The Long Hold Support Group

[[...]]

Hey guys. i hope everyone is keeping well. well what a year its been, after trying to go down to 35mg ive updosed again and been holding for over 6 months at 40mg.

 

I just keep getting more ill and ill maybe its that time of year, i plan to micro tape? is thats the term? i did some research and dry cutting looks promising with a mg scale at the smallest amount even if it takes me a few years i realise now why i always failed im way to sensitive to even follow the ashton manual and developed food intolerance to a few things so the past 3 months ive been getting ready cleaning my diet up keeping it simple to veg protein and small amount of complex carbs. so when i start again round 3 at the most i will start a cut of 1mg from 40mg and hold again until i feel a little better.

 

Has anyone had any sinus issuses? ive had a sinus infection for nearly a year now and nothing helps and from all the tests being clear it looks like its a benzo sympton

 

anyhoo i hope all of you are okay, i see one member here is benzo free!

 

Speak sooon

[[ki...]]

Trina, I was trying to be careful, but also validate Fluffer’s experience. I apologize if I crossed a boundary. ❤️

[[Di...]]

Mary WOW that was amazing...thank you for sharing!!!

[Guest [fl...]]

Sorry Trina, I had been trying to be subtle, I think I sort of lost it a bit. I will be more careful.

[[Tr...]]

Winnie - I also get akathesia during ovulation and PMS. It is so unsettling, but it passes. For me it starts on day 24 (of 28 day cycle). I can’t sit still and I have looping obsessive thoughts. I have to narrow my view and focus on something intently. Do a word search, color, anything that can draw your brain in and keep it busy.

 

❤️

[[Ma...]]

Mary - Yes.... I have to get that darn time line out of my head. I erased all of my calendar/time line on the fridge ( I had to anyways I was out of room) as I had to make room for my current progress.  Right in the center was my “time line”....I don’t have to look at that everyday anymore (I did take a picture as it was a part of my journaling/progress at a glance) and that’s helpful.  However I won’t lie...there is still this little nagging “time line” in my head.  With each day and acceptance it is fading and reading this “holding” material really helped too......so I know I am on the right track.  Now I just have to figure out the right holds and the right micro taper 

 

Thank you for reaching out 

 

Marie

 

You're welcome Marie  .  Please keep us updated on your progress.  We are here to support you anyway we can 

[[Ca...]]

Hi there again.

 

Today I had an appointement with a psychiatrist .

 

Because I really don’t feel good and I need help.

 

The solution they propose is to take back an antidepressant I used to take many times and helped me with my anxiety.  Also she speaks about a neuroleptic.

 

I know it is not good , and must be avoided . But I’m scared my life is in danger other way...  :'(

 

 

I know a lot of you are going to say that’s not an option but what to do ?

 

There is no exit in my suffering I’m desperate

[[ho...]]

Mary - Thank you again.  I love the support from all of you 

 

Carla -  What about the longer acting benzo?  And what is a neurotripton? (Sp?).  Also what about just holding longer to see if you need that hold to try and stabilize??? Just a thought. 

 

Me....I accidentally updosed last night..ugh.  I was so tired and I am using the syringe now and am at the “5” mark and instead of .94 I did .96....I realized it about 4 min after I did it.  It’s not a “huge” amount, so I am not going to worry too much....I was holding at .94 anyway, so I will continue with that hold.  I most likely won’t make this mistake in the future again....at least I hope not, 

 

Marie

[[Ma...]]

Mary - Thank you again.  I love the support from all of you 

 

Carla -  What about the longer acting benzo?  And what is a neurotripton? (Sp?).  Also what about just holding longer to see if you need that hold to try and stabilize??? Just a thought. 

 

Me....I accidentally updosed last night..ugh.  I was so tired and I am using the syringe now and am at the “5” mark and instead of .94 I did .96....I realized it about 4 min after I did it.  It’s not a “huge” amount, so I am not going to worry too much....I was holding at .94 anyway, so I will continue with that hold.  I most likely won’t make this mistake in the future again....at least I hope not, 

 

Marie

 

Marie, don't give that little updose another thought.  We all mess up once and awhile.  Just go right back to normal dosing today and you will be fine 

[[Ma...]]

Hi there again.

 

Today I had an appointement with a psychiatrist .

 

Because I really don’t feel good and I need help.

 

The solution they propose is to take back an antidepressant I used to take many times and helped me with my anxiety.  Also she speaks about a neuroleptic.

 

I know it is not good , and must be avoided . But I’m scared my life is in danger other way...  :'(

 

 

I know a lot of you are going to say that’s not an option but what to do ?

 

There is no exit in my suffering I’m desperate

 

CC, I don't know the answer.  I can tell you the antidepressant may no longer work.  Many meds , once a wd begins may not work when you try them again.  The might work, everyone is so different.

I don't know what a neuroleptic is, so I don't want to comment on that.  I am sending you lots of healing thoughts.  Hope someone else replies soon!  🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼😘🙋🏼🙋🏼🙏😷

[[Ca...]]

Mary, do you mean when you used them several times in your life ?

Or they don’t work during benzo withdrawal ?

 

Thank you for taking the time

 

Xx

[[Ma...]]

Mary, do you mean when you used them several times in your life ?

Or they don’t work during benzo withdrawal ?

 

Thank you for taking the time

 

Xx

 

Sometimes meds don't work after you have used them before, but it can definitely happen when you are withdrawing another med.  Your brain and central nervous system have been through so much, changes happen.  And for whatever reason, you can hope it will work again,but you can't count on it.

I know it's scary, but it happens.  Most Dr's won't know of this because they know so little about benzo withdrawal.  :(.    You can try and as I said it might help again, everyone is different.  If you can fight your way through your hold now, and give your brain and central nervous system an opportunity to stabilize, not adding any new meds would be best.  Marie,everyone on here, has to decide what they believe is best for them.  The worst thing about benzo's, is lack of any clear answers.

Good luck!! 

[[Ol...]]

Hi Olive,

 

I see in your description that when you started your first Valium taper you failed.

 

Did you went back to a full dose and tried again?

 

 

I am actually failing with my taper and looking for stories of people who started from the beginning.

 

Im in a very dark place right now.

 

Hope you can answer .

 

Carole

 

Hi Carole,

I'm so sorry you are struggling, let me tell you I can relate. It is a hard journey but with dedication and patience you can get through this, even if it feels impossible at the moment. I was ready to check myself into an institution back in 2017 and now I am living my life again.

 

Yes, I did fail the first taper which I think was from 20mg V... I got all the way down to 0 but I had not been on BB yet and did not realize that all of my little cheats and updoses were affecting me so negatively and when I 'jumped' I was in hell. At that point my Dr was so fed up with me she would not prescribe anymore. I felt like a drug user for real! I found a new Dr who was benzo wise, and he asked me at what dose did I feel like a normal person, and I said 9mg so that is where we started the new taper at. This was over a year after I had originally started my journey. I tapered that for a year and when I got down to 0 again, I lasted about 10 days before I cracked and reinstated. As Kitsune said, I reinstated at 2mg and stayed there for a year and a half. I waited until I felt relatively OK before tapering again, and a year and a half is what it took. After that, I was able to taper that last 2mg in a few months with zero withdrawal symptoms. And I walked off over a year ago and I have never looked back!

 

You can get there too, just hang on! I see a bunch of new names lately, I'm rooting for all of you out there.

[[Ca...]]

Mary , yes the worst thing is not knowing...

 

I really wish I can go through this without other meds but it seems impossible and every other day I feel the need to get some help...

 

Olive your story is encouraging , you are very brave. My anxious brain only notice « it took you one year and a half to feel back to normal... »

 

Im not sure I can handle this for sooo long.

 

I wish somebody could tell me when I stabilize :'(

 

 

Also the thing is I’m adding a lot of worry worry worry , about my state and I’m in total ocd about this withdrawal. That’s why I think maybe AD would help...

[[Ca...]]

Jay thanks for sharing! And congrats for being benzo free!

 

Did you started your Zoloft during withdrawal ?

 

How was your anxiety and your ocd during your taper ?

 

Thank you , it helps me gathering informations

 

The psychiatrist suggested something like Zyprexa too for anxiety during benzo taper.... I don’t know what to think so many people are against adding meds during withdrawal ....

 

Gabapentin they are quite against here in France...

[[Ca...]]

Jay thank you so much for sharing all your story.

 

My main concern and what people are saying here is that adding psyche meds during withdrawal can just make you worst... so what if I feel worst you know . And I understand that our CNS  is oversensitized and it may be a bad thing...

 

My main only symptom is horrible gad and pur O about this withdrawal since I crashed.

 

But I had anxiety and intrusive  and worry prior to my taper...

 

How did you managed you very bad anxiety during taper ? Did you suffer from anxiety and ocd before?

 

Sorry for all those questions , I’m happy you are getting your life back now , meds do help ( except benzo..)

[[ho...]]

Olive - Thank you so much for sharing and caring....your story is helping me too,

 

Mary - Once again, thanks for the support.  I’m not going to worry about that little updose....so it might cause a minor glitch, I honestly am not giving it any power 

 

Carla- You are in my thoughts....big (((( hugs))))) wish I could give you an answer.  Sounds like you are getting some good advice on here.

 

BB’s not mentioned....I do read and appreciate all input.  Everyone is so valuable 

 

Marie

[[Sh...]]

Holy uteruses Batman Aunty Flo is in a bad mood this month. Oh Lordy 

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Hey guys...

Thank you for being all so supportive.

 

So today I tried to find a video about benzo somebody told me to watch on YouTube

 

I scrolled down the comments....so many people in Hell suffering for years.

 

Im so scared guys, I’m so sad too.

 

Is it possible to not live an hellish taper ? Is it possible to be ok when you jump off ?

 

It is so hard to stay optimistic and say things are not going to be as bad as for some

 

Im so depressed.

 

> Olive how are you now ?

 

Hugs

[[Tr...]]

What??!! Omg did I hear through the grapevine that my twinny beat up the benzo devil and finished her taper?!! Well take that benzo devil :boxer: :yippee: I couldn't be happier for you!! You have fought a hard battle and helped so many along the way namingly me🙋‍♀️!! I could never forget all you've done for me. Loads of support and great advice.. an ass kicking or two when I when I needed it😉 but don't you go getting any ideas about leaving here I still need my twin.. Can't even imagine trying to finish my taper without the occasional " tiny Irish woman" pop in offering up her great advice so don't even think about it lady!! Mary and I will swim across the pond and find you!! I'll be the one yelling twinny all over Ireland and Mary will be the one with the drone😂😂

I'm sooooooooo thrilled for you!! It made my day to pop in quickly and read that. I wish nothing but the best for you in your benzo free future!! 🥳🎊🎉💃

Love you to pieces my sister friend!

LST 😘♥️♥️♥️♥️

[[Tr...]]

Yoo hoo Mary I'll be pm'ing you later girl! Muh baby is starting to fuss!! Gotta run!! 😬

Love ya, Trishy♥️♥️♥️

[[Ma...]]

What??!! Omg did I hear through the grapevine that my twinny beat up the benzo devil and finished her taper?!! Well take that benzo devil :boxer: :yippee: I couldn't be happier for you!! You have fought a hard battle and helped so many along the way namingly me🙋‍♀️!! I could never forget all you've done for me. Loads of support and great advice.. an ass kicking or two when I when I needed it😉 but don't you go getting any ideas about leaving here I still need my twin.. Can't even imagine trying to finish my taper without the occasional " tiny Irish woman" pop in offering up her great advice so don't even think about it lady!! Mary and I will swim across the pond and find you!! I'll be the one yelling twinny all over Ireland and Mary will be the one with the drone😂😂

I'm sooooooooo thrilled for you!! It made my day to pop in quickly and read that. I wish nothing but the best for you in your benzo free future!! 🥳🎊🎉💃

Love you to pieces my sister friend!

LST 😘♥️♥️♥️♥️

 

It is exciting isn't it  :laugh:  Lol, lol I had forgotten the drones  :laugh:  I have told her she can't leave also.  Love you TT.    :smitten:

 

 

[[De...]]

Hi Stut!

 

I just heard the good news!!! That is awesome, I am so so happy!!! Waaaaa! You did it! I also want to thank you for the help you have given me during my journey of this drug. Always willing to help and give hope, I will never forget. Love you Suzy ❤❤❤🙏🥂💗

[[Ca...]]

Hey all,

 

Sorry to ask so many questions here...

 

But I think this one is for this group.

 

Dont you think holding for too long We risk tolerance ? Because Ashton say to « not hold more than few weeks » and the French benzo forum say tolerance hits after 3 weeks.

 

So I’m a bit lost , what’s your point of view ?

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Hey all,

 

Sorry to ask so many questions here...

 

But I think this one is for this group.

 

Dont you think holding for too long We risk tolerance ? Because Ashton say to « not hold more than few weeks » and the French benzo forum say tolerance hits after 3 weeks.

 

So I’m a bit lost , what’s your point of view ?

 

 

I don't agree with that at all CC.  Tolerance , imo, happens before you begin withdrawing.  It's when you are taking the prescribed same amount by your Dr and start having symptoms.  You body had adapted at that amount and is screaming for more.  Once you have started withdrawing, you are no longer in tolerance, you are in withdrawal.  You are taking away the benzo from your body.  Don't get bogged down in worrying about that.  That's my opinion and I have been at this for awhile.  I read and study a lot on bb.  You are never going to find anything everyone agrees on.