Protracted, need hope and support

[[No...]]

Im sorry you had bad monophobia as a kid. Left alone right, everything is familiar to me, I didnt have this problems before drugs, not even close.

Yeah, withdrawal and what not else monophobia is worst out there. One of my biggest frustrations is how things doesnt change at all,  well at least in my case.

I am alone, most of the time, cant do anything, I hope it is better a little?

Im just sick of it yes. I know you do, Thank you, I think the same and wish you all the best.

Nobody can push me I believe out of anything, Im just surviving I guess. I went through awful a lot and honestly dont think brain can it readjust.

Keep going, hope it gets better for you.

[[No...]]

Im having everything even more pumped up today if thats possible. God please.

I went out for a walk, every few steps I thought I was gonna fall and pass out on the street, DP very bad.

[[No...]]

Another horrible day, I dont know what to say.

[[Th...]]

Thank you. Monophobia is rough.

I am surprised you went for a walk. That DP sounds bad. It is one of the symptoms I really hate. Not just for me but for everyone. I have a vendetta against that symptom.

I'm glad you made it back safe.

 

These repeating days make you want to tear out your hair and scream. Somedays the symptoms are better than others.

You did go through a lot. When you survive this much you wonder how much your brain can take.

 

I was put on over 12 medications and 4 benzos all at the same time. (malpractice) And then cold turkeyed from them all in one year. Then put on more. I am still on 3 medications. Zoloft was when the withdrawal started.

 

My best days are sitting in my bed, trying to get food in me. It is very hard for me to eat. My brain repeats over and over that I will never get better. That these days will just repeat.

But my brain is a good liar. I was sure I would never talk again and now I can talk. So I don't believe my brain. I just keep going for as long as I can. I have to say I did my best.

 

A lot of time my best is laying in bed trying to eat. I know we don't feel like we are doing anything amazing because we are crawling from one day to the next. But that takes endurance and that is impressive.

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi NotImportant,

 

The introductions board is more of a place for welcoming new members to the forum, not many members respond to posts here so I'm wondering if you'd like to start a blog or another thread on post withdrawal support board?

 

Pamster

[[No...]]

Thank you. Monophobia is rough.

I am surprised you went for a walk. That DP sounds bad. It is one of the symptoms I really hate. Not just for me but for everyone. I have a vendetta against that symptom.

I'm glad you made it back safe.

 

These repeating days make you want to tear out your hair and scream. Somedays the symptoms are better than others.

You did go through a lot. When you survive this much you wonder how much your brain can take.

 

I was put on over 12 medications and 4 benzos all at the same time. (malpractice) And then cold turkeyed from them all in one year. Then put on more. I am still on 3 medications. Zoloft was when the withdrawal started.

 

My best days are sitting in my bed, trying to get food in me. It is very hard for me to eat. My brain repeats over and over that I will never get better. That these days will just repeat.

But my brain is a good liar. I was sure I would never talk again and now I can talk. So I don't believe my brain. I just keep going for as long as I can. I have to say I did my best.

 

A lot of time my best is laying in bed trying to eat. I know we don't feel like we are doing anything amazing because we are crawling from one day to the next. But that takes endurance and that is impressive.

 

Everything of this is rough.

I go sometimes for a walk, I say I wont go then these thoughts pursue me or I dont know what to do all alone then I go. I hate this all.

The most frustrating part for me is that nothing changes, for the better, relentlessly same for months.

I had a similar experience I cold turkedeyed from lot of them at the same time within a month, I couldnt stop just Rivotril.

I hope you will get better and able to forget those days. When I have bad days like these for months I hardly believe I was better at all.

Keep doing your best, stay that way.

It is impressive.

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi NotImportant,

 

The introductions board is more of a place for welcoming new members to the forum, not many members respond to posts here so I'm wondering if you'd like to start a blog or another thread on post withdrawal support board?

 

Pamster

 

You mean completely new or?

[[Pa...]]

Hi NotImportant,

 

The introductions board is more of a place for welcoming new members to the forum, not many members respond to posts here so I'm wondering if you'd like to start a blog or another thread on post withdrawal support board?

 

Pamster

 

You mean completely new or?

 

Typically threads on the introductions board are just a few posts since we try to direct members to the other boards where member participation is greater and the boards are broken out into specific topics.  This helps keep the forum organized so that if members and guests are looking for answers to their questions they have an idea of where to look. 

 

Blogs are a great place to talk about day to day stuff with friends, which is kind of what you're doing here at the moment.  Of course you're welcome to post wherever you care to, I just thought if you wanted more replies you may want to start a thread on another board.

[[No...]]

Also I wanted to ask about something but Im kind of scared to talk about it.

Ok Pam, thank you.

[[Pa...]]

As long as your question doesn't violate policy you can talk about whatever you want.  Do you need help determining which board would be the most appropriate to discuss it on?

[[No...]]

Whats with these voices?  Are those voices or thoughts, auditory or what?

I wanted to talk about that, how that actually happened but Im too scared to think of it in any way, it could be a trigger for worse.

 

[[Pa...]]

I would suggest putting this question on the Post-withdrawal Recovery Support board so you can get more responses, as I mentioned, not many members look at the introductions board. 

[[Th...]]

Whats with these voices?  Are those voices or thoughts, auditory or what?

I wanted to talk about that, how that actually happened but Im too scared to think of it in any way, it could be a trigger for worse.

 

Do you want to know what is happening in our brain that gives us these bad thoughts? If you ever think it would help, I would tell you what I know. I can understand avoid things we can not handle right now.

[[No...]]

I would suggest putting this question on the Post-withdrawal Recovery Support board so you can get more responses, as I mentioned, not many members look at the introductions board. 

 

What you suggest me to put it?

[[No...]]

Whats with these voices?  Are those voices or thoughts, auditory or what?

I wanted to talk about that, how that actually happened but Im too scared to think of it in any way, it could be a trigger for worse.

 

Do you want to know what is happening in our brain that gives us these bad thoughts? If you ever think it would help, I would tell you what I know. I can understand avoid things we can not handle right now.

 

What happens in the brain? You can tell me, we will try. You think its thoutghs? I just cant seem to talk about it what happened. This bad period now lasts like always and never ending.

[[Th...]]

Whats with these voices?  Are those voices or thoughts, auditory or what?

I wanted to talk about that, how that actually happened but Im too scared to think of it in any way, it could be a trigger for worse.

 

Do you want to know what is happening in our brain that gives us these bad thoughts? If you ever think it would help, I would tell you what I know. I can understand avoid things we can not handle right now.

 

What happens in the brain? You can tell me, we will try. You think its thoutghs? I just cant seem to talk about it what happened. This bad period now lasts like always and never ending.

Are you talking about the intrusive thoughts? The ones that are loud and cycle?

[[No...]]

Well I try to tell as much as I can in short, dont want to trigger more things. In my first withdrawal, six years ago now or something like that.

I was about 2 years off everything and started using some THC oil, and smoked it in reality, I was more of a smoking in it and in high dose, without control.

That was for about 20 days I remember, I remember I had ofcourse these intrusive thoughts but didnt have DP and hearing those thoughts or voices?

But I didnt have DP then before using THC and alcohol.

Then after I stopped I was worse for a month, developed DP or psychosis maybe? I never had problems with any voices, thoughts or even thought of psychosis ever in my life prior to drugs. I did have these well known problems. I started seeing weird signs, or was it DP, then I started drinking and did that pretty much every few days again in excess. I feel very guilty for doing this to myself. I was an idiot. I wanted to make it better, just made it worse.

Anyway six months later, I couldnt sleep and was in hospital. They diagnosed me there with acute psychosis, which Is from withdrawal? like a sx or DP with these thoughts after drinking and smoking? I said in the beggining they misdiagnosed me, that it was bad DP along with there horrible intrusive thoughts. Now I dont know what to think. When I did this program in 2021, I was really good for few months and didnt have any thoughts or voices or DP or anything of all of that. When it came back, I could clearly see it was from DP that seemed as I hear voices, but those were just thoughts. Now? Im so scared and not sure. Scared od psychosis, scared of voices, of previouses diagnoses, misdiagnoes and what else not. Yes those intrusive thoughts seem loud and how do you mean in cycle.

I dont know what to think. When I observe them they clearly are just thoughts, but with DP? When I am bad like now Im not so sure of anything.

Forgot to say I was in real mess then in hospital when trying to explaint them what is going on, I was terrified and didnt explain it good at all.

I am now confident they are just thoughts.

[[No...]]

I wrote there also Pam, nobody said anything.

I am tired of this non life.

[[Pa...]]

I wrote there also Pam, nobody said anything.

I am tired of this non life.

 

You have to give members time to respond, you only wrote that post a few hours ago.  Also, just a hint, some members have difficulty reading long posts, you know how cognitively challenged we are?  If you keep them a little bit shorter, you may get more replies.

 

I do my best to keep them short and use lots of paragraphs, anything to make it easier to read and respond to. 

[[No...]]

Ok thank you.

[[No...]]

This doesnt improve. I cant even

Write one text without these thoughts to disturb me.

[[Th...]]

I'm sorry these thoughts are plaguing you. I have been wanting to write more to you but can only type in short bursts. I have been very worn lately. Stuck to the floor. Sadness and uncertainty. I would like to feel safe and secure.

 

The thoughts were bad as you know. I kept repeating 'don't think' over and over for hours. I was scared to be alone. The days morphed into each other. I don't know why such bad voices were in my head but I could not see past them. They felt more real than anything else in the world. I knew something was off about them but I was so deep I could not see what.

When they come back I hate being drowned in them.

 

Intrusive thoughts are often triggered by stress or anxiety. They may also be a short-term problem brought on by biological factors, such as hormone shifts. But some researchers link these unwanted and invasive thoughts to an imbalance of a brain chemical known as GABA, responsible for inhibiting activity of certain cells in the mind.

 

There are many unwanted thoughts running through your mind. It’s the ones that go against your core values that become intrusive. An unwanted thought will naturally make you feel fear, disgust, or alarm

 

 

I tried to treat them as awful guests that wouldn't leave. DP definitely made it worse.

 

 

[[No...]]

I’m sorry you have such a bad time. Hope it gets better. These thougts are non stop for me, relentless. I hate this whole thing. Try to stay optimistic.  Just hold on. Yes they appear like they are real, they are total opposite of me. Every little thing triggers them. They come and go for you? This all is insane.

[[Th...]]

They were non-stop for about 5 months after I got off my last med. It's so hard to do anything with them. They come back and forth and I am grateful for the time they are gone and try not to trigger them. Anything and everything could trigger them before.

You are right. The thoughts are not us. These things would have never been in my thoughts before.

 

This is insane. I'm going to lay around until my brain lets me move again. But got to keep going until something gives. Keep updating when you can. It is nice to hear from you. Hope these thought lighten for you soon.

[[No...]]

They were and still are one of my worst symptoms. I don't want to mention anything else. I'm so frustrated.

I am updating, more in lost kind of way, don't know what else to do really. It is nice to hear from you too, keep going.

What my life has become, I am so without any hope really.