Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[Guest [Ai...]]

My sincerest thanks to all of you for your reassuring welcomes and advice - Lori, Julia, Diannedeedee, Baddove...and also to Seasalt (actually the first to reply - with great compassion - to my first plea for help on the Xanax Club thread).

 

I haven't yet gone back through this thread and read all the posts, though I know it will be valuable - and often essential -  information to me. I'm still  rather in dread of facing how long and difficult my path to freedom from xanax is going to be - but I know I've finally found the path and the people I need to follow.

 

(btw, I use "xanax" with a lower-case "x" because evil doesn't deserve a capital letter and "alprazolam" is twice as long to type - I appreciate seeing I'm not alone in this practice! )

 

Julia, thank you for the additional advice about finding a psychiatric nurse practitioner - I just called my advantage plan, and as usual, their website is not up to date, but they were able to give the names of three in my area over the phone. I already feel a lot calmer about potentially having the local support and enough xanax to make it through the taper.

 

Baddove, I appreciate so much you showing me how much worse it could be for me - but at the same time I'm so profoundly sorry that you ended up at such a very high level - my heart aches for you, and I wish you all the luck and strength in the world in your tapers! You also made me feel lucky that I couldn't tolerate seroquel and thus don't have yet another drug to struggle with. It was just on April 7th that I wrote the following in my journal after taking one of the seroquel prescribed by my current regular NP:  "Seroquel caused sudden and terrifying sleep, near paralysis, stupor, weakness" - I was too terrified to ever take a second pill.

 

I slept a longer time last night after reading your first replies, so that's good for healing, I think. But I still feel pretty awful today, but I'm going outside into the sunshine at last (it's been rainy and cold for days), do some essential shopping, and come back and work (as much as I can, which may not be much) on the garden shed for which I bought the materials so very long ago but never felt the stamina to finish. But a little each day, and I'll eventually have a new garden shed - a focus, a diversion, and exercise.

 

A few years ago, I read Claire Weekes' book with some emotional discomfort - and with all due respect to the incredible Heather Ashton, it seems that Claire Weekes' approach is one to embrace in our case. The Ashton recognition and declaration of the benzo problem was monumental, but sadly her solution is a "one trick pony" and that trick is only valium, which seems not to be a choice for several of us here. (Certainly not for me! This is the only thread where I've found such support in that regard.)

 

Again, my thanks and blessings to all. I'll surely be back with a litany of questions and appeals for advice...but I've finally found a home where I am determined to get my life back.

 

 

Dave

 

[[Di...]]

Hi Dave glad you got better sleep last night.  I always welcome sleep because I sleep well it's just the morning anxiety I dread.

I also tried to read one of Claire Weeks books and it disturbed me I know she has helped a lot of others though.

Enjoy the sunshine today I'm out in it also.

[[ba...]]

Dianne, Dave and anyone else stuck or afraid to taper or just wanting to read a long post.

 

I hit a wall as well, and I hit it hard. Was stuck for months, kept trying to taper, but the effects overwhelmed me. I hated the dose I was at, but got stuck. This is not unusual.

 

After talking to my medical team, I was advised to forget about tapering, and set 3 significant behavioral goals to work on. Things that really scare me. So I did. Additionally, they told me the meds and tapering would NEVER bring me the peace and relief I so desperately wanted. Psych meds are never the solution, they help, but it is what we do, and how we think about it, and what behaviors we do and ever expanding our options of coping tools that are the real "Medicine."

 

For me, it was:

 

1. Going out no matter how I felt (migraines and vertigo were exceptions) Even just to walk around the woods, anything. If I had a panic attack, wonderful! If I was sweating, shaking and stuttering in public, awesome! I went into at least 1 enclosed space each time. I talked to someone each time, even a 6 foot distance shout of "How's it going!"

 

It got easier and easier and easier. I lost my terror of looking the fool, it didn't matter if I did. I stuttered, so what. If I had air hunger, dizziness, or my vision turned upside down I just sat and closed my eyes and breathed quietly for an hour on a bench and became the bench.  (Claire Weeks teaching, FYI got me able to be the bench)

 

The symptoms did not decrease, but my fear and shame of them did. And I was in control, not my wobbly, anxious, self conscious self with parasthesia and  rocks in my chest. And soon, I lost most of my anxiety every time I went out, going out started to make me feel better.

 

At the same time, I engaged in exercise again. Was always an avid athlete, but got lazy during the covid lockdown. Started again.  On low energy days, it was Yin and relaxing yoga, on more energetic days, a hard 1 hour at the gym, and weather permitting, a 10 mile bike ride. I did fall short here. I am not exercising every day, but about every 3 days.  Dancing all over your home counts as exercise, as does vigorous chores. If I feel glued to my chair, I let myself experience the feeling for about 10 minutes, just let it be there, no fighting it, just saying, "Sup, you sure like to hang around a lot. Later.", then get up and vacuuming, or wash a window, or something.

 

And finally the really big scary monster. Making appointments and keeping them. NOT freaking out that I would be in a panic wave, no cancelling. Have since finally started taking care of much needed medical issues, as well as practical things.

 

Then Lori gave me a tough love talk, and I cut.

 

If I get stuck indoors for 3 days, I have to push a little harder to get started again. I micro cut, just like Tol described, a very small percentage. I do 3 doses. First I cut number 3, then number 1, and have left number 2 alone for now. I stopped my destabilizing habits like bumping doses. Went from 9Mg's+ to 8.5 in about 2 months.  I have cheated a few times. I do not berate myself, this is HARD. Pick up, start again.

 

Then I started to taper my other poison med, seroquel. I am holding for now, had a really rough wave and set back, my body is not ready for another xanasss (on purpose) cut. So, I cut 25 mgs from  the seroquel last night. I still really struggle with symptoms, but I am moving.

 

I am still adapting. Some days, ooooooooooooooooooooo, the wave, others, better. Today was a really bad wave 2 hours into dose 1. So I went to the gym and worked as hard as I could for an hour, soaking with sweat.

 

This has been a very long post, but here are the highlights:

1. Work on your behavior, whatever you hold back on for a while, it really brings down the fear, panic and shame.

2. Ask Lori to give you a good "talking to," if your still stuck.

3. Accept it's going to hurt. Don't expect it to feel good. Plan on some very intense days and MAKE A PLAN to cope.

 

And finally, your OK. Your perfect as you are now. Your value has nothing to do with your benzo illness or tapering. Nothing. You are light, love and beauty just as you are now.  Really really get that. Repeat it. write it on your arm. Do not let this illness take away your sense of worth and value. It has nothing to do with the wonderful creation of greatness you are.

 

[[Di...]]

Baddove thank you ❤

I read Lori's pep talk she sent you it was good!  She is so knowledgeable!

[[to...]]

Hi Dianedeedee,

Lady, I went back and read some of your posts.  You have really had a rough time - it is my belief that your cuts have been way too big from the beginning of your taper, one was 16% and another was 20% and I did not check the exact percentage on the others because I was astounded that you had a doctor that had you make those cuts and then to change you from xanax to ativan and not even give you the correct equivalent dosage is insane!  Do not even get me started on the pharmacist issue you had - uggg!  I am so sorry you have had such a time.

Anyway - I think that your cuts from the beginning of your taper have been way too high and I think your brain/cns is just having a hard time catching up to those cuts.  Give yourself a break - you have done amazing especially with the cuts you made.  At this point, I would either hold for another month and give your brain and CNS time to catch up or make the absolute smallest cuts you can make.  It has taken me 27 months to go from 3.5 mg to .5625 mg and it has been hard and I wanted to be done with this nightmare by now but a few more months will not matter one way or the other.  As long as I am doing this safely and in such a way that I am healing as I go, I accept it will take as long as it takes.  I do get impatient and frustrated but I can do this and will do this and I know you can too.  We are strong people to be able to taper from these horrible drugs.

 

One more thing - dosing 4 times a day is the only way I can do this - it makes it easier since I get more of a steady stream of xanax in my system and that does help with WD.  You may want to consider that too.

 

Be  kind to yourself, you deserve it! 

 

Love,

Julia 

[[to...]]

Ailuron,

 

Julia, thank you for the additional advice about finding a psychiatric nurse practitioner - I just called my advantage plan, and as usual, their website is not up to date, but they were able to give the names of three in my area over the phone. I already feel a lot calmer about potentially having the local support and enough xanax to make it through the taper.

 

Hi Dave,

I am so glad you got the names of psychiatric nurse practitioner's in your area!  I am glad you feel calmer.  I know when I found someone to help me, it took so much anxiety away.  I knew the first time I talked to her that I would be able to get the meds I needed to finish my taper.  That was a great weight lifted off my shoulders.  She also has been supportive and lets me go at my pace not hers. 

 

I am glad you slept better.  That helps alot too.

 

Take care.

Julia

[[to...]]

Julia thank you so much. 

 

My pleasure!  You are welcome!  We are here for each other!

:smitten:

[[Di...]]

Hi Dianedeedee,

Lady, I went back and read some of your posts.  You have really had a rough time - it is my belief that your cuts have been way too big from the beginning of your taper, one was 16% and another was 20% and I did not check the exact percentage on the others because I was astounded that you had a doctor that had you make those cuts and then to change you from xanax to ativan and not even give you the correct equivalent dosage is insane!  Do not even get me started on the pharmacist issue you had - uggg!  I am so sorry you have had such a time.

Anyway - I think that your cuts from the beginning of your taper have been way too high and I think your brain/cns is just having a hard time catching up to those cuts.  Give yourself a break - you have done amazing especially with the cuts you made.  At this point, I would either hold for another month and give your brain and CNS time to catch up or make the absolute smallest cuts you can make.  It has taken me 27 months to go from 3.5 mg to .5625 mg and it has been hard and I wanted to be done with this nightmare by now but a few more months will not matter one way or the other.  As long as I am doing this safely and in such a way that I am healing as I go, I accept it will take as long as it takes.  I do get impatient and frustrated but I can do this and will do this and I know you can too.  We are strong people to be able to taper from these horrible drugs.

 

One more thing - dosing 4 times a day is the only way I can do this - it makes it easier since I get more of a steady stream of xanax in my system and that does help with WD.  You may want to consider that too.

 

Be  kind to yourself, you deserve it! 

 

Love,

Julia 

 

Julia yes the Dr wanted me to go even faster!  But then when she realized I couldn't she backed off.  I do dose 4xs a day, 3 equal doses am, noon, late afternoon and then a larger dose at night.  When I asked to go to the liquid last Nov she first wanted to switch me to a longer half life med, wasn't Diazepam think it was clonazepam, but by then I knew enough from reading BBs that I didn't trust her to do that especially with how she did me on the Xanax and BP med.  She is horrible with the math on figuring out liquid dosage so whatever she writes the script I just ignore and use Badsocref's calculations he worked up for me.  Sad thing when your Dr doesn't have a clue but at least I finally figured her out.

Thank you for all the encouragement.   

[[to...]]

I'm so glad you figured out what to do for yourself and not listen to the doctor. For some reason they sure know how to prescribe this horrible med but don't know how to help us get off it.

Sound's like you've got this! 😊 I'm also glad you tried dosing 4 x a day. It's the only way I can do this. It's the way I've always dosed.

Take care.

Hugs,

Julia

[[to...]]

Hey Seasalt, just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing?

I'm still hanging in there.

Hugs,

Julia

[[Di...]]

Hugs Julia!

 

[[se...]]

Hello Julie (and everyone else)!

 

I dosed down today, but I have to say I am really feeling my cuts at the moment.  I have been suffering with severe muscle and joint pain (maybe it is my thyroid) I don't know.  I can say that my anxiety has been getting me at night and early morning.  With all that said, I am still doing good.

 

How is everyone else?  Did you try dosing down weekly vs monthly Julia?  If so, how are you doing?

[[Di...]]

Seasalt good to hear you were able to dose down I'm so sorry about your pain and the anxiety.  You are going to get to the end very soon.

If my anxiety would leave I'd sure feel alot better...

Sending you hugs!

[[Lo...]]

Hello All!

 

Holy cow, that was a lot to read!  LOL!  Look at this group all chatty!   

 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone... but trust me, I'm still learning as I go just like the rest of you.  I just happen to be "going" a lot longer than most.  LOL... not necessarily an honor. 

 

I went for my thyroid ultrasound this morning.  Fortuntely with almost zero anxiety.  How odd that I have almost no anxiousness but did for the last five years at 4-6 milligrams (tolerance and interdose withdrawl) and I most certainly did during the first 2 years of my taper.  You honestly can't make this stuff up! 

 

Low and behold I have at least 3 nodules on my thyroid. The radiologist said that my thyroid, alone, is not inflamed much but that the nodules could be attributed to my thyroid symptoms.  I guess I'll find out more next Monday when I see the endrocrinologist.  Will keep you (especially SeaSalt) posted next week.

 

Here's an interesting new development.  I'm sleeping like crazy!  I might get about 5-6.5 hours per night, but suddenly I'm taking 2 hour naps!  This has been going on for several weeks now.  I can't make sense of it. For over 2 years of this taper my sleep was absolutely terrible! For the first year insomnia was my worst symptom!  Thyroid issues could cause tiredness/fatigue but I don't have a diagnosis on that just yet.  Nevertheless, I'll take it for now since I do feel better when I get enough sleep.  I'm honestly contemplating another reduction since my body doesn't seem to have a problem with the last one.  In fact, there's no change at all.  I guess I'll mull that over tonight. 

 

For all having problems with your latest reduction, hang in there.  There were so many times that a cut hit me hard only for the next one to not be noticeable.  There's simply no set course/path for this (other than percentages)  In my experience, each cut has been a crap shoot.  The ONLY constant for me has been to slow down if it becomes so severe that I can't do even the simplest of tasks, and to keep going if it's tolerable.  Not the most encouraging thing to say but it's been my reality.  I guess I'm so accustomed to not feeling "well" or "myself" that it no longer affects me the way it did early on.  Translated, I'm not "afraid" of it anymore.  There's that acceptance again. .... But trust me, I still have days when I think to myself, "This is so unfair!"

 

Okay, off to whip up something for dinner because if I don't cook, this family doesn't eat!!!  Don't get me started on that! 

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[gi...]]

Hello, everyone, and a special thanks to Lori for this thread and her warm invitation to join - finally someone else who has been at the unbelievable max of 6mg of xanax like I was!

 

So I'm another long-hauler xanax victim, my "pushers" having been my own PCP, who started me at 4mg of xanax per day (yeah, I know... ) almost 2 decades ago, and a psychiatrist (who turned out to be a "specialist in drug management") whom he referred me to, who jacked up my dosage to 6mg of xanax a day (again, I know... ).

 

Don't know exactly how to start except to introduce myself with a summary background of my descent into the xanax trap. All this painful past is surging back these days, now that I'm retired and have no job and no companion (except my little furry bro who you see as my icon) to distract me from all the traumatic memories that fill my days and the bad dreams that disturb my nights.

 

First, I'm feeling extra anxious lately about my tapering off this xanax crap...which sounds like some stupid conundrum when I write it out. I've got quite a lot of xanax stockpiled (b/c I never took as much as the doctor - now retired - prescribed), but now, no doctor in this town will prescribe xanax anymore if I run out before I can finish this taper.

 

My xanax story begins nearly two decades ago, when I had had no experience with any benzo whatsoever before my PCP suddenly said that I needed to take xanax to get a handle on my unstable emotions, especially anxiety, mentioning that I was exceptionally hypersensitive, overly fretful, and neurotic (yes, he actually told me I was "neurotic" - guess that's better than "psychotic"?

 

[...]

Dave

 

Welcome Dave! I’m kind of a newbie but this thread is great and it helps to not feel alone in this! I used to take clonopin and was up to 3-4 mg a day (as prescribed) and I asked to switch to Xanax not really knowing much aside from general half life info. I tapered down from 2mg to 1mg (pretty rapidly over 6 months, since my dr left an I was terrified the new dr wouldn’t continue to write my prescription). That was way too fast BUT I am holding at 1mg for a while and the awful w/d symptoms during that part of the taper did go away. Most all of them, which gives me hope. Xanax is a beast!

 

(I also really found the suggestion helpful to find a nurse practitioner, I hadn’t thought of that and if I were to move it would be so much less stressful to have options so thanks! ☺️

[[Lo...]]

Dave, a warm "Welcome to the Group!"

 

I told you that this group was extremely understanding, compassionate, and would appreciate your story!  They did not disappoint with their kind responses to you.  I'm so glad that you joined us!

 

For what it's worth I had a terrible reaction to Valium.  I'm sure my experience is documented in plenty of my posts over the years.  However, I'm here to tell you that a direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done!  I wish someone had reassured me of this 4-5 years ago!  I only knew of Ashton and thought that her way was the only way. Hence, I put off my taper for a solid year while I wallowed in despair.  Additionally, I am genuinely surprised at how much better I have felt the lower I got in my dose.  Don't get me wrong, some crappy physical stuff creeped up (did not have for the first two years of taper) which is very normal due to the fact that benzo's are muscle relaxants, but I no longer suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, POTS symptoms, etc.

 

Granted, all symptoms or side effects are crappy, whether mental or physical, but I've learned to just keep telling myself that if the other symptoms that plagued me early on disappeared, then eventually these will as well! 

 

Years ago when I started this journery I would read posts that often said, "The only way out of this is through it."  Back then I found it a bit discouraging ... but... It's the most accurate statement to date!  If you stumble into the mindset of obsessing over any one specific side effect or symptom of the taper, you start to overthink it with anticipatory fear which often hold you back from continuing.  I was there so many times only to find out that if you keep your cuts sensible and methodical (as best as you can), you will be fine!! 

 

Other than when I mistakenly started dosing 3 times per day when my body was accustomed to 4, did I truly run into horrible problems!  And truth be told, I did it out of sheer laziness!  I had reached .75 mgs and it was easier to take three doses of .25 mgs than to try to weight them out, etc.  BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!  However, it was a bump in the road and in hindsight probably a blessing.  I had to updose to 1 milligram and get stable.  In hindsight, it was probably needed as it gave my body a rest from 2 years of tapering!  Don't think that your body will need this as well.  I have many buddies from the past that kept plugging along and finished it in one taper.... And... did VERY WELL!  (e.g, Seakingpeace, Kristen, etc.).  They don't come on here any longer because they're out living life and doing very well! 

 

Again, there is HOPE for all of us!

 

On that note, I hope everyone is doing well!  I actually got out of the house and went to see my niece off to her Junior Prom last night with my entire family.  It was so nice to do something "normal" again!  I came home last night and couldn't help but think to myself, "Hang in there, Lori!... Someday this will be your norm!'    And yes, the muscle and nerve stuff has reared its ugly head this morning but I'm rolling with it!  I have no choice.  And I'm okay with it for today.  This mindset helps a TON!  I know that tomorrow or the next day, or the next, or maybe the next will be better.  I also know that I'm going to have some crappy days ahead when I want to scream, cry, or wallow in self pity.  I'm okay with that too!  LOL!

 

Sending healing hugs and strength to each of you!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

I just want to say Thank you again for being here for me and for others.  I do not know what I would have done these last 27 months without your help, support, encouragement and love!  You are so REAL and that is what is needed here.  Tapering is hard, hard as hell, but there is so much hope that the day will come when we are off this poison! 

I am so glad you went out with your family last night and had a good time!  I know that means alot to you!  You are getting closer and closer to the end of this nightmare.

I have been having issues with balance and dizziness but am trying to get through it.  Some days are harder than others.  It will get better!!!! 

 

Love you lots,

Julia 

 

Thank you, Julia!  And right back at you!!! 

 

The only thing I can say about the dizziness, etc, is ... You've been here before and you know that it passes.  Maybe we should try a new strategy

1) at every reduction, we should start anticipating the symptoms!  Then when they arrive, simply say, "Yep!  I was waiting for this.  Hmm.. should be a week or so of this and then it will be gone!"

2) If it doesn't show up, we can celebrate! LOL!

 

This in kind of where my mind has been for the last 2 months.  I don't wake up "expecting" to feel great.  And then when I do have a good day or even 1/2 day, I'm pleasantly surprised!  It's not about being negative, rather it's more about setting the bar at a reasonable place that allows me to be happy about a good day versus being disappointed almost every day!  Does this make sense?

 

Hang in there, girlfriend!.... We're hitting the finish line! 

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

[[to...]]

Dave, a warm "Welcome to the Group!"

 

I told you that this group was extremely understanding, compassionate, and would appreciate your story!  They did not disappoint with their kind responses to you.  I'm so glad that you joined us!

 

For what it's worth I had a terrible reaction to Valium.  I'm sure my experience is documented in plenty of my posts over the years.  However, I'm here to tell you that a direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done!  I wish someone had reassured me of this 4-5 years ago!  I only knew of Ashton and thought that her way was the only way. Hence, I put off my taper for a solid year while I wallowed in despair.  Additionally, I am genuinely surprised at how much better I have felt the lower I got in my dose.  Don't get me wrong, some crappy physical stuff creeped up (did not have for the first two years of taper) which is very normal due to the fact that benzo's are muscle relaxants, but I no longer suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, POTS symptoms, etc.

 

Granted, all symptoms or side effects are crappy, whether mental or physical, but I've learned to just keep telling myself that if the other symptoms that plagued me early on disappeared, then eventually these will as well! 

 

Years ago when I started this journery I would read posts that often said, "The only way out of this is through it."  Back then I found it a bit discouraging ... but... It's the most accurate statement to date!  If you stumble into the mindset of obsessing over any one specific side effect or symptom of the taper, you start to overthink it with anticipatory fear which often hold you back from continuing.  I was there so many times only to find out that if you keep your cuts sensible and methodical (as best as you can), you will be fine!! 

 

Other than when I mistakenly started dosing 3 times per day when my body was accustomed to 4, did I truly run into horrible problems!  And truth be told, I did it out of sheer laziness!  I had reached .75 mgs and it was easier to take three doses of .25 mgs than to try to weight them out, etc.  BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!  However, it was a bump in the road and in hindsight probably a blessing.  I had to updose to 1 milligram and get stable.  In hindsight, it was probably needed as it gave my body a rest from 2 years of tapering!  Don't think that your body will need this as well.  I have many buddies from the past that kept plugging along and finished it in one taper.... And... did VERY WELL!  (e.g, Seakingpeace, Kristen, etc.).  They don't come on here any longer because they're out living life and doing very well! 

 

Again, there is HOPE for all of us!

 

On that note, I hope everyone is doing well!  I actually got out of the house and went to see my niece off to her Junior Prom last night with my entire family.  It was so nice to do something "normal" again!  I came home last night and couldn't help but think to myself, "Hang in there, Lori!... Someday this will be your norm!'    And yes, the muscle and nerve stuff has reared its ugly head this morning but I'm rolling with it!  I have no choice.  And I'm okay with it for today.  This mindset helps a TON!  I know that tomorrow or the next day, or the next, or maybe the next will be better.  I also know that I'm going to have some crappy days ahead when I want to scream, cry, or wallow in self pity.  I'm okay with that too!  LOL!

 

Sending healing hugs and strength to each of you!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

I just want to say Thank you again for being here for me and for others.  I do not know what I would have done these last 27 months without your help, support, encouragement and love!  You are so REAL and that is what is needed here.  Tapering is hard, hard as hell, but there is so much hope that the day will come when we are off this poison! 

I am so glad you went out with your family last night and had a good time!  I know that means alot to you!  You are getting closer and closer to the end of this nightmare.

I have been having issues with balance and dizziness but am trying to get through it.  Some days are harder than others.  It will get better!!!! 

 

Love you lots,

Julia 

 

Thank you, Julia!  And right back at you!!! 

 

The only thing I can say about the dizziness, etc, is ... You've been here before and you know that it passes.  Maybe we should try a new strategy

1) at every reduction, we should start anticipating the symptoms!  Then when they arrive, simply say, "Yep!  I was waiting for this.  Hmm.. should be a week or so of this and then it will be gone!"

2) If it doesn't show up, we can celebrate! LOL!

 

This in kind of where my mind has been for the last 2 months.  I don't wake up "expecting" to feel great.  And then when I do have a good day or even 1/2 day, I'm pleasantly surprised!  It's not about being negative, rather it's more about setting the bar at a reasonable place that allows me to be happy about a good day versus being disappointed almost every day!  Does this make sense?

 

Hang in there, girlfriend!.... We're hitting the finish line! 

 

Love,

Lori

 

Hey Lori - glad you are doing so well with your cuts. 

 

Your suggestions is good and this is what I have been doing - anticipating the symptoms - expecting the worst but hoping for the best.  The dizziness and off balance thing has been on and off for the last 6 months now. It started once I got under 1 mg.  This time I am almost not able to function.  Yesterday I laid down all day and evening and today I am a little better but was not able to go out like we had planned.  I know it will get better, it is just a pain to deal with.  Some symptoms are just worse than others but usually they do go away with time.

 

It is interesting about your thyroid, I hope you get answers when you go to your doctor.

 

I too am just ready for this to be over and I know it will not be anywhere as long as it has been.  I never thought at the beginning of this taper that it would take so long but it takes as long as it takes. 

It does seem like you are moving down pretty fast in your taper - maybe your brain and cns is just ready to be done after all this time. 

 

You are right - we are hitting the finish line!!!  Yah!!!  What a great day that will be! 

Take care and I hope to talk to you soon!

 

Love ya,

Julia :smitten:

[[to...]]

Hello Julie (and everyone else)!

 

I dosed down today, but I have to say I am really feeling my cuts at the moment.  I have been suffering with severe muscle and joint pain (maybe it is my thyroid) I don't know.  I can say that my anxiety has been getting me at night and early morning.  With all that said, I am still doing good.

 

How is everyone else?  Did you try dosing down weekly vs monthly Julia?  If so, how are you doing?

 

Hey Seasalt, I can relate to feeling the cuts but it will get better.  No, I have not tried the weekly vs monthly yet - I am trying to get stable from this last cut.  It has been a little rough for me but the off balance and dizziness and ear pressure has been bothering me on and off for several months now.  Of all the symptoms I have had to deal with, this has been the one that really bothers me the most because I always have to move very slow or worry I will fall.  This will go away too as the other symptoms have come and gone and some I have not had in over a year. 

 

Hope yours gets better too!

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[se...]]

You are so right, the symptoms will eventually pass.  I have experienced throughout my taper.  Hang in there!

[[to...]]

You are so right, the symptoms will eventually pass.  I have experienced throughout my taper.  Hang in there!

Thanks! We'll get there!!

[[Lo...]]

Good Morning!

 

Well... Remember all that sleep I was getting and oh so happy about?  Looks like I jinxed that.

 

Welcome symptoms of two quick cuts.  I havent slept more than 4 hours for the past 2 nights.  I will be firmly planted at this dose for a solid 2 weeks and hopefully sleep will eventually return.  This is a prime example of the "listen to your body" taper plan.  I know all too well that lack of sleep plays a significant role in reving up additional symptoms so it's a "cut and HOLD" situation right now. 

 

How's everyone else doing?

 

Lori

 

 

[Guest [Ai...]]

Good Morning! Well... Remember all that sleep I was getting and oh so happy about?  Looks like I jinxed that.

 

Welcome symptoms of two quick cuts.  I havent slept more than 4 hours for the past 2 nights.  I will be firmly planted at this dose for a solid 2 weeks and hopefully sleep will eventually return.  This is a prime example of the "listen to your body" taper plan.  I know all too well that lack of sleep plays a significant role in reving up additional symptoms so it's a "cut and HOLD" situation right now. 

 

How's everyone else doing?

 

I am reassured by your post, Lori - I don't feel so alone in my sleep deprivation from tapering. But at the same time, I am so sorry that it's happening to you, too!  I've tapered down from 4.5 to 4.25mg a day and guess that was enough to destabilize my sleeping well  - feel so worn out.  Every night, I wake after 3 to 4 hours of sleep with growing anxiety. After another small dose, I only get into an unrestful half-sleep.

 

I've even tried Benadryl and doxylamine succinate (Unisom) with poor results - I always wake up with a nasty tingling feeling all over, drugged out, all dried up ("toasted" kinda describes the feeling).

 

There's so much building up that I must get done, while I'm only feeling more and more fatigued. So much overgrowth in the yard (many branches bending or collapsing to the ground under the endless rain we've had), a garden tool shed that remains half-built. But along with my exhaustion, it's been too rainy and chilly to work on any of this. I need to go to the dentist, ophthalmologist, ENT clinic, and start the difficult process of visiting the few addiction specialists in town to see if they understand tapering from xanax - so many I've tried know so little about benzo w/d that the stressful visit is a total waste of time and money. But now I'm just too tired to think about doing any of this.

 

I've also just learned that a mysteriously estranged but once dear friend 6 hours away is dying of stage 4 lung cancer, but neither he nor his wife (also an erstwhile beloved friend) will speak with me. They cut me off years ago for reasons they refused to tell me - I feel guilt but don't know my crime! His encroaching death - with no reconciliation, no resolution - haunts my sleepless nights. It rips open an old wound to my heart - my mother rejected me, refused to even speak to me, to her dying breath - and I never knew why - I was the only one of her children who took care of her to the last. Obsession and depression. Symptoms I see listed in the many that may come with benzo w/d.

 

The stresses of life seem to be conspiring to defeat my tapering off this evil drug. Nevertheless, I am not going to updose. I have so far to go...but the road is getting steeper at this point.

 

Dave

[[se...]]

Dave,

 

I am in the same boat, 3-4 hours hours and I wake.  I usually fall back to sleep for two.  I think it’s a normal process of withdrawal, try to hang in there.

 

I’m sorry you have experienced rejection.  I think that most can relate, life can be difficult.  I’m sorry about your mom and your once dear friend.  Maybe you could send a letter and express your sorrow about his diagnosis and loss of your friendship. He may also feel at this time he wants to resolve things, you never know.  After that I would try to let it go, you can not control how others think or feel.

 

You are in a very difficult time in your life, please try to focus on your taper and getting better. You have made great progress in your taper, you should be proud of yourself.

 

Take care

 

 

[[Di...]]

Lori...praying your sleep returns. 

 

Dave...so sorry for all the stress you are dealing with sometimes things just don't make any sense. ❤

 

Seasalt...you always know the right things to say to encourage someone thats hurting. 

 

Julia...praying you are feeling better. 

[Guest [Ai...]]

Dave,

 

I am in the same boat, 3-4 hours hours and I wake.  I usually fall back to sleep for two.  I think it’s a normal process of withdrawal, try to hang in there.

 

I’m sorry you have experienced rejection.  I think that most can relate, life can be difficult.  I’m sorry about your mom and your once dear friend.  Maybe you could send a letter and express your sorrow about his diagnosis and loss of your friendship. He may also feel at this time he wants to resolve things, you never know.  After that I would try to let it go, you can not control how others think or feel.

 

You are in a very difficult time in your life, please try to focus on your taper and getting better. You have made great progress in your taper, you should be proud of yourself.

 

Take care

Thank you, Seasalt!

 

Once again, you are the "first responder" with empathy that soothes my aching spirit. I feel such gratitude to you as I read your compassionate, encouraging posting after another difficult wave has hit me. Withdrawal always seems to bring back painful memories and regrets - I am a bit embarrassed that I "bled" all over the thread. But regardless, reading your thoughtful words, I am greatly comforted and encouraged.

 

I sincerely wish you and everyone better and longer sleep very soon. And happy waking hours that make your taper as easy and swift as it can be.

 

Dave

 

PS: Oh, and thank you, too, Dianedeedee. You posted while I was typing this. You're so right - "sometimes things just don't make any sense" - and that's when bewilderment and anxiety can easily overwhelm us. But we all know now the xanax can't make things make sense...just temporarily make us not care - at a great price - one which we're all paying right now. Godspeed to us all!