Introduction

[[Pa...]]

You’re about 4 months into your benzo freedom, right?  I know so many members who have said month 4 is horrible, hopefully you’ll begin to see less severe waves after this one lets up and it will.

[[Th...]]

Thanks for your reply, Pamster. Yes, i am benzo free since 22nd February 2023 - so that's about 4 months.

As mentioned earlier, the last 5-week-wave and this one has been the toughest events so far in my journey off the benzos.

 

I have learned so much during this time. For starters my big goal is to ban substances from my life entirely. I know, that this will take time, and getting rid of the benzos has been the most important step for obvious reasons. And we all know, that I'm not there yet, and that only when the gaba/glutamate balance has been fixed, the boss fight against benzos and what they entail is won.

 

And only then I will be able to remove alcohol, nicotine and zyprexa from my life, one by one...

 

Since I have learned about the negative effect of alcohol on the benzo post withdrawal process, I will do my best to keep away from it as good as I can, even if it so difficult to address both the benzo wd and the craving for alcohol at the same time.

[[Pa...]]

Your goals are admirable and I have no doubt you’ll succeed.  I’m glad I quit alcohol before I got introduced to benzo’s, I don’t think I could have stopped if I’d still been drinking, all willpower would go out the door after that first drink, I don’t know how you do it.

[[Th...]]

thanks for your encouraging words, Pamster. Luckily I am able to do without alcohol, now that I have understood, how destructive it is in this PAWS process. The short term relieve which alcohol causes just isn't worth it.

 

It seems to me, that the last window was a bit longer than the previous one. And I hope, that this wave is shorter.

 

After some sleepless nights I have increased the Zyprexa to 2x 2,5mg per evening. As a result I get about 6 hours sleep, but unfortunately I am very agitated in the mornings, which might be the rebound of the Zyprexa or simply the wave. I wish I could do without it, but I just don't have a choice atm.

 

Difficult times...

 

 

[[Pa...]]

It’s good you’re getting some sleep but its a balancing act isn’t it, fix one thing, mess up another. 

[[Th...]]

Update: I have been having a pretty stable phase since the last entry. I had two very short Waves (just 1-2days) within a 10-day Window.

Yesterday I have been hit by quite intense depressive feelings and thoughts, I feel incredibly lonely, even if I meet people and do my best to enrich my life with social interaction. Feels like everything but a 24h-hug isn't enough

 

I take this as a sign, that another part of my body/brain is working on GABA-rebalancing. It's definitely a new chapter in this journey, and I hope it fades out within days and not weeks. I also understand the importance of working on my social network - one of the things I have learned from this Benzo-Crisis. I have to train my "social muscle", if that makes sense, and it takes time for my efforts to bear fruit. Patience and endurance are so important!

 

Still doing without alcohol - quite happy that I managed to cut it out! Following my doc's advice I only take the Zyprexa, if the suffering is getting too much - i.e. if I have a sleepless night I take it the following night, because I just don't want to expose myself to mutliple sleepless nights in a row.

 

So all things considered, I feel like I am making progress.