Protracted and Feeling Better Now

[[bo...]]

Thanks, Helen. I'm now back to work and I'm over the worst part of the flu. No more fever, which I had for four days, and I believe what was likely causing the depression. Just a lingering cough now.

 

Here's to a good new year! For those of you suffering out there, healing is possible. Just keep pressing forward.

[[Th...]]

I've been ill with one thing or another for the last six weeks...each time I catch something new I feel a ramp up in symptoms and am particularly depressed and irritable. Reading suggests increased excitotoxins might explain this, am guessing even once almost fully healed the weakened CNS is prone to being sensitive to excitotoxins.

[[Ri...]]

Congratulations Boombox, 

 

I am so happy to see you are doing better.  I figure one day I will write a success story when I have the time to put it some kind of order.  Keep on keeping.

[[Re...]]

Great post. Much needed inspiration today.

[[bo...]]

Congratulations Boombox, 

 

I am so happy to see you are doing better.  I figure one day I will write a success story when I have the time to put it some kind of order.  Keep on keeping.

 

Hi, Riddles. I remember connecting with you through fakeittillyoumakeit, and we had a brief conversation in like December of 2018 when I was at my worst. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me when you did. Every person who I connected with helped me make it through the ordeal.

[[bo...]]

I thought it was time to come back and post an update. I'm still doing pretty good overall. Most symptoms that I was plagued with because of quitting benzos cold turkey have disappeared completely and have not come back. The only things I'm still dealing with, after five years, is mild burning skin in my face (around my cheeks and nose and a little in my legs), fatigue, and sensitivity to stress. I'm not even sure if the fatigue is related to benzo withdrawal though, as I had that prior to withdrawal. All the crazy mental stuff I had and the insomnia are gone now.

 

On March 24th, I was told my position as high school Librarian would be cut. Over that weekend, I had a massive flare up of symptoms, but I'm not even one hundred percent sure they were even benzo withdrawal related. Who wouldn't have insomnia, depression, anger, and anxiety after having that happen to you. It took a couple weeks and things settled down again. I ended up getting another job at the local newspaper and will start when the school year ends. But that doesn't make me any less infuriated at the school district where I work.

 

My band is doing good and we have been playing shows consistently. I would never have been able to do that during withdrawal. I'm still working on recording music with another person I met on this forum. And my family is doing good for the most part.

[[Ha...]]

Great to read this. Thanks for posting, it gives us all massive hope.

Hardy x

 

[[He...]]

Thank you so much for returning to give us hope! 

 

So sorry about your library job though.  Working in a library would suit me just fine after I recover. I know this was upsetting. 

 

 

[[B1...]]

I'm so happy to hear the wave settled down. I am experiencing a lot of symptoms you had during your withdrawal experience so when I saw you returned in agony my heart went out to you and honestly worried me for my progress a lot. Thank you for updating us, congratulations on your new job and I'm so happy to hear your family is sticking by you. Much love 💕

[[da...]]

 

i am so so happy you are better. if you can do it, we all can. 

[[he...]]

i am glad you are still doing well and came back to tell us!

 

and its true who wouldnt get a bad stress reaction from losing a job and dealing with all that.

 

take care! cant wait to post from the other side too but i am still in the recovery at 21 months out

[[Ja...]]

Hi, I am a newbie on here. Thank you for providing us your story. It can be discouraging when you compare the sheer amount of problematic posts with the number of success stories. So glad you are healed! Hope you are enjoying life more than ever!

[[da...]]

hello there, so happy to hear you are better. good luck with the new job too

re: anhedonia, you mentioned being unexcited by interests and rewards. many with the worst anhedonia struggle to even feel that excited/reward feeling from love, their family/partners/children/pets, or things that always used to be beuatiful and profound before. was it like this for you too or only mild? 

[[Th...]]

Hey Boombox....

Glad to learn you are still doing well.  I retired from being an IT director at a public school district in December of 2022.  I was hired in June, without even applying or interviewing, at a 4K-8 Private Parochial School.  I'm hired full-time but teach computer classes 10 hours per week Monday-Wednesday.  Thursday and Friday I support their technology.  Are you still in education?

 

Edited September 8, 2023 by [Th...]

[[bo...]]

It's been a while since I've logged in.

Hi, dariab. I lost all ability to be excited about anything. My interests fully disappeared; however, I kept doing a lot of the same things sort of out of habit. I absolutely lost the ability to feel love for my family and pets. I was never excited about plans, I just did things to make days go by more quickly in hopes I'd feel better one day. For the most part that is completely gone. 

Hi, theway2. I was teaching high school English when benzo withdrawal started. That's when I was talking to you the most. Did that for nine years and it was the last two years that I went into the benzo tailspin. I moved to my hometown and got a high school library job and did that for four years. It was during that time I healed. However, at the end of last school year, they cut my position. Because I had tenure, they had to offer me a teaching job and I could have been the middle school English teacher. I decided not to because quite frankly it sounded like reliving all my worst nightmares. And the school district clearly didn't want me to take the job. Now I'm the Ad Director for a local paper. Making way more money but it's not very rewarding and it's super hectic every minute. 

[[Ju...]]

Hey man,

I didn't even know you were still around. We both started around the same time, and I was on them for around 21 years. I was also on massive amounts the entire time, with the exception of about a dozen kindling attempts. Just like you, I think the kindling and the length of time and the amount we were on for so long, was the culprit behind the extreme symptoms for so long.

Just like you, I also abused a lot of alcohol. I would say the alcohol was just as big of a problem as the pills were, and that's not even including the other substances. I won't dig into the other stuff, because of the benzo buddy rules, but let's just say there's a lot of recreational substances out there when your life revolves around concerts and parties.

I remember quite a few times you reached out to me, asking if I was having the muscle contractions. Yes, I'm still dealing with those. I'm a little bit over 4 years off now, some days are better than others. There's no more psychosis, no more derealization, and not nearly the amount of agoraphobia as the beginning, but there's still tons of problems to this date.

I just clicked on a couple of your songs, I'm getting almost of a Tom Petty mixed with Grunge music vibe, I can dig it. I'm tired of all this new rap music, and I missed the old metal, and I'm tired of hearing the same old electronic on TV and commercials, so it's refreshing to hear something original again for once.

[[bo...]]

Update:

I wanted to provide an update to my success story. I'll start by replying to JustInTime. Glad to hear you are doing better and the psychosis is gone as well as the derealization. Those were horrifying symptoms for me too and they resolved. I don't get many muscle contractions anymore but I used to get them all the time while healing, especially after walks. Thanks for complimenting my music. I appreciate it. 

As far as how things are going for me overall, I'm still doing well. I am working as an Advertising Director for a local paper and started doing so in June. Now I know most everything about the job. I could have never learned a new job while in benzo withdrawal. Getting this job was done out of necessity, however, as my high school library position was cut and I elected not to teach middle school English. I'm still pretty bitter and angry at the old school district and I'm wondering if I'll ever be in education again. I don't really enjoy teaching full-time as the position is what put me on benzos in the first place because of lack of sleep. 

My family is doing well. I'm still writing and releasing music. I had a good stretch of live shows. I would never have even fathomed trying to play a live show as the front person of a band during withdrawal. However, as of late I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find reliable band members who I actually enjoy spending time with. I have a number of possible good things coming in 2024 for a business I started with my friend ten years ago. 

All I can say is I never believed benzo withdrawal would end when I was in the thick of it. I did not believe other healed benzo warriors when they told me it would end. But I clung on to their words despite not believing most days and it did eventually get better. If I can get better, so can you! May 2024 be your year of full or close-to-full healing. 

[[Gi...]]

On 02/01/2024 at 17:39, [[b...] said:

Update:

I wanted to provide an update to my success story. I'll start by replying to JustInTime. Glad to hear you are doing better and the psychosis is gone as well as the derealization. Those were horrifying symptoms for me too and they resolved. I don't get many muscle contractions anymore but I used to get them all the time while healing, especially after walks. Thanks for complimenting my music. I appreciate it. 

As far as how things are going for me overall, I'm still doing well. I am working as an Advertising Director for a local paper and started doing so in June. Now I know most everything about the job. I could have never learned a new job while in benzo withdrawal. Getting this job was done out of necessity, however, as my high school library position was cut and I elected not to teach middle school English. I'm still pretty bitter and angry at the old school district and I'm wondering if I'll ever be in education again. I don't really enjoy teaching full-time as the position is what put me on benzos in the first place because of lack of sleep. 

My family is doing well. I'm still writing and releasing music. I had a good stretch of live shows. I would never have even fathomed trying to play a live show as the front person of a band during withdrawal. However, as of late I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find reliable band members who I actually enjoy spending time with. I have a number of possible good things coming in 2024 for a business I started with my friend ten years ago. 

All I can say is I never believed benzo withdrawal would end when I was in the thick of it. I did not believe other healed benzo warriors when they told me it would end. But I clung on to their words despite not believing most days and it did eventually get better. If I can get better, so can you! May 2024 be your year of full or close-to-full healing. 

Hi Bommboxboy21,

Congratulations on your recovery and fortitude.

May I ask whether you had any muscle pulling, tightness and jerks during your withdrawl? 
 

I have muscle tightness, twisting, pulling, twitches and jerks on my torso, flanks and back.

Did you have these at all and did they just subside overnight or was it a gradual improvement over the months?

 

Thank you ❤️

[[Th...]]

Hey Boomboxboy21,

Thanks for the update. I am happy you healed and go your life back.  I retired from public schools (after 32 years) in December of 2022.  I now work for a private K-8 school that is actually a perfect fit for me at this point in my life.  I'm sorry things did not work out for you in public education.  Our state retirement system is among the best in the country and I get a lifetime monthly annuity that will transfer to my wife should I pass before her. 

Keep checking in from time-to-time and giving people hope.  

[[bo...]]

Hi, Giuly88: 

I remember distinctly in the summer of 2018 when withdrawal had really started, it felt like my knees were like needing to bend in the wrong direction or something. It was really painful. It almost felt like I had restless leg syndrome. My legs would also get really uncomfortable while I'd be lying in bed before I would try to go to sleep as well like I needed to be moving them. The main thing I had was the muscle spasms. And those lasted for like three-four years. It all just gradually goes away. Nothing ever seemed to happen overnight for me anyway. I hope this is helpful. 

Edited January 9 by [bo...]

[[Gi...]]

@[bo...]

Thank you so much for your reply.

You refer to having had muscle, may I ask where about did you have them?

Did you also experience tightness/spasms/pulling cn on your abdomen and back?

Thank you for giving hope ❤️

 

[[bo...]]

Hi, Giuly: 

I had muscle spasms and twitching. It was mostly in my calves and it occurred more after I took long walks. And I had to be walking a lot so I noticed the muscle twitching a lot. I also had what felt like pulling in my legs when I'd lay down in bed. Felt almost like restless leg syndrome where my legs couldn't get comfortable. I don't think I had any abdomen or back issues. 

[[Hi...]]

Hey boomboxboy

Glad you are moving on with your life

I am 53 months out and doing well.  I still have my days where i go into that funk but not like during the peak of withdrawal. 

I know some more time is needed.

 

Hope you continue to live life to the fullest.

 

Hingie

[[Gi...]]

On 03/03/2024 at 16:30, [[b...] said:

Hi, Giuly: 

I had muscle spasms and twitching. It was mostly in my calves and it occurred more after I took long walks. And I had to be walking a lot so I noticed the muscle twitching a lot. I also had what felt like pulling in my legs when I'd lay down in bed. Felt almost like restless leg syndrome where my legs couldn't get comfortable. I don't think I had any abdomen or back issues. 

@[bo...]

Thank you so much for replying.
 

I did read on your recovery report at the end that you mentioned about having some chest spasms and rib cage issues coming and going. 
 

Could you expand on this please?

Thank you for any hope 🙏❤️