Extremely short time users

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I seriously feel like one of the worst cases from the shortest of use and I don’t understand why I’ve been suffering 13 months from less than two weeks of pills. I tremendously regret the day this poison was prescribed to me as I lived a very happy, healthy life. I was grossly misinformed about this med and just thought it was a sleeping pill. It should have never been prescribed to me. I could have been given any other type of non-addictive sleep med.

 

I’m insanely sensitive to medication and suffered permanent damage from Saw Palmetto extract (herbal Finasteride) a decade ago so I’m assuming my CNS was compromised. Even a small dose of Viagra gave me flushing and made my heart race a few years ago.

 

Obviously it’s because I ignorantly CT’ed given my GP’s rapid taper schedule. I’ll never understand why I didn’t reinstate or goto the ER a few days after jumping  as my BP and heartrate were through the roof with zero hour sleep. I toughed it out which was arguably the dumbest thing I could have done.

 

I just can’t find any users in here with a similar story like mine. I seriously should have quit after the sixth day after I was awoken by heart palpitations.

 

I’m just really scared of my future and doctors are just diagnosing me as mentally ill when I had no prior physical or mental health issues. Now I can’t even exercise without horrific setbacks. I just don’t understand.

[Guest [so...]]

Pretty similar story for me although i was given the benzo (Valium) for muscle spasm prior to spinal surgery, only took it for 5-6 weeks at 2.5mg. The ignorant quacko told me it wouldn't be addictive at such a "low dose/short duration" and to just stop after the op, which i did only to have all hell break loose, i was then reinstated on a way too fast taper by the same ignorant quacko and it caused me to have a stroke. I'm also seriously sensitive to meds which this quacko knew and i'm so angry because like you there were many other meds that i could have been given instead of a benzo.

 

I'm now almost 18 months off and still suffering. I had a severe setback to an antibiotic at around 10 months off which i believe caused a significant reinjuring of my receptors as it was a penicillin (they act on gaba receptors) which again (the now new quacko) had no idea about. I had to produce my own evidence based research after the event in order to prove i was right. I'm unable to do any form of exercise as it just puts me in a brutal wave with burning legs and feet, plus anger and rage outbursts where it feels like a demon has taken over me. I can't work as i was a singer and the stroke knocked off part of my vocal chords although i'm lucky i can still speak, hell i feel i am lucky to be alive. Any kind of physical or mental stressors gives me a setback and basically any friends i had have "left the building" so to speak and as for my husband, well we are now seeing a counselor at more expense.

 

I don't for one minute believe that you are mentally ill, i've also been told that and it's just a load of BS from ill educated quackos that don't want to believe our experience of this evil poison. Like you i wish to god i had never taken this stuff. I was fit and well before this, i had a growth in my spine that once it was successfully removed i should have been back to my life in 3 months max, like you i had no prior mental health issues although i'm starting to think that the horror of this experience is likely to have caused some. I am beyond angry at these incompetent drs, i will never take any other pill as long as i live unless it is literally to save my life. The far reaching consequences of this evil crap have been awful and i believe that any dr that prescribes it should be de-registered.

 

I do believe we will eventually heal, i am mostly functional but i have to be very careful about what i do, i can't believe i am still like this at 18 months off, i thought i'd be healed after 6 months given it was supposedly "low dose/short duration" but the neurologist i saw in the hospital when i had the stroke said that NO dose of benzo is a "low" dose. I hope to now be "healed" by 3 years off, i hope your recovery will be sooner. Best wishes

SS

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Obviously it’s because I ignorantly CT’ed given my GP’s rapid taper schedule.

 

Again, you weren't on long so a CT could just as likely have helped you as hurt you.

 

I 100% believe you when you say that the benzo did this to you but it's probably pretty rare indeed to develop dependence within 10 days. So who is to say that had you tried to taper over weeks or months that it wouldn't have made the situation worse?

 

I tend to believe that once the adaptations have occurred in your body that many additional months or years on the drug doesn't have a huge impact on the severity of withdrawal, but in a case of someone being on for only 10 days I don't think you are going to find many people who would claim that you should have stretched that out any more than you had to.

 

 

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Obviously it’s because I ignorantly CT’ed given my GP’s rapid taper schedule.

 

Again, you weren't on long so a CT could just as likely have helped you as hurt you.

 

I 100% believe you when you say that the benzo did this to you but it's probably pretty rare indeed to develop dependence within 10 days. So who is to say that had you tried to taper over weeks or months that it wouldn't have made the situation worse?

 

I tend to believe that once the adaptations have occurred in your body that many additional months or years on the drug doesn't have a huge impact on the severity of withdrawal, but in a case of someone being on for only 10 days I don't think you are going to find many people who would claim that you should have stretched that out any more than you had to.

 

I clearly needed to micro taper from day one. Once I cut my dose in half all hell broke loose and I haven’t used an alarm clock in 13 months. This is all a nightmare when I thought I used these drugs responsibly.

 

Then again, I was persuaded to ask for Klonopin by the audiologist after I told her how Ambien made me hallucinate when I had the flu. I had no idea I was taking the equivalent of 10mg Valium which is what did me in.

 

Perhaps the simultaneous use of Augmentin and steroids, both of which affect GABA and glutamate, played a role, too.

[Guest [so...]]

I'm pretty sure the AB i took f**ked up my healing, because it felt like I'd gone back to the beginning and had to start again. Just can't believe that 6 weeks of low dose benzo could cause such a prolonged recovery.

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Hi RKO,

 

They thing we must keep in mind when devising a withdrawal plan or taper regimen is that dependency develops with greater exposure to the drug. So, if the taper plan is unreasonably long for the circumstances, you could make things worse for yourself than need be. So, given your short-term use, I think you did the best thing by getting off sooner rather than later. I understand and appreciate that you suffered significant withdrawal symptoms, but what might have happened if you had instead withdrawn over many months? We cannot know, but if you are the extreme end of rapid development of dependency, you would have been at great risk of developing a much more difficult dependency during your taper and might not have managed to complete the course.

 

There are too many unknowns in all of this. All we can do is take what seems the most sensible course of action for our particular situation. You did that. There is no point in trying to second guess now: there is every chance that you actually followed the best withdrawal regimen for your situation.

 

You have not been off for very long. At this stage, it is pretty common to still feel lousy. So, try to accept the situation and understand that things will improve, and in all likelihood, really quite soon. You will be OK - just try to get on with normal activities as best you can in the interim, as this can help with the psychological aspects of withdrawal.

 

Good luck to you.

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Hey, RKO, I saw your post on the Protracted board regarding your freaking out over a perceived "acute setback" from an epsom salt bath.  I'm replying on this thread instead as my thoughts are more chewing the fat-ish.

 

Having skimmed your post history, my sense is that there's likely a big psychological component at play, meaning your core general anxiety and, particularly, what appears to be some quite extreme health anxiety.

 

You mention you fought very hard to keep these traits at bay for many years, during which time you successfully carved out a very sweet life for yourself.   Then something came along to upset the apple cart, in this case an ear infection, and lo and behold, the anxiety monster reared its ugly head again setting in motion a domino effect of exaggerated fear-based reactions ... i.e. catastrophizing about the tinnitus/hearing loss being permanent ---> anxiety induced insomnia ---> becoming "distraught" and starting on klonopin again ---> freaking out over palpitations (possibly a side effect of either the antibiotic and/or the steroid and/or the klonopin) - "I nearly died" ---> depression ---> exercise avoidance --> alcohol avoidance --> lots of woe is me ruminating and blaming BB and doctors --> starting Zoloft --->  now freaking out over epsom salts ... and so goes the cycle ...

 

Because, also, as you know, no matter how many dozens of people have repeatedly mentioned that no one in their right mind would suggest a 6-12-24 (?!) month taper to someone who used 0.5mg K for ten days ... And no matter how many people have shared information with you regarding the fact that steroids are notorious for side effects (incl. palpitations and depression) as well as withdrawal symptoms (that's the reason it's a *taper* pack) ...  Still, 14 months later, it appears to have all fallen on deaf ears, you're still very stuck and fixated on "benzo withdrawal". 

 

I'm wondering if you've ever explored something along the lines of the Gupta or DNRS programs or other targeted couseling/coaching to help identify and change these negative/distorted thought patterns and teach you some lifelong anxiety management skills.  Because, as we all know only too well, life keeps coming at us, infections, illnesses, and all (yea, life can be a b*tch that way ), and you don't want to be living in fear of freaking out and falling apart each time something untoward hits.  One can be taught how to nip things in the bud and effectively tame the monster as opposed to continually poking him and unleashing his full cray cray.

 

Lastly, I'm really not sure why you've made a home for yourself in the Protracted section, it's by subscription only for good reason, you don't belong there and, honestly, I think it's very unhealthy for someone of your disposition to be reading horror stories of people suffering 3, 5, 15 years out. 

 

Just my two cents, ditch it if you don't think it applies.  Wish you good luck, RKO,

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Am I being unnecessarily hard on myself for not tapering over months because I was on Klonopin for less than two weeks? I keep beating myself up that I should have microtapered from day one and wouldn’t be suffering for over 15 months from the shortest of use. It utterly frustrates me that my doctor rapid tapered me because she didn’t want to deepen my dependency. I still don’t know why I was given Klonopin for short term insomnia to begin with. The medical establishment failed me yet I just blame myself over and over for not doing my homework.

 

I just want to sleep and exercise and have a beer. I simply had an acute sleep issue from a freaking ear infection and instead those tiny pills ruined a year and a half of my life.

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I was a short term user of Ativan. Looking back, I do believe that my body developed a physical tolerance within the first two weeks.  These medications are truly dangerous and it’s so frightening!

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Hi there. If it’s any consolation to you, there’s a buddy on here who DID do what you wished you had done.  She slowly tapered after short term use ...  apparently she is sensitive to the medication and over time,  she progressively became worse and worse.  Her worsening mental and physical state was clearly reflected in her posts. Last I heard, she is in a mental hospital and in a very bad place. And she wishes she had done what YOU had done ...  she wishes that she had simply stopped the medication early on and NOT tapered.

 

What Collin said in his post is correct ...  you simply cannot know what would’ve happened. If you are very sensitive to medication,  it’s highly possible that you would’ve made your situation worse.

 

Please stop the beating yourself up about the past. I think the majority of us carry immense regret about ever touching a benzo!  I know I do.  But unfortunately we cannot change the past and what’s done is done. Acceptance is key  to your peace of mind.  The good news is that you WILL heal ...  and many people share in their success stories that they come out better, stronger people!  This can be your story as well ....

 

 

 

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Hi there. If it’s any consolation to you, there’s a buddy on here who DID do what you wished you had done.  She slowly tapered after short term use ...  apparently she is sensitive to the medication and over time,  she progressively became worse and worse.  Her worsening mental and physical state was clearly reflected in her posts. Last I heard, she is in a mental hospital and in a very bad place. And she wishes she had done what YOU had done ...  she wishes that she had simply stopped the medication early on and NOT tapered.

 

What Collin said in his post is correct ...  you simply cannot know what would’ve happened. If you are very sensitive to medication,  it’s highly possible that you would’ve made your situation worse.

 

Please stop the beating yourself up about the past. I think the majority of us carry immense regret about ever touching a benzo!  I know I do.  But unfortunately we cannot change the past and what’s done is done. Acceptance is key  to your peace of mind.  The good news is that you WILL heal ...  and many people share in their success stories that they come out better, stronger people!  This can be your story as well ....

 

Hello,

Do you know what the Buddy was taking and for how long to cause such issues with the short term use and taper? Thanks so much.

[[Re...]]

Hi there. If it’s any consolation to you, there’s a buddy on here who DID do what you wished you had done.  She slowly tapered after short term use ...  apparently she is sensitive to the medication and over time,  she progressively became worse and worse.  Her worsening mental and physical state was clearly reflected in her posts. Last I heard, she is in a mental hospital and in a very bad place. And she wishes she had done what YOU had done ...  she wishes that she had simply stopped the medication early on and NOT tapered.

 

What Collin said in his post is correct ...  you simply cannot know what would’ve happened. If you are very sensitive to medication,  it’s highly possible that you would’ve made your situation worse.

 

Please stop the beating yourself up about the past. I think the majority of us carry immense regret about ever touching a benzo!  I know I do.  But unfortunately we cannot change the past and what’s done is done. Acceptance is key  to your peace of mind.  The good news is that you WILL heal ...  and many people share in their success stories that they come out better, stronger people!  This can be your story as well ....

 

Hello,

Do you know what the Buddy was taking and for how long to cause such issues with the short term use and taper? Thanks so much.

 

I think it may have been Ativan but I can’t be sure. You can search for her name: Anxiousmama