9-12 Month Support Group

[[Gu...]]

Had to edit my reply because I was thinking of HS. 

 

AD, Sorry to hear about the no sleep.  This is surely grueling.  Only "comfort" is knowing how many others had a brutal 11 months off.  Seems like coping is getting harder.  The physical stuff is hard enough, but the mental worry and fear - YIKES.  We are worn out, for sure, but we go on. 

[[Fi...]]

Fh, I would take that info if you want to pass it on. 

 

I had a zero night last night everyone.  The first since my AB setback in August.  I don't know why I'm getting worse.  Makes me afraid for the future and tonight.

 

I will PM you Accidental.  I forgot to mention that my practioner was also pollydrugged and on benzos for 12 years so she really understands. She helped herself get off and heal using thus methodology.

 

FH

[[Ac...]]

Fh, I would take that info if you want to pass it on. 

 

I had a zero night last night everyone.  The first since my AB setback in August.  I don't know why I'm getting worse.  Makes me afraid for the future and tonight.

 

I will PM you Accidental.  I forgot to mention that my practioner was also pollydrugged and on benzos for 12 years so she really understands. She helped herself get off and heal using thus methodology.

 

FH

 

Oh, that's good.  I mean, not good she went through that, but good she understands.  Thanks!

[[Gu...]]

If I could have found a therapist who acknowledged BWD and knew anything AT ALL about it, I think it would have helped tremendously.  I tried two therapists, neither of whom believed in BWD.  Not finding any validation, I could not continue.  I tried giving them articles, etc., to no avail.  What was worse was that they both disdained online support communities.  So I didn't even get validation for the support I found online.  FH, could you PM me also with your practitioner's info?  I assume she is online?  Thank you.

[[Fi...]]

If I could have found a therapist who acknowledged BWD and knew anything AT ALL about it, I think it would have helped tremendously.  I tried two therapists, neither of whom believed in BWD.  Not finding any validation, I could not continue.  I tried giving them articles, etc., to no avail.  What was worse was that they both disdained online support communities.  So I didn't even get validation for the support I found online.  FH, could you PM me also with your practitioner's info?  I assume she is online?  Thank you.

 

Yes, she is on-line and I work with her virtually still.  She is not a therapist but a practitioner of Psych-K.  The work is all about shifting the subconscious but is not "just think positively and all will be well".  That kind of toxic positivity is unhelpful and unfair to people in benzo withdrawal.  We often can't think positively because of the medication injury and not because we don't want to be happy again.  I will PM you GA. 

[[Gu...]]

Thank you!  Yeah, that kind of toxic positivity only makes me beat myself up more.  As I have so often said, the worse thing about healing from a chemically induced brain injury is that I cannot access my brain or implement my coping skills.  I am a cancer survivor and when I was going through surgery and chemo I worked hard to meditate, to come up with great healing images to visualize - all without drugs! I researched and overcame so many fears.  My ability to apply my mental fortitude got me through it.  I do not have that ability in BWD.  Unlike many others, cognitively I seem to be sharper in WD, which is an odd dichotomy.  After chemo I lost so many brain cells that I was definitely less acute cognitively.  After benzos my brain is fractured and I can actually feel some parts working (the "cognitive" part) and other areas misfiring and totally screwed up and inaccessible.  Those are the parts I have no control over (the fear center and my emotions).  None of my coping skills touch those damaged areas.  So there is definitely a connection and wiring issue.  It is palpable.

[[Th...]]

You are so right. My mom made me get a therapist but her therapy did nothing but retraumatize me as I recounted my pain. I physically and mentally could not do any of the things they told me to try. It was all brain chemicals. She ran out of things to try. I think she believed me but there was nothing she could do. She was a good therapist too. I felt like my coping skills were taken from me. This would have been ok if I had them. I hope to get a few back one day.

 

[[Th...]]

FH

 

Can Psych-K. work on people with anhedonia?

[[Fi...]]

FH

 

Can Psych-K. work on people with anhedonia?

 

I don't know the exact answer to that but when I was feeling my most disconnected and despairing, I found th work with this practitioner helped me feel glimmers of relief. Those glimmers grew as I went along. Since she does offer a free call to explain the work and see if she can help you. You could ask her directly and she will be straightforward with you. 

 

From my experience, regular therapy can be very traumatic during withdrawal and I'm a big fan of therapy.  If the therapist can sit back and offer reassurance, the space to feel feelings and some simple coping tools, that would be very helpful.  Then once you are off for a chunk of time, you could revisit other issues if you felt you needed to.

[[Th...]]

Guys I feel like the remeron immediate adverse reaction that gave me anhedonia is here to stay. I don't have any hope. I could really use a hug right now.

[[Ac...]]

Guys I feel like the remeron immediate adverse reaction that gave me anhedonia is here to stay. I don't have any hope. I could really use a hug right now.

 

You're going to be ok.  Maybe not right away, but this is temporary.  You're going to be ok.

[[Th...]]

Thank you I am hanging on to any kind words.

[[Gu...]]

Hey Stitch, We all feel that way.  I feel that way about my shaking.  You didn't have it before, you won't have it after.  It is WD.  You'll be ok.  Time, time, and more time.

[[Th...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

[[Ac...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

 

I was there Friday night and Saturday, so not that long ago.  It can change fast, it's all temporary. 

[[Th...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

 

I was there Friday night and Saturday, so not that long ago.  It can change fast, it's all temporary.

I will keep your message in mind. Thank you for coming to my aid.

[[Ac...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

 

I was there Friday night and Saturday, so not that long ago.  It can change fast, it's all temporary.

I will keep your message in mind. Thank you for coming to my aid.

 

It was so dark for me Friday and Saturday.  I didn't want to go on.  It felt like it was going to go on forever, and if you talked to me then, I would have swore to you it would.  Today things slackened and I had some enjoyable moments.  I know, so so well, how hard it is for positive thoughts to punch through the darkness, but keep telling yourself it's temporary.  You will feel better than you do now again.  Look in the mirror and say it if you have to.

[[Th...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

 

I was there Friday night and Saturday, so not that long ago.  It can change fast, it's all temporary.

I will keep your message in mind. Thank you for coming to my aid.

 

It was so dark for me Friday and Saturday.  I didn't want to go on.  It felt like it was going to go on forever, and if you talked to me then, I would have swore to you it would.  Today things slackened and I had some enjoyable moments.  I know, so so well, how hard it is for positive thoughts to punch through the darkness, but keep telling yourself it's temporary.  You will feel better than you do now again.  Look in the mirror and say it if you have to.

You make me feel there is some kind of chance. Maybe just maybe. I can survive long enough to live.

[[Be...]]

stitch, When did you take the Remeron dose?

[[Th...]]

stitch, When did you take the Remeron dose?

Mid October, 2021. A little over 3 months ago.

[[Ho...]]

Thank you. I feel swallowed by darkness. Trying to hang on tonight. Thank you

 

 

 

I think that is the single worst feeling of this process. That and the feeling of "this will never end". I have been there myself this past week. The Benzo brain starts telling me "well, you are 10 months out now, it must just be your baseline depression coming back and you are never going to feel any different".... That feeling of permanence but then, the light pokes through for even a few minutes and I am reminded that things can change on a dime and there is ALWAYS hope that things can change. It is so difficult. I totally understand. I am sending you a reassuring hug and a wish for some little glimmer today. I often ask for a sign or a glimmer of hope and I tend to get a little nugget that way.

 

You are not alone. We are all here for you. Keep us updated, okay?

 

[[Th...]]

Thank you for your message Holdingontohope. I am not in the best place but I am currently not in utter despair  Feeling heard is a lifeline. Thank you for the wish of glimmer, I will keep an eye out.

[[Gu...]]

Seems like my one symptom left is this physical and mental akathisia.  The problem is, akathisia brings with it a whole host of problems.  It is not just one thing.  It is restlessness, panic, agitation, horrible fear, sense of urgency, feeling like something is terribly wrong, needing to escape.  I think the agoraphobia is part of it too, but if not, I still have that.  I also have the whole-body-shaking-like-a-leaf part of it.  So to say that my only remaining symptom is akathisia means I still experience all of this.  And it is, by far, the worst symptom, and the one that has been with me without stop since day one.  A few days ago, for the first time in 11 months, my body (not my mind) went calm, still.  I couldn't believe it.  It lasted in varying degrees for a day.  Thought I had turned a corner, but not so.  Body now electrified and in a state of excitation that is beyond belief.  Everyone says it "fades" over time.  When?  Geez!!

[[Fi...]]

I'm sorry to hear that GA.

 

I have to believe it fades over time.

 

Do you have agoraphobia now? I had it for 5-6 months during withdrawal and it did go away.  I knew then it was medication induced agoraphobia and not real agoraphobia.

 

I was on another thread in the post jump area and the sensitivity we have after getting off these meds is real. I'm expecting a lot of emotions as I start to exercise again. I know why on a certain level-the release of feelings that were held in my body-but it feel upsetting. Just like you said, GA

When does this end?

 

I don't feel despair of huge fear that it won't end but more a frustration along with wanting to cry all the time. I still work and function, but have this low level sadness.

[[tr...]]

GA hello I have exactly the same symptoms you mentioned. Like I almost for a moment thought I myself wrote it.

I went back to uni today and my tremors are worse than ever. I also felt completely still last week for the first time ever when I got my booster shot for corona. So all we can do is hold on and try to relax whenever we have spare time.

 

Sending a big huge to all of you! Wishing by the year mark I can feel a bit better.