One Year Later

[[lo...]]

December 8th was my one year anniversary, so I decided it was time for me to check in. I have not posted since my jump. I made a promise to myself that I would not forget this group when I no longer needed the support. I feel that a lot of folks move on, and through no ill will, never check in with a success story. They regain their lives, and go on living them.

So here I am...a success story! A little background first, since I seem to have lost my signature. 😋

I was prescribed Klonopin after the SSRI I was given caused severe Tardive Dyskinesia (TD). I was told I would need to stay on the Klonopin, likely for the rest of my life. When I started doing some research, I found what everyone here knows...you can NOT stay on these drugs long term.

I made many attempts to lower my dosage, against my providers advice. Each time was an obvious failure, because I was ignorant of the process. My provider would always respond with, "See, I told you".

When that provider moved out of state, she recommended a new one that she had worked with in the past. This was an absolute blessing! The new provider told me on my second visit, "I hope you are aware that drug is doing nothing for you at this point, beyond just keeping you on it". This was the validation of my own findings that I needed to hear.

I started the taper process, and it went amazingly smooth. I was off in a month. That's when everything fell apart. I had rushed the final two cuts to a few days each. After a week of feeling amazing, the pain, anxiety, and pure terror set in. It was so bad, I was considering quitting my job. Luckily, COVID protocols allowed me to still work from home. My provider put me back on the Klonopin,  but I refused to go back to the original dose. We agreed on half the dose to get me stable.

I started doing more research, and that's how I landed on this site. Reading all of the stories, studying the many guides, and seeing that other people had similar situations gave me some hope. I shared the info with my provider, and she was shocked at how slow some had to taper. However, she agreed to allow me to set the pace.

It was months before I was well enough to even consider starting over again, but I decided to start with 5 %. I won't bore you all with the numbers that I juggled for the next 8 months or so, but I finally jumped on Dec 8, 2022.

The taper was hard...no lie. It was the hardest thing I've had to do. Surprisingly, the jump was the easiest step in the process. All thanks to a slow taper. In the past year I've had some bad days, but none could compare to my first attempt.

The thing I notice the most is a return of my emotions. Yes, I cry at sad tv shows...and I'm fine with that. On the pills, I was incapable of crying. I laugh more, which is what I use to cope with stress. Comedy has always been my go to stress relief.

If I had to pick something that still remains from the pills, it's my memory loss. I'm almost 50, and feel my memory is lacking for my age. I play a lot of games on my phone to try and get my memory back in check. I know it may never be 100% again, but if that's the only negative in my life, I'll deal.

If I had to give any advice to people just starting to taper, or those that are frozen mud taper, it's to trust the process. You WILL feel better at the end of the journey, and you WILL be proud of how strong you are for doing it. You will survive this!

Edited December 28, 2023 by [lo...]

[[Ta...]]

I recovered my memory by taking organic extra virgin coconut oil. Mary Newport, M.D. has several books out about memory recovery using MCT coconut oil.

[[ve...]]

I had tardive dyskinesia and akathisia from antipsychotics and it's the worst sensation I've ever had. The doctor also said that I would have to take them for life.  All I needed was a sleep cure!  To counteract the side-effects I was also prescribed a medication for Parkinson, and I believed that I would be left crippled like that for life!

I had to taper them off on my own but the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with some kind of PTSD and insomnia that led me to self-medicate with codeine later, which warranted another visit to a worse location to treat drug addiction.  But then I started drinking alcohol and ended up being a functional alcoholic for years until May when I checked myself to detox. 

The worst has passed because there's literally nothing worse.  Hopefully next year I stop taking this stupid benzo.

[[lo...]]

8 hours ago, [[v...] said:

The worst has passed because there's literally nothing worse.  Hopefully next year I stop taking this stupid benzo.

None of this is a race, so just chisel away at your own pace. You'll get there.

[[lo...]]

10 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I recovered my memory by taking organic extra virgin coconut oil. Mary Newport, M.D. has several books out about memory recovery using MCT coconut oil.

That's interesting, I'll have to check that out.

[[Ta...]]

I was really surprised by how effective it is. Please let me know how you do.

[[Ta...]]

12 hours ago, [[v...] said:

I had tardive dyskinesia and akathisia from antipsychotics and it's the worst sensation I've ever had. The doctor also said that I would have to take them for life.  All I needed was a sleep cure!  To counteract the side-effects I was also prescribed a medication for Parkinson, and I believed that I would be left crippled like that for life!

I had to taper them off on my own but the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with some kind of PTSD and insomnia that led me to self-medicate with codeine later, which warranted another visit to a worse location to treat drug addiction.  But then I started drinking alcohol and ended up being a functional alcoholic for years until May when I checked myself to detox. 

The worst has passed because there's literally nothing worse.  Hopefully next year I stop taking this stupid benzo.

Valium gave me akathisia, and it's pretty brutal! As soon as valium was out of my system, akathisia was GONE!  I agree with you that it can't get any worse than that, but somehow we survived. I do believe, and have observed that healing happens along the way. There are tools and practices that we develop that strengthen us and get us through. You are already a veteran taperer. Those skills will help you the rest of your journey.

[[Wa...]]

Yes - benzos (mine was ativan) can give you akathisia - very brutally.   My doctor did not believe me - he said benzos TREAT akathisia.   But when I stopped Ativan, the akathisia stopped too.   The lack of knowledge in the medical profession is breathtaking. 

[[Br...]]

@[lo...] Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your success story.    I'm sorry you were rushed off the first time but what a great testament to a slow, sensible taper.