Agoraphobia / Monophobia Support Group

[[Th...]]

It is so strange this agoraphobia/monophobia isn't it?

I think its unbelievable you can drive Uni. It is a huge fear for me.

 

But like you I can go most places with my husband. Some things are biggies though. I am supposed to go to a wedding with my family three hours away in a big city and I am terrified. I feel panic when I get trapped in conversations with people. If my husband disapears somewhere and I am left in a social situation I start having panic attacks.

 

I thought about not going, but I can't stay alone so I'd have to stay with relatives and to me thats just as scary :/

 

I can so relate to the hate on Facebook, I get envious and feel awful reading FB posts.

 

I pray we all have relief from this condition!

[[...]]

Just want to jump in here as agoraphobia is killing me over here.

 

Although I don't feel as if it is exactly agoraphobia per se because I have no problems going outside and staying outside it is just that I don't want to stray far from home because of the "what if I have a panic attack or sudden onset of DR or (insert anxiety condition here)"

 

I don't know, I'm just baffled by it all really. It's debilitating.

[[Su...]]

Just want to jump in here as agoraphobia is killing me over here.

 

Although I don't feel as if it is exactly agoraphobia per se because I have no problems going outside and staying outside it is just that I don't want to stray far from home because of the "what if I have a panic attack or sudden onset of DR or (insert anxiety condition here)"

 

I don't know, I'm just baffled by it all really. It's debilitating.

 

That’s exactly the state I’m in but I’m utterly terrified of the derealization. I start dissociating at the thought of going outside. I hate my brain. How do you force yourself out if you don’t mind me asking ?

[[Un...]]

Hi all,

 

I feel you on the 'what ifs' - they create more dread and make it harder to practice getting out.  For me, I just need to feel SAFE.  If I don't feel like it's safe to go out and must go, like to therapy and appointments or the few times I've gone to the pharmacy to get my own prescriptions (instead of my husband doing it), I make a firm decision and FORCE myself.  Making the DECISION is key.  First, I acknowledge the fear coursing through me and all the thoughts of 'what if'.  I usually talk to myself out loud and coach myself with positive affirmations and tell myself I CAN.  Also, I remind myself that every time I've done it before and feared going out, none of the bad things I imagined actually happened.  Although I have had panic attacks or been in a terror/fear state or have had some DP/DR and weakness while out.  But, I have pushed through those things before and tell myself if they happen, I CAN push through them again and almost always feel better after doing so.  Then, I do what I need to do to get ready and get everything I need together to take with me.  Throw on my headphones and listen to music, even if I don't feel like listening to music.  Once I touch the door knob and turn it, I let go and trust the process literally putting one foot in front of the other and going where I need to go.  Each time I've done this it has gotten better and much easier.  Exposure therapy, I suppose. 

 

All of the places I've gone during WD are new because we moved to a new city and everything started out as unfamiliar.  Last month I went to my new dentist alone and experienced such dread and fear/terror/panic in the hours leading up to going.  Having made the decision that I would keep my appointment and not cancel helped to give me no other choice.  As the fear consumed me, making me shake, I just kept talking out loud and affirming that I would be safe and it is a test.  Fear can't kill me.  The drive was ok and once I got to the office I focused on acting 'as if' - as if I were just a normal person going to the dentist and would benefit by taking care of myself and my teeth.  I smiled and talked with each person 'as if' I felt normal, although I didn't and felt quite overwhelmed and disassociated.  The longer I was there, the more the fear and DR feelings dissipated and everything went well.  Upon leaving, I felt this uplifting feeling inside because I did it!  All the fear I had prior to the appt was worse than the actual appt and all symptoms completely gone after!  So, this kind of process is what I go through and I've found by keeping a regular routine of going out 2-3 times a week makes it easier to go out the next, and then the next.  Slowly expanding what I'm able to do and where I'm able to go.  It's not comfortable but it becomes more and more so and it's SO WORTH IT!! 

 

The only times I don't force or push myself is when my body is in too much fatigue or I'm experiencing dizziness and I feel it's physically unsafe to go out and walk or drive alone. 

 

You can always try doing small distances and going further each time..  Hope this helps and we are all able to work through these phobias together!! 

[[Un...]]

Another day of fearing going out alone, but must get to my doc appt for refill.  Already rescheduled once, but feel I need to push to go.  I’ve been forcing myself to expose more, even though my fears seem to have gotten worse.  Have to drive in the pouring rain, to downtown LA, and I’m afraid.  I don’t feel it is safe to drive in this weather, like I am. 

 

A couple weeks ago I braved the dentist.  It was mental anguish extreme...  just torture.  And I’ve never been afraid of the dentist.  I forced myself to go, by myself, and wept in the chair while blasting music in my headphones.  They kept assuring me they would be gentle and I am safe, but it wasn’t that.  I felt raw and exposed and scared, like my actual brain was reacting not me.  I wasn’t even afraid of getting fillings, but rather my nervous system reacted to being out alone and all the stimulation.  I can’t even understand or explain it.  Once I got to my car, I sat in it for 45 minutes and scream-cried to release the pressure cooker of all the primal fear I endured for 2 hours.  Another dentist appt coming up on Monday...  (Oh, and on a side note, I made sure they used Carbocaine instead of Lidocaine.  Lidocaine has epinephrine in it, and that’s not so good for bwd as it is a stimulating excitatory chemical.)

 

A couple days ago my husband had to go to the Bay Area for work and was gone from before I woke until 8pm.  The weeks and especially days leading up to him.eaving, I was a complete wreck.  The day prior crippled me in intense physiological fear.  The day he was gone I managed, but was so afraid to be home alone for too long that I went to a grocery store for the first time.  Soooo uncomfortable and scared, but I did it.  Didn’t get a boost from doing so, but it filled some time.  I just want to feel free from these so badly.  Really struggling.  :'( :'( :'(

 

My heart goes out to all who are suffering with phobias and fears.  I wish we could at least kick the phobes to the curb.  It makes me question and doubt everything.  It’s so good to see that people have these lift, sometimes during taper and others after. 

 

 

 

[[Th...]]

Another day of fearing going out alone, but must get to my doc appt for refill.  Already rescheduled once, but feel I need to push to go.  I’ve been forcing myself to expose more, even though my fears seem to have gotten worse.  Have to drive in the pouring rain, to downtown LA, and I’m afraid.  I don’t feel it is safe to drive in this weather, like I am. 

 

A couple weeks ago I braved the dentist.  It was mental anguish extreme...  just torture.  And I’ve never been afraid of the dentist.  I forced myself to go, by myself, and wept in the chair while blasting music in my headphones.  They kept assuring me they would be gentle and I am safe, but it wasn’t that.  I felt raw and exposed and scared, like my actual brain was reacting not me.  I wasn’t even afraid of getting fillings, but rather my nervous system reacted to being out alone and all the stimulation.  I can’t even understand or explain it.  Once I got to my car, I sat in it for 45 minutes and scream-cried to release the pressure cooker of all the primal fear I endured for 2 hours.  Another dentist appt coming up on Monday...  (Oh, and on a side note, I made sure they used Carbocaine instead of Lidocaine.  Lidocaine has epinephrine in it, and that’s not so good for bwd as it is a stimulating excitatory chemical.)

 

A couple days ago my husband had to go to the Bay Area for work and was gone from before I woke until 8pm.  The weeks and especially days leading up to him.eaving, I was a complete wreck.  The day prior crippled me in intense physiological fear.  The day he was gone I managed, but was so afraid to be home alone for too long that I went to a grocery store for the first time.  Soooo uncomfortable and scared, but I did it.  Didn’t get a boost from doing so, but it filled some time.  I just want to feel free from these so badly.  Really struggling.  :'( :'( :'(

 

My heart goes out to all who are suffering with phobias and fears.  I wish we could at least kick the phobes to the curb.  It makes me question and doubt everything.  It’s so good to see that people have these lift, sometimes during taper and others after. 

 

Oh dear Uni, I am so sorry you had to endure this torture. It has been two years since I have seen the dentist. You must be stronger than I as I don't know if I could do it.  :'( Its the whole being trapped and exposed thing.

I had to go to the optometrist last week and I fought anxiety attacks the whole time. She was so calm and if I was well, I am sure I would have found it a relaxing experience. For me it was the fear of fear and of suffering with fear without a loved one near to comfort me.

 

I know what I am going to say not everyone is going to agree with but please remember that it is my opinion based on what I have gone through personally. Yes I know as sufferers of agoraphobia we are supposed to face our fears to overcome them. But I think benzo-induced agoraphobia is different.

I have this tooth see, a dentist many years ago ground down the dentin (a protective coating on our teeth that protects the nerve) for a long time it hurt because it was exposed. Over a long period of time it would heal, but once in a while I would bite into something hard and the nerve pain would come back and the period of healing would start over again, but it would take much less time than it did to heal initially. Now, I don't have problems with that tooth anymore, but its been several years.

 

To use the tooth analogy, I think our nerves lack that protective "coating" it needs during benzo withdrawal, and to force more pain isn't going to make it heal, I think it just hurts us. At some point I think we know when we are ready, by just gently feeling the water and letting ourselves adjust to small amounts of "stress" while letting ourselves heal.

 

But yes, I imagine you didn't have a choice to go to the dentist to take care of a cavity less it turn into an abscess. For now I hope you can take care of yourself and sleep and recover from that stress. I really feel for you as I can empathize how difficult that must have been.

Funny thing is, my husband will say "good for you you did it", when I do something that stressed me to the point where I panic. But I feel as if I put my hands in hot coals torturing myself. I don't feel as if I did anything amazing.

 

Now please don't get me wrong and I am not saying we should all hole ourselves up and not do anything, not at all! I am just saying it might be a good idea not to hurt ourselves if we can help it while we heal. And give ourselves permission to fail. There are times unfortunately when we have to, like the dentist. For me its medical appointments and my kids activities, though there are times I have to skip out some of these too if I am really struggling.

 

When I reduced to 8 mg of valium I went on a trip to Europe if you can believe it. When we had planned the trip I wasn't having panic attacks, but just prior to the trip I started getting them. After the trip, I was so unbelievably stressed I couldn't leave the house for weeks - it was just too much. It set me back such a long time, things actually were difficult for the rest of the taper. In hind sight I should not have gone, but you know its 20 20.

 

 

 

[[Un...]]

Optimist, your words are so comforting and your analogous description of what it feels like is just brilliant.  Thank you for sharing this tooth analogy.  It’s so true!  I appreciate your opinion very much and I know you go through these awful benzo-induced, lacking-the-protective-coating, phobias.  They aren’t like any other phobia or fear I’ve ever experienced.  I’m sure this is the case for many of us.  I’m so glad you made it through your optometrist appt, but sad to hear you had to fight panic attacks the whole time   Yes, benzo-induced phobias are so different in nature because our brains and CNS need calm so badly.  I concur, it doesn’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything when I expose myself.  The natural reward center of my brain doesn’t light up and say, “heyyyy wow yeaahhh, I did it and now I feel good about myself!”  It’s more like I do the exposure thing and it’s weird and beyond uncomfortable and I get home revved up and feeling defeated, set back.  Which doesn’t make logical sense..  to feel defeated for accomplishing something.  Maybe it’s more like feeling more traumatized and so it spirals into feelings of defeat.  And of course, there’s the crash that comes along with it. 

 

I’m amazed that you were able to go to Europe while in WD!!!  I do understand how it is to plan a trip while not experiencing the waves of fear or the myriad of other symptoms, only to have the trip come around and know it’s not good to go.  I’m so sorry you had this experience where it set you back, because you forced yourself.  I hope it was enjoyable, at least!  Oh the price we have to pay, sometimes.  And we don’t even know what the price will be, if there will be one at all.  This is why I had to cancel on traveling to the Bay Area for Christmas to be with my husband’s family.  I felt so much guilt and shame.  He stayed at home with me and I didn’t have it in me to pretend to celebrate.  If he would have insisted on going, then I’d have forced myself because there’s no way I’m ready to face being alone for even one night, yet.  I somehow managed it earlier in WD a few nights, not consecutively.  But there’s no way, now.  Not now...  hopefully at some point during the taper these things will get easier.  I know with all of my heart that you are healing and will get relief from these, once and for all.  It will be so good to hear how it feels, from you!

 

Even  :Dthough I’m still trying to recover from last week’s doctor appt, I had to go again to the dentist yesterday.  My husband came with me this time.  I wept a bit prior to the procedure, then went into “deer in the headlights” mode.  Frozen.  Trying to keep up with the necessary conversation and give proper responses to the dentist and his assistant was so hard.  I put on my headphones and blasted The Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream” for the guitars to drown out the drilling and all the technical chatter.  Again (like the first visit), I had to raise my hand for more carbocaine because it did not numb me enough and caused pain.  I’ve never had this issue before so maybe it’s because my nerves are more delicate...  I don’t know.  I’d rather not go to the dentist until I’m well off and healed, but these are cavities that developed while I was taking Norco (had no idea opiates rot your teeth, until it was too late), so I’ve put it off for a year and didn’t want further issues.  One more cavity to go.  Feb 6th. 

 

The funny, not so funny, thing is...  while the dentist drilled the last tooth, it shot my nerve with intense pain so fiercely and I didn’t want to be there any longer or get a third numbing, so I just told him to keep going and I’d grit through it.  I did.  Sure, it hurt and made me sweat and wince repeatedly, but it was more painful to be there.  Experiencing the actual, phyisical pain proved to me that it’s not that which I’m in fear of and rather, like you say...  it’s the CNS being in unprotected, raw exposure.  Add to it this degree of stimulation.  Literally jarrring the nervous system in its roots.  It’s just too much.  It needs to regrow it’s own shield.  It knows it needs protection and so it signals this primal fear response.  It’s not the real us.  Logically, I know I’m “safe” but my brains sends very strong signals and responses, otherwise.  Then, the dominos fall... 

 

This is what happens when I’m alone for too long, as well.  No matter how much I tell myself I’m safe and nothing bad is going to happen.  I am reduced to scared, abandoned child mode.  It’s a powerful force.  One I just haven’t been able to overpower yet.  Or learned to flow with. 

 

So, I very much like your idea on allowing ourselves to be this way while we heal.  As hard as it is to allow.  We know when it’s something we are able to do, with more ease.  Also, we know when it’s something that isn’t good for us.  It comforts me that you understand, although I wish you weren’t stufflging at all with any of this.  We are not alone, in this.  Your words are wise, warm and comforting, dear Optimist.  Repeating myself, I know.  But I find such solace in them. 

 

Ummmm...  I guess I had a lot to say and didn’t know it.  After days of feeling words stuck inside.

 

Thinking of you and wishing you rapid healing, my friend  You ARE healing and I’m so proud of you.  You’ve gotten through the worst of it.

 

Big Love,

 

Uni

[[...]]

I just wanted to say:  :smitten: :smitten:

 

...and will hopefully expand on that soon 

Love and healing hugs! 

Julia xxx

[[Un...]]

I just wanted to say:  :smitten: :smitten:

 

...and will hopefully expand on that soon 

Love and healing hugs! 

Julia xxx

 

:smitten:

 

Big Hugs, dear Julia!

[[Un...]]

Took one day off from going out in the world, on Tuesday.  The mental sxs rev up more when I am home alone all day, but my body needed the rest      Got slammed with pain, no doubt from being so revved up from the dentist the day before.  Yesterday, I spent most of the day resting and it helped alleviate the pain    In the evening, I made it out to a CranioSacral appt and it went well.  Rough start, being that I had the odd fear of getting in the shower again...  these phobes are so bizarre.  The real me loves showers!  On my walk back home from the session (two whopping blocks haha), I noticed it’s the first time being out in public where I’d simply forgotten to put my headphones on and was walking with naked ears.  Wow!  That’s a good sign, I think.  I’m usually locked and loaded with headphones in place, music blasting before I step foot outside the door. 

 

My heart goes outto all suffering from these awful phobias.  I hope you are all managing and overcoming!  I’m keeping the faith that they are benzo-induced and we will all be set free from them, sooner than later.  I’m especially inspired by those who have said the phobias lift as they get lower in dosage.  Wow, that would be a miracle worth celebrating for sure!! 

 

Love to all ❤️

 

Uni

[Guest [Lu...]]

optimist i havent read all of this thread but i agree 100% that in my experience anyway, forced exposure, or exposure therapy when in the worst of agoraphobia is just beyond torture, and not beneficial - i did it a thousand times because life demanded it, mostly, but when i forced myself "out there" trying to push through the phobia, which brings on just awful trembling and crazy levels of panic, man it just made it worse. i actually endured so much of that phobic response by forcing myself to endure situations when my instincts were screaming, i actually made myself sick a couple times. my stomach turned over on more than one occasion.

 

sometimes i could use exposure therapy, when it wasnt too bad, i could endure the store for 10 minutes or whatever, but man, for a long time, pushing the phobia when its hurting you really bad brought on tremendous discomfort, like panic level adrenaline. i learned to finally back off, and in time it all settled down on its own.

 

now, at nearly 20 months off, im able to use exposure therapy, im able to push it a bit cause im not nearly as bad as i was for so loing from tolerance and on through tapering.

 

i get chills thinking about how bad i felt through most of this, geezus what awful sensations, powerful, powerful stuff.

[[Un...]]

optimist i havent read all of this thread but i agree 100% that in my experience anyway, forced exposure, or exposure therapy when in the worst of agoraphobia is just beyond torture, and not beneficial - i did it a thousand times because life demanded it, mostly, but when i forced myself "out there" trying to push through the phobia, which brings on just awful trembling and crazy levels of panic, man it just made it worse. i actually endured so much of that phobic response by forcing myself to endure situations when my instincts were screaming, i actually made myself sick a couple times. my stomach turned over on more than one occasion.

 

sometimes i could use exposure therapy, when it wasnt too bad, i could endure the store for 10 minutes or whatever, but man, for a long time, pushing the phobia when its hurting you really bad brought on tremendous discomfort, like panic level adrenaline. i learned to finally back off, and in time it all settled down on its own.

 

now, at nearly 20 months off, im able to use exposure therapy, im able to push it a bit cause im not nearly as bad as i was for so loing from tolerance and on through tapering.

 

i get chills thinking about how bad i felt through most of this, geezus what awful sensations, powerful, powerful stuff.

 

Hi Luke,

 

Great to hear from you!  Well done, 20 months off   Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience with exposure during tapering and wds...  when it’s not an ok enough day  to do so.  It sure does cause setbacks when thenCNS is screaming for less stimulation.  The dentist really crashed my system bad. 

 

I hope you’re feeling better and better and exposure is helping you, now. 

[[Si...]]

Hi Uni and all buddies...I keep putting off my micro taper and know it’s something I’m gonna have to start soon, as I’m reaching the 2 year point on Diazipam - I’m in the UK so they won’t generally prescribe anything else for anxiety disorder.

 

I’m also taking 2 antidepressants and Pregabalin, but am still not stable...My mornings are crap, but by late evening I perk up and get my window. But wake up to the same old shit again !!!! I believe this is a common pattern and have micro tapered V in 2012 and it went very smoothly (I was cutting 1mg every 21 days)

 

However this time I’m shit scarred of starting the same process and swore last time I’d never end up here again, but came of meds and crashed 2 years ago...I know the V is keeping the anxiety and residual depression going. Or at least I think it’s the first drug to go. Them maybe the Pregabalin

 

Last time I was on a potent AD Combo on 375mg Effexor and 30mg Mirtazipine...This time I’m on 10mg Brintellix and still 30mg Mirtazipine

 

So any support and positivity would be so so welcome, as I have to start to improve my mental health and the benzo seems the best place and could be the rotten apple !!!!

 

Sorry for rambling and I’m using my phone, so please excuse any typos...Thanks for taking the time to read a small part of my story

 

FX x

[[Un...]]

Hi FX,

 

I’m with you in your thoughts of tapering V first and asap.  Empathizing greatly about the fear of tapering.  I really hope you’re able to have a smooth taper, like you did last time as you recover and heal quickly.  We’re here to support you, buddy!  That pattern you describe sounds like benzo tolerance.  I was in tolerance for years and didn’t know.  Doc never told me it was possible and said I had to be on it for life.  Ha!  Nope.  Spent thousands of dollars on therapy and thinking I was just losing my mind.  None of the therapies worked, and antidepressants stopped working for me during this time.  It wasn’t until I was CT’d from Klonopin and thereafter joined Benzobuddies that I realized what was happening to me all those years.  It was the benzo!

 

You’ve got this, FX!!  And we are all here to help each other.  You’ll be better off once you get starte and gain some confidence in tapering.  Maybe it will be easier than you’re anticipating.  Anticipation anxiety doesn’t help, I know.  I struggle with that over so many things.  We’ll lock arms and get through this until we are on the other side and can help others.

 

And hey, remember if there are any bumps in the road with tapering, you can hold and adjust as needed.  You’re gonna get through this.  You’ve done it before, you can and WILL do it again. 

 

When you crashed 2 years ago, was it because of life stressors or did you switch your ADs?  Or anything else? 

 

You are not alone, my friend!

 

Love,

Uni ❤️

[[Si...]]

Thanks for the reciprocal support Uni..I’ve jumped in and started my MT today, cut 1ml every journey starts with a single step and the only way to eat the benzo elephant is one bite at a time !!!

 

Hope all buddies are tolorating their tapers...I got lucky last time and cut from 20mg, it’s 10mg this time, but need to find the pace that’s best, so some adjustments may be necessary

 

I crashed 2 years ago because I again smoothly tapered of my Effexor, thinking Mirtazipine on its own would maintain my good mental health WRONG !!!!

 

I find that the right AD’s don’t poop out on me, I keep stop taking em, then crash and burn (3rd time, you think I would have learned my lesson eh !!!)

 

Thanks for all your kind words and support, fingers crossed this will be similar to last time...Hope the V depression lifts soon for you...I found the lower I got the better and better I started to feel, so keep putting one foot in front of the other and you’ll eat the benzo elephant

 

FX x

[[4G...]]

Hi Everyone. I have monophobia and agoraphobia and I certainly agree that the agoraphobia seems to be a self-protective thing. It is NOT like having these phobias at any other time in your life, when you can gradually work your way through them (exposure therapy).

 

SideFX, I am on some similar drugs to you. You've made me think that it might be okay to stay on one or two of them. But I really do want to get off the Valium. I have tried to come down from 4.75mg a couple of times but it hasn't worked. Having said that, Christmas and the horrible build-up to it nearly killed me. My daughter asked me to go to her flat which is sixty miles away, and although my boyfriend drove us there, I seriously think that I haven't recovered from it yet. It was unbelievably stressful and the forced happiness and acting like I was okay was terrible. So I am back at 4.75mg V again.

[[4G...]]

SideFX, I forgot to mention that I am also from the UK! That was my main reason for contacting you and then I forgot.... 

[[...]]

optimist i havent read all of this thread but i agree 100% that in my experience anyway, forced exposure, or exposure therapy when in the worst of agoraphobia is just beyond torture, and not beneficial - i did it a thousand times because life demanded it, mostly, but when i forced myself "out there" trying to push through the phobia, which brings on just awful trembling and crazy levels of panic, man it just made it worse. i actually endured so much of that phobic response by forcing myself to endure situations when my instincts were screaming, i actually made myself sick a couple times. my stomach turned over on more than one occasion.

 

sometimes i could use exposure therapy, when it wasnt too bad, i could endure the store for 10 minutes or whatever, but man, for a long time, pushing the phobia when its hurting you really bad brought on tremendous discomfort, like panic level adrenaline. i learned to finally back off, and in time it all settled down on its own.

 

now, at nearly 20 months off, im able to use exposure therapy, im able to push it a bit cause im not nearly as bad as i was for so loing from tolerance and on through tapering.

 

i get chills thinking about how bad i felt through most of this, geezus what awful sensations, powerful, powerful stuff.

 

Yeah, exposure therapy really intensifies the panic and I think it actually makes me feel psychologically defeated so, I've decided to kick back and take the pressure off of trying to get over this symptom and allow more time for healing before attempting to push through it.

 

Never had it before this rubbish so I'm sure as time passes I'll know when I'm ready.

[[Th...]]

Hi Uni, Luke et all I had retreated again in a curled up ball from benzo buddies for a bit, but I had such a nice today and the last few days weren't bad so I thought I would let you know. I guess it might be a window. It really has been up and down for me, but the last few days have been good.

 

The sun was shining and it is so cold where I live that it lifted my spirits.

 

A few days ago I traveled to a city three hours away with my family and went to see relatives and though I initially dreaded it, it winded up being ok.

 

My panic attacks are still there. But I am starting to have more episodes of being able to relax as well. Sometimes I

forget about my anxiety. Like I "forget" to panic sometimes.

 

Uni I am so glad to hear that you "forgot" about your headphone.s. I really hope as you come down in valium things will start to improve. The fact you could walk on your own is amazing to me

 

The phobias are so strange! Last week I coloured my hair. I am terrified of colouring my hair (I do it at home), but I never used to be. Now I am convinced I will have an allergic reaction. It took me a week to get up the nerve to colour it!

 

Does anyone notice their dreams? Do you have any? Has anything changed in withdrawal?

 

Mine have become more vivid, I will get the odd nightmare now, but good dreams as well. There was a long time where I couldn't remember my dreams at all. I have a feeling that my brain is repairing itself, now that my dream cycle is going back to normal.

 

 

I just finished an episode called "Heal" on Netflix a few minutes ago. I really enjoyed it. If you have Netflix it has such a nice positive message about healing our bodies and minds, I recommend it!

[[Fi...]]

Hi,

 

I wanted to join this group as I have medcation induced agoraphobia and it has crushed my spirit. 

 

I've has it for about 4-5 months and it's due to horrible wd feom Lamictal, which which led  me to br talked into a benzo, which I've been on since December. 2018.

 

 

I fear going out on my own, though have done on occasion. Most times now my husband had to take me to appts.

 

I was a thriving professional woman till the fall of 2018. 

 

I plan to start my benzo taper next month.

 

The agoraphobia has just devastates me. I feel lonely and isolated and fear it will never leave. 

 

I hope as my nervous system heals , i will feel.safe again.

 

I read somewhere that this type of agoraphobia is the bodies instinctive protection against a fragile nervous system.

 

Anyway, I'm glad I found this group. 

[Guest [Lu...]]

final healing it WILL subside.

i developed it in tolerance, long before i had any idea what that even was, still on my full dose of benzos.

i was still going out into the world with no clue why i was having such an awful time enduring restaurants and movies, etc, it was so strong.

i had it all the way through my taper, it was powerful, down to the core.

it has subsided greatly, to the point i can go to stores and such. im still a bit shaky, but its not nearly what it was, and i too felt like it would never go away

 

so crazy, i thought it was just returned anxiety and effects of alcohol withdrawal after going sober. its amazing how bad i felt and didnt really consider it to be anything beyond my own weirdness just without alcohol to mask it. i stumbled around for years mentally crippled just kinda thinking thats how i was now.

 

hang in there, you wont feel like this forever. its not really you, though i know it feels like it is, its so strong.

 

i sympathize with others feeling this, the phobia, its such a terrible way too feel, it makes life totally intolerable - of all the symptoms ive had, that phobic reaction to things was the worst, its so powerful a thing to deal with.

[[Fi...]]

Thank you so much for your reassurance.that it goes away. 

 

I'm so scared that it will be worse during my wd but I have ro keep going. 

 

So.glad there is group support for this. 

 

[[Po...]]

My mother has been agoraphobic for years, though she spent a lot of time on MANY (dozens at least) of different pills so I don't know if she was ever on benzos. My older sister is on disability for unrelated health problems and now she is nearly completely agoraphobic with a grade school aged daughter. Mom will go out every so often but almost always within 2-3 minutes of her house and she never drives.

 

So I feel inclined to think that I would have had a tendency or be predisposed to agoraphobia but with my recent research it seems that the benzos can cause it and certainly make it worse, which is nuts since they're often indicated for use to TREAT agoraphobia.

 

I work full time because I don't really have a choice but I miss more work than I should, which makes me feel very lazy and ashamed. I used to travel the world, I used to never miss work, I used to love going out. Now all I do is go to work. I have to unfortunately medicate to even get through a grocery store visit or to see my parents (though I feel very safe in my parents' house, it's an hour drive away). That's basically all I do anymore. Husband is insisting that we move away from the area ASAP (and it is a very bad area so I understand) but sometimes I wonder how I can move if I can barely manage to get out of the house sometimes...

 

It sucks what these medications and my illnesses have done to me. I'm just about to turn 34... so there are a lot of years left. It's hard sometimes.

[[pu...]]

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

I am off for 6 weeks and mine are worse than ever.

[[pu...]]

optimist i havent read all of this thread but i agree 100% that in my experience anyway, forced exposure, or exposure therapy when in the worst of agoraphobia is just beyond torture, and not beneficial - i did it a thousand times because life demanded it, mostly, but when i forced myself "out there" trying to push through the phobia, which brings on just awful trembling and crazy levels of panic, man it just made it worse. i actually endured so much of that phobic response by forcing myself to endure situations when my instincts were screaming, i actually made myself sick a couple times. my stomach turned over on more than one occasion.

 

sometimes i could use exposure therapy, when it wasnt too bad, i could endure the store for 10 minutes or whatever, but man, for a long time, pushing the phobia when its hurting you really bad brought on tremendous discomfort, like panic level adrenaline. i learned to finally back off, and in time it all settled down on its own.

 

now, at nearly 20 months off, im able to use exposure therapy, im able to push it a bit cause im not nearly as bad as i was for so loing from tolerance and on through tapering.

 

i get chills thinking about how bad i felt through most of this, geezus what awful sensations, powerful, powerful stuff.

 

Yeah, exposure therapy really intensifies the panic and I think it actually makes me feel psychologically defeated so, I've decided to kick back and take the pressure off of trying to get over this symptom and allow more time for healing before attempting to push through it.

 

Never had it before this rubbish so I'm sure as time passes I'll know when I'm ready.

 

I wish i had this option