[Re...] Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 hi everyone- I've been on my 8mg. klonopin a day now for 2 days and of course, my 30 years of methadone 120mgs. daily dose. I've already felt some changes, which I'm working at adapting to. I have a supply coming on Friday of the klonopin, which eases my mind, but some physical things have come up. Occasionally my hands feel as if they've turned to ice, so I've been wearing warm gloves even inside the house. Also, I'll break out into a burning sweat that lasts about 45 min. Other than that, I feel like I'm doing OK. The best to all of you. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 8mg for two days is WONDERFUL! You are on the road. Watch out for roadkill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 My hands and feet were terribly cold, in fact I'd put my feet into buckets of hot water to try to warm from the stinging cold. I wore gloves in the house too, followed of course by the sweats. You're on your way, time to gather your strength for what comes next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 hi everyone- I've been on my 8mg. klonopin a day now for 2 days and of course, my 30 years of methadone 120mgs. daily dose. I've already felt some changes, which I'm working at adapting to. I have a supply coming on Friday of the klonopin, which eases my mind, but some physical things have come up. Occasionally my hands feel as if they've turned to ice, so I've been wearing warm gloves even inside the house. Also, I'll break out into a burning sweat that lasts about 45 min. Other than that, I feel like I'm doing OK. The best to all of you. red gibson Me too. Temperature regulation and blood circulation seem to be common wd symptoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 red gibson here to tell you that, so far, I'm doing OK on my schedule except this ringing in my ears is really buggin' me, along with occasional freezing hands and 45 min. of the sweats. Otherwise, I'm optimistic. I don't remember if I told you all that I went c/t from 8 10mg. valium a day about 6 years ago. I lasted 6 months and the was ready to almost break down, goin' nuts with anxiety and hallucinations. I had to go back to benzos. Now it was klonopin. If my methadone clinic knew I was taking that much, they probably would have either sent to a hospital or believe it or not, they might have turned me in to the LAW! For a MEDICAL condition! I've been walking on eggshells for so long it almost seems that's the way life was meant for me. But I know it's not. I WILL beat this thing, god willin'. I know everybody has great challenges in their lives. I know that all you guys have. At least, I don't feel so completely alone. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[st...] Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 No, Red, you are definately not alone in this journey. How long have you had tinnitus? Patty xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[we...] Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 As I write this note, my hands are freezing, and feet are sweating. As Patty mentioned, is the tinnitus a new symptom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Wellness- I'm sorry I don't have more time to write to you at the moment. I didn't have time to answer Patty, I'm really busy, but I have not had tinnitus to this extent. Thanks for your interest in my situation. Hope you're doing alright. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 red gibson reporting in- I have developed a worry about getting my script. I'll feel a lot better when it's in my hand. I've never worried about getting them as much as I have now. I'm 95% sure it'll be OK but there's that LITTLE chance things might fall thru. I'll "go on the hunt" for them somewhere. I still have 60 1 mg. tabs, but I might just have to c/t it for a little while. I feel less worried now just getting that iff my chest. All of you take of yourselves. I so much look forward to hearing anything from any of you. red Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I felt that way when I started my taper, too. My doctor had cut me off because he is a gigantic douche and I was as sick as a dog in ct. It turned out I had three scripts still at the pharmacy so I was able to rapidly taper at the beginning and have enough to get me through. I really feel for you- ct is death- I hope you are able to get them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 red gibson reporting in- I have developed a worry about getting my script. I'll feel a lot better when it's in my hand. I've never worried about getting them as much as I have now. I'm 95% sure it'll be OK but there's that LITTLE chance things might fall thru. I'll "go on the hunt" for them somewhere. I still have 60 1 mg. tabs, but I might just have to c/t it for a little while. I feel less worried now just getting that iff my chest. All of you take of yourselves. I so much look forward to hearing anything from any of you. red Do you need to find another doctor? It certainly would be best of you could avoid cold turkey. How is the tinnitus and tingling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hello, Missy- Thanks for your interest in my case. I may need to look for another M.D., but it's very hard to locate one that understands, or even WANTS to understand. They just want to shuffle you off to a "lockdown" rehab place, which I want to avoid at all costs. Do you know my history? I want to put up a profile, but due to "cog fog", as they say, I'm having trouble doing it. All my pertinent info is in the first letters I wrote at the beginning of this site. As for answering your question, the ringing in my ears comes and goes. At the moment, it's not really bothering me that much. I sorry I hafta go, I have a busy day. I hope all is OK with you. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I'm hoping you can get enough to safely taper. You are in my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hi Pam, Patty, BenzoT, Missy, Wellness, Beeper, Regaudio, Mike, eljay, and all- Tomorrow I should be able to get a supply, but I'm going to cut down to 6 mgs. per day because I'm now concerned about getting them so I can continue my gradual taper. I have about 50 left here and I've built up this paranoia about running out. Whew! I'm feeling really sensitive about things, good and bad. Last nite I looked at the stars for about an hour, 'cause it was a perfectly clear, cool nite, no moon. My wife and I were identifying constellations, and I was musing on the beauty of the nitetime starry sky. Wonderful. Another symptom that has come up is the fact that at times, after I wake up, the light hurts my eyes- pretty painful til I get used to it. Always looking forward to hearing anything from anybody. It really helps, and I thank you all so much. Maybe someday I can help somebody out myself. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[st...] Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hey guys- been a while.... Red, glad to read of your story- I had some pretty negative experiences of N.A. here too regarding support getting off these benzo's - might be good to have a chat - I'm currently abstinent from everything but these prescription meds, but I've made plenty of mistakes in the past.... and now I'm living alone and going through hell.... Peace, G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hi, Stereomarlowe- This BenzoBuddies thing is like it affects so many, many people it's really overwhelming. I tried to get some support thru N.A. but I just couldn't seem to relate to them. I don't like to say this, but the outfit seems almost like a cult, kinda sorta. Perhaps the problem was that I am currently on a methadone maintenance program ( I've been on maintenance for just about 30 years, at 120 mgs. daily dosage. I was at one time at 240 mgs. daily, plus 5 or 6 10 mg. valiums almost every day). I'm working my way down very slowly now from klonopin. I'm having some fairly harsh withdrawal symptoms, but my mind is made up. I'm ready to get completely off all drugs. but I can see that the benzos must go first. I couldn't get ANYBODY at N.A. to listen to my story, and it's hard for me to talk to people or even act straight unless I'm pretty much loaded. This has been my normal state for over 30 years! We may have a lot in common, I don't know. I just stumbled onto this BenzoBuddies thing last week. It's a little difficult for me to navigate because of cognitive fog. I've always surfed the net for obscure info and Youtube and such. I was looking around the web site here and saw that you showed an Edgar Allan Poe poem. My favorite Poe poem is called "Alone" From childhood's hour I have not been As others were. I have not seen As others saw. I could not bring My passions from a common spring Hope to hear from you. red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[st...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I found the N.A. thing very very cult-ish too, and I was too sick to talk, and they seemed to have strong opinions about psychiatric medicine. I am glad if it helps people, but there isn't really any anonymity there - many people drop out and talk, and I live in a small city. Also, the emphasis is strongly on NOT your specific drug story, but rather the step work and getting out of self pity, and at times that can be very hard - ie. during valium withdrawal! I got told to 'fake it to make it' and not analyse things - as look where my thinking had got me this far - and that seemed to me very scary - as if I had to totally disown my personality and any self esteem I still have, which is already at negative levels! I guess I'm not ready for it yet, if at all - very confused and vulnerable. Loved the poem Jim - most of my favorite art has been made by people who have experienced or portray the darker, and dichotomy of lighter aspects of life... oh, cog fog makes that sentence not really make sense... Hope to speak soon, and hope you get your scripts sorted out - if it IS a disease, surely it should be treated as such.... peace, G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[le...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hello Red Gibson, I have just read your posts, after having woken up and not being able to go back to sleep. I am 57, and an "accidental addict"...and am now closing in on 16 months benzo free. I admire what you are doing, especially after seeing where you have come from. I have 2 sons, ages 26 and almost 22... I am very, very concerned for both of them....but particularly my 21 year old, who began drinking beer (legally) on his last birthday and who seems now to not be able to deal with life or sleep unless he has some substance in his body (he uses marijuana to feel "normal"). When you described what you were like as a child, I could see my dear son in the same picture. I am so glad that you have a supportive wife (I, too, was a kindergarten teacher for a few years) and that your daughter is a huge motivation for you to get these drugs out of your system. I will be pulling for you, and following your story here. ~Leena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hi Red, I think you'll be okay going to 6 mgs a day, but try to hold that for at least a week before you taper any further, okay? Fear and worry are withdrawals symptoms as well as sensitivity to light and noise, so you're right on schedule in noticing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hey there, Pam- I may just find myself in a situation where I can't get any. I've almost always bought them on the underground market, and since I narrowed myself down to just 1 or 2 contacts, if they don't come thru, I'll be forced into c/t. I'm gonna need to stretch what I have til it's time to see my own M.D. again, who's a little uptight about letting himself be known as a "pill scrip doc". He knows that I'm on methadone maintenance, but he doesn't known the full story on my benzo scene. He would tell me to go to a "cookie cutter" rehab place, someting that is anathema to me. Thanks for thinkin' of me and if, I mean, when, I come out the other side of this tunnel of withdrawal, I'll be ready to live life free again, and I will, when possible, try to help others. Thanks again for your concern, red gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Red, I know you don't want rehab, but a medical detox might be necessary if you can't get more pills. They can safely detox you in a few days time, without all of the 12 step stuff. If worse comes to worse, I hope you'll choose life, rather than risk going cold turkey. I checked myself into the same rehab that got me off of alcohol 11 years before, but only hours after I entered, I left AMA. I realized that the 12 steps weren't going to help me when they only gave me two doses of Klonopin and said, okay you're done detoxing time to go to a meeting. I was pretty sick by then and knew I was in trouble. The good part was they gave me a script of Phenobarbital and that's what I used when I got home. You might need to think seriously about your next steps if you can't get any pills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Pam- If I miss a week at my methadone clinic, they will drop me, put at the end of a long waitng list, and I'll be on the street lookin' for heroin, plus any benzo I might be able to find . It's Catch-22, and I feel sometimes like there just may not be a way out for me. I'll feel so much better tonite when this benzo hunt will be over for a little while. My family doesn't have much money. What am I left to do but follow my instincts and pray for the best? red Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Be...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Red I don't know if you mentioned it or not but are you planning on tapering off the methadone once you get the benzos out of your system? It sounds like you are a slave to these drugs, as we all are, and that is no way to live. :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Re...] Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Benzo T- Yes, I'm planning to get completely clean, off all psychoactive dope. This is why I've come down from 240 mgs. of methadone per day to currently 120 mgs. per day. This took me two years, but I still could keep functioning. But this benzo thing has GOT to go first. My thinking is so much more clear now that I've reduced my klono dose to 6mgs/day, taking them on schedule. red Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pa...] Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I can see you're in a bad spot Red, I hope you can get what you need to taper. Good to see you on 6 mgs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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