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How i survive through deppression, and why live?


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Hi. I've had a few years of benzo use. Mainly valium 40mg for 4 years. I have also been an occasional user of drugs, and the use frequency has been mimimal. Although i do admit i am psychologically addicted to drugs. My favorite is benzodiazepines though, but i avoid them as the plague because of the deliberating withdrawals.


I've been off benzos 2 years almost now, and i'm very proud of myself, and impressed how strong i am to pull through this, since i've been having mainly deppression as the worst main symptom, anhedonia that still persists. Not everyone gets deppressed when they stop benzos, but some are more predisposed to get deppressed after a stressful event, or even from cannabis use.


I don't know how i am able to handle such torture like this, but over time i saw anxiety decline, and my ability to just persist in keeping going on became better. I still am not happy with life, but i have some inner motive to keep surviving better and better. I remember i was so stressed i gave up on life, and just decided to wait till my death arrives, and if i meet God ask him wtf that was. That waiting till death, gave me more strength, because i was capable of such a hard task, even though killing myself would be easier. I gained new felt inner power to withstand, and become stronger. I am growing new interests, such as tai chi, and being spiritual for the sake of my mind. I do nothing almost. Just gaming, movies, no work, welfare, and isolate myself mostly. I wish i could begin workout, i will try soon again, and again non stop till i have mastered my gym discipline. I used to workout before all of this, and now lost interest, because of benzos mainly, but also drugs has deterred me from it.


Remember: No pain no gain! Life has a lot of pain, and i believe that is what makes us grow, and there is a reason for these growth pains.



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