The Long Hold Support Group

[[va...]]

Jasmine, as others have mentioned it’s a normal withdrawal symptom to feel fragile. I get exhausted so easily. It’s normal. Especially when you have little ones to care for. My son is 5 and he would exhaust me even if I wasn’t trying to get off this junk, but even more so because I am. We have to be gentle with ourselves and grab any bit of rest we can. I remember after my son was born everyone told me to sleep when he slept, I try to do that now, just grab any bit of rest or sleep I can get (I have a hard time napping because I tend to startle awake). This feeling will not last forever, it will come and go. You are in an extra fragile state right now because you had a setback, but you will get through it.

 

Kitsune your son is so lucky to have such a good, strong mom. You're so close to the end...You know,I can't nap either because the glutamate storm wakes me up. It happened after the crash last summer. I couldn't sleep day or night. After three months I could sleep at night after dosing, but not in the daytime. And that persists to this day after holding for seven months. That's how a crash can cause glutamate damage that doesn't heal in a long time. That's why listening to the sxs is so important and adjusting the tapering speed to them. I learned the hard way.

[[va...]]

This is for everyone who had a crappy childhood, and whether you know it or not, it has an effect on how we see ourselves today. I hope it helps someone.

 

[[va...]]

Hi Jasmine,

I'm glad you walked it helps me so much. If you can I would do it everyday or as much as you can. I'm sorry your sx are bad. You did lose quite a bit of sx so that is awesome. You did what you had to do. Try to just worry about working on the anxiety and holding. Like vali said stay at the same dose and do not go up and down. Imo, I would not go crazy with the supplements. Practice good self care, meditate, gentle excercisem eat as healthy as you can and try out the utube videos for anxiety and work with a therapist.

 

Jasmine I agree with Suzy on this. I wouldn't start any supplements yet. It's true that they can work well for some people like Jwl but there are many posts all over BBs on how a supplement has brought about a setback or a bad wave. I would focus on stabilizing at your current dose and not putting anything else into your system that could potencially interfere with you stabilizing. Especially if you say that just MSG has put you into acute withdrawal, I'd really just eat healthy (and try to eat enough, as I think eating very little also makes it more difficult to stabilize). I hope you feel better today and when you feel terrible, just remember that in order to stabilize you'll have good days and bad days so when you're really feeling bad, don't obsess about doing anything like taking more drugs or doing something, anything, to stop the suffering. Just wait, let time pass and wait for the next good day. It will come. Gardener told me this last summer and God knows how much it helped me.

[[ja...]]

Hi Jasmine. I'm glad most of your symptoms have gone away. I think most of us understand what you're going through. I was a vegetable when I CTd Vicodin and Valium. I agree with D. Just because supplement are natural doesn't mean they won't affect you adversely. You need to start slow and add each one gradually. My supplement plan came from my Integrative doctor after many (I mean tons) of tests. If you can afford it I would recommend seeing one. Mine was a MD but unlike traditional MDs they believe in finding the underlining cause of your problems rather than treating the symptoms. The company is Holistic Health International, All in One (multivitamins and minerals).

 

JWL

did you ever feel after 10 years on valium that you needed to increase the dosage to calm your anxiety?

 

i am worried of needed more and more of it, you know like a drug addict if it takes me 10 years to taper.

 

Yes i did because like any drug it quits working and you need more of it. It took a full blown breakdown for me to realize what a dangerous path I was on. Once I realized the only way out was through, I accepted the fact that I needed to put up with my anxiety and all the other symptoms if I was ever going to heal. That's not to say I didn't updose a few times but I did it grudging with a firm commitment to get off of it.

 

that is scary... how bad was your anxiety? and after how long did you have to updose?

how fast did the tolerance build up? i don't see myself going through a taper again. i have nothing left in me.

[[ja...]]

thank you Valiumnomore. no supplements.

last night, no adrenaline surge. I thanked the Lord! i woke up calm and normal.

i am soo grateful!

[[va...]]

thank you Valiumnomore. no supplements.

last night, no adrenaline surge. I thanked the Lord! i woke up calm and normal.

i am soo grateful!

 

That's great!!! If you have a very bad night again, which could happen, just remember that good nights like that past one will come back. I read about the boat people from Vietnam after you mentioned it. That must have been so hard for you as a child. No wonder you have anxiety. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

[[ja...]]

Trishy can you add some oomph to this mask?

 

 

Well, well GP, I can see you’ve been doing some research on outfits that can bring out the ravishing woman that’s in each of us. We can sure wear it during our visits to the grocery store in this pandemic. You’ve done a great job finding this victorian lady bird attire.

 

The delicate feathers will caress passersby driving any man crazy with love while we carelessly choose the perfect tomato with our glove-protected hands. The glasses will enlarge the beauty of our eyes giving us that irresistible look that will make any gentleman finally fall on his knees and propose, no matter how long you’ve been waiting. This outfit will finally hook him in.

 

And look at that hoop skirt! Isn’t it beautiful? It will enhance your figure and at the same time force others to keep at least partly the social distancing.

 

I think we can say that we’ve finally found an outfit to make us feel classy, ladylike, attractive and yet, completely safe, as the mask will ensure complete protection from the virus while at the same time providing us with a very provocative beak that will make all our friends green with envy as we push people away with our beak to keep the social distance. And the gentlemen will think "look at her, she's so beautiful. I wonder what she's thinking behind that beak".

 

Go get your ladybird Victorian outfit before there are none left.

 

i find the image very creepy- remind me of death- probably because i am still very fragile

[[ja...]]

Hi Jasmine,

I'm glad you walked it helps me so much. If you can I would do it everyday or as much as you can. I'm sorry your sx are bad. You did lose quite a bit of sx so that is awesome. You did what you had to do. Try to just worry about working on the anxiety and holding. Like vali said stay at the same dose and do not go up and down. Imo, I would not go crazy with the supplements. Practice good self care, meditate, gentle excercisem eat as healthy as you can and try out the utube videos for anxiety and work with a therapist.

 

Jasmine I agree with Suzy on this. I wouldn't start any supplements yet. It's true that they can work well for some people like Jwl but there are many posts all over BBs on how a supplement has brought about a setback or a bad wave. I would focus on stabilizing at your current dose and not putting anything else into your system that could potencially interfere with you stabilizing. Especially if you say that just MSG has put you into acute withdrawal, I'd really just eat healthy (and try to eat enough, as I think eating very little also makes it more difficult to stabilize). I hope you feel better today and when you feel terrible, just remember that in order to stabilize you'll have good days and bad days so when you're really feeling bad, don't obsess about doing anything like taking more drugs or doing something, anything, to stop the suffering. Just wait, let time pass and wait for the next good day. It will come. Gardener told me this last summer and God knows how much it helped me.

 

valiumnomore, after 7 months hold, do you still have morning cortisol surge?

[[va...]]

I have morning anxiety and afternoon and evening depression. They are not as extreme as they used to be. Things got worse two months ago again, when I switched brands, and I haven't stabilized from that. I'll hold until I feel better, if I ever feel better, or else I'll hold forever. I just want to get on with my life as best as possible. I am a single mother, self employed, and have complicated situations to deal with. Coming off valium is no longer my priority. Being able to handle life optimally is. This is just me. Each person is different and it's different when you have less responsibilities and/or more of a support system.

 

 

[[bo...]]

hello everyone, hope you're all getting some progress in your healing journey.

 

We gave my mum ECT in jan/feb after a near choking incident due to her catatonia, which made us realize it might be quite dangerous to just leave her in that state, and gave in to the pdoc after she tried to convince us twice. (mum was having trouble moving around then)

 

Had short term remission for a couple months, lifted her out of severe catatonia, but her withdrawal symptoms slowly came back from may onwards, but was in general milder than what we experienced last year.

 

a recent generic drug change due to covid19 supply chain issue with her pharmacy set us back last week, and she's gone mute again with minimal occasional nonverbal communication. pdoc thinks she's on a downward trend to relapse catatonia and wants to ECT her again, but i believe she is simply recovering from the cold turkey/partial reinstatement as her sx seem very similar to those who have been cold turkeyed. currently holding at 8mg since jan(updosed from 7 since oct/nov 2019)

 

its so worrying that the pdoc might be right, but then the past week, i witnessed her go from becoming mute/catatonic over the weekend(things got bad in only 3 days), to being more alert and talking slightly on tuesday, to her personality fully emerging on wednesday and behaving just like her normal self, laughing and smiling and conversing again w minimal sxs, in what i now recognize as just a small window, coz on thurs/fri she fell into a deep fatigue and was bedridden/resting which raised concerns about catatonia again.

 

Thankfully she's no longer bedridden today and awake again during the day, but spending alot of time on the couch. but thats how its been since may anyways. She hasnt spoken though, which is quite worrying, but otherwise is aware of everything going on around her. ii did get nonverbal confirmation that shes going through depersonalization so thats probably what it is... just that its hard to find much information on the forums with regards to whether mutism is normal during dp/dr, but i suppose anyone who's in such a state would not be in any condition to be posting on forums anyway...

 

i keep worrying that her pdoc might be right and that she needs ect(i dont want to unless its another life threatening situation). ive since postponed the sessions to observe her the next few days/weeks but as the days go by i cant help but feel like her first window was an anomaly. it's just so bizarre and surreal how quickly she swung from one state to the other. pdoc would probably want to diagnose her as bipolar if i told her. but it felt more like one by one her circuits went back online, only to trigger a circuit breaker again on the third day. not sure if i will get to see anotherwindow like that again, but itd surely give me more confidence to know its all normal. heres to hoping itll happen again soon.

 

it'll be 12 mths soon since her forced cold turkey, 10-11 mths since her ill-advised partial reinstatement and retaper, and 7mths since her updose to 8mg and long hold during which she had ECT for catatonia.

 

anyway, thats the short(long) update regarding my mum... so much has happened since i last posted.

i do drop in the support group once in awhile to read and look at everyones progress. hope that doesnt make me sound like a stalker : i promise im not, and that im silently cheering for all of your progress and recoveries.  :thumbsup:

 

the posts on these forums and the support group has been instumental in helping me make sense of all thats been happening, and im so happy that there's a place like this that allows people to come tgt and support one another when mainstream psychiatry cant offer any answers other than more drugs or ECT.  cant help but think of the song 'who's crazy' from next to normal.

 

anyway, hope everyone's safe and well during these covid19 times!

boo

[[ja...]]

I have morning anxiety and afternoon and evening depression. They are not as extreme as they used to be. Things got worse two months ago again, when I switched brands, and I haven't stabilized from that. I'll hold until I feel better, if I ever feel better, or else I'll hold forever. I just want to get on with my life as best as possible. I am a single mother, self employed, and have complicated situations to deal with. Coming off valium is no longer my priority. Being able to handle life optimally is. This is just me. Each person is different and it's different when you have less responsibilities and/or more of a support system.

 

i understand, same here. i am not in a rush to come off valium.

what kind of work do you do? how old are your kids?

[[ja...]]

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

[[Tr...]]

Trishy can you add some oomph to this mask?

 

 

Well, well GP, I can see you’ve been doing some research on outfits that can bring out the ravishing woman that’s in each of us. We can sure wear it during our visits to the grocery store in this pandemic. You’ve done a great job finding this victorian lady bird attire.

 

The delicate feathers will caress passersby driving any man crazy with love while we carelessly choose the perfect tomato with our glove-protected hands. The glasses will enlarge the beauty of our eyes giving us that irresistible look that will make any gentleman finally fall on his knees and propose, no matter how long you’ve been waiting. This outfit will finally hook him in.

 

And look at that hoop skirt! Isn’t it beautiful? It will enhance your figure and at the same time force others to keep at least partly the social distancing.

 

I think we can say that we’ve finally found an outfit to make us feel classy, ladylike, attractive and yet, completely safe, as the mask will ensure complete protection from the virus while at the same time providing us with a very provocative beak that will make all our friends green with envy as we push people away with our beak to keep the social distance. And the gentlemen will think "look at her, she's so beautiful. I wonder what she's thinking behind that beak".

 

Go get your ladybird Victorian outfit before there are none left.

  Since I'm crafting now Val I'll make yours, you'll be the envy of the town when I get done with it! :laugh:

HOOPS AND BEAKS FOR EVERYONE DESIGNED BY TRISHY :laugh:

[[Tr...]]

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

I used to read tarot cards and was heavily involved in the news age. I have seen many fortune teller's through the years and hung out in a new age store where they did readings every Saturday. I had a come to " Jesus moment" a few years ago and am now a Christian so I gave all that up. I'm sure there might be other's here though that might have gone but I don't any here who have mentioned it.

Trishy

[[va...]]

Oh Trishy, please get it ready for me ASAP! I know I'm going to become so popular as soon as I can get out on the street wearing that.

 

Now seriously, does www.etsy.com work in the US? People sell crafts on it. A friend of mine sells her lettering stuff that she makes. Perhaps you could sell something.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Oh Trishy, please get it ready for me ASAP! I know I'm going to become so popular as soon as I can get out on the street wearing that.

 

Now seriously, does www.etsy.com work in the US? People sell crafts on it. A friend of mine sells her lettering stuff that she makes. Perhaps you could sell something.

Send your measurements girl I'm on it!  :laugh:

 

My dil said the same thing lol! I'm not sure I'm ready for Etsy yet but I am loving it! I watch diy crafting ideas on YouTube. I love fall and Christmas so I'm excited to see what I can make for the holidays. It really helps me distract too from everything going on.

[[va...]]

Trishy I think it's a great idea. At least you can try. You could start working on Halloween stuff. There are so many halloween addicts out there.

[[ja...]]

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

I used to read tarot cards and was heavily involved in the news age. I have seen many fortune teller's through the years and hung out in a new age store where they did readings every Saturday. I had a come to " Jesus moment" a few years ago and am now a Christian so I gave all that up. I'm sure there might be other's here though that might have gone but I don't any here who have mentioned it.

Trishy

 

i wish i could know how my future will unfold. i am scared.

[[ja...]]

I have morning anxiety and afternoon and evening depression. They are not as extreme as they used to be. Things got worse two months ago again, when I switched brands, and I haven't stabilized from that. I'll hold until I feel better, if I ever feel better, or else I'll hold forever. I just want to get on with my life as best as possible. I am a single mother, self employed, and have complicated situations to deal with. Coming off valium is no longer my priority. Being able to handle life optimally is. This is just me. Each person is different and it's different when you have less responsibilities and/or more of a support system.

 

valiumnomore, afternoon and evening depression is not so bad.

i have hard time with anxiety

[[Tr...]]

hello everyone, hope you're all getting some progress in your healing journey.

 

We gave my mum ECT in jan/feb after a near choking incident due to her catatonia, which made us realize it might be quite dangerous to just leave her in that state, and gave in to the pdoc after she tried to convince us twice. (mum was having trouble moving around then)

 

Had short term remission for a couple months, lifted her out of severe catatonia, but her withdrawal symptoms slowly came back from may onwards, but was in general milder than what we experienced last year.

 

a recent generic drug change due to covid19 supply chain issue with her pharmacy set us back last week, and she's gone mute again with minimal occasional nonverbal communication. pdoc thinks she's on a downward trend to relapse catatonia and wants to ECT her again, but i believe she is simply recovering from the cold turkey/partial reinstatement as her sx seem very similar to those who have been cold turkeyed. currently holding at 8mg since jan(updosed from 7 since oct/nov 2019)

 

its so worrying that the pdoc might be right, but then the past week, i witnessed her go from becoming mute/catatonic over the weekend(things got bad in only 3 days), to being more alert and talking slightly on tuesday, to her personality fully emerging on wednesday and behaving just like her normal self, laughing and smiling and conversing again w minimal sxs, in what i now recognize as just a small window, coz on thurs/fri she fell into a deep fatigue and was bedridden/resting which raised concerns about catatonia again.

 

Thankfully she's no longer bedridden today and awake again during the day, but spending alot of time on the couch. but thats how its been since may anyways. She hasnt spoken though, which is quite worrying, but otherwise is aware of everything going on around her. ii did get nonverbal confirmation that shes going through depersonalization so thats probably what it is... just that its hard to find much information on the forums with regards to whether mutism is normal during dp/dr, but i suppose anyone who's in such a state would not be in any condition to be posting on forums anyway...

 

i keep worrying that her pdoc might be right and that she needs ect(i dont want to unless its another life threatening situation). ive since postponed the sessions to observe her the next few days/weeks but as the days go by i cant help but feel like her first window was an anomaly. it's just so bizarre and surreal how quickly she swung from one state to the other. pdoc would probably want to diagnose her as bipolar if i told her. but it felt more like one by one her circuits went back online, only to trigger a circuit breaker again on the third day. not sure if i will get to see anotherwindow like that again, but itd surely give me more confidence to know its all normal. heres to hoping itll happen again soon.

 

it'll be 12 mths soon since her forced cold turkey, 10-11 mths since her ill-advised partial reinstatement and retaper, and 7mths since her updose to 8mg and long hold during which she had ECT for catatonia.

 

anyway, thats the short(long) update regarding my mum... so much has happened since i last posted.

i do drop in the support group once in awhile to read and look at everyones progress. hope that doesnt make me sound like a stalker : i promise im not, and that im silently cheering for all of your progress and recoveries.  :thumbsup:

 

the posts on these forums and the support group has been instumental in helping me make sense of all thats been happening, and im so happy that there's a place like this that allows people to come tgt and support one another when mainstream psychiatry cant offer any answers other than more drugs or ECT.  cant help but think of the song 'who's crazy' from next to normal.

 

anyway, hope everyone's safe and well during these covid19 times!

boo

Hi Boo,

I'm so sorry about your Mom ☹️

Did you get her a second opinion? I know it's so difficult to find a knowledgeable Dr when it comes to benzo wd. I can't imagine how awful going cold turkey must have been for her. I suffered horribly, unimaginable sxs when I reduced a tremendous amount, forced by a Dr who thought I could get off Xanax after he had me take it for years, in just 6 to 8 weeks. He almost killed me. Luckily I was fortunate to get another Dr who was much more sympathetic.

I would seriously consider getting another opinion for her. Hopefully, someone here will have better advice. ❤️

 

Prayers for your Mom 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

 

Trishy

 

 

[[Tr...]]

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

I used to read tarot cards and was heavily involved in the news age. I have seen many fortune teller's through the years and hung out in a new age store where they did readings every Saturday. I had a come to " Jesus moment" a few years ago and am now a Christian so I gave all that up. I'm sure there might be other's here though that might have gone but I don't any here who have mentioned it.

Trishy

 

i wish i could know how my future will unfold. i am scared.

You're going to be ok Jasmine. Just keep holding, the sxs will wax and wane for awhile but you'll become stable. I know it's hard to just hold but it really does work. 

[[Tr...]]

HAPPY SATURDAY MY PEOPLE! I HOPE THOSE PESKY SXS ARE MINIMAL!

LOVE TO ALL,

TRISHY❤️❤️❤️

[[ja...]]

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

I used to read tarot cards and was heavily involved in the news age. I have seen many fortune teller's through the years and hung out in a new age store where they did readings every Saturday. I had a come to " Jesus moment" a few years ago and am now a Christian so I gave all that up. I'm sure there might be other's here though that might have gone but I don't any here who have mentioned it.

Trishy

 

i wish i could know how my future will unfold. i am scared.

You're going to be ok Jasmine. Just keep holding, the sxs will wax and wane for awhile but you'll become stable. I know it's hard to just hold but it really does work. 

 

thank you Trishy. you are so kind!

 

[[ja...]]

since i am new on this thread.

may i ask what is everyone ages? and living situation?

just to get to know people better

 

me- 45 years old female

2 kids-  5 and 9

happily married

not working currently, feeling too bad.

 

[[Gu...]]

VAL as usual your commentator skills are spot on (and truly hilarious)  I already have another attire ready for your critique, but I think I better wait til Jasmine feels more stable.

 

TRISHY dusty rose for me please!  Etsy, This could be a great outlet for you!  Oh and your Synthroid note was brilliant.  I bet that is my problem.  My doctor had mentioned a decrease last visit.  I should have done it.  He just called Thursday to set up my appointment for October and a recheck on my levels.  I do have some 100s, maybe I can get away with just breaking them in half and paying close attention to my symptoms.  It only happened that once.

 

JASMINE I’m so very sorry that creeped you out.  I will wait a bit until you feel better.  It’s all in fun, but I don’t want to cause any damage to your fragile state.  By the way I am 63 and like Vang with my 20+ year boyfriend.  I’ve been divorced twice and feel no desire to marry as they were both creeps. I have one son and 3 grandchildren that live very far away.  Oh, and I have 2 dogs that maintain my sanity.

 

Hello to all here at LHSG.  I wish you all well.