Stopped Klonopin at the beginning of 2023

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Hello to everyone.  I joined benzo buddies in hopes of finding some people who can share experiences similar to mine and just to feel like I am not alone on this journey.  I was prescribed Klonpin 1 MG twice daily when I was 21 years old in 2008.  I started to do a taper 14 years later in the summer of 2022.  I did this with out any guidance or knowledge of what or how to taper.  I basically did a .5 taper for 3 weeks at a time.  Once I got to .5 I decided to taper down to .25. At .25 I tapered down to half of that.  I took my last dose on January 3rd 2023.  This is when I truly started to experience the worst I could have ever imagined.  I truly thought I was losing my mind.  Very hard to get out of bed in the mornings.  Very little sleep.  Severe constipation, depression and the worst anxiety I have ever experienced in my life.  I was having thoughts I had never had where I would measure my life in terms of what I had done or accomplished so far, nothing but the worst regret and horrible feelings of looking back on my life and the decisions I made.  Almost as if every regret I ever had was magnified by a million.  The most self conscious I HAVE ever been, thinking about every little thing I was doing and have done.  FEARS I never had before and an immense feeling of terror and being unable to fight back or do anything.  My anxiety was so bad I could not even cry or get angry.  Absolute worst.  Every bad thought I could ever have, racing through my mind all at once.  After 4 months things have definitely calmed down to a degree but I still have bad days.  Making myself do many things that make me extremely uncomfortable have helped me get where I am now.  I still have many symptoms but my anxiety is definitely a bit more manageable even though I still feel on edge 90% of the time.  Intrusive thoughts are still here but have definitely gotten somewhat quieter.  I have to take every single moment day by day.  I will never give up this fight even though many days I feel like there is nothing worth fighting for.  Loneliness was something I never had an issue with before I quit Klonopin, now I feel like it's my worst enemy.  I hope to heal in full by the end of this year but I'm not going to put too much stock into it.  I have definitely started to think about things much differently now that I am off of Klonopin.  Mainly life choices and important decisions like saving money and things which I never did before.  It seems like all I thought about before were ways to get happy.  Marijuana used to go hand in hand and was something I loved and even helped me with depression or so I thought.  Now I cannot enjoy marijuana as it gives me panic attacks and makes my thoughts even weirder or worse.  How long does it take most people to start to feel normal again ?  That's probably what I wonder the most.  Thanks to all who post here and encourage others.  I hope to help others who are struggling with the difficult effects that benzo withdrawl has.  The main symptoms I still have currently after 4 months of no benzos, is benzo belly (my belly looks pregnant and makes the worst noises, no severe pain just gas and minor aches that pass)  constipation is still a bad issue for me but Metamucil does help some.  Intrusive very weird thoughts still occur, bad anxiety, hopelessness, depression, and a flat feeling of no happiness.  Seems like nothing makes me happy anymore.  A very scared feeling of not being able to connect with people or the opposite sex ever again.  Very scary thoughts of the future, I try to stay positive but sometimes it is VERY difficult.  Hopefully this forum can help me get through this struggle, I wish the best for everyone going through this. 

[[Br...]]

Hello bentbelly420 - welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

First of all, congratulations on quitting Klonopin.  I'm so sorry you've been in the grip of rough benzo withdrawal symptoms sInce quitting. At four months out you're still pretty early in withdrawal.  The question of how long it takes to recover is difficult to answer - there is such a broad range of experiences from one individual to the next and there are so many variables at play. In general, though, recovery takes longer than we want it to.  The important thing to hold onto is our body and brain have an amazing capacity for healing.  You have four months of healing behind you, more healing ahead of you, and you will recover.  Your description of your experience will resonate strongly with most of us here because it's such a vivid, detailed description of this experience.  I'm so glad you've found BenzoBuddies.  I feel sure it will make a big difference for you to receive the support you'll find here from others who really understand what you're going through.

 

Please ask a lot of questions on the forum and reach out for the support you need.  Below are some links to help you get started.

 

We're glad you've joined us!

Brighterday

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support 

 

Success Stories

 

Chapter 3 Ashton manual, list of symptoms

 

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[[St...]]

Hi BentBelly,

 

Wow!  You described what I have been feeling since starting my taper!  I notice the intensity of "all that" goes into background after I am stabilized on a dose.  Stable meaning "comfortably uncomfortable".  You have me very concerned about how I do my remaining taper from .25mg.  Everything I have read suggests to make smaller cuts from here.  Almost an "infinity" taper that mathematically would never end.  Is there anything you would have done differently?  Any mods - Will severity of symptoms post taper be lessened by a lengthened taper of the small amounts?  I'm sorry you are still suffering these thoughts, worries, beating yourself up over basically your whole life is so familiar to me and I don't wish it on anyone.  It is like you just want to move forward and whatever this is keeps pulling us back into mental pit of despair.  Thank you for writing this.

[[be...]]

Hi there,

    Thanks so much for your response, good to know I'm not alone.  From everything I have learned since stopping Klonopin and the 4 1/2 month taper I did myself it looks like you are on the right track with your own taper.  It seems the longer and more drawn out the taper the better as far as withdrawal and major side effects are concerned.  They say a one year taper or longer is ideal for minimizing withdrawal side effects.  I just wish I knew this before I did my taper.  Just remember when you do experience crazy side effects like your mind is in another world, this WILL end.  It cannot go on forever and you are not crazy it is just the medicine.  I wish you the best of luck on your journey and taper.  I definitely wish I would have tapered a lot longer so I didn't experience the side effects that I did.  Thank you and good luck to you!

 

Best Wishes 🙏