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Hello there... Very new to this... And very scared


[Si...]

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Hello there, just new to the forum and obviously I can't post my name but I'm hoping to find some advice and support regarding my benzo use, and hopefully in time when I'm stronger and have more knowledge I would like to do the same for others.

I'm UK based and have always suffered from anxiety and depression but fell into the trap of using valium and also alprazolam to help me through what was a traumatic period of my life.

This has perhaps went on for 8 months in total and to be honest I can't even say how much my dose has been because I honestly don't know..... I do know however that 10mg of valium (not prescribed) does very little to help so it must have been quite a bit as I didn't realise alprazolam was so strong (it's not prescribed by the Health Service in the UK).

Anyway sorry for the long intro but best of luck to everybody going through this nightmare 👍

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Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  By some estimates, 10 mgs valium equals about .5 mgs alprazolam, and they are very different feeling benzos.

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

 

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

 

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.  Chapter III contains excellent descriptions of common symptoms such as muscle issues, anxiety, and hyper-awareness

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Once again, welcome!

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You will get there.--))

I hope you will look at the tapering asap.

Most of us have had some really tough times and yet the BB club raises us up as we realise it was not our fault, and with help we can heal.

Keep posting, asking whatever is going on, especially if you are prone to depression.

Best wishes

Dickie

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Thanks for the replies folks, I'm sure I'll get there, it's just whatever dose I've been using for months has made a decent dent into my existing mental health, plus after reading some of the withdrawal symptoms in the manual I seem to be suffering from most of them to the point where I'm unable to work or function.

I didn't realise I'd become addicted...... I soon realised when I stopped for a few days..... I can honestly say it was the worst experience of my life. Thought I was having a mental 'episode'. To the point I didn't want to go on, even now I'm considering upping my dose as life is barely tolerable. This is maybe to be expected though, i just didn't think it would be so severe.

One scary part for me was speaking to the psychiatric nurses... Not only had they not heard of xanax, they're advice was to simply keep going and stay off them 😳.

Anyway, again sorry for the long post but thank you for your much welcomed support and hopefully I'll see you around on the forum. Thank you sincerely 😊😊

 

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Hi

I believe Xanax is 10 x stronger than diazepam

Sounds like you are in withdrawal.

Could you fill out you medication history in the signature part of the profile.? Any other prescribed or other meds might be causing havoc with your anxiety.

The nurse may not realise just how potent Xanax is, though it’s easy to look on the internet.

Depending on what you are taking others may be able to help too with ideas of tapering or just coping with the rapid withdrawal of your benzos

Best wishes

Dick

I hope you have read the Ashton manual— a lot of common sense in there.

D

 

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Hi, yes it's clear to me now I'm in withdrawal. I just didn't have enough respect for these tablets and being in the UK I had never heard of xanax (or alprazolam) myself. I had also been taking valium before I started the xanax which was the only one i HAD ever heard of.

Quite simply, in my desperation to function, work and get on with life all I have acheived is a far worse situation than I had in the first place, and far worse than I could ever have imagined really.

I'm trying to read the manual as best I can and I'm hoping to show it to the counsellor, but over here in the UK Xanax is a fairly new thing and it's surprising how little is known about it so I'm trying to switch to diazepam which is a thing i KNOW they will understand.

I will attempt to add the medication bit in my profile but I'm not very experienced with forums but I appreciate you pointing out that it may help.

Thank you again for the replies as at the moment I have pushed everybody away and don't have much support so it means a lot. More than you maybe know.

I hope you all have a good day and take care of yourselves ❤️

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Welcome SB..

Best wishes as you find your path... Hope too see you on the boards, you will get the hang of it in no time..

:)

 

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Thank you Cantfly, I'll be more of a 'lurker' at the moment on the boards id imagine as quite honestly I don't have the knowledge that most people will have on here so I'm in no position to advise anybody as its all new and confusing to me. All I can really do is offer words of encouragement.

I'm so glad I found you all though as, although I wouldn't wish this on anybody, there's comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

Very nice to meet you and yes hopefully when I gain confidence I'll see you on the boards. Thank you 😁😁

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SB,

 

Being a Lurker is good.  Many of us had no knowledge of benzos when we found this forum.  You will learn.

 

Here to support you.

 

SaraSue  :smitten:

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Thank you Cantfly, I'll be more of a 'lurker' at the moment on the boards id imagine as quite honestly I don't have the knowledge that most people will have on here so I'm in no position to advise anybody as its all new and confusing to me. All I can really do is offer words of encouragement.

I'm so glad I found you all though as, although I wouldn't wish this on anybody, there's comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

Very nice to meet you and yes hopefully when I gain confidence I'll see you on the boards. Thank you 😁😁

I understand... We are all so different that encouragement is probs worth far more than advice around here..!! -If that came out right..

-Just dont hesitate to ask, if you have questions, etc...

:)

 

 

 

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Hi again

Thanks for filling in your signature

Am concerned you might be using Xanax still??

It is so strong I think its difficult to know how much diazepam you need to get steady.

The common wisdom is to get to just diazepam and then use a constant amount on a regular basis until you can face the idea of taper.

In tapering a lot of us on diazepam take it twice or three times a day, which eases some of BW-benzo withdrawal.

Well done in being determined, and yes posts of support for others is what we all need.

Giving out often helps our own pain.

No one has mentioned alcohol, but please try to avoid it as it delays recovery of your Gaba system.

Yours

Dickie

 

 

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Thank you Cantfly, I'll be more of a 'lurker' at the moment on the boards id imagine as quite honestly I don't have the knowledge that most people will have on here so I'm in no position to advise anybody as its all new and confusing to me. All I can really do is offer words of encouragement.

I'm so glad I found you all though as, although I wouldn't wish this on anybody, there's comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

Very nice to meet you and yes hopefully when I gain confidence I'll see you on the boards. Thank you 😁😁

You don't worry about having knowledge right now, most of us came here clueless  :)..ask questions, go to the homepage and scroll through the topics, read the Ashton manual, ask more questions , there are more ways to taper than people realize, so reading will help you find the one that feels right to you.  We will be here as someone was here for us.  Mary 💜🙏☮️

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Hi again

Thanks for filling in your signature

Am concerned you might be using Xanax still??

It is so strong I think its difficult to know how much diazepam you need to get steady.

The common wisdom is to get to just diazepam and then use a constant amount on a regular basis until you can face the idea of taper.

In tapering a lot of us on diazepam take it twice or three times a day, which eases some of BW-benzo withdrawal.

Well done in being determined, and yes posts of support for others is what we all need.

Giving out often helps our own pain.

No one has mentioned alcohol, but please try to avoid it as it delays recovery of your Gaba system.

Yours

Dickie

 

Hi, not sure if I've attached this properly, probably not so I apologise.

It was only yesterday I decided to switch to diazepam from alprazolam so haven't had any alprazolam since then, but yeah im trying to find a level of diazepam I feel comfortable with.... Unfortunately this means I may have to try 20mg x 3 a day which is an absolute shock to me, i didn't realise how strong alprazolam really was, I know i should have but desperation deprived me of my common sense for a while and I find myself where I am.

Alcohol isn't a problem as I don't drink and I'm unable to socialise or pretty much do much of anything at the moment, so jittery and confused that even watching TV is beyond me 😔.

Thank you for your reply, sorry if I've not answered any points you made, my thoughts and concentration are very fuzzy at present.

 

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Silly Boy,

 

DO NOT take 20 MGS of Valium, three times a day, you will be a walking zombie and yes you abused and have tolerance to high doses of medication but 60 MGS of Valium will make you a sleeping zombie and you will fall deeper into isolation and depression. Xanax and all the newer benzo are so potent and have so many other side effects too, stick to Valium (IMO) if possible however if possible try to take the "majority" of it during bedtime, and if needed take smaller doses throughout the daytime because it has a VERY long half life and as you eventually stabilize on the medication throughout your bloodstream and your current "unbearable" symptoms start to subside then you can start to slowly gain confidence and start your taper, but according to your signature you abused and multi-drugged Benzo at same time, bad mistake however not impossible to recover from, you will be OK, always remember that.

 

Dick seems to be a retired physician so legit might know more than the rest of us but he also is battling this nasty drug too......but from personal experience try to take the majority of your daily dose at bedtime if possible and little as possible during the day unless absolutely needed if you choose the Valium route. Because if you just sit in your house sedated all day then that will ten-fold your anxiety and hyper stimulation that your poor CNS is going through at this current moment.

 

But good luck!!!

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REMEMBER......Yeah the Rains gonna fall on us all, Our hearts are going break sometimes, But there's no way around this, life's full of mountains, You're just going to have to climb, but there ain't no crime in crying, we just gotta keep on trying, So remember, no matter what Benzo we're going through.........TOUGH TIMES DON'T LAST......TOUGH PEOPLE DO!!!!!!
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Silly Boy,

 

DO NOT take 20 MGS of Valium, three times a day, you will be a walking zombie and yes you abused and have tolerance to high doses of medication but 60 MGS of Valium will make you a sleeping zombie and you will fall deeper into isolation and depression. Xanax and all the newer benzo are so potent and have so many other side effects too, stick to Valium (IMO) if possible however if possible try to take the "majority" of it during bedtime, and if needed take smaller doses throughout the daytime because it has a VERY long half life and as you eventually stabilize on the medication throughout your bloodstream and your current "unbearable" symptoms start to subside then you can start to slowly gain confidence and start your taper, but according to your signature you abused and multi-drugged Benzo at same time, bad mistake however not impossible to recover from, you will be OK, always remember that.

 

Dick seems to be a retired physician so legit might know more than the rest of us but he also is battling this nasty drug too......but from personal experience try to take the majority of your daily dose at bedtime if possible and little as possible during the day unless absolutely needed if you choose the Valium route. Because if you just sit in your house sedated all day then that will ten-fold your anxiety and hyper stimulation that your poor CNS is going through at this current moment.

 

But good luck!!!

 

Thank you for pointing that out as I was about to do just that, I really appreciate that advice.

Just so desperate to enjoy the simple things in life again, I suppose its kind of like being a drowning man, im not thinking straight and will grab onto anything at the moment to try and stay afloat.

The advice about the nighttime dose is a very good idea as sleep is invaluable really isn't it.

I'll perhaps stick with the 10mg diazepam through the day, grit my teeth and just try get myself out there.

Honestly, thank you as I'm completely lost so advice like this is worth it's weight in gold to me at the moment.

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HI

I am retired and uninsured SB as Nick knows and is right to highlight that.

Now we know what dose of Xanax you take its easier to help. You say you need 60 mg of diazepam a day. According to NICE UK guidelines that is the max dose.

BUT I cannot legally endorse that and would not as I have no insurance.

Nick is quite right that 20mg three times a day is going to make you pretty drowsy AND DEHYDRATES.

You talk about trying ten mg as and when and a larger dose at night. Likewise my own insured doc has suggested taking a smaller amounts by day  and a "decent" dose at night. So for me its has been 7.5, 2.5 and 5mg as I have a night sedative (pregabalin.)

I am sorry its not straightforward.

The person prescribing for you is the one who must take responsibility but I think there has been great advice from Nick and others

Dickie

 

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HI

I am retired and uninsured SB as Nick knows and is right to highlight that.

Now we know what dose of Xanax you take its easier to help. You say you need 60 mg of diazepam a day. According to NICE UK guidelines that is the max dose.

BUT I cannot legally endorse that and would not as I have no insurance.

Nick is quite right that 20mg three times a day is going to make you pretty drowsy AND DEHYDRATES.

You talk about trying ten mg as and when and a larger dose at night. Likewise my own insured doc has suggested taking a smaller amounts by day  and a "decent" dose at night. So for me its has been 7.5, 2.5 and 5mg as I have a night sedative (pregabalin.)

I am sorry its not straightforward.

The person prescribing for you is the one who must take responsibility but I think there has been great advice from Nick and others

Dickie

Hi fortylongyears, nice to speak to you. My problem is that being from the UK benzos are very rarely prescribed, certainly the ones I was taking were not prescribed.

Let's just say they were procured through other means, I am ashamed of that and really have no excuse, but before I started using them and due to events in my life I turned to them in an attempt to literally pick myself up from the floor due to my anxiety and depression and continue to work and live my life. This was not a doctors fault, I take full responsibility as I chose it. Nobody else to blame but my self.

I wouldn't say i 'need' 60mg a day, that's just my current confused state talking as I'm desperate to feel a degree of calmness and normality.

But you are quite right and deep down I know this so I thank you for your advice.

It will be a long road but I got myself into it so I will have to learn how to get myself out of it, and I will.

It concerns me but that the 2 'professionals' I have spoken to in the UK told me that when I was going CT just to "Carry on with it"..... Its no exaggeration to say I had made real plans to end my suffering before I realised what was happening.

How many other poor souls have been left to go through that and perhaps didn't make it?? Its honestly heartbreaking as although my own suffering is self inflicted and I accept that, other peoples is through no fault of their own and hopefully through people more educated like yourself I can gain knowledge to maybe help someone in future.

Thank you again.

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Sillyboy, I am sorry but I am confused, you were taking valium and xanax at the same time and you want to make it all Valium.  You can't do that all at once, you have to slowly transfer that xanax over a little at a time or you are going to have terrible withdrawals.  Valium is a different benzo than xanax and you may not have to do a full crossover, hold for a while as you see how your body reacts.  Once you see your withdrawal symptoms are tolerable, then you can start tapering.  But please don't just drop the xanax. 

Let's hope some more people come on and post who have experience with higher dosages.  Have you read the Ashton Manual?  Mary 💜🙏☮️💜🙏☮️

 

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Sillyboy, I am sorry but I am confused, you were taking valium and xanax at the same time and you want to make it all Valium.  You can't do that all at once, you have to slowly transfer that xanax over a little at a time or you are going to have terrible withdrawals.  Valium is a different benzo than xanax and you may not have to do a full crossover, hold for a while as you see how your body reacts.  Once you see your withdrawal symptoms are tolerable, then you can start tapering.  But please don't just drop the xanax. 

Let's hope some more people come on and post who have experience with higher dosages.  Have you read the Ashton Manual?  Mary 💜🙏☮️💜🙏☮️

 

Hi thanks for replying, I'll be honest I didn't have any idea about what I now know is called 'crossing over' from xanax to valium. Sorry if you're confused, I am too if I'm honest. I honestly knew nothing about benzos before I started self medicating with them, and to be honest I still don't.

Originally months ago when I started taking them I started with valium as at least I knew what that was, id never heard of xanax as its not well known in the UK at all.

The several months since I started are very hazy and a bit of a blur but at some point I decided to give xanax a go, and again it done the trick, like the valium, I was able to function, work and live my life. I think I've made it sound like I was taking them both at the exact same time, my apologies, I started with valium, for some reason switched to xanax, and now I've went back to valium in the last couple of days.

Again ill say at the time I didn't respect what these tablets were capable of, both valium and xanax, but I certainly do now.

First to admit I'm completely new to, and uneducated on, the whole subject and after looking through some of the posts I have a lot to learn as I struggle to understand.

I have tried to look at the Ashton manual which is another thing I have only just found out about, but I'll admit I haven't got far into it yet. Just the chapter that explains what happens to your GABA receptors and so on.

I think I'd actually find it interesting reading normally, if my brain wasn't so clouded and my heart didn't feel like a sledgehammer to the chest.

But thank you for the advice about the cross-over. Again I'm sorry if I come across as an idiot, I've got an appointment on the 30th April with some kind of drugs counsellor but for a month and a half I've pretty much been on my own with this while I wait for it and I don't know anybody else who is going through it. This is why I'm glad I found this group, it's the first genuine advice I've had from people who understand and believe me I am very grateful for it as I find being alone with this very scary so thank you to each of you 👏

 

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Sillyboy, I am sorry but I am confused, you were taking valium and xanax at the same time and you want to make it all Valium.  You can't do that all at once, you have to slowly transfer that xanax over a little at a time or you are going to have terrible withdrawals.  Valium is a different benzo than xanax and you may not have to do a full crossover, hold for a while as you see how your body reacts.  Once you see your withdrawal symptoms are tolerable, then you can start tapering.  But please don't just drop the xanax. 

Let's hope some more people come on and post who have experience with higher dosages.  Have you read the Ashton Manual?  Mary 💜🙏☮️💜🙏☮️

 

Hi thanks for replying, I'll be honest I didn't have any idea about what I now know is called 'crossing over' from xanax to valium. Sorry if you're confused, I am too if I'm honest. I honestly knew nothing about benzos before I started self medicating with them, and to be honest I still don't.

Originally months ago when I started taking them I started with valium as at least I knew what that was, id never heard of xanax as its not well known in the UK at all.

The several months since I started are very hazy and a bit of a blur but at some point I decided to give xanax a go, and again it done the trick, like the valium, I was able to function, work and live my life.

Again ill say at the time I didn't respect what these tablets were capable of, both valium and xanax, but I certainly do now.

First to admit I'm completely new to, and uneducated on, the whole subject and after looking through some of the posts I have a lot to learn as I struggle to understand.

I have tried to look at the Ashton manual which is another thing I have only just found out about, but I'll admit I haven't got far into it yet. Just the chapter that explains what happens to your GABA receptors and so on.

I think I'd actually find it interesting reading normally, if my brain wasn't so clouded and my heart didn't feel like a sledgehammer to the chest.

But thank you for the advice about the cross-over. Again I'm sorry if I come across as an idiot, I've got an appointment on the 30th April with some kind of drugs counsellor but for a month and a half I've pretty much been on my own with this while I wait for it and I don't know anybody else who is going through it. This is why I'm glad I found this group, it's the first genuine advice I've had from people who understand and believe me I am very grateful for it as I find being alone with this very scary so thank you to each of you 👏

 

I totally understand, I had never found  this group when I started trying to taper off xanax.  Screwed up time after time, finally found the Ashton Manual and it gave me a start.  Crossing over is explained very well in there, so keep reading and don't be afraid to ask questions, but I really believe that is where you need to start.....also, the HomePage has many threads on all things Withdrawal, you just scroll down and read in the support groups, there is one for Valium with incredibly knowledgeable people, that's a great place to read.  But we need you to study the crossing over.  You can't just drop a benzo without problems.  So start there and then read the whole Ashton Manual.  It gives you equivalents of this much xanax equals this much Valium.  I know it's hard to take it all in but a lot of it is pretty simple and ask questions. 

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Mary gives excellent advice. I think if you have some Xanax left you could change over slowly as In Chapter on withdrawal``` schedule two gives you the switch over technique. I know it's confusing and you are tired but stay safe and keep that appointment. You have had an unfortunate time but as Mary says stopping Xanax immediately can be painful.

Best wishes

dick

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Silly Boy, I may be wrong in saying this but from observation and your posts on here it honestly sounds like you were not prescribed any Xanax at all and obtained it "other-ways" so with that being said, the past is the past, but if you were on a prescription of Xanax and used it for say weeks at a time then switched over to valium then yes I would defitinely concur and to cross over slowly to valium via the Ashton recommendation HOWEVER if you only obtained a few Xanax pills on the streets and just used them for a week but mainly used valium then no I do not suggest in my non professional opinion to cross over slowly with your Valium and Xanax together etc...

 

I would honestly just stick to the Valium if that was your "prescribed" Benzo however you just took Xanax for the kicks it gave and obtained not much of it and just abused it for daily life to work and function.

 

Mary offers great advice however truthfully Silly Boy we do not know your history or how long on each of the benzo you were taking, I think it would be very counter productive and hurt your CNS to take both X and V at the same time if you did not take Xanax for a long duration and are currently only using Valium at this current moment. I am also not posting this to confuse you and debate other members either just we do not know how long you started taking Xanax and how long ago you stopped taking Xanax and started back to Valium by itself etc...

 

Hope that wasn't confusing lol

 

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Silly Boy, I may be wrong in saying this but from observation and your posts on here it honestly sounds like you were not prescribed any Xanax at all and obtained it "other-ways" so with that being said, the past is the past, but if you were on a prescription of Xanax and used it for say weeks at a time then switched over to valium then yes I would defitinely concur and to cross over slowly to valium via the Ashton recommendation HOWEVER if you only obtained a few Xanax pills on the streets and just used them for a week but mainly used valium then no I do not suggest in my non professional opinion to cross over slowly with your Valium and Xanax together etc...

 

I would honestly just stick to the Valium if that was your "prescribed" Benzo however you just took Xanax for the kicks it gave and obtained not much of it and just abused it for daily life to work and function.

 

Mary offers great advice however truthfully Silly Boy we do not know your history or how long on each of the benzo you were taking, I think it would be very counter productive and hurt your CNS to take both X and V at the same time if you did not take Xanax for a long duration and are currently only using Valium at this current moment. I am also not posting this to confuse you and debate other members either just we do not know how long you started taking Xanax and how long ago you stopped taking Xanax and started back to Valium by itself etc...

 

Hope that wasn't confusing lol

I totally agree :thumbsup:

But I'm confused  :laugh:  just kidding.. Nick is right, if you didn't use much, you don't need to cross over, but somehow I got the impression you were using quite a bit.

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