9-12 Month Support Group

[[Gu...]]

Me too, AD.  I am driving myself crazy thinking it was the chicken soup I ate last night (natural broth, not store bought), or the broccoli, or the Vitamin D.  I am spiraling too.  To be really really honest, misery does love company because I feel much better reading about your symptoms than reading positivity and cheer this morning.  At least I feel less alone.  I don't know how I am going to get through this.  Beginning to think I get worse at beginning of each month.  By "worse" I  meaning more horrible.  Not even BB is a distraction today.  I read a great post somewhere a while ago that said, "and when you think you cannot hold on any longer, YOU JUST HOLD ON."  That's what we've got to do.

[[Fi...]]

Hi I'm checking in.

 

My bad wave has lifted and that is good.  I do feel more emotional these days and I know it's not only post withdrawal but feelings about everything I've been through.

 

Coming out of a wave feels like being tossed up on the beach and I have needed this time to recover from it.

 

I have been struggling with sleep over the past 11 months.  I do sleep, probably between 5-7 hours but it's broken up in blocks.  I don't feel like it's completely restorative yet and that the drop off at night is the biggest struggle.  I take a small amount of magnesium glycinate to help me relax and if I wake up, I take another small amount. I've never had issues with magnesium. 

 

I also have been having hot flashes and sweating.  This is a fairly new symptom and showed up in the past month or so. I'm thinking it is a recalibration of yet another system in my body.  Curious if anyone else, both men and women, have had this post withdrawal.

 

But I'm grateful that I'm not depressed-just vulnerable.  I do believe in complete healing and am going to just keep moving forward.

 

I read here that someone may be struggling with histamines. I have used an herb called Stinging Nettle both in capsule and liquid form. I discovered it when I came off of Remeron/Mirtazapine, which has an antihistamine effect, I started having allergy symptoms but knew I didn't want to take an over the counter antihistamine.  I researched for natural remedies and discovered Stinging Nettles. I took a dropper of it every two hours to begin with and it worked. I still use it now when I have allergy symptoms or what I think are histamine reaction.

 

I have a handful of friends who are farther out than I am-2-3 years.  Some rapid tapered ,and some did slow tapers.  They all are doing well and living their lives.  We are getting there too.

[[Ac...]]

Yeah my therapist said yesterday I should just "lash myself to a tree" to weather the storm- referring to a book we had both read in the 80s. 

 

Sorry GA, so sorry. 

 

I don't know what will help me either.  I came here to not feel alone but I'm so fragile today, I've been getting triggered by about everything I read.  I want to read this is it and I'll be better soon, but nobody can say that.

[[Gu...]]

Good to hear from you, FH.  And good to hear you are coming out of the wave.  Thanks for the info on Stinging Nettles.  I am sensitivd to histamines, so I might try it.  As for hot flashes and sweating, I was plagued by both for about 4-5 months.  I had to change night shirts 5-6 times a night because I would be drenched in sweat.  And I normally do not sweat at all.  I would have hot and cold flashes too.  I think those are common symptoms but who needs anything new this late in the game!?  You have such a great attitude about healing, thanks for sharing that.  It helps us all when we are in the middle of a wave.  Today is one of those days I feel like I will be like this forever, that my case is different.

 

AD, I am the same way today.  Nothing I read gives me any comfort.  Sounds like you have a good therapist.  I hope you start to feel better in some way. 

 

Buddies, look, we are all still in a good time frame for a good outcome.  I read a desperate post yesterday about someone who had been thrown back into acute by a bad wave.  This was some year in May.  By October she wrote her success story and was 100% better, five months later.  All I am saying is that things can, will, and do change.  We just cannot believe it until it happens.  Every success story starts off with " I never thought I would be writing this...."  No one wants to have to wait another 5 months, but if someone told me today that in 5 months I will be 100% healed, I could do it.

[[Ac...]]

I had a good day yesterday, and started thinking maybe the wave was abating, but had a tough night and tough morning so far.  I have some benzo flu going on, and slept 6 hours, but it was really bad sleep where I could sense I had a racing mind the whole time and woke up frequently.  Just very uncomfortable this morning, inside and out.

[[Gu...]]

AD, Me too.  My wave has been escalating over the past few days.  When I wake up I never know if things are abating or not.  Apparently not.  Never go into a window, at least not that I can recognize, just go from barely manageable to really bad.  Ugh.  I wrote down some suggestions found in other posts for reassuring talks.  Started listening to Eckhart Tolle on Youtube.  If I can sit still long enough to hear the whole video, I think he is very reassuring.  Not specifically about WD, but the anxiety part helps.  Other names I found were Byron Katie, Ian Singleton, if you want to check them out.

 

And how are our other buddies doing today?  I know this is so discouraging.  I guess we have to keep our minds laser focused on the FACT that this is temporary and we will heal.  But, geez, is there any way to hurry this along?  None of us wants to be here for much longer.  Seriously.

[[Ac...]]

Yes, my mantras these days is that this is temporary.  Waves are a sign of healing- I need the discomfort in order to heal. 

[[Le...]]

i am like a big hangover, blur vision, anxiety, panic state, i am better at night. i was worst. i dont have problems when i wake up, later they start. my sleep is not good, i have too much dark green mucus in the morning like a cold or maybe is a cold but i have month in this condition.

[[tr...]]

hi buddies! i try to keep up with all your posts but i'm on final exams period and my mental energy has to be on my tasks

 

i see a patern of window/waves with all of you so that makes me think that your healing is happening at a constant rate, maybe it's not in the most pleasant way but it's on!

 

as for myself i also get worse as the day goes. morning are a blessing to me, i get to have breakfast feeling somewhat normal. it's always after eating lunch that my symptoms flare up and the tremors kick in. i still haven't got a window this month and somehow i feel like i will never get one. I have a hunch once the tremors stop abruptely, i will feel healed (they're my last symptom remining)

 

 

i send you all loving hugs and thoughts! <3

[[mi...]]

Join the Group! I was a Low time user of depakote klon, and seroquel.. 9 months off klonopin, 12 seroquel and 3 months depakote, my Symptoms? I dont have emotions.and hard insomnia, pretty hard fall asleep, and hard night mare during night, woke me up with insane high heart rate and shaking in terror, i feel flat, no emotions, nor good neitjer bad, the only one i feel sometimes is anxiety, anger, and depression. Also libido is zero. And every time i have an orgasm, alone or with gf i feel like shit. Anyone else? 

[[Ac...]]

Join the Group! I was a Low time user of depakote klon, and seroquel.. 9 months off klonopin, 12 seroquel and 3 months depakote, my Symptoms? I dont have emotions.and hard insomnia, pretty hard fall asleep, and hard night mare during night, woke me up with insane high heart rate and shaking in terror, i feel flat, no emotions, nor good neitjer bad, the only one i feel sometimes is anxiety, anger, and depression. Also libido is zero. And every time i have an orgasm, alone or with gf i feel like shit. Anyone else? 

 

Most of that applies to me.  Except the no emotions.  I have a lot of them, mostly fear and sadness.  The no libido and orgasm issues are newer for me, started the last month or two.

[[Ac...]]

How's everyone else doing today? 

 

I had a good day yesterday, but only 4 hours of sleep last night.  Even so, I was positive and felt good the first few hours of this morning, but then my symptoms kicked up- both mental and physical.  Ive been doing good/bad every other day for a while now and it would be nice to string together more than one good day in a row.

[[mi...]]

Join the Group! I was a Low time user of depakote klon, and seroquel.. 9 months off klonopin, 12 seroquel and 3 months depakote, my Symptoms? I dont have emotions.and hard insomnia, pretty hard fall asleep, and hard night mare during night, woke me up with insane high heart rate and shaking in terror, i feel flat, no emotions, nor good neitjer bad, the only one i feel sometimes is anxiety, anger, and depression. Also libido is zero. And every time i have an orgasm, alone or with gf i feel like shit. Anyone else? 

 

Most of that applies to me.  Except the no emotions.  I have a lot of them, mostly fear and sadness.  The no libido and orgasm issues are newer for me, started the last month or two.

ur libido drop and u also feel sick or strange after orgasm?

[[Gu...]]

Hello 9-12 Month-ers,

 

Thought I would bring this to the top. 

 

How is everyone doing?  I have not been in a good place and have not posted much lately.  In survival mode and not very communicative.  10 months out and remembering how dire my situation was last January, pre-jump.  Having a lot of flashbacks, but pretty much feeling the same way as then.  My daughter is trying to convince me that this is not the same thing, but it sure feels the same.  I found one small comfort in someone's post from long ago who was saying we don't heal.  He had a lot of statistics from BB to "prove" his point.  He was back in acute and in a terrible wave at about the same stage as us, I think.  Anyway I looked at his posts' log and five months later he was saying the opposite.  He close to being completely healed.  Unfortunately when I've done that with other buddies - looking at their posts to see where they ended up (anyone else do that?  sick) - it isn't so encouraging.  This is how I torment myself.  You never know what you are going to read on BB.  Haha, I just realized that I had already posted this same story.  Well, if I didn't remember posting it maybe you won't remember having read it before!

 

[[tr...]]

Hello everyone! Today marks 300 days since my last dose.

Guardian Angel I TOTALLY get you. I also feel like I've made no progress. I have to remember how I was back in March 2021 to realise I do feel a bit better, but still my internal tremors and headaches are persistent. I finished finals and now I get 3 weeks of vacation so I hope I can rest and start exercising again👌

This is a pain in the ass but I'm hopeful I will get healed by 1 year mark🥺

 

Sending love to all of you!

[[Th...]]

 

I found one small comfort in someone's post from long ago who was saying we don't heal.  He had a lot of statistics from BB to "prove" his point.  He was back in acute and in a terrible wave at about the same stage as us, I think.  Anyway I looked at his posts' log and five months later he was saying the opposite.  He close to being completely healed.  Unfortunately when I've done that with other buddies - looking at their posts to see where they ended up (anyone else do that?  sick) - it isn't so encouraging.  This is how I torment myself.  You never know what you are going to read on BB.  Haha, I just realized that I had already posted this same story.  Well, if I didn't remember posting it maybe you won't remember having read it before!

 

I'm feeling the same. I'm looking for hope but I find fear. But I still go looking because I need hope to survive. What can be done?

[[St...]]

Hello, Just checking in .  I am 11 1/2 months off and I was getting better before my episode. I was starting to sleep on my own without help. 10 days ago , I woke up and I couldn't barely hear out of my left ear and I couldn't clear it. I started to freak out and also forgot my Nexium dose. It was Saturday, so all the clinics were closed and MLK day was on Monday.  That night I started having heartburn and anxiety and palpitation and insomnia. I ended up going to the ER to get my ear checked. They said that it might be a fungal infection. He prescribed me some antifungal drops for my ear and told me to see an ENT Dr. Within 2-4 days because it could lead to permanent hearing loss. I made an appt with my primary Dr to get a referral. The soonest that I could in was Thursday. My Dr is incompetent, she doesn't know what she is doing. She said that she was sending in referral and that if I didn't hear anything after 2 days to call back. I called Monday and they said that she didn't put the referral in until Friday evening at 9 pm and that she didn't put it as an emergency. Here I am 10 days after losing my hearing and no calls from anyone. I'm pissed !!  I'm having to alternate Unisom, Trazedone and Hydroxyzine to help fall asleep. I'm still having burning in my right leg and tinnitus horrible. Feb 6th will be 1 year off. Thanks for listening.

[[Th...]]

Can you go back to the ER or urgent care? I understand uncaring or irresponsible doctors. (I know there are good ones too) They seem to be everywhere. I'm sorry you are dealing with one right now.

[[St...]]

Can you go back to the ER or urgent care? I understand uncaring or irresponsible doctors. (I know there are good ones too) They seem to be everywhere. I'm sorry you are dealing with one right now.

No, ER won't do anything and my Dr. down know squat . COVID has the system all screwed up !! I just have to accept that I will probably have permanent hearing loss in my left ear.

[[Gu...]]

What's going on, guys?  I can barely post, but want to keep our class of buddies going.  For me, not so good.  Entering 11 months.  From reading other threads, I also know that several of us are not doing well.  At all.  I need the community for support, so would love to hear from all of you.  You can yell, scream, comfort, encourage, whatever you need to do.  Knowing I am not alone helps.  I am eyeing that 12-24 month group.  Do not want to join, but I am on the threshold.  Just trying to get through the day, each day.

[[Fi...]]

Hi GA,

 

Wanted to offer support.

 

I haven't been on much after a reaction to a health protocol I was trying. I took too much Whole C and ended up shaking like a leaf and not sleeping.

 

But I came through it and am doing all right. My mood is stable and I'm back to my baseline. My sleep is still broken but but I'm trying to stay calm about it.

 

In 2 days I will be off benzos for 1 year. 

 

We are all going to get though this. I talked with a friend of mine who has worked with a psychiatrist doing research. He confirmed that our brains do heal. He has seen images of brains on benzos and post benzos. The change that occurs  as we move 18 months is clear-we are healing.

 

Wishing everyone well.

 

FH

[[Ac...]]

What's going on, guys?  I can barely post, but want to keep our class of buddies going.  For me, not so good.  Entering 11 months.  From reading other threads, I also know that several of us are not doing well.  At all.  I need the community for support, so would love to hear from all of you.  You can yell, scream, comfort, encourage, whatever you need to do.  Knowing I am not alone helps.  I am eyeing that 12-24 month group.  Do not want to join, but I am on the threshold.  Just trying to get through the day, each day.

 

Same as you. I'm trying to take a break from the board for A while to see if being away helps

[[Gu...]]

Good to hear from you, AD.  I was wondering where you went.  I got off the board for about 10 days until someone pm'd me and it dragged me back in.  Getting off for me was a bad sign - a sign that I was really really sick.

 

FH, Good to hear from you, too.  Glad you are back to baseline.  I have looked for images of the "brain on benzos" and in the brain in benzo recovery.  I found images for all kinds of other drugs, and alcohol, comparing before and after about 14 months, but not benzos.  Sure would like a look.  Any chance you can get some links?  It would help to be able to show people and say, "well, here, this is why I am like this."  It would help me too - proof.  Hope you don't abandon us for the 12-24 month group.  I don't think I can join that group.  I might have to change our timeframe to something like the 12-18 month group.  12-24 is too much for me to handle.

[[Fi...]]

Good to hear from you, AD.  I was wondering where you went.  I got off the board for about 10 days until someone pm'd me and it dragged me back in.  Getting off for me was a bad sign - a sign that I was really really sick.

 

FH, Good to hear from you, too.  Glad you are back to baseline.  I have looked for images of the "brain on benzos" and in the brain in benzo recovery.  I found images for all kinds of other drugs, and alcohol, comparing before and after about 14 months, but not benzos.  Sure would like a look.  Any chance you can get some links?  It would help to be able to show people and say, "well, here, this is why I am like this."  It would help me too - proof.  Hope you don't abandon us for the 12-24 month group.  I don't think I can join that group.  I might have to change our timeframe to something like the 12-18 month group.  12-24 is too much for me to handle.

 

I'll see what I can find out from my friend.  I'm not planning on joining another thread at this point.

 

I have mentioned this on other threads (I think) but one of the supports I used during and post withdrawal is with a practitioner doing Psych-K.  It's hard to explain but it's working with the subconscious, and doing body balancing.  Very gentle work that allowed me to speed up my taper and keep me stable.  If anyone is interested in my practitioners information, PM me and I will pass it on.  She provides a complimentary session to discuss the work and there is absolutely no pressure to commit. PS I get nothing for mentioning her-I just found the work very helpful.

 

Final Healing

[[Ac...]]

Fh, I would take that info if you want to pass it on. 

 

I had a zero night last night everyone.  The first since my AB setback in August.  I don't know why I'm getting worse.  Makes me afraid for the future and tonight.