The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Valley Um, I hope I wasn't too hard on Liza, if you think I was I will delete my post.

[[Va...]]

Valley Um, I hope I wasn't too hard on Liza, if you think I was I will delete my post.

I didn't read it that way. I believe you were trying to support her in the difficulty of holding.  It's not easy and when we don't feel good, it's hard to believe it will work. The only way to prove it is by doing it and it takes soooo much patience. I'm already benefiting and want even more.  The longer you hold the easier it gets. 

[[Pl...]]

Help everyone:

 

      I was seeking guidance and opinions please......

 

Ct off ativan 10 months ago... Reinstated after 10 months free onto 1 mg k.... 3 months on k 20 days liquid.... Have not tried to reduce yet..... Still have w/d symptoms from ativan.... Also Side effects from k? Or paradoxical to k?  I do not know......

 

I am not sure what is going on with me?  Do any of you think at this point it would be best for me to just start reducing..... I am petrified but I don't know if this can get better.... My plan was .1 ml a day to reach 3 percent for the month......symptoms intolerable ..... Will not cross over to v tried once and couldn't tolerate....do not want to introduce another benzodiazepine......

 

Any suggestions experience similar to mine will be so helpful..... Very scared....will reducing make it worse ? Even though just barely helping....  Thank you....

[[li...]]

Be Good--this is the only place I talk about my fears and feel safe to do so. Considering the horror I've been through and the fact that I've never been stable getting off a benzo and thought 2011 was the last time I'd take a benzo, it just seems too good to be true.

 

I distract all day by praying for and trying to serve others as best I can from home. I have been working diligently to get my two developmentally disabled sisters on disability. I have elderly parents with many needs. I have a daughter in college who I'm trying to help figure out how to pay for her last two years because I lost my freelance gig last summer when I was deteriorating. My husband runs a social service agency so when I feel well enough to write, I write newsletters, press releases, social media posts, etc. I have a dog that needs lots of exercise so several times a day I take her out to get what she can despite my symptoms. I also keep our household going--paying the bills, ckeNing when I can, working with handymen fixing things that are falling apart. And I do Bible study and pray about what I'm learning.

 

If you knew me you would know that I don't sit and wring my hands all day. If I'm still on earth I still have a purpose and I pray that stability is just as possible for me as it's been for others. You know when things are bad it's hard to believe that anything can fix this. But I believe I was specifically led to BB for this group for a reason.

 

Love you Be Good. Thanks for looking out for others. I pray you will have a great healing day.

[[li...]]

Please--what are you experiencing?  I'm not an expert on those other medications you are taking but I had stomach issues when I was on klonopin years ago and a doc wanted me to take a PPI and I read it interfered with the metabolism of klonopin. I can't read your signature as I type this but I think it says you're on Prilosec. Don't panic. I crossed from ativan to klonopin and it took a while to get out of the constant symptoms. How are you preparing your liquid klonopin?  How many times are you taking a day??

[[ly...]]

 

Please,

 

If it were me, I would not cut if I was feeling unwell.  Actually, once this gets better I would give it at least a couple of months to make sure and also to give myself a break.  You've only been back on for 3 months and your c/t needs more time than that to recover from the shock to your CNS.  Your body and brain are telling you this!

 

Honestly, what is there to lose by an extended hold?  I don't believe in tolerance withdrawal on a taper and that fact has been stated on the forums by people far more knowledgeable than me!  It will take as long as it takes.

[[li...]]

Ok Please ignore what I said about Prilosec. Sorry. But do you know what a paradoxical reaction is?  It makes you more sick than you were. It's possible that changing your dosing and holding may help. No two benzos are alike so your brain is trying to take a break from the ativan withdrawal while it becomes accustomed to the klonopin. It took me five weeks to cross from one to the other and at three weeks I had new symptoms that went away with a longer hold.

[[li...]]

I agree with Lynn. And every time you make a change your brain and body have to adjust. You made a change to liquid only three weeks ago. How are you doing your liquid??

[[be...]]

Liza, good that you are doing what you can, and I only want the best for you and all others that are finding a way to get through this, I read somewhere

that the only way to get this behind us, is to get through it, and we will in time, and time is the thing that seems to be in the way, but I have thrown

away my calendar a long time ago, where Benzo Recovery goes. I Love you too.

[[be...]]

Good Morning Lynn.

[[ly...]]

 

 

Good Morning Begood!

 

You are the nicest person!

 

Have a great day! :smitten:

[[be...]]

Lynn, and so are you. I am just so thankful that Valley Um stepped up to the plate, and did not let this Group slide into the pit of despair and we have a

place  to come  get  support and give it, I was worried, but VU stepped up and is doing an awesome job, and all of us together will get through this I

have no doubt whatsoever, because we all want to help each other and others that will come, and they will for sure.

[[li...]]

Yes thanks Valley!!!

[[Va...]]

Thanks for the vote of confidence everyone!  I never thought I would be a part of this group until everything went south. Having studied the brain and neuropsychology extensively in college, I can see the wisdom in holding until you feel normal. It may take 6 months, but who cares. Your mental health and quality of life are more important than getting off these drugs and suffering all the way down and then again after the jump. Show the drug who's in charge.

 

I find it more empowering to hold with the passage of time. It puts you in control of the process. A whole new world is starting to open up to me during this hold and it feels so good. Not quite there yet but getting closer all the time. If we're patient, we'll all get there with very few battle scars. Remember when you feel bad, the tendency is to start cutting. Don't do this. I've yet to see anyone have adverse reactions from holding. All I've seen is the continuing symptoms of withdrawal because of not holding long enough and stabilizing. I truly think this is where the dreaded "I'm going into tolerance" meme gets started.  Really it's just your body begging for more time to heal. Hang in there!  It does get better.  --V

[[ly...]]

 

 

I agree on the "tolerance" myth.  At least my experience proves it's a myth.

 

Last year I held for 8 months and felt terrific.  I did not experience any so called tolerance - ever.  I only rushed my recent tapering due to fears of this tolerance idea.  Where is the proof of tolerance wd when tapering?  I have proof otherwise!

 

And, what the heck is paradoxal ?  Does this really exist as a long-term issue?  Or does a hold remedy this issue (if it's a real one)?

[[Va...]]

 

 

I agree on the "tolerance" myth.  At least my experience proves it's a myth.

 

Last year I held for 8 months and felt terrific.  I did not experience any so called tolerance - ever.  I only rushed my recent tapering due to fears of this tolerance idea.  Where is the proof of tolerance wd when tapering?  I have proof otherwise!

 

And, what the heck is paradoxal ?  Does this really exist as a long-term issue?  Or does a hold remedy this issue (if it's a real one)?

[[li...]]

I have a friend I met in a Facebook benzo group who has been pushing through brutal symptoms for two years (started at 60 mg Valium and is down to 35--yeah I know that's huge). She had to hold for two months this winter because of bronchitis. She said she stabilized and felt good at 2 months and decided she wanted to keep holding because she felt so much better. Two weeks later she says she "hit a wall" and she called it tolerance and it scared her into starting her taper again and she says within the week she was stable again. That was a month ago. I'm going to check in with her because she is notorious for pushing through hellish symptoms. I imagine everyone here would have suggested she continue her hold. She had also been taking antibiotics and steroids so maybe that but her in the butt when she stopped them.

[[li...]]

Just checked on this friend who said she was stable at end of February when we communicated last (I think her hold was November-December. She's a mess--really sick, not sleeping, non functional and NOT HOLDING.  She hates holding. I think her body hates her. Poor gal--she's so sweet.

[[Va...]]

I have a friend I met in a Facebook benzo group who has been pushing through brutal symptoms for two years (started at 60 mg Valium and is down to 35--yeah I know that's huge). She had to hold for two months this winter because of bronchitis. She said she stabilized and felt good at 2 months and decided she wanted to keep holding because she felt so much better. Two weeks later she says she "hit a wall" and she called it tolerance and it scared her into starting her taper again and she says within the week she was stable again. That was a month ago. I'm going to check in with her because she is notorious for pushing through hellish symptoms. I imagine everyone here would have suggested she continue her hold. She had also been taking antibiotics and steroids so maybe that but her in the butt when she stopped them.

It's so elusive as I've felt much better and then got hit again. If I hit a wall, I'm continuing to hold. I'm about where your friend was and feel better every day. The nonlinear healing pattern scares too many into cutting when they feel good for a couple of days or weeks and then they get hit again. It follows the same pattern as post jump. I'm pretty sure if symptoms surface during my hold, it means to hold longer. I've pushed through brutal symptoms and it's not worth it. You end up drained and nothing to look forward to. I would definitely have to quit working if I tried to continue pushing. I can distinguish between the side effects of Valium and withdrawal. If it's side effects, cutting won't hurt, but if it's still withdrawal, holding is the only option. Tolerance withdrawal is so rare, I doubt many have ever experienced it. Keep holding to prove it to yourself!  You'll be so glad you did it and dispelled all the myths that keep us cutting until we can't function anymore. 

[[fr...]]

  I agree so much with you all.  I am cycling s/x also.  A new one popped up a few weeks ago, tingly numby burning cold feet.  Its awful.  The nausea was crippling me and by holding that seems to be better now but if I try to walk too much my feet start in and they also start in whenever.  Dr. wanted to give me gabapentin but I won't do this unless it gets unbearable.  I just had surgery and neurosurgeon said it could be my nerves waking up since i had stenosis so bad in lumbar region I could barely walk or stand, never mind the pain.  He also said it could be side effect of valium.  So they really don't know.  I also have been battling burning tongue, that was my first s/x since a yr ago and it will sometimes be almost gone for a day or two and then come roaring back.  Also the vaginal, uti burning comes and goes.  Also constipation, no appetite and I have lost 29 lb. since Dec. 1.  I am going to hold right here and see how I do.  I can't stand the thought of anything else hitting me so am banking on this long hold to see how I feel in a few more weeks or more if I have to.  I have held for 5 weeks at this last cut now.  Still too early to see if a long hold will help.  Will let you all know but at least the nausea let up so thats a plus.  Thank you so much for this thread, the cut cut cut through feelig like crap is just too much to bear for us.  Hope you all get better and better as we hold together.

[[li...]]

Best wishes to you FreeMe!

[[Va...]]

  I agree so much with you all.  I am cycling s/x also.  A new one popped up a few weeks ago, tingly numby burning cold feet.  Its awful.  The nausea was crippling me and by holding that seems to be better now but if I try to walk too much my feet start in and they also start in whenever.  Dr. wanted to give me gabapentin but I won't do this unless it gets unbearable.  I just had surgery and neurosurgeon said it could be my nerves waking up since i had stenosis so bad in lumbar region I could barely walk or stand, never mind the pain.  He also said it could be side effect of valium.  So they really don't know.  I also have been battling burning tongue, that was my first s/x since a yr ago and it will sometimes be almost gone for a day or two and then come roaring back.  Also the vaginal, uti burning comes and goes.  Also constipation, no appetite and I have lost 29 lb. since Dec. 1.  I am going to hold right here and see how I do.  I can't stand the thought of anything else hitting me so am banking on this long hold to see how I feel in a few more weeks or more if I have to.  I have held for 5 weeks at this last cut now.  Still too early to see if a long hold will help.  Will let you all know but at least the nausea let up so thats a plus.  Thank you so much for this thread, the cut cut cut through feelig like crap is just too much to bear for us.  Hope you all get better and better as we hold together.

It's a never ending battle for sure. I didn't experience a real window until 6 weeks in. Now at over 2 months, I'm much better, but it's still a rough go at times. Hold on tight and don't give into the fear, it's going to be a bumpy ride for a while. I can feel my brain slowly emerging from the fog. It's so frustrating because it's so close to being normal but not quite there. I also get the nerve pains as chronic pain was the reason I took the stupid drugs in the first place. I had my nerves burned and was back in the gym but had to quit for a while for this to subside. Like you, I'm not sure if it's the withdrawal or the original problem but I'm guessing it's the withdrawal. I can almost guarantee a long hold will help. I've yet to see anyone who held long enough suffer adverse effects. We just have to keep pressing forward and prove the outdated dogma of cut until you're suffering wrong. The data we're collecting from holding will be able to help so many who are suffering and afraid to hold. That's the only reason I bother to keep this thread alive. It is meant to give courage and hope to those who suffer so much. I can hardly take reading the main board as most just need to hold, hold, hold instead of cut, cut, cut. Keep the faith!  We're gonna make it through this. 

[[Ke...]]

This subject confuses me so much. I have no idea if the drug is causing my side effects which feel like withdrawal or if I am still in shock from my quick taper 2 months ago.

I just keep thinking that if I push through, I will know for sure that once the drug is out of me, then I will definitely start feeling better because I don't have to worry about it being a drug sx. I will know it's withdrawal and I just to ride it out. If it's the drug, I wonder if I am just postponing the inevitable. I get scared that the longer I have this drug in my body... The worse I will feel.

[[Va...]]

This subject confuses me so much. I have no idea if the drug is causing my side effects which feel like withdrawal or if I am still in shock from my quick taper 2 months ago.

I just keep thinking that if I push through, I will know for sure that once the drug is out of me, then I will definitely start feeling better because I don't have to worry about it being a drug sx. I will know it's withdrawal and I just to ride it out. If it's the drug, I wonder if I am just postponing the inevitable. I get scared that the longer I have this drug in my body... The worse I will feel.

It's a tough call.  Pushing through is not really a good idea if symptoms are unbearable.  Everything you describe is classic benzo withdrawal. A hold will definitely make you feel better if you have the patience. These drugs are so toxic.  I know of several who only used for a few weeks and spent a couple of years coming off, but you may be different. Only do what your body is telling you.  Don't let the anxiety get the best of you by causing you to worry over everything that is happening right now and causing you to cut when your body still needs to catch up.  Sometimes our thinking is what gets us in trouble. I was just like you and ready to power through until I couldn't do it anymore.  If you are feeling bad, a hold will make things right.  If you're feeling ok and symptoms are bearable, then cutting would be fine, but I'd start with a real small cut to see how you react.  You'll get there whether it's fast or slow. 

[[wa...]]

I agree with what Val is saying.  Keeka -- are you still on any zopiclone?  I'm not sure from your signature.  WBB