Agoraphobia / Monophobia Support Group

[[pu...]]

My mother has been agoraphobic for years, though she spent a lot of time on MANY (dozens at least) of different pills so I don't know if she was ever on benzos. My older sister is on disability for unrelated health problems and now she is nearly completely agoraphobic with a grade school aged daughter. Mom will go out every so often but almost always within 2-3 minutes of her house and she never drives.

 

So I feel inclined to think that I would have had a tendency or be predisposed to agoraphobia but with my recent research it seems that the benzos can cause it and certainly make it worse, which is nuts since they're often indicated for use to TREAT agoraphobia.

 

I work full time because I don't really have a choice but I miss more work than I should, which makes me feel very lazy and ashamed. I used to travel the world, I used to never miss work, I used to love going out. Now all I do is go to work. I have to unfortunately medicate to even get through a grocery store visit or to see my parents (though I feel very safe in my parents' house, it's an hour drive away). That's basically all I do anymore. Husband is insisting that we move away from the area ASAP (and it is a very bad area so I understand) but sometimes I wonder how I can move if I can barely manage to get out of the house sometimes...

 

It sucks what these medications and my illnesses have done to me. I'm just about to turn 34... so there are a lot of years left. It's hard sometimes.

 

Some of this sounds so similar to my experience.  Sending you many hugs <3

[[Po...]]

Hugs to you too, PurpleHeart. It's good to know we aren't alone. I'm thankful that I'm able to get to work at all, but I haven't started my taper yet... :/ It's scary. I don't really have an option in terms of working. My husband also struggles profoundly with mental illness and I don't know how much longer he can work full time.

[[Th...]]

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

I am off for 6 weeks and mine are worse than ever.

 

Mine is still pretty bad at 2.5 months out. There have been small improvements though. I can do almost anything out with my husband, but not on my own I really wish I could find some success stories of those who have conquered monophobia and agoraphobia. If anyone on here finds some would they mind sharing?

[Guest [Lu...]]

I commented a few pages back on here, and mentioned my ordeal with agoraphobia, but wanted to add some points on that.

i had it really bad for a long time, and as I said, exposure therapy, whatever, nothing worked, it was so strong.

my knees would buckle pretty much going anywhere, with flight or fight on full blast.

you guys know the feeling. ugh.

 

it was the epitome of feeling like - "this is never going away" it was so deeply ingrained to my existence for 2+ years.

 

now, although i still get on these forums and whine away at my lingering symptoms, I do want to say here specifically that the agoraphobia has greatly lessened, id say if at its steady worst it was 100%, im probably at about 25% now with it. it took a long time, but somewhere around month 13 ish post, i noticed at work that hey, holy crap im not trembling out of my shoes.

 

i still have it to a degree, but its tolerable. trips to the store and all are still difficult but more for my dizziness and perception/balance issues that have been with me this entire journey. but the actual phobic responses and fear of being out there just isnt nearly what it was.

 

my overall point here is just that it WILL subside. im totally a dude who thought ugh, this is never going away. it was brutal for so long.

 

but it did (mostly) - i have bad days here and there where it can act up and be noticeably strong, but just knowing that its not what it used to be kinda emboldens me through those times. im not as scared of it as i was, i mean. i used to think i was going to pass out and die from it, now, even when it acts up, im just not as freaked out about it.

 

ive had it all, i have lingering heart palps still, the dizziness and all that, vertigo and nausea and super panic attacks and on and on, and id say agoraphobia was the single worst thing i experienced (along with the constant agitated panic mechanisms on full blast for months on end, ugh) but its so much better.

 

it will get better, it will relent. i couldnt imagine it getting better, but it has by a good measure

 

hang in there, go as easy on yourselves as you can. days that arent quite as bad, push a little to let the mind know you can do something without perishing. the days that are awfully hard, youre allowed a break when you can, you dont have to torture yourself, this whole thing is torture enough.

 

 

[[pu...]]

When I got low on Valium, but still in withdrawal, my agoraphobia just disappeared.  So I hope that you know that getting low enough will cure.  I noticed the cessation of symptoms around 2 mg. Valium.

 

I am off for 6 weeks and mine are worse than ever.

 

Mine is still pretty bad at 2.5 months out. There have been small improvements though. I can do almost anything out with my husband, but not on my own I really wish I could find some success stories of those who have conquered monophobia and agoraphobia. If anyone on here finds some would they mind sharing?

 

Thanks, Porclean — I appreciate your post so very much <3

 

Optimist, I am tending to begin to agree that no matter how difficult and painful it is, we must push ourselves forward. This, of course, does not mean that we will be perfect, not experience difficulties or setbacks, nor should we neglect our own self-soothing — but, even though everything is incredibly difficult and painful for me at present, when I push myself forward on my own I am able to see my own progress. I still obsess about doing it beforehand, and when I’m not pushing myself to get out I’m obsessing over doing it and how much I cannot do — I guess the only way through this is to keep putting one foot in front of the other in whatever form that may take. I know I am not saying anything that has not already been said, done, or thought of her on this forum or otherwise, but I’m shsring my experience in this moment.

 

Sending you both so much love, peace, and healing. <3

[[pu...]]

Luke, I greatly appreciate your honesty and tenacity

 

Thank you so much

 

You are an inspiration 

[[Fi...]]

Thanks for sharing that things have gotten better with the agoraphobia. 

[[pu...]]

Hugs to you too, PurpleHeart. It's good to know we aren't alone. I'm thankful that I'm able to get to work at all, but I haven't started my taper yet... :/ It's scary. I don't really have an option in terms of working. My husband also struggles profoundly with mental illness and I don't know how much longer he can work full time.

 

Porclean,  I also have to work, but I am 6 weeks off the benzo.  I first had to c/t then do a rapid taper.  I had not idea what I was getting myself into, and my doc has either been strongarming, negligent, in disbelief, or totally uninformed.

 

It is so difficult for me to maintain my job at present.  It is really all I can do to get through basically 1/4 of a full-time schedule because I am having so many symptoms.

 

I am going to see about getting a support med soon (NOT a benzo!).

 

I am here for you....let´s support one another through this! <3

[Guest [Lu...]]

my pleasure to share guys,

do hang in there, it WILL get better, in the throes of it i know its seems like it wont

[[Po...]]

Hugs to you too, PurpleHeart. It's good to know we aren't alone. I'm thankful that I'm able to get to work at all, but I haven't started my taper yet... :/ It's scary. I don't really have an option in terms of working. My husband also struggles profoundly with mental illness and I don't know how much longer he can work full time.

 

Porclean,  I also have to work, but I am 6 weeks off the benzo.  I first had to c/t then do a rapid taper.  I had not idea what I was getting myself into, and my doc has either been strongarming, negligent, in disbelief, or totally uninformed.

 

It is so difficult for me to maintain my job at present.  It is really all I can do to get through basically 1/4 of a full-time schedule because I am having so many symptoms.

 

I am going to see about getting a support med soon (NOT a benzo!).

 

I am here for you....let´s support one another through this! <3

 

I'm with you!! My birthday is in a couple of days and I've decided it's the day I'm going to start my slow taper. You can always message me on here if you want to talk.

[[...]]

optimist i havent read all of this thread but i agree 100% that in my experience anyway, forced exposure, or exposure therapy when in the worst of agoraphobia is just beyond torture, and not beneficial - i did it a thousand times because life demanded it, mostly, but when i forced myself "out there" trying to push through the phobia, which brings on just awful trembling and crazy levels of panic, man it just made it worse. i actually endured so much of that phobic response by forcing myself to endure situations when my instincts were screaming, i actually made myself sick a couple times. my stomach turned over on more than one occasion.

 

sometimes i could use exposure therapy, when it wasnt too bad, i could endure the store for 10 minutes or whatever, but man, for a long time, pushing the phobia when its hurting you really bad brought on tremendous discomfort, like panic level adrenaline. i learned to finally back off, and in time it all settled down on its own.

 

now, at nearly 20 months off, im able to use exposure therapy, im able to push it a bit cause im not nearly as bad as i was for so loing from tolerance and on through tapering.

 

i get chills thinking about how bad i felt through most of this, geezus what awful sensations, powerful, powerful stuff.

 

Yeah, exposure therapy really intensifies the panic and I think it actually makes me feel psychologically defeated so, I've decided to kick back and take the pressure off of trying to get over this symptom and allow more time for healing before attempting to push through it.

 

Never had it before this rubbish so I'm sure as time passes I'll know when I'm ready.

 

I wish i had this option

 

It's far from being an option.......exposure and pushing don't help it and in fact makes it worse. Do you think if had options I'd sit here and just suffer? I can't "make it" better so I have to allow more time for the cns to get stronger. No other "options"!

[[pu...]]

I know how difficult this is.

[[Th...]]

my pleasure to share guys,

do hang in there, it WILL get better, in the throes of it i know its seems like it wont

 

Yes thank you Luke, I was out tonight and the panic attacks I suffered just exhausted the hell out of me. It really feels

like these symptoms will last forever since I have had the panic for almost a few years now. Its inspiring to hear that your symptoms get better.

 

Do you still get panic attacks?

[[pu...]]

Thanks, Porclean. I have saved you in my buddy list. Please keep in touch.

[[pu...]]

my pleasure to share guys,

do hang in there, it WILL get better, in the throes of it i know its seems like it wont

 

Yes thank you Luke, I was out tonight and the panic attacks I suffered just exhausted the hell out of me. It really feels

like these symptoms will last forever since I have had the panic for almost a few years now. Its inspiring to hear that your symptoms get better.

 

Do you still get panic attacks?

 

It is so very exhausting. Sometimes I go places and I am ina solid state of panic nearly the entire time. Exposing myself a bit is helping, but there are certain times and situations where it is quite insurmountable.

[[Th...]]

my pleasure to share guys,

do hang in there, it WILL get better, in the throes of it i know its seems like it wont

 

Yes thank you Luke, I was out tonight and the panic attacks I suffered just exhausted the hell out of me. It really feels

like these symptoms will last forever since I have had the panic for almost a few years now. Its inspiring to hear that your symptoms get better.

 

Do you still get panic attacks?

 

It is so very exhausting. Sometimes I go places and I am ina solid state of panic nearly the entire time. Exposing myself a bit is helping, but there are certain times and situations where it is quite insurmountable.

 

Yes it is so tiring and its not just the agoraphobia I watched something on tv today and there was a violent scene and I immediately had an attack, I almost tripped running to turn the tv off.

[[pu...]]

my pleasure to share guys,

do hang in there, it WILL get better, in the throes of it i know its seems like it wont

 

Yes thank you Luke, I was out tonight and the panic attacks I suffered just exhausted the hell out of me. It really feels

like these symptoms will last forever since I have had the panic for almost a few years now. Its inspiring to hear that your symptoms get better.

 

Do you still get panic attacks?

 

It is so very exhausting. Sometimes I go places and I am ina solid state of panic nearly the entire time. Exposing myself a bit is helping, but there are certain times and situations where it is quite insurmountable.

 

Yes it is so tiring and its not just the agoraphobia I watched something on tv today and there was a violent scene and I immediately had an attack, I almost tripped running to turn the tv off.

 

Yep this happens to me too. I cannot watch anything I used to. It sucks. All of this f,)($ing sucks.

[[Th...]]

Purpleheart did you have anxiety before taking this meds. I did, but I only had it for a few months prior to taking the benzos about 7 years ago. I am going to try CBD oil for anxiety and see if it helps.

[[pu...]]

Purpleheart did you have anxiety before taking this meds. I did, but I only had it for a few months prior to taking the benzos about 7 years ago. I am going to try CBD oil for anxiety and see if it helps.

 

Yeah, I did, but it was absolutely no comparison to what I experience now for at least 75% of every day.  NOTHING.

Please let me know how the CBD works out.  I am going to add you to my buddy list.