AVOLITION - finally the term for my worst affliction in tapering

[[Ed...]]

I have read many posts citing symptoms of this deeply troubling "paralysis of the will" without using this term - but "avolition" seems to "hit the nail right on the head" for what ails me at this stage of tapering.  VeryWellHealth has a concise description (quoted in italics below, emphases mine) that describes exactly this major affliction that is psychologically crippling me during my diminishing dosages of xanax:

"Signs that might indicate that a person is living with avolition include:

• Not bathing and grooming
• Lying in bed for hours
• Watching the day go by while doing very little or nothing at all
• Not showing up to events or meetings you promised you would attend 
• Ignoring friends' calls, texts, or emails 
• Having difficulty starting projects and completing tasks at work or school 
• Feeling uninterested in your work or social activities 
• Not paying your bills 
• Missing deadlines 
• Feeling detached and uninterested in your relationships 

It should be noted that avolition is much different than laziness or procrastination. People who live with avolition might feel a type of paralysis, which makes it hard to act, whereas laziness is often a choice. Further, procrastination involves looking for distractions to push a task to a later time."  -- https://www.verywellhealth.com/avolition-7372513

If you click the VeryWellHealth link above or google "avolition" you'll find much more. It has apparently been linked to schizophrenia in the past, but I don't have schizophrenia. (I have been diagnosed with CPTSD.) The term anhedonia has been used synonymously, though perhaps there's a subtle difference, I'm not sure.

I'm interested in learning how many of you can identify with this affliction termed "avolition" during benzo tapering, withdrawing, long-hauling, etc. Did it occur to any degree during the time of your maximum constant dosage?

I remember an old thread years ago humorously titled something like: "How long has it been since you showered?" The often funny replies were not limited to showering, but were many of the above non-behaviors. At that time, I was at a much higher dosage of xanax and not tapering yet, so I didn't relate so much (though I laughed). But now I really relate - and worry (as I lie in bed staring at the ceiling, doing nothing, feeling psychologically paralyzed). Strangely though, it doesn't impair my ability to write - my electronic journal is replete with my blathering every day; my personal letters are long, even too long; and obviously, my posts are not starved for verbiage. But I can't ever get out of this computer chair to clean the house, and not even myself until an urgent doctor's appointment or starvation forces me to - and then a simple shower is a nearly unbearable task.

Edited December 2, 2023 by [Ed...]
Removed incorrect information in first sentence. Typos.

[[An...]]

Seems like this is a word for really intense apathy. I suffer from some of the things you listed but I seem to be getting better as I slowly come off the Valium this time.

That zest I once had for life disappeared in 2006 and I don't know if it will ever return.

[[Ed...]]

It's interesting, but maybe just confusing, to consider the origins of these words:

• a- and an- = no, not, without (as in atheist, anarchy)
• -pathy = emotion, pity, active suffering (as in sympathy, empathy, pathology)
• -hedonia = pleasure (as in hedonistic)
• -volition = willpower, choice (as in voluntary, volition)

Valium made me extremely somnolent (the most accurate word for my experience). I slept 12 to 14 hours a day. Could not stay awake! Klonopin made me apathetic (in the emotionless sense above): I felt awake, but empty, like a robot. Xanax for years didn't have such effects on me - it just narrowed my emotional range (no panic, no depression) and allowed me to focus mentally (without emotional distraction). But after a while, I realized I rarely laughed and couldn't cry anymore, empathy became mild despair, never fell in love again, social life closed down.

Hmm...I lost my zest for life in 2006, too. Two years into xanax. And right now, I don't know if I'll ever get it back, either. This avolition has me scared. It's like part of me has already died. I hope this advanced therapy I'm going for can give me back some of my life in my remaining years.

[[he...]]

I also dealt with that. It's easy to have that when you feel the way we feel where every day feels the same, and it doesn't feel like the torment will ever end. You wonder, "what's the point?" Thankfully it does end.