The Long Hold Support Group

[[Fl...]]

I definitely want to be part of this group. I'm currently holding for three months. The first part of my taper was to fast and I suffered terribly.

[[he...]]

Who hit tolerance or started having wd symptoms before tapering and benefits from long holds?

[[va...]]

Hi Marie, Thank you for you PM. I prefer to answer you here. Well, I'm still holding as I see you are. Now it turns out I'm going to have an epidural steroid injection in the lumbar vertebrae this Thursday. I am very scared, and also scared that they'll give me a benzo though I've asked them not to. I hope they don't. I'll tell them again before the procedure. And scared of bad outcomes etc etc. Don't get desperate if you get worse while holding. I found this to be normal once your brain has some damage from the medication. I'll wait to see what happens in the procedure and if all goes well I'll cut down to 0.80 , as I've already been on 0.90 since April 4th. I've had enough holding this time. I don't feel much better but this is probably as good as it's going to get for me.

[[Ma...]]

Thank you VNM for your answer.

I will too probably taper to 0,16 mg A in the next week or so. I have been through hell last month, probably caused by a Fentanyl Injection during a colonoscopy procedure. I can’t find another reason for this awful, awful wave. The worst I have ever been. It was so scary, I went to E.R and now I am in sick leave from work. I intend to use this break from work to push my taper. I am so discouraged, even at this low dose, it is so hard and my life isn’t a life anymore.

I hope we will get through this.

Marie

[[Tr...]]

Hello old and new friend's!

I have not been on here in forever but wanted to drop in and see if there were any of the old familiar faces and sadly I don't see any old friend's posting anymore, however I hope that means they are well and enjoying life!

I'm still tapering with two more .25 pills of Xanax to go! I think I've got another year or so to get the job done🥵.. it's been long and it's been hard and I'm tired of it but I'm not quitting until I'm off it!

 

Well should any old buddies pop in just know Trishy still thinks of you all and wishes all of you the very best!! Same to new buddies hang in there guys you can all do this no matter how challenging this can be, and it can and will be, it can be done! Keep your eye on the prize it's there no matter how near or far off it might be.

Love to all,

Trishy♥️

[[Di...]]

Trishy so good to hear from you.  You are always a bright shining star in all of this torture we are enduring.

 

Take care...yes we have to keep our eye on the prize. 😊

[[Na...]]

I just wondered anyone that’s spoken to Una Corbett did she believe you stabilise only if you updose and hold? Or can you stabilise just holding without the updose. I have just been asked this and I do not know the answer.

 

Thanks

[[Na...]]

Maybe Trishy knows the answer?

[[va...]]

Thank you VNM for your answer.

I will too probably taper to 0,16 mg A in the next week or so. I have been through hell last month, probably caused by a Fentanyl Injection during a colonoscopy procedure. I can’t find another reason for this awful, awful wave. The worst I have ever been. It was so scary, I went to E.R and now I am in sick leave from work. I intend to use this break from work to push my taper. I am so discouraged, even at this low dose, it is so hard and my life isn’t a life anymore.

I hope we will get through this.

Marie

 

Marie I just saw you posted a month ago. I'm so sorry you had that reaction to fentanyl. I really hope you're better by now. Sorry, I hardly ever come to the forum now but it was nice to see you keep this group alive. Are you better? I'm now holding at 0.70. I will stay on this dose till my head stops throbbing so much. I'm the slowest taperer ever, I know, but this is my method.

[[Ma...]]

Hi VNM! Happy to read you!

I am now at 0.14mg so I speed up my taper a little bit. I was feeling better since mid August, but now with the taper it is not easy, but it could be worse. I really want to finish this as soon as possible. I am in a sick leave from work, so I will try to use it to taper as much as I can. I know it will probably be difficult, but I am so tired of this battle, I have to get done with it.

I hope you are okay and that your cortisone shot went well.

Bye!

Marie

[[va...]]

Hi VNM! Happy to read you!

I am now at 0.14mg so I speed up my taper a little bit. I was feeling better since mid August, but now with the taper it is not easy, but it could be worse. I really want to finish this as soon as possible. I am in a sick leave from work, so I will try to use it to taper as much as I can. I know it will probably be difficult, but I am so tired of this battle, I have to get done with it.

I hope you are okay and that your cortisone shot went well.

Bye!

Marie

 

Marie, when I tried to push through intolerable symptoms things got really bad for me and that got me reinstating at half my initial dose. It doesn't need to happen to you but listen to your body and don't try to set a date to being off the drugs. Your brain and it's recovery speed is the leader in this.  I'm here sitting and waiting for my brain to get out of this last wave that came about with a couple tiny cuts. It's just so kindled so this'll do. I'm so, so thankful that I can continue working,and I will not risk not being able to think straight again. Whatever you decide, I will encourage you and support you anyway. I don't come in here much because it reminds me of a very dark time, but I came in to look for posts on itching skin!!! I'd never had that symptom and now, if it's not an alergy or sth, then it mush be wd. I'll try to check in every once in a while. Stay strong and be kind to yourself and to your brain. 

[[...]]

Hi VNM,

 

I can tell you that my itchy skin is a withdrawal symptom. I have had it almost every night the last 3 months.

I tried to do a few different types of tapering which was too fast, inaccurate, and inconsistent. I really started tapering again in January and was doing alright. In March, I started a short water taper which did not work and then proceeded to weigh and crush. That did not go well. I finally started a milk taper off of the K of which I am on a fairly high dose, due to antibiotic setback, brand switch and my Mom dying of Covid last July.

 

I am day 90 since resuming my regular dose. I am still not great, but I can tell that it is slowly getting better.

I made the mistake of dealing with so much stress and then trying to get on with the taper. It really set me back.

I will hold for probably many months. My CNS is basically destabilized, but I have hope that in time I will be able to start some type of a very slow taper. My main goal is to be able to function again, like I did. It has been very scary with my symptoms. Again, itching has been one of mine when my withdrawal is rough.

 

It is good to see you on here. We used to post more.

I hope and Pray to see you more on here.

 

Take care,

 

Dana

 

 

[Guest [Na...]]

Hi everyone!!!

 

I am so glad to have found this thread!!! I do hope BenzoBuddies will make a seperate section for us. Uhm, where do I start? I deleted my signature after being very active on the "withdrawal support" section; I don't feel I belong there anymore and I don't belong to the "success stories" either, because I am not free of Benzos (yet).

 

After months of too rapid withdrawal I was in really bad shape. I should have started Diazepam between 30-45 milligrams and started at 7 milligrams. It was hell on earth and I just wanted to die . I had so many seizures. I was getting uneducated treatment from an addictionspecialist in the Netherlands.

 

Anyway we fast forward more to the present. I am stablizing at 4 milligrams of Diazepam. Melissa's Bond's book Blood Orange Night gave me the insight that indefenite holding is an option! I wish someone told me sooner! I wish so many things went differently -- never taken a Benzo, for starters.

 

I am writing a Dutch book about my journey of the harrowing Benzodiazepine withdrawal. An English Book: The Benzo Book was the first thing I read and then the Ashton Manual.

 

BenzoBuddies: you are great, you are needed and I am so grateful. I do hope that for "long holders" slash "turtletaper" slash "symptombased taperers" get an own segment. I read your posts here and I am very happy to know that I am not alone.

 

Greetings,

Naf1983

 

 

Hi VNM! Happy to read you!

I am now at 0.14mg so I speed up my taper a little bit. I was feeling better since mid August, but now with the taper it is not easy, but it could be worse. I really want to finish this as soon as possible. I am in a sick leave from work, so I will try to use it to taper as much as I can. I know it will probably be difficult, but I am so tired of this battle, I have to get done with it.

I hope you are okay and that your cortisone shot went well.

Bye!

Marie

 

Marie, when I tried to push through intolerable symptoms things got really bad for me and that got me reinstating at half my initial dose. It doesn't need to happen to you but listen to your body and don't try to set a date to being off the drugs. Your brain and it's recovery speed is the leader in this.  I'm here sitting and waiting for my brain to get out of this last wave that came about with a couple tiny cuts. It's just so kindled so this'll do. I'm so, so thankful that I can continue working,and I will not risk not being able to think straight again. Whatever you decide, I will encourage you and support you anyway. I don't come in here much because it reminds me of a very dark time, but I came in to look for posts on itching skin!!! I'd never had that symptom and now, if it's not an alergy or sth, then it mush be wd. I'll try to check in every once in a while. Stay strong and be kind to yourself and to your brain. 

[[du...]]

Duneman1

Good info.

I was on 5mg valium x3 times a day for 4 years

And I need to hold at one level for couple of months at least

To get really stable !!

Thank you

Duneman1

[[ji...]]

Duneman1, I’m praying for you that you get stable soon.    I never really stabilized and am now going to hold as well until I have some stability and can function ok.  Take care!

[[ji...]]

Duneman, are you going to hold for a couple of months?  The more I read here the wisdom is to hold until you are stable before making any cuts.    I’m holding now myself until I am stable and more functional.

 

Praying for you.

[[Di...]]

Why when you are holding do the symptoms get worse?  I know this is a dumb question am sure it has been asked and answered many times I'm just feeling really bad today and my brain isn't working.

[[va...]]

Hi VNM,

 

I can tell you that my itchy skin is a withdrawal symptom. I have had it almost every night the last 3 months.

I tried to do a few different types of tapering which was too fast, inaccurate, and inconsistent. I really started tapering again in January and was doing alright. In March, I started a short water taper which did not work and then proceeded to weigh and crush. That did not go well. I finally started a milk taper off of the K of which I am on a fairly high dose, due to antibiotic setback, brand switch and my Mom dying of Covid last July.

 

I am day 90 since resuming my regular dose. I am still not great, but I can tell that it is slowly getting better.

I made the mistake of dealing with so much stress and then trying to get on with the taper. It really set me back.

I will hold for probably many months. My CNS is basically destabilized, but I have hope that in time I will be able to start some type of a very slow taper. My main goal is to be able to function again, like I did. It has been very scary with my symptoms. Again, itching has been one of mine when my withdrawal is rough.

 

It is good to see you on here. We used to post more.

I hope and Pray to see you more on here.

 

Take care,

 

Dana

 

Hi Dana!

 

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to see this. I don't come in here so often now and when I do it's usually to check medication induced setbacks and things like that. I was happy to see you said hi to me as I remember you as a very kind person who always had a good word for me.

 

I'm very sorry about your mother's passing. I'm also sorry that you have suffered such a bad setback due to stress. You mention wanting to taper through stressful situations was a mistake, but don't beat yourself up, as for many of us, life is always stressful and otherwise we'd never taper. I totally support that you hold for many months. I got tired of being in some threads because people don't understand the need of some of us for long holds so I just quit explaining and after a while I just lost interest in the forum. 80% of what I read I don't agree with, and the other 20% that I agree with I've already read a million times. This place reminds me of very hard times. However it's so nice to read your post and see that there have also been good things here. But sorry, I digress.

 

When you say you're back to your regular dose I imagine it's not the initial dose, but if it is, you just do what you have to do to remain functional. Tapering and getting off is not our life goal. I understand your fear of symptoms. It is terrifying to think we could in one of these, go back to acute. I just cut from 0.7 to 0.6 and in one day I'm having all this depression. I thought maybe I should get back to 0.7 and stay there for two more months, but I'm staying on 0.6 a week or so to see, maybe this was just a setback from a steroid inhaler I've been using for the past two days. I've quit that and I'll see how this goes. I also think I'd like to come off this crap one day. But if we don't don't beat yourself up. At least we're not killing anyone are we?

 

I'm sorry you're not being able to function. I assume it's due to mental sxs more than physical ones? I really hope you get better soon and I'll pray for it and thank you that I'm also in your prayers.

 

I remember you had a horse in your profile pic didn't you? Brad Pitt is cute too 

 

Take care and thank you so much for your words. Feel free to PM me.

 

[Guest [Na...]]

Heya guys,

 

I know there hasn't been much posting in this thread, but hopefully that will change.

 

I looked at my last post here when I was a bit cranky for not being "a success story", but I know BB is reevaluating their website and Colin who runs it seems like a really swell person.

 

In case you aren't active in the withdrawal section, I will give you guys an update. I have an extremely rough withdrawal process. Two months ago, I decided to updose from 3.4 to 4mg. Diazepam (Valium). I am doing so much better... I'm sleeping!! Hellelujah. The good: sleep, almost symptom-free but above all I feel good. The bad: sleep can still be better (I'm getting 6-7 hours) and I wake up with heart palpitations (annoying AF) and I will have a shitty day sometimes.

 

I'm planning on resuming my taper next year, but honestly, I have doubts. Even though I feel so much better, I can't forget a year of extreme suffering. I would be more accurate to say: I am indefenitely holding. Like everyone, I just want my brain and my life back. I know there is no rush to this, but I will always struggle needing to take poison every evening. I find solice in the fact that some people take years and if I was "Benzo Wise", I probably would have taken my sweet f*cking time to do a very slow taper and where I am now, would have been maybe 2 years later.

 

Hope y'all are well. I just went through some of the posts of people holding for many months and therefor I hope and somewhat expect I will be getting even better as time passes. I know of one very long holder: Melissa Bond, whoms book Blood Orange Night ment the world to me.

 

Naf1983

[[Co...]]

Hi guys,

 

I'd like to join this support group. I've only used Clonazepam for 12 days in mid October 2022 but unfortunately it was enough to get me physically dependent (which supposedly wasn't possible for such "low" dose and such "short" time on such "benign" drug blablabla). I found out about benzos, dependencd and withdrawal as my GP basically made me cut down from 0.5 to 0.3 mg in 10 days time and I'm now experiencing many awful withdrawal symptoms. I have been holding for 6 weeks so far and plan on holding for many more to come in hopes of the symptoms abating before. (As some buddies advised me that updosing might not work?). I hope to eventually be able to start a much sloooooower taper where my body and brain will decide the speed, not the doctor.

 

I hope you're all recovering from your cuts.

 

Coco

 

Hope you are all recovering from your cuts.

 

Coco

[[Co...]]

Oops I accidentally wrote the last part twice. I didn't see it on this small box on my phone 

[[Di...]]

Hi Coco,

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  I hope you will be able to start a much slower taper soon.

Hugs 🤗

[[no...]]

Been holding 3 months now will be holding longer have had very little relief at all and feel even worse right now  practically non functional live alone with no help or support in my 60's. Feel like I'm not going to make it very often

 

 

 

Nova 

[[he...]]

Been holding 3 months now will be holding longer have had very little relief at all and feel even worse right now  practically non functional live alone with no help or support in my 60's. Feel like I'm not going to make it very often

 

 

 

Nova 

 

I'm so sorry, nova. Perhaps holding is not the thing to do now. You've tried it, and it doesn't seem to be working. I wonder if you need to start tapering again. Just a thought, but you need to do what you need to do. Sometimes people who are not benefitting from holding end up doing well tapering again. Some people languishing going too slow do better going a bit faster. We're all so different. I hope you figure out something that works for you soon. Holding has had limited benefit for me because symptoms had started before I started tapering.

[[Ch...]]

Hi, VNM! I could not meditate in silence either. I listen to guided MBSR meditations. I'm very sorry to hear about your back problems. I sure hope you get better soon.

 

Hi, everyone. I am popping in to say I'm glad to see this group started up again. I think it is important for newer members to know that mostly when we talk about long holds we don't mean weeks, we mean months. A few weeks would be a short hold. In my own case, I held for 6 months before I saw improvement. This group was very active back then. I was on every day while I held on and hoped for change. Two things helped me through that. First, this group and the other long holders reporting their improvements (after long holds). Also, my doctor's words, "The brain likes predicability." Every time we make a change, we stress the brain. Sometimes we like to tweak this or that with our doses thinking it will make things better. But the problem isn't so much the dose as how much change our brain has been forced to endure. But, given time and care, brains can heal, just like any other part of the body.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really needed to read a positive experience with holding! I'm only holding since two months, so hoping I might feel better at 6 months.