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4 am Cortisol surge - when did it go away for you?


[ja...]

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Just need some encouraging time line :(

I hope that mine will last months and not years.

This is my worst symptom.

 

Symptoms that have improved

No more constant urge to urinate at night

I can sleep 5 hours solid. From 7pm to 12 am

Then bathroom break, and then maybe dooze off for an extra hour but I wake up in panic in the second part of the night.

If I don't get up, I get more anxiety. My intrusive thoughts are related to the past and they keep hunting me. All I do is to want to cry...

I have heart palpitations. And doom and gloom thoughts.

I am 9 weeks off a rescue dose.

 

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Sorry you are still having symptoms and suffering.

 

No more rescue doses....ever.  The thing that I learned is to remove all Rx drugs from your house (like Benzos) then in a moment of weakness you won't be tempted to take a "rescue" dose.

 

Things even out over time.  I had a lot of the same symptoms as you.  They all ended one day, yours will too

 

All of your symptoms are TEMPORARY.  They won't last forever, although it sure feels like it especially with your doom and gloom thinking/thoughts which is actually a WD symptom.

 

You've got this.  Time is the healer and the good thing is time always passes no matter what!

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Thank you so much TheWay. I am crying right. You are giving me hope and it is priceless.

I hope that my symptoms will all end one day like yours.

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They will end.  You are almost a year off.  Don't beat yourself up about the "rescue" dose.  I did the same thing a week after my CT with some Valium.

 

The hard part is not knowing when things will end or when you will get an extended window or window at all.

 

When I had windows, I felt great and was embarrassed by how I would complain to my family about being stuck for life and never healing; but when the waves hit I was right back to Mr. doom and gloom and I'm never going to heal.

 

It's all part of the process of healing and recovering.  You'll get there for sure.  Just expect the unexpected with symptoms.  They will WAX and wane for some time until they even out.

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I had a nice window yesterday after a day of high anxiety.

I couldn't believe that all my symptoms were gone. I still had the morning surge but it didn't stay with me. I felt so good the whole day. So so good. It was my second window like this in the same week.

Now today I am pacing again.

I took a large rescue dose of valium, I was suicidal. I had akiteisia for 6 days and 0 sleep after eating 3 ramen noodles in a 2 days. (I am asian).

The 18 mg of valium stayed in my system for a long time and I am sure have done a lot more harm due to the long half life. I feel that I am re starting from 0. It is like someone who CT a high dose of valium

 

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The fact that you are having windows means you are not starting over.  Again, don't focus too much on a rescue dose.  Every person alive can have a moment of weakness.

 

You'll be fine!

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Thank you so much TheWay

I am.having another partial window day today after the day of akitesia yesterday. Burning skin is here with heavy chest but anxiety is not over the roof. I had 8 hours of broken sleep. The day is not over yet, it is 11am.

But so grateful for this.

Yesterday when I was in the throw of anxiety,  I read some pepole had it for 2 years and I couldn't imagine myself having to pace like this constantly for 2 years.

 

The thing with this withdrawal is the darkness. It feels like a life sentence when the surges and nightmare comes in the middle of the night.

I had to repeat non stop. "I love myself, I am safe, I am healing." Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

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However, when most people say they had a symptom for 2 or 3 years of even longer, almost all of them did not have the same intensity later as they did early on.  Some people have anxiety for a long time, but most, not all, don't have it at the same intensity nor does it last all or most of the day as it did earlier in their WD.

 

I had burning skin too, but it was only really bad for about 6 weeks and it lasted about 6 months total...towards the end, I barely noticed it. 

 

Yes, the darkness sucks.  I remember it all too well.  But hold onto the fact that one day, this will all be a distant memory and you will focus on other "issues" and things in your life instead of thinking about WD 24/7/365.  I know that's all I did for a long time was focus on my symptoms and lack of sleep.  Now I only think about those things when I come on this forum and I try to limit that to one time per day.

 

 

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Jasmine:

 

You are still in the early days.  Don’t worry, you will heal.  I had similar symptoms then.  At five months off I am sleeping much better and all the symptoms are diminished.  But guess what, out of the blue the burning skin hit me.  Nowadays I get it on my feet, previously it would be on my neck, chest and arms.

 

I understand your feelings though.  I came to this site after I had jumped and thought I was losing my mind.  I never thought I would feel this much better after 5 months.

 

Best wishes to you for peace and happiness!

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Oh and PS:  get rid of those pills!  Don’t ruin your progress.

 

I had a dream one night early on where I took a bunch of Ativan.  I woke up feeling terrible, but then I realized it was all a dream.  I then threw out the rest of my pills.

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Rsack and TheWay. Thank you so much for the encouraging words.

Rsack, I hope that I will heal as nicely as you do at 5 monthe out.

My husband got rid of the pills. I had a nice dream last night when I felt normal and woke up in the middle of the night and remembered that I was in benzo withdrawal and had a cry and panic..

 

The burning is bad at night and tolerable during the day.

Anxiety is my worst symptom no doubt.

 

Rsack,  did you search your symptoms on BB when you first jumped? When I do this, I often end up on thread where people say " 14 or 24 months out and still have it..." So I get a spike of anxiety.

I pray god that my symptoms are more manageable in the next coming month.

 

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Yes but I ignored that and instead started reading Ashton’s manual.  I was comforted by the fact that others had similar symptoms and that calmed me down and gave me the encouragement I needed.

 

I also attribute my success to the therapy I received a year before tapering.  I learned ways to recognize the panic/anxiety coming on and learned techniques for coping with it.  Once the physical withdrawal symptoms decreased, I found my mental state to be much calmer overall.

 

What gives you the most anxiety?  Have you tried to address it?  Mine was claustrophobia.  I once spent an hour riding elevators with my therapist to overcome my fears and anxiety.

 

 

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Rsack. The idea of not healing is what give me the most anxiety. I can deal with organic anxiety. It is the chemical anxiety that is hard for me. It highJacks my brain and I have obossesive thoughts about the past and guilt.

I can drive my car and go shopping in the midst of an anxiety attacks,  it just really really hard to live this way, let alone to think that I have to live this way for a couple of years. So it is the fear of the future.

I am doing some relaxation techniques before bed time and cuddle with my husband.

Do you think that ashton is right about everything? She didn't follow up people past 6 months for what I have read.

 

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Nobody is right about everything.  But, why focus on the ones who say they haven’t healed?  Read the tons of success stories.  There are new ones daily.

 

Also remember, many people heal, feel better and never come back.  Those that feel they haven’t are here posting many times a day.

 

Tell your brain to shut up for now, you can worry about not being healed after you have been off for a year.  You know, you don’t need to react to everything you read here.  Why worry about something ahead of time?  It doesn’t prevent bad things from happening in the future, it just makes you feel bad now.  Who needs that?

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Very true RSack, I can wait a year.

My symptoms have abatted considerably for the last week.

I don't know why. Today is another partial window day.

I still have the 3am cortisol surge with nightmare but was able to sleep 7 hours in 3 segments. The akathisia didn't show up yesterday and I hope it won't today.

My husband told me that I made a lot of progress. He had to talked to me consistantly for the last 2 months to reassure me that the symptoms wold get better.

I still have mild heart palp and background anxiety but they are not bad enough for me to pace around and this in itself is  a gift.

 

Are you ever afraid of being traumatized by withdrawal?

When I think about benzo, it makes me really really sad. Like I am permanently damage, I can have a set back just NY eating the wring food or taking the wrong supplement for the rest of my life. Then my anxiety goes up.

I think once the morning surge calm down, it will help a lot. My hustand told me to focus on one day at a time. And that all we have is today.

 

TheWay, I just wish to not be consumed with withdrawal anymore.  Sonetimes I pray to get used to the symptoms.

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You have made a lot of progress, that proves you aren’t permanently damaged.  The symptoms you describe are similar to what I experienced, but some are gone completely and others are just somewhat diminished.

 

I got hit yesterday with the burning skin and today I am working from the couch as I am exhausted.  I did force myself to take a walk this morning.  But tomorrow is another day so I won’t let my brain stir up fear and anxiety, I will just roll with it.

 

Once I found this site and saw that others had similar symptoms, my fear went away.  Now that you know that the morning surge is a symptom, why worry about it?  Work on ways to remain calm.  Have faith that you are healing.

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Rsack, I think Ashton said that people who fear their symptoms have more intense symptoms. I find it hard to accept the process. It seems that people who don't have much anxiety but more physical symptoms cope better.

I did a very sensible taper and had similar symptoms but not of this intensity which is what scares me.

I had morning surges all along my taper and they ended one month after I reached zero. It was only when I read other's pots who still have them at 4 years out that freaked me out.

I know this symptoms is very telling of the state of my nervous system, and how sensitive it is to daily cortisol fluctuations.

 

I am sorry that you had burning. I have it too. Very bad early on and it seems to be less intense now. It doesn't bother me so much as long as my anxiety is not high.

 

Do you  still have morning surge? Have they lessen?

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The morning surge is mostly gone now.  Very rarely do I experience it now.

 

You can do a perfect taper and still have bad symptoms.  Tapering just helps minimize the pain as compared to going cold turkey. 

 

Try to keep calm, that will help you cope with this.

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hi, i am getting worse.

i don't know why, i am 12 weeks post rescue dose (18mg of valium over 2 days) and my symptoms are horrendous

 

i have bad akitesia, didn't sleep for 2 days.

constant adrenal surge throughout the day and night, full body jerks, burning chest, arms and eye, scalp, chest pain, inner trembling, chest pain.

I don't want to go to the hospital.

 

i am so desperate now that i am thinking of re-instating on a low dose of valium like 0.2 mg and stay on this for a year- will the symptoms subside? i just want to make it more bearable.

 

 

i also have urinal incontinence and i have to use an adult diaper now, my symptoms are terrible.

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others:

Self Harm and Ideation-Revised Policy

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Try to stay calm.  A rescue dose may or may not help, the only guarantee is that you delay healing and start from square one.

 

I know the pain seems unbearable, but please try to stay calm.  If you are feeling suicidal, then please seek medical attention.  I lost two people close to me to suicide and it drove me to start taking benzos in the first place. 

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Rsack,

i did seek medical attention, my doc wants me back on lexapro to help with the anxiety, she doesn't think that the symptoms i have are from the valium rescue dose Withdrawal.

i was thinking more of a re-instatement- my husband is exhausted for watching me all day long.

the suffering is terrible. i have 2 small kids.

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Thanks for the update Jasmine...was worried about you.  I tapered off of Lexapro years ago during therapy.  But most recommend staying on it and coming off of benzos first.

 

Try to hold out while giving the Lexapro a chance to work.  I can understand your situation, you have so much going on, and the akatesia is a bad symptom.  I was lucky I only had a little bit of that, but I know it’s brutal.  I just finally listened to Jordan Petersen and he felt the same way, wanted to die as the pain was so bad. 

 

I’m glad you went to a doctor, your family needs you.  Sending you warm wishes for healing.

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Jasmin, I agree with the other posters. When you look at those who post the most you see the same names over and over again, but then you go back a couple years and it's totally different people posting who no longer post here. We all heal in our own time. We have to cling to that hope. Sometimes people get waves as far out as you are and it's entirely possible that you've muddied the waters some with your rescue dose, but you will get back to normal. Some people think that an SSRI will help with depression and anxiety due to benzo withdrawal, I don't know whether that's true or not for me because I've been on an SSRI or SNRI the whole time I've been tapering. SSRI start up side effects can be particularly unpleasant, especially the anxiety that kicks in, but it should taper off in the next month or so if you can hold on. As for akathesia, I don't think an AD will help with that. My understanding is that akathesia is related to a lack of dopamine in the brain and I don't think any of the ADs affect dopamine production.

 

I hope that you start to see improvement soon. Some things that have helped me immensely: a good therapist, mindfulness meditation, and gentle yoga. Sending you love and light.

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kitsune,

i was pretty much healed after i finished my taper.

i am withdrawing from the large rescue dose to counteract the akatasia from MSG. (I ate 8 ramen noodle in 2 weeks- i am asian)

I will try lexapro.

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