getting started stopping

[[Be...]]

Benzo T-  Yes, I'm planning to get completely clean, off all psychoactive dope.  This is why I've come down from 240 mgs. of methadone per day to currently 120 mgs. per day. This took me two years, but I still could keep functioning.  But this benzo thing has GOT to go first.  My thinking is so much more clear now that I've reduced my klono dose to 6mgs/day, taking them on schedule.  red

I've noticed greater clarity as I've tapered, too. 

 

Wow, you've already cut your methadone dose in half- that's a huge huge accomplishment.  I think I read that early on but forgot you'd said that.  Good for you. 

[[Re...]]

Well, my worries are over, for the time being. I now have a supply locked up in my big heavy safe and I feel like I can breathe again.  I have a new symptom.  My skin has become dry and cracked.  Quite painful.  Aloe vera helps a lot. I'm back on my 7mg/day schedule and I am optimistic about coming out of the fog I've lived in for so many decades.  red gibson

[[Be...]]

That's a relief.  Now the hard part begins... 

[[Pa...]]

We age about 25 years during this process, or at least we look like we do, but once we heal, our skin, eyes and hair all return to normal.  I'm glad you've got the pills, how long will you be taking 7 mgs? 

[[Re...]]

Yes, Pam-  I know about how withdrawal from long term addiction to just about any drug will make a person look like they've aged decades.  I saw a guy I knew that went from 20 years of methadone , switching to the new "miracle drug", Suboxone, and he was nearly unrecognizable- I hadn't seen him for several years.  I plan to be at 7mg klono/day til Thursday, then I'll drop to 6mg/day.  I'm leaving my methadone level where it is, 120 mg/day, til I get thru this benzo wihdrawal, then I'll work on getting off THAT drug.  Gosh, I reckon that could exclude me from BenzoBuddies.  It could take me longer to than I think to get over benzos than I foresee.  I found stoneyco's blog. Patty has written some very thoughtful letters to me here at BB.  Good luck to all, and I sure am lookin' forward always to recieving any word for any of you  red gibson

[[Be...]]

Tapering the methadone won't exclude you from benzobuddies.  You'll be a benzo-healed buddy who is getting off methadone.  Many people here have poly drug use issues. 

[[st...]]

Hi Red,

 

We're here for you through thick and thin.  Remember, that you may have to do smaller cuts as you get lower in your doses, OK?  It was wonderful to see you over on my blog. 

 

Patty  xoxo

[[Re...]]

Hi everybody-  I want to say hello to you all and tell you that I appreciate all of your advice greatly and that I feel very sure I never would have begun or sustained my personal effort without your help.  So far,I'm doing very well on this scheduled dosing thing and I'll try to keep you up on how I'm  a'doin'.  The best to all of you guys and the challenges you all are facing personally.  red gibson

[[Mi...]]

Hi everybody-  I want to say hello to you all and tell you that I appreciate all of your advice greatly and that I feel very sure I never would have begun or sustained my personal effort without your help.  So far,I'm doing very well on this scheduled dosing thing and I'll try to keep you up on how I'm  a'doin'.  

 

 

Yes, please keep us posted on how you are doing and how we may help.

[[Re...]]

Missy-  I was glad to get your note, thanks for offering help.  It sure looks like so many,many people need help.  I'm looking forward to a time when maybe I'll be able to give advice to somebody, but right now I'm only just beginning my withdrawal.  I mentioned in an earlier letter that the backs of my hands have become very red and sore, really dry and cracked, even bleeding a little.  Yesterday my little 5 year old grandson (who likes to hold hands with a grownup when on a walk- my wife and I took the clan out fossil hunting yesterday, great fun), little Adam said urgently to his Grandma, "What's wrong with Grampa's hands?  They're bleeding!"  Teri just told him I'd been working in the rose bushes and the thorns had cut Grampa's knuckles, which of course not true.  I suspect that somehow it's related to my benzo withdrawal.  My daughter, who's 20, gave me aloe vera for the problem, and it seems like it just might work-sure feels good to apply it.  I'm staying steady for now on my klonopin dose: 7mgs/day- 2mg in the morninig, 3mg afternoon, and 2mg in the evening, and of course the daily 120 mgs. of methadone.  I guess I should be keeping an accurate written record of this benzo withdrawal, but I've been so busy- life must go on! I was thinking I should be posting under the "Withdrawal and Recovery" spot, not "Anxiety",( altho who doesn't have anxiety at times?)  I'm going to move this project there.  Keep in touch, all.  red gibson 

[Guest [ke...]]

Red, Hello

 

I read your story. I can somewhat relate. Percodan, I have taken too. I am now clean of all Opiates. I was addicted to Hydro and Perco, but got off them in 2007. Oh I did other things as well, even to the extent chasing Ketamine down, looking for it.

I detoxed it in 2007, was rough.

Benzo's are a different game of w/d, or a different course, you may say.

Just hang in there, and you'll make it.

Also, I use to go to ER's, acting like I had a kidney stone to get the stuff. It was getting out of hand, but I've been opiate free going on 4 years.

Benzo's are taking more time to come off of. I also was a drinker in my earlier 20's and through my mid 20's. I, too stopped that, also all kinds of AD's and AP's, just these Benzo's! Hard to get through, but it can be done.

Hang in there.

Keryn.

 

PS- the most Hydrocodone I took in one day, to give you an example of how bad I got 10 a day.

That's when I knew I needed help.

 

[[Re...]]

Hello keryn- It sounds like you and I have a somewhat similar history with drugs.  I must tell you right off, that I am computer DUMB!  I'm so lucky to have gotten where I am with BenzoBuddies, I can hardly believe it.  I'm trying to move all my information to "Withdrawal and Recovery".  If I have too much trouble, I'll just stay where I am, under the "Anxiety" catagory.  red gibson

[[Re...]]

This is red tryin' to reach SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!  I just can't get around on the compter real well.  For me it takes a lot of hunt and peck typing and trying to figure out how the site all works and I don't have the time to learn it quickly.  Maybe you've noticed that I finally figured out how to get my profile-my drug use history put up with each message I send.  Would anybody like to write to me one on one?    The aloe vera has helped the skin on the backs of my hands.  This problem just came up spontaneously, when I started on my new klonopin schedule.  I'm stickin' with it, and put the methadone w/d off til I'm free from benzos.  Thanks for listening to my story.  I need to get ready to teach music lessons starting at 3 o'clock, so I need to get my fingers limbered up.    red gibson

[[Be...]]

I'm so glad the aloe vera helped your hands, Red.  Sometimes I think it's a bit of a miracle plant.

 

Congratulations on getting your benzo history into your signature block.  I love that you've included your 3 year plan of being drug free.  The journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step, right? 

[[Mi...]]

Hi red,

 

It takes some time for some of us to figure out how to work the forum.  Like you, I'm not too computer literate so it took me a while to figure things out.  If you go to the main board (the one that show all the different categories), and scroll down to the bottom, you'll see a board called "Technical Support".  The first thread is called "Help for the Computer Challenged". This may be of some help for you.

 

Do you teach guitar lessons?  I'm guessing that because of your user name.  I have a 12 string Yamaha, but I honestly have not played it (nor the piano) much in the past few years due to benzo withdrawal.

 

So glad the aloe vera is working for your hands.  I've ingested aloe vera juice (from the health food store) for tummy issues, and have used the gel from an AV leaf for sunburns.  It seems to be quite the healing plant.

[[Re...]]

Beeper, and Missy, so glad to see your postings- This skin condition on the backs of my hands, dry, cracked, bleeding and very tender, has GOT to be in direct relation to my benzo withdrawal, since it started at precisely the time I began my benzo schedule of 7mg klonopin/day total.  I believe that it's documented (somewhere), that the mental and emotional pressure of panic attacks and anxiety can manifest itself in actual physical symptoms.  I think that the aloe vera applications, and the time that it will take for my body to adjust to my new rigid klonopin dosing along with SUPPORT FROM ALL YOU GUYS, will eventually help to clear up this condition I have.  Also, I think keeping a positive outlook on things is key.  The human mind is a powerful thing.  Learning to face reality while trying to free myself from so many years of heavy opiate addiction and benzodiazepine addiction puts a lot of pressure on my entire body.  ( I'm currently just staying stable on the methadone, 120 mgs/day.  I'm going to deal with that after I get clean of this benzo thing.  That will be another challenge, of a different sort, but I am ready.)  I do play the guitar and teach when I can .  I've played all my life and still play every day,  it's been a most meditative thing.  red gibson

[[st...]]

Red, how do you get this site to come up on your computer?

 

Patty  xo

[[Re...]]

Hi Patty- Prepare yourself for a good laugh, when you see how I must wander my way to my site.  From the BenzoBuddies home page I click on forum.  On the forum page I scoll down to the Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support grouping to Anxiety.  I click on the word Anxiety and come to the page where I started withdrawal (left out the last a in withdrawal).  I then scroll down to where Pamster printed out the link to my "getting started stopping" site, whereupon I click to the last page (currently 14) and saw your note.      You must remember, when I started this BB thing I was pretty loaded, didn't think I would ever succeed at even getting my words up on the internet, but in my spaced, crazy way, I did, and I've talked with some really nice people and it has made a positive change in my entire attitude, to see there are others out there having the same problems I have.  I'm sure there's a much easier way to maneuver around this thing, but once I got it actually working, I've been afaid to alter the way I get to my site.  My head is much clearer now, but I still want to kinda do things in my way for a little while.  I am open to suggestions tho.  Watcha think?    red gibson

[[Pa...]]

Hi Red,

 

Hey, whatever works for you!    Another thing you might try when you log in is in the upper right hand corner, you'll see this:

Show new replies to your posts

 

If you click on that, any thread you've posted in will show up, so if you've only posted in yours, then you'll see your replies.  If you haven't had any replies, then your method would be the best way for now. 

[[st...]]

Red, your way does work.  You can also click on 'forum' and scroll down to 'Welcome to the Community' (this is where your blog is located) and you will see 'getting started stopping'.  If you are not on the first page you more than likely will be on the second page.

 

We have another member here, chrisW, who also complains of cracked feet.  Many of us have/had skin problems.....rashes, boils, peeling skin, etc.  Have you had a doctor look at your hands?  Maybe he could suggest a good cream for your skin.

 

I know all too well how our brain shuts down during this process.  I am glad to hear your head is clearer, too.

 

How is the weather in your neck of the woods?  I live in the NE USA and looking forward to the spring weather.  I think it will help with feeling better.

 

Patty  xo 

[[Re...]]

Pam and Patty-  Thanks for writing to me.  Sometime I'll figure out how to write directly to individual people-( actually I have contacted Patty.  She put up a notice somewhere I saw that said  "stoneyco's blog" which made it easy.  I'll attempt to send her another note).      You see, I am just now stepping out of a real dense fog, taking benzos whenever I felt like it, sometimes literally by the handful.  As I said in an earlier note here, I live close to Juarez, Mexico and for years and years benzos were real cheap and I knew a lot of people who took 'em all the time.  Gotta tell ya, I'm ready to get rid of this addiction and have clear head.  I lost a good friend because of what was basically a misunderstanding.  He's a benzo-head too and we got into a disagreement, yellin' at each other, now he simply won't answer my phonecalls.  I guess that's that.  It was because of being strung out on these pills, really.  Benzodiazepines are a really helpful drug for certain situations, but they've blocked off real emotional connecting with other people (except in my case, I'm fortunate to have a very understanding wife).      I'm also on a fairly high daily methadone dose- I plan to get off that too, someday, but I can function and work and have a memory on methadone. I'm getting this benzo thing under control first.  Now I'm tired now goin' back to bed.  Thanks for writing to me.    red gibson

[[Pa...]]

Hi Red,

 

I was taking them by the handfuls too and my personality changed, I became paranoid and loud.  I lost my ability to hold conversation and connect with my feelings.  Life without drugs and alcohol is wonderful, and I'm so grateful I was able to find my way out of that life.  I'm glad you have a great wife, she's going to love the new you and you will too. 

[[Re...]]

Pam and Patty-  Thanks for your kind words.    Something happened today to me that was really painful.  The kind of thing that would make me reach for enough pills to make me quit hurting inside and just nod off like always.  My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, was a heroin addict and pillhead on and off for years, but but he's been thru several very expensive rehabs over the years and  he's currently been clean now of all drugs for a year and a half.  He's one of the guys in the local N.A. group that they all like and look up to.  He's really got intelligence, and he can deal with people very well in his business, which is very successful.  He's married and has a nice family.  Since our Mom and Dad passed away in the 90's I have asked him for money when things get financially tight for me (I'm NOT a good businessman).  He 's really been good to me.  He's fixin' to leave town on an extended vacation and I asked him for some money to help pay the bills.  This time he gave me a good talking-to and I figured he would, sooner or later.  I've told him that I started this BenzoBuddie thing and I'm only taking 6 mg/day of klonopin Aand he said I should get it over with and go into rehab.  All I know is that I can't go.  I feel like I got an arrow thru the heart.    red 

[[Pa...]]

I'm sorry to hear about the conversation with your brother, but it just goes to show that no one gets this, even those who are recovering alcoholics and addicts.  Cold turkey is the right thing to do in so many instances, I've always believed this until I got here, I don't feel that way anymore.  You're doing absolutely the best thing you can for yourself, remember that and try not to be discouraged.  You have us and you have your wife who will let you know we believe in what you're doing.  Rehab would ensure that you would be non functioning for many, many months to come, at least this way, you can still care for yourself and your wife.

 

Just know that when you come out the other side of this mess, you'll be able to hold your head up high. 

[[st...]]

I am sorry that your brother doesn't have an understanding of benzo withdrawal.  It is far different than other withdrawals and last longer.  The worst thing you could do is go to rehab.  Hey, look, doctors don't even understand the ins and outs of withdrawing from benzos.  Pam is right.....you have us, Red.

 

Patty  xo