The Long Hold Support Group

[Guest [fl...]]

Thank you Trying, this is very encouraging. Did you experience any improvements prior to a year? I am only at 6.5 months, so it's hard to imaging suffering like this another 5.5 months. For me, it's cycling anxiety and depression. I cannot even tolerate 2mg of Prozac, so SSRIs seem out for me, and 1mg didn't do enough. I never find progesterone helpful, and its a tricky hormone. But I want to live! And the depression becomes terrifying. I just don't know how to endure another 5 months...

[[su...]]

flutternutter,

 

I am having a decent window the past couple days, enough so that there is no anxiety, no depression, only a minor scalded tongue, a little burning skin here and there, and some of that muted cog fog (this fades in and out).  I do not know how long this one will last, BUT none of that emotional rollercoaster, dark depths of hell mental stuff is here.  None.  I want to underscore this because it’s a reassurance to myself that I am still here, the core me without the other torturous chemical BS that was caused by a drug injury.  When we have these so-called windows, it’s these moments to pause and reflect on what is yet to come.  You recently experienced a better window too.  Remember this.  You WILL get another one—and may it be the one that stays wide open, but if it’s not, there will be another and another and another until it does stay open and you are healed from this terrible experience.  Hang on.  You state that you want to live and this is not only prophetic, but it also speaks to your willpower and desire.  That’s a powerful thing and don’t ever forget that.  You will live.  You will overcome.  You will survive this.  I’m sending you hugs and acknowledgment that this indeed is a most insufferable experience, but I’ll be damned if I won’t beat it.  You will too.  Your voice here says as much.  Hang on.  It’s going to be okay. 

 

Trying,

 

Your words are always so reassuring and a guiding light for those of us behind you, and I thank you over and over again for them.  Keep shining that light.

[[Tr...]]

Sunshine, wow your words are so powerful... flutter indeed you aren’t alone. You have women here who are really fighting with you and want you to pull through. It indeed is torturous because the pain seems so infinite and it becomes almost impossible to remember the windows and believe they will happen again. But they will happen again. This is all so chemical, it feels evil even. Hang on because you are almost out of the dark woods. Month 9 was a turning point for me. I stopped looking for ways to end it around then and I’m so thankful I didn’t end it flutter. Life is better now. I continue to slowly heal and have a lot to live for. I don’t know how I survived but I did and you will too. We know your pain, you aren’t alone.... Keep talking to us... hang on... you can do this! You have been doing it. I know you are tired but you must pull out all the strength deep from your core and keep going...

[[Tr...]]

Hello everyone!

How wonderful to see some great people come back and post! SS!! So great to see you post here again. I believe you and I are still battling the xanax😏.  Oh well we will defeat the benzo monster one day. 💪

 

Miyu, How fantastic that you've been off since January 2020! Congratulations to you as we all know how difficult a journey tapering a benzo is! Good luck in whatever comes next for you! I wish you bright benzo free days ahead!

 

Can't, I'll catch up with you soon! I still need to read your blog my favorite spy but finding the time is another story as this little one keeps me busier than I'd like to be. I do love him too pieces though. Hope all is well! 🐨♥️

 

Stut my twin miss you terribly! So great to see you post! I'm doing ok hanging in there and the baby is back to being his healthy self! 🙏😍 So glad you didn't leave me😳 I thought I would have to hop a boat and cross the pond to find you 😌! Lol!! Love you twinny! ♥️♥️

 

Mary girl where are you? I hope to hear from you soon and I certainly hope everything is alright with you. Thinking of you girlfriend🙏♥️♥️

 

A shout-out to the rest of the group! Hope everyone is hanging in there. Thinking of you all! Keep up the good fight!

 

Back when I can be!

Love to all,

Trishy♥️

 

Hi Trishy,

Yes we're captive to the same poison, although I've added the Valium 

And we'll get there!  we'll

get there... via frog venom or sheer determination.  I'm going to try the frogs, wish me luck

SS

You got this SS! No matter what path you take be it 🐸🐸🐸 or sheer determination you'll get there. Cheering you on girl! I figure I'm on the five year plan 🙄

Hey I remember you were singing there for awhile and you really loved it. I hope you're still doing the things that you enjoy and not letting the benzo monster rob you of too much. Anywho girl keep up the good fight💪

Trishy♥️

[[Tr...]]

Hey NJ,

Great to see a post from you. Happy to read your son is doing better. That has been such a stress for you. ☹️

Take care and speedy recovery from the surgery🙏♥️

Trishy♥️

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi everyone  ( oldies and newbies),

 

Thought I'd pop in too, since that's the latest trend on here.

 

I'm now down to 0,9 mg. No mental issues,  just physical ones.

 

My back is really painful, as are my feet and leg muscles. But despite the chronic pain I just soldier on. Never quite sure what causes these issues; could be from Fibromyalgia, could be from the medications ( side effects) , from tapering off, or a combination .

Anyway,  there's light at the end of this tunnel.

 

Wishing you all a great weekend!

 

Trochsetter

[Guest [fl...]]

Thank you Sunshine and Trying! I am taking it one minute, one hour, and one day at a time. Hoping this wave passes soon!

[[Su...]]

Hello everyone!

How wonderful to see some great people come back and post! SS!! So great to see you post here again. I believe you and I are still battling the xanax😏.  Oh well we will defeat the benzo monster one day. 💪

 

Miyu, How fantastic that you've been off since January 2020! Congratulations to you as we all know how difficult a journey tapering a benzo is! Good luck in whatever comes next for you! I wish you bright benzo free days ahead!

 

Can't, I'll catch up with you soon! I still need to read your blog my favorite spy but finding the time is another story as this little one keeps me busier than I'd like to be. I do love him too pieces though. Hope all is well! 🐨♥️

 

Stut my twin miss you terribly! So great to see you post! I'm doing ok hanging in there and the baby is back to being his healthy self! 🙏😍 So glad you didn't leave me😳 I thought I would have to hop a boat and cross the pond to find you 😌! Lol!! Love you twinny! ♥️♥️

 

Mary girl where are you? I hope to hear from you soon and I certainly hope everything is alright with you. Thinking of you girlfriend🙏♥️♥️

 

A shout-out to the rest of the group! Hope everyone is hanging in there. Thinking of you all! Keep up the good fight!

 

Back when I can be!

Love to all,

Trishy♥️

 

Hi Trishy,

Yes we're captive to the same poison, although I've added the Valium 

And we'll get there!  we'll

get there... via frog venom or sheer determination.  I'm going to try the frogs, wish me luck

SS

You got this SS! No matter what path you take be it 🐸🐸🐸 or sheer determination you'll get there. Cheering you on girl! I figure I'm on the five year plan 🙄

Hey I remember you were singing there for awhile and you really loved it. I hope you're still doing the things that you enjoy and not letting the benzo monster rob you of too much. Anywho girl keep up the good fight💪

Trishy♥️

 

Thanks Trishy!

yup the five to ten year plan here -- by the time the whole lot is gone.  I'm close with the X, and then will need to start the V.....

Covid has made singing a dangerous activity -- who knew  -- but it'll be all good some day.  You have a good memory! 

I hope that you and your family are happy and healthy through all of this!

:smitten:

 

[[Ca...]]

Lol, I dropped in to say HI.. -Then couldnt back it up..!! Sorry..

 

NJ, nice to see you post a bit and catch up.. And so glad your son is making progress under your and new care.. 

Kinda in the same boat here, -not tapering into oblivion while I sort other stuff out..

 

Dont ever doubt your place on BB, your a shining example of many things, including fighting so hard for so long, and also sensible “big picture” decisions that must have been so hard to make..

I think many will find value in your journey, no matter where or when it ends..

 

***

And a big HI to Everyone.. 

 

Ps.. Not sure how I feel about this frog stuff..!! 🐸🐸🐸

Perhaps I should be hiding my green ass..

 

[[Ha...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been quiet because it's been one depressing wave since my lovely 3.5-day window.  Just popping in to say hello.  Trying to keep my spirits up.

 

Haimona

[[NJ...]]

Lol, I dropped in to say HI.. -Then couldnt back it up..!! Sorry..

 

NJ, nice to see you post a bit and catch up.. And so glad your son is making progress under your and new care.. 

Kinda in the same boat here, -not tapering into oblivion while I sort other stuff out..

 

Dont ever doubt your place on BB, your a shining example of many things, including fighting so hard for so long, and also sensible “big picture” decisions that must have been so hard to make..

I think many will find value in your journey, no matter where or when it ends..

 

***

And a big HI to Everyone.. 

 

Ps.. Not sure how I feel about this frog stuff..!! 🐸🐸🐸

Perhaps I should be hiding my green ass..

 

]

 

Cant:

 

Thank you. I do hope you can sort the other stuff out. Life can be so hard sometimes and throw us so many curveballs. Good luck.

[[ho...]]

Haimona-  So sorry about your wave...ugh.  Hoping that window pops open for you   

 

Cantruly- Don’t worry...you won’t get milked..... :laugh:

 

 

Hi to everyone else.....hope the weekend is treating you all well. 

 

Marie

[[Di...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been quiet because it's been one depressing wave since my lovely 3.5-day window.  Just popping in to say hello.  Trying to keep my spirits up.

 

Haimona

 

Haimona I am so sorry about the wave praying for a window for you!

[[Ha...]]

Thank you Marie and Diane!! The support really helps.  I did get out into nature for a while today, and that helped too.  So, even though the symptoms are still bad today, it was a better day than yesterday.

 

Praying we all have wide open windows very soon. 

 

Haimona

[[Di...]]

Haimona 😘

[Guest [fl...]]

I've been doing more research and discovered the alpha 4 receptor. I believe I have mentioned it, but found some interesting information. Not sure how much we can do, but here goes.

 

When hormones change abruptly with ovulation and menstruation, the rise or fall in allo can cause these evil GABA receptors called alpha 4 receptors to up-regulate. They are insensitive to everything, even benzos, and cause anxiety. They upregulate with benzo withdrawal and alcohol withdrawal. With hormonal changes, they typically take 3-7 days to down-regulate again.

 

Studies show that there are two ways to prevent them from appearing - flumazenil and alcohol - at least in rodents. Flumazenil administered before ovulation and menstruation (chemically induced in the rodents), prevented alpha 4 subunit expression and anxiety. Alcohol - the equivalent of 1-2 glasses of wine over 2 hours, did the same.

 

Since I am dangerously depressed during these times, I got sublingual flumazenil. Ovulation is in 5-7 days - I will let you know if it works. This can be compounded for you and is a prescription from your doctor. It is not for use during tapering (probably obvious but figured I should mention it). I am not sure I am brave enough to drink a glass of wine, but I might try a little. This could be done during tapering. Will check in later. So far it might not matter since my menstrual wave is 7 days now and letting up only barely :-(

[[Sh...]]

Can I just say fluff, ur amazing. I read like a sentence of what u write and my brain just says nope! Cant take that info in! No room sorry! You are really struggling, and yet cognitively you are able to drill down on this stuff and explain it to us? Unbelievable x

[Guest [fl...]]

Thanks Shayna! When I think and research, it distracts me from this crazy over sensitive nervous system.

[[ho...]]

Haimona - Great that you got outside...that’s a win! YAY.  I could only get out like that when I had windows.  I would push myself to walk around outside on couch bound days, but that was only walking around a few minutes.  So good for you 

 

Diane- How are you feeling? 

 

How is everyone else doing this weekend?

 

I’m doing pretty good....it really heated up here, it was 86!  I got out a bit and did some housework...now I am just chillin’....

 

Marie

[[Sh...]]

Well kudos. You’re doing ok girl. U are braining like nobodies biz 

[[Di...]]

Hey Marie glad you doing better today getting outside is good therapy.  I've had a rough couple days lot of life stressors I try not to worry and fret but it sure is hard.  Wow 86 degrees we barely got above 60 today and this week they are predicting a possible freeze yikes!  Come back Spring 😊  Hope you stay feeling well.  😘

[[ho...]]

Diane - Sorry about the rough days...and the life stresses...those are no fun   I prefer the cool weather.  Ever since I lived up on the Coast of CA, I prefer the colder weather....but oh well.  Spring /summer weather will find you soon 

 

I’m feeling good because I only cut 3.4%.....next time I am going to try 5.5 %.  Hopefully the 5.5% goes well.  If not, I will just stick with small cuts, and get there when I get there. 

 

Marie

[[Di...]]

Marie it's good that you are able to know pretty much when your cuts are going to hit you.  I am beginning to think that I metabolize the Lorazepam more slowly then most.  With its quick half life I really don't get hit with a cut for 2-3 weeks ugh!  I can't figure this stuff out. 

But again hope you keep feeling well. 

[[ho...]]

Marie it's good that you are able to know pretty much when your cuts are going to hit you.  I am beginning to think that I metabolize the Lorazepam more slowly then most.  With its quick half life I really don't get hit with a cut for 2-3 weeks ugh!  I can't figure this stuff out. 

But again hope you keep feeling well. 

 

That would be really really slow. Aren’t you cutting about every 2 weeks? 

 

I hope i keep feeling well too...thank you ( i do have a bit of a headache right now).

 

Marie

[[Ha...]]

Hi Diane and Marie, and all,

 

I feel like we, if we learn nothing else from our tapers and our benzo w/d experience, do learn to savor the good moments when they happen because we never know what's around the corner.  I had another window day today, for most of the day, although tonight my symptoms seem to be creeping back.  Still, I will gladly take it!! 

 

Most days I do manage to get out at least a little -- I force myself to do it like taking medicine (good medicine, not benzo poison) on the days I don't feel like it.  I'm lucky that my physical symptoms are mostly mild and it's usually easy for me to get outside.  It's the mental and cognitive symptoms that are rough, but today was a mostly good day (yay!)

 

Always praying for all of us to have floor-to-ceiling windows with beautiful views of a good life ahead. 

 

Haimona