I can’t keep this up

[[Mi...]]

How do I convince myself I’m not just going to die from this

My brain tells me that my body will just quit

 

I had a bad migraine aura before I went to bed last night. This is something I'd get VERY infrequently, like maybe one every year pre-benzo. Well, since the whole benzo ordeal I'm getting about one every month or two.

 

It's a very familiar thing because I get visual disturbances where one side of my visual field is blurry like a prism. I take a Motrin right away. I never get a headache though,  and the next day I'm wiped out and when I cough and bend over I can feel my head give a little pain.

 

I'm bringing this up because during all of this last night, in the thick of it, I think "geeze, am I having a stroke?"  Even though I know full well that I'm not because it's a familiar thing that goes away in about a half hour. I started to cry, just like you out of frustration. The crying always helps me. Back in acute when I used to feel dread at night I'd MAKE myself cry. It always helped. It's that fear and dread where withdrawal fools us into thinking the worse. My husband has to walk me through it too.

 

Last night the migraine aura started to subside before I finally got tired and fell asleep. The crying helped me.

 

I'm praying for you too. Don't give up.

 

[Guest [Fi...]]

Fierce,

 

It is so a rollercoaster!

I see you’ve been doing better. That’s great! What do you think helped you?

 

CBT, I met a therapist who is helping me reprogram...it’s really cool.

 

Are you in US?  She takes all insurance and helps anyone that wants it.  She is one of a kind...

 

If you want her info PM me.

 

Love

Fiercey

[[Be...]]

I am up and down also.  I felt so sick, then felt normal, then sick again.

 

Now, I feel so exhausted that I don't even have the energy to stand up.

 

I'm coming up on 3 years off Xanax (Jumped Jan 18, 2018), and I can't believe this up and down. 

 

I had more energy and was doing better 1 year ago than I am now, but maybe this is the path we need to go through to finally heal.

[[Me...]]

BenzoB

 

I am the same distance out as you and have the same symptom of exhaustion today. WTF.

 

I am SICK AND TIRED OF THIS

[[le...]]

So sorry you are still suffering you had been doing so well, sure you will again. Find these waves so hard, was OK when I got up, then wham suddenly hits me anxiety through roof, keep checking everything like a major panic attack , heart racing, came out nowhere. Am sick of one step forward three steps backwards constantly. I'm sure you will be writing a success story soon you've come so close just one more push.

[[Ma...]]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I need MY prayers to work, too....

[[Ju...]]

You might think that you can't keep this up, but the reality is that you can. I get the lightheadedness every single day, and I still stand up quickly and start walking, and I'd do full speed. I guess if I fall then I fall, but I'm not going to let benzo withdrawal win. You can definitely keep it up.

[[Me...]]

Justin,

 

 

That makes me feel less alone thank you. You’re right....

[[Ju...]]

You're welcome, you got this. I feel defeated sometimes as well but I'm not going back on anything and I will get through this until I'm completely healed, and so will you.