Benzo Free

[[Se...]]

I am now about 11 months benzo free after a year and half taper. This update brings a story of continued healing, but also of personal heartache.

 

My younger brother passed away this past Saturday, the day before Easter. He was in the hospital for three weeks. A full ten days in the ICU. He was doing well eventually,  walking on his own. Joking with the staff as only he could do. Then suddenly last Friday, he was taken to surgery for the fifth time after getting a return of the abdominal pain that had brought him there in the first place. During surgery, they found extensive disease that was not repairable. He quietly passed away the next day with my Mother, brother and sister by his side.

 

For those of you who have experienced something similar, you know the whirlwind of emotions, pain, thoughts and feelings that envelope you. There was a time when I thought about taking a xanax. To calm the overwhelming emotions of the experience. But i remembered that one of the reasons For going through the hell of tapering off of benzos, was to be able to feel emotion. To feel and experience life in its rawest form. I am not going to lie, physically and emotionally, the process was absolutely brutal. But at the same time, I knew it was temporary. There is a process to the loss of a loved one and while  it was a very difficult and painful time, we are now in the acceptance phase and with time, the pain will diminish. Life will go on. Joy will return.

 

Since my last update, I have continued to see additional healing which I had not expected. I thought I was pretty much fully healed, but every once in awhile, I find myself realizing that something else has returned. Not anything huge. But little subtle things. I also had knee surgery since my last update which has gone well. I am pretty close to being back to normal. Actually better than my old normal. They were going to give me Versed, a benzo, before surgery, but I explained my situation and they were able to use alternate modalities. While I had a return of some morning anxiety at times during my brothers illness, prior to that, I was experiencing zero morning anxiety. And this is from someone who had absolutely horrendous morning anxiety for years and years. Day after day of Unrelenting  anxiety. Most days it would subside to some extent as the day wore, only to return full force the next morning upon waking. I want to add, that  I can already tell that since we buried my brother yesterday, that I am returning to a calmer state. The heartache I have felt for the past week has subsided and the reality and acceptance of the situation has begun.

 

In closing I have two thoughts. Give your loved ones, your mother, your father, wife or husband, son or daughter anyone you love or cherish, a big hug, tell them you love them. My loss has reminded me of just  how fast things can change.

 

I want to remind everyone that you will heal. You will become whole again. The pain and agony you are experiencing will eventually become echos of past suffering, coming less and less frequently with less and less intensity. Persistence and determination will see you through.

 

and ...............  Never , Ever Give Up

 

Take care friends. 

[[Ma...]]

I am now about 11 months benzo free after a year and half taper. This update brings a story of continued healing, but also of personal heartache.

 

My younger brother passed away this past Saturday, the day before Easter. He was in the hospital for three weeks. A full ten days in the ICU. He was doing well eventually,  walking on his own. Joking with the staff as only he could do. Then suddenly last Friday, he was taken to surgery for the fifth time after getting a return of the abdominal pain that had brought him there in the first place. During surgery, they found extensive disease that was not repairable. He quietly passed away the next day with my Mother, brother and sister by his side.

 

For those of you who have experienced something similar, you know the whirlwind of emotions, pain, thoughts and feelings that envelope you. There was a time when I thought about taking a xanax. To calm the overwhelming emotions of the experience. But i remembered that one of the reasons For going through the hell of tapering off of benzos, was to be able to feel emotion. To feel and experience life in its rawest form. I am not going to lie, physically and emotionally, the process was absolutely brutal. But at the same time, I knew it was temporary. There is a process to the loss of a loved one and while  it was a very difficult and painful time, we are now in the acceptance phase and with time, the pain will diminish. Life will go on. Joy will return.

 

Since my last update, I have continued to see additional healing which I had not expected. I thought I was pretty much fully healed, but every once in awhile, I find myself realizing that something else has returned. Not anything huge. But little subtle things. I also had knee surgery since my last update which has gone well. I am pretty close to being back to normal. Actually better than my old normal. They were going to give me Versed, a benzo, before surgery, but I explained my situation and they were able to use alternate modalities. While I had a return of some morning anxiety at times during my brothers illness, prior to that, I was experiencing zero morning anxiety. And this is from someone who had absolutely horrendous morning anxiety for years and years. Day after day of Unrelenting  anxiety. Most days it would subside to some extent as the day wore, only to return full force the next morning upon waking. I want to add, that  I can already tell that since we buried my brother yesterday, that I am returning to a calmer state. The heartache I have felt for the past week has subsided and the reality and acceptance of the situation has begun.

 

In closing I have two thoughts. Give your loved ones, your mother, your father, wife or husband, son or daughter anyone you love or cherish, a big hug, tell them you love them. My loss has reminded me of just  how fast things can change.

 

I want to remind everyone that you will heal. You will become whole again. The pain and agony you are experiencing will eventually become echos of past suffering, coming less and less frequently with less and less intensity. Persistence and determination will see you through.

 

and ...............  Never , Ever Give Up

 

Take care friends. 

 

I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother but also very impressed with your handling of it.  This is a wonderful post for any one that's had a loss or facing one, not to mention uplifting for all of us still withdrawing.  Thank you very much for sharing this with us.  Love, Mary ☮️💜🙏☮️💜🙏

[[fr...]]

  I know your pain Serenitee, thinking of you.  😢💖

[[ci...]]

Serenitee,

 

You have handled a big hurdle very well.  You sound so good. 

So sorry for your loss.

 

Circlestar

[[be...]]

Hi there, My dear Friend. I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss, Life is so fragile and leaves much sooner than we want. Your post touched my heart with the Love you have for your Brother, and as hard as it can be...you will go on, and one day as you said laugh about the good times and he will always be near in your Heart.

 

Wonderful news about your progress, so happy you are doing well, sure there are some bumps in the road, but you are handling them. I know tapering was not always easy and I know you struggled, but I also know that you "Never ever gave up...."

 

May you and your Family find Peace with the passing of a Loved one and your pain be replaced with the wonderful memories of you and your Brothers time together. 💖Peace and Healing.

[[pr...]]

My condolences to you and your family during this time.

 

Blessings

PG

[[Co...]]

I am now about 11 months benzo free after a year and half taper. This update brings a story of continued healing, but also of personal heartache.

 

My younger brother passed away this past Saturday, the day before Easter. He was in the hospital for three weeks. A full ten days in the ICU. He was doing well eventually,  walking on his own. Joking with the staff as only he could do. Then suddenly last Friday, he was taken to surgery for the fifth time after getting a return of the abdominal pain that had brought him there in the first place. During surgery, they found extensive disease that was not repairable. He quietly passed away the next day with my Mother, brother and sister by his side.

 

For those of you who have experienced something similar, you know the whirlwind of emotions, pain, thoughts and feelings that envelope you. There was a time when I thought about taking a xanax. To calm the overwhelming emotions of the experience. But i remembered that one of the reasons For going through the hell of tapering off of benzos, was to be able to feel emotion. To feel and experience life in its rawest form. I am not going to lie, physically and emotionally, the process was absolutely brutal. But at the same time, I knew it was temporary. There is a process to the loss of a loved one and while  it was a very difficult and painful time, we are now in the acceptance phase and with time, the pain will diminish. Life will go on. Joy will return.

 

Since my last update, I have continued to see additional healing which I had not expected. I thought I was pretty much fully healed, but every once in awhile, I find myself realizing that something else has returned. Not anything huge. But little subtle things. I also had knee surgery since my last update which has gone well. I am pretty close to being back to normal. Actually better than my old normal. They were going to give me Versed, a benzo, before surgery, but I explained my situation and they were able to use alternate modalities. While I had a return of some morning anxiety at times during my brothers illness, prior to that, I was experiencing zero morning anxiety. And this is from someone who had absolutely horrendous morning anxiety for years and years. Day after day of Unrelenting  anxiety. Most days it would subside to some extent as the day wore, only to return full force the next morning upon waking. I want to add, that  I can already tell that since we buried my brother yesterday, that I am returning to a calmer state. The heartache I have felt for the past week has subsided and the reality and acceptance of the situation has begun.

 

In closing I have two thoughts. Give your loved ones, your mother, your father, wife or husband, son or daughter anyone you love or cherish, a big hug, tell them you love them. My loss has reminded me of just  how fast things can change.

 

I want to remind everyone that you will heal. You will become whole again. The pain and agony you are experiencing will eventually become echos of past suffering, coming less and less frequently with less and less intensity. Persistence and determination will see you through.

 

and ...............  Never , Ever Give Up

 

Take care friends. 

 

 

 

Serenitee,

 

My deeply felt condolences for your loss for you and  your family .

The way you share it, your wise view of past and future are an unknown dimension to me.

And thinking about us too, giving courage.

I wish you all the strength to live through the grieving on your path to find back joy .

 

conafetto

[[Un...]]

Serenitee,

 

My heart goes out to you and your family ❤️  What a beautiful, heartfelt and honest post you’ve shared with us.  I’m so sorry for the pain of your loss.  Thank you for sharing with us.  May the natural grieving process be kind to all of you and peace envelop you.

 

Love,

 

Uni

[[Fp...]]

Serenitee,

You are in my prayers.

Fp

[[Se...]]

 

 

 

I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother but also very impressed with your handling of it.  This is a wonderful post for any one that's had a loss or facing one, not to mention uplifting for all of us still withdrawing.  Thank you very much for sharing this with us.  Love, Mary ☮️💜🙏☮️💜🙏

 

 

Thank you Mary for kind words.

[[Se...]]

  I know your pain Serenitee, thinking of you.  😢💖

 

 

 

Thanks Free.  I hope that in the near future you will receive healing from your benzo taper.

[[Se...]]

Hi there, My dear Friend. I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss, Life is so fragile and leaves much sooner than we want. Your post touched my heart with the Love you have for your Brother, and as hard as it can be...you will go on, and one day as you said laugh about the good times and he will always be near in your Heart.

 

Wonderful news about your progress, so happy you are doing well, sure there are some bumps in the road, but you are handling them. I know tapering was not always easy and I know you struggled, but I also know that you "Never ever gave up...."

 

May you and your Family find Peace with the passing of a Loved one and your pain be replaced with the wonderful memories of you and your Brothers time together. 💖Peace and Healing.

 

 

Thank you Begood. I appreciate the warm words. They give me strength. I am still following your progress as you move forward. Keep up the good work.

[[be...]]

Hi there, My dear Friend. I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss, Life is so fragile and leaves much sooner than we want. Your post touched my heart with the Love you have for your Brother, and as hard as it can be...you will go on, and one day as you said laugh about the good times and he will always be near in your Heart.

 

Wonderful news about your progress, so happy you are doing well, sure there are some bumps in the road, but you are handling them. I know tapering was not always easy and I know you struggled, but I also know that you "Never ever gave up...."

 

May you and your Family find Peace with the passing of a Loved one and your pain be replaced with the wonderful memories of you and your Brothers time together. 💖Peace and Healing.

 

 

Thank you Begood. I appreciate the warm words. They give me strength. I am still following your progress as you move forward. Keep up the good work.

:hug:  

[[Ca...]]

Serenitee,

 

So sorry to hear.. May your treasured memories be endless..

 

Thanks for dropping in and sharing your journey and its improvements...

 

My best to you...

 

[[Es...]]

I am now about 11 months benzo free after a year and half taper. This update brings a story of continued healing, but also of personal heartache.

 

My younger brother passed away this past Saturday, the day before Easter. He was in the hospital for three weeks. A full ten days in the ICU. He was doing well eventually,  walking on his own. Joking with the staff as only he could do. Then suddenly last Friday, he was taken to surgery for the fifth time after getting a return of the abdominal pain that had brought him there in the first place. During surgery, they found extensive disease that was not repairable. He quietly passed away the next day with my Mother, brother and sister by his side.

 

For those of you who have experienced something similar, you know the whirlwind of emotions, pain, thoughts and feelings that envelope you. There was a time when I thought about taking a xanax. To calm the overwhelming emotions of the experience. But i remembered that one of the reasons For going through the hell of tapering off of benzos, was to be able to feel emotion. To feel and experience life in its rawest form. I am not going to lie, physically and emotionally, the process was absolutely brutal. But at the same time, I knew it was temporary. There is a process to the loss of a loved one and while  it was a very difficult and painful time, we are now in the acceptance phase and with time, the pain will diminish. Life will go on. Joy will return.

 

Since my last update, I have continued to see additional healing which I had not expected. I thought I was pretty much fully healed, but every once in awhile, I find myself realizing that something else has returned. Not anything huge. But little subtle things. I also had knee surgery since my last update which has gone well. I am pretty close to being back to normal. Actually better than my old normal. They were going to give me Versed, a benzo, before surgery, but I explained my situation and they were able to use alternate modalities. While I had a return of some morning anxiety at times during my brothers illness, prior to that, I was experiencing zero morning anxiety. And this is from someone who had absolutely horrendous morning anxiety for years and years. Day after day of Unrelenting  anxiety. Most days it would subside to some extent as the day wore, only to return full force the next morning upon waking. I want to add, that  I can already tell that since we buried my brother yesterday, that I am returning to a calmer state. The heartache I have felt for the past week has subsided and the reality and acceptance of the situation has begun.

 

In closing I have two thoughts. Give your loved ones, your mother, your father, wife or husband, son or daughter anyone you love or cherish, a big hug, tell them you love them. My loss has reminded me of just  how fast things can change.

 

I want to remind everyone that you will heal. You will become whole again. The pain and agony you are experiencing will eventually become echos of past suffering, coming less and less frequently with less and less intensity. Persistence and determination will see you through.

 

and ...............  Never , Ever Give Up

 

Take care friends. 

 

Sorry for your loss, Serenitee.

 

Glad that you're feeling better without the BZD.

[[ba...]]

Hugs!

[[La...]]

Congratulations on your success! I agree, this was the hardest thing I've ever done as well, but I fell better everyday & I'm hopeful for the future!  thanks for sharing!