Real struggle never imagined this in any of my nightmares.  I worked and saved and readied for retirement.  Used the drugs to manage sleep and work anxiety and here I am now in the deep dark.  

I'm walking your path. I've been at this longer than you but I've been exactly where you're at right now. I am seeing signs of light. Still have a considerable way to go to the end. But I am better than I was 8 months ago (20 months out Cold Turkey). Try not to burden your wife because it tends to explode. Been there also. No one outside of this can even comprehend what you're experiencing that includes family and friends. When you need to talk log in here. Although almost impossible at times you have to try to fake it the best you can till you make it. I am at the point where I can pull this off most of the time not always. Everyone I know sees that I have issues. Many think I'm nuts and full of shit. Quit trying to explain things to them gets way too frustrating. And that goes for your wife also. Just do what you need to do to get better. The rest of you life will be there when you get back. Also when your back they may be more interested in hearing your story. At that point someone may need to talk to you.

[[Kh...]]

27 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

I'm walking your path. I've been at this longer than you but I've been exactly where you're at right now. I am seeing signs of light. Still have a considerable way to go to the end. But I am better than I was 8 months ago (20 months out Cold Turkey). Try not to burden your wife because it tends to explode. Been there also. No one outside of this can even comprehend what you're experiencing that includes family and friends. When you need to talk log in here. Although almost impossible at times you have to try to fake it the best you can till you make it. I am at the point where I can pull this off most of the time not always. Everyone I know sees that I have issues. Many think I'm nuts and full of shit. Quit trying to explain things to them gets way too frustrating. And that goes for your wife also. Just do what you need to do to get better. The rest of you life will be there when you get back. Also when your back they may be more interested in hearing your story. At that point someone may need to talk to you.

hi Pinster.  Thanks.  Agree with everything u say, and I appreciate your input very much. You have been at this awhile.  It’s hard to imagine this state of health lasting for another 20 months or whatever the number is.  Unbearable.  How is this doable?  Without any signs of improvement?   Wife is completely supportive, and I believe she understand after 30years together.  it’s my guilt that overwhelms me for putting us in this position.  She is worried for my mental health which is clearly suffering.  As for other friends and family, they just know I am having issues with ear pain and pressure, hearing and tinnitus.  That’s all they need to know as far as I am concerned.  The can wait until I am ready I suppose, but hate lying to some of them.  As you point out they won’t understand.  I hope to hear more from you about how u are feeling better to give me something to look forward to.  Thanks again for being supportive.  It means a lot to me 🙏🙏

[[Pi...]]

Khun Kit: My dad who lived to 91 on basically hamburgers and ice cream told me this years ago. You don't always see the rhyme or reason to something when you're in the thick of it. Years later when you look back and can see the big picture, now you can see it was part of the "Master Plan" and there was a reason. Focus on that when it gets really tough at times. Don't give into the darkness. Time for bed.

[[Kh...]]

6 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Khun Kit: My dad who lived to 91 on basically hamburgers and ice cream told me this years ago. You don't always see the rhyme or reason to something when you're in the thick of it. Years later when you look back and can see the big picture, now you can see it was part of the "Master Plan" and there was a reason. Focus on that when it gets really tough at times. Don't give into the darkness. Time for bed.

Makes sense …Sleep well 🙏

[[Kh...]]

12 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Khun Kit: My dad who lived to 91 on basically hamburgers and ice cream told me this years ago. You don't always see the rhyme or reason to something when you're in the thick of it. Years later when you look back and can see the big picture, now you can see it was part of the "Master Plan" and there was a reason. Focus on that when it gets really tough at times. Don't give into the darkness. Time for bed.

Pinster when u have time — Check the Oldies music thread…I  posted a 10CC song just for you 🙏

Edited February 25 by [Kh...]

[[Kh...]]

2 hours ago, [[w...] said:

You too. You’re in my prayers 🙏

Posted a Kate Bush song for you/us in Oldies Thread ☺️