Benzo Free

[[Se...]]

 

Congratulations Serenitee! Am very happy you are free from these poison meds.

Thank you for keeping us posted of your progress!

 

Sending you my love, hugs, prayers and best wishes for more healing and speedy recovery!

 

Blessings!

Pi

 

                                           

Thanks, that is very kind of you. Wish you all the best going forward also. One day at a time is all we can do. When I am having a hard time with this, it brings to mind Colin's avatar of some bloke putting one step in front the other and just keepin on keepin on. 

Hi S  Hope the below info helps you

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

       

Why Symptoms Return - How Healing Progresses

 

http://theemergencesite.com/Images/HealingSpirals.jpg

http://theemergencesite.com/Tech/TechIssues-Healing-Spirals.htm

 

Thanks for that info Nova.  Very interesting concept. Makes sense. Wish you the best Nova, I know it’s been a long painful journey for you. You’ll make it.

[[Se...]]

2 month update: 

 

Been two months since I have completed my taper. Still having an up and down time of it. I seem to have a couple of weeks where I feel pretty decent and then other times where I am not feeling good. My main issues are neck and upper back pain accompanied by anxiety. They are interrelated, but I am not sure if the anxiety starts the neck and upper back pain or the neck and upper back pain initiates the anxiety. I have had brief times where I have felt completely calm and serene, but those times are fleeting. When I think back to where I had been, I realize I have come a long long way, but it is still frustrating to be still suffering symptoms albeit to a much lesser degree. The biggest fear being that this is the best I will get.

 

When I began to write this update, I was thinking it had been three months since I finished my taper, but when I looked back, I found that it has only been two months. So I felt a little better knowing it has only been two months.

 

I have begun to do light stretching, emphasis on light stretching of the neck. I continue to go to the pool regularly. This summer I have been going virtually every day. I swim some laps and do light stretching.

 

I have attempted to lose some weight with mixed results. I have lost about 5 lbs, but need to up my game some. My Achilles heel is my Mt Dew habit. I generally have two cans of Dew a day. I know it cannot be doing me any favors, both with the sugar and caffeine involved. I can’t help thinking that I would feel better if I quit, but it’s probably a good 30 year habit. If anybody has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

 

For now, I continue to put one foot in front of the other when things are crappy, and enjoy the times when I am feeling better.

 

Wish everyone the best in their own personal journeys to remove benzos from their life. This process takes persistence, determination and the attitude to never, ever, give up.  Take Care. 

[[be...]]

Hi Serenitee, I was just about to place a shout out to you on blog. I was wondering how you have been doing, I am sorry that you still have some issues. I really think your Brain is trying to adjust to no benzo and is causing that pain you are having. I know that most have had some problems, post walk off, I really think it is going to take time for all adjustments to catch up with you. One step at a time, enjoy the good times and do self care, when they are wonky. I do not believe that this is the best that it gets...it is going to take time for all healing to be finished.

 

I bet if you gave up your beloved soda, you would lose a bunch of weight, I know that Mt Dew does have a sugar free variety, but diet pop is a killer with belly issues. You will give it up when you decide that all that sugar is not good for you...maybe you would heal faster also without it. I do believe that you are in the process of healing and you will one day feel better. Stay Strong My Friend. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

[[Se...]]

Hi Serenitee, I was just about to place a shout out to you on blog. I was wondering how you have been doing, I am sorry that you still have some issues. I really think your Brain is trying to adjust to no benzo and is causing that pain you are having. I know that most have had some problems, post walk off, I really think it is going to take time for all adjustments to catch up with you. One step at a time, enjoy the good times and do self care, when they are wonky. I do not believe that this is the best that it gets...it is going to take time for all healing to be finished.

 

I bet if you gave up your beloved soda, you would lose a bunch of weight, I know that Mt Dew does have a sugar free variety, but diet pop is a killer with belly issues. You will give it up when you decide that all that sugar is not good for you...maybe you would heal faster also without it. I do believe that you are in the process of healing and you will one day feel better. Stay Strong My Friend. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

 

Thanks for the kind encouraging words Begood. It is good to be reminded that it takes time for the adjustment to being benzo free. I hope you are doing better too. I saw that you were/are having a rough patch. Take Care. You are almost there too. So close. I see you have done another cut. YAY!!!!

[[Su...]]

 

Serenitee!

So glad to read this update from you... I've been wondering how it's all going.

I am sorry that things have not progressed in a straight smooth manner, the one we all hope for, and the fact that you are finished is still so very very good and an amazing accomplishment.

2 months is not such a long time for things to even out....

Mountain Dew!  now that's not doing you any favours, and we all have our vices....

Be well and heal well.

The rest of us are continuing to trudge along... turtling off  like you did.

:smitten:

SS

[[be...]]

Hi Serenitee, I was just about to place a shout out to you on blog. I was wondering how you have been doing, I am sorry that you still have some issues. I really think your Brain is trying to adjust to no benzo and is causing that pain you are having. I know that most have had some problems, post walk off, I really think it is going to take time for all adjustments to catch up with you. One step at a time, enjoy the good times and do self care, when they are wonky. I do not believe that this is the best that it gets...it is going to take time for all healing to be finished.

 

I bet if you gave up your beloved soda, you would lose a bunch of weight, I know that Mt Dew does have a sugar free variety, but diet pop is a killer with belly issues. You will give it up when you decide that all that sugar is not good for you...maybe you would heal faster also without it. I do believe that you are in the process of healing and you will one day feel better. Stay Strong My Friend. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

 

Thanks for the kind encouraging words Begood. It is good to be reminded that it takes time for the adjustment to being benzo free. I hope you are doing better too. I saw that you were/are having a rough patch. Take Care. You are almost there too. So close. I see you have done another cut. YAY!!!!

Thanks I am doing better, but was knocked silly by the beast...ummm realized my cut % larger than I thought...so was on a collison course...but now in control, and just waiting to feel a bit better, doing my 30 day hold now, may extend to 60 days. I am not giving in to this, it will get better.

[[Ca...]]

Hi Serenitee..

Great to hear from you..!! Yes Give it a little time, your body is still busy fixing stuff...

I was always struck with how, for me things got worse right before better, following a cut.. It kinda helped in a way...

Your healing clean now, -no benzo... Thats a good thing..

 

We all have a vice or 3.. But I did think it would be easy to do a liquid taper with the drink...!!

-sorry, perhaps not funny..!!

-when you are ready..

 

Take care..

Best wishes..

 

[[Se...]]

Hi Serenitee..

Great to hear from you..!! Yes Give it a little time, your body is still busy fixing stuff...

I was always struck with how, for me things got worse right before better, following a cut.. It kinda helped in a way...

Your healing clean now, -no benzo... Thats a good thing..

 

We all have a vice or 3.. But I did think it would be easy to do a liquid taper with the drink...!!

-sorry, perhaps not funny..!!

-when you are ready..

 

Take care..

Best wishes..

 

 

That actually was funny. I laughed. Doing a daily microtaper of Mt Dew.  Hmmmmmmm.......

 

BTW, I always meant to ask if there was a story behind your screen name "Cantfly"

 

Take Care. Hope your doing OK since you completed your taper.

[[Ca...]]

Hi Serenitee..

Great to hear from you..!! Yes Give it a little time, your body is still busy fixing stuff...

I was always struck with how, for me things got worse right before better, following a cut.. It kinda helped in a way...

Your healing clean now, -no benzo... Thats a good thing..

 

We all have a vice or 3.. But I did think it would be easy to do a liquid taper with the drink...!!

-sorry, perhaps not funny..!!

-when you are ready..

 

Take care..

Best wishes..

 

 

That actually was funny. I laughed. Doing a daily microtaper of Mt Dew.  Hmmmmmmm.......

 

BTW, I always meant to ask if there was a story behind your screen name "Cantfly"

 

Take Care. Hope your doing OK since you completed your taper.

lol, I guess its not that odd.. people taper coffee, and how many sugars they add.. -and alcohol..

Hmmm.. -I wasnt that clever after all..!!

 

Good catch.. -Yes, my nick was with me long before this... It stems from when I raced enduro, -and one badly failed attempt at a $100 hill climb.. I went one way, my motorbike, the other... What goes up must come down..

Then it caught on more at the bike shop and after my accident, Though the nurses frowned on it at first.. But they didnt like "smashed crab" either.. lol

 

It took me a little to click to how it related well to tapering and these hideous meds.. -So not witty there either..!! Lol

 

 

 

[[ci...]]

Serenitee,

You are such an example for me with your slow, patient taper.  I see so many here talk about slow tapers, but when I look at their signatures they are not slow at all.  I have been keeping it slow and will continue to reduce my daily cut in order to keep the % reduction in line (at least until I get really close). It looks like you have been doing pretty well so far in the walk off!  I will keep an eye out for your progress.  I hope you won’t mind if I need to reach out for advice down the road.

 

Best,

circlestar

[[Se...]]

Serenitee,

You are such an example for me with your slow, patient taper.  I see so many here talk about slow tapers, but when I look at their signatures they are not slow at all.  I have been keeping it slow and will continue to reduce my daily cut in order to keep the % reduction in line (at least until I get really close). It looks like you have been doing pretty well so far in the walk off!  I will keep an eye out for your progress.  I hope you won’t mind if I need to reach out for advice down the road.

 

Best,

circlestar

 

Hi Star!

Nice of you to stop by and share a post here. My taper did end up going very slow. I originally thought I would do a super slow conservative taper of three whole months.    That obviously did not work out. I had to remain working throughout my taper. I went as fast as I could, but it took a long time for me. And last summer I did a long hold so I could somewhat enjoy the summer so that made it a little longer than what it probably would of been. I kind of let my body dictate how fast my taper was.

 

I have had a bit of an up and down post taper. I get a couple of bad weeks then a couple of good weeks. I am current doing very well. My neck still gives me a lot of pain, but I cannot blame all of that on withdrawal. Hopefully that will improve also.

 

You look to be doing a very good job managing your taper. You have come a long way!  How are feeling currently and what were the symptoms  that have given you the most trouble.

 

Keep up the good work. You are almost there. You should be really proud of yourself.

[[ci...]]

Hi Serenitee,

Thanks for responding to me.  I keep making taper plans and think I’ll be done in 8-10 months.  Then keep revising and revising based on information from people here and I feel like the end date just gets farther and farther away.  So, what I originally was thinking was that I would reduce by .001 per day all the way to the end.  But I started to feel a bit edgy as the % was increasing.  So after a back and forth with Jim Hawk, I’m looking at 8% every 14 days.  Fine for now, but it looks like an impossibly small cut when I get to .05 and below.  It just drags on forever.  Also, Jim advises a jump at .025K per Ashton.  I see so many people go so much lower and walk off rather than jump. The thing is, Ashton is tapering V and there’s about 30 days ramp after the last dose due to the long half-life.  K only gives me about 8-9 days ramp.  So I was thinking about going down lower.  So now I’m contemplating a reduction of .0005/day once I get to about .05K and let the % just go up.  What was it like for you from .05 on down?  How did sxs compare to cuts higher up the chain? 

 

I’m also getting a bit fearful about what comes after the taper.  I wish we knew that the slow taper was a guaranteed trade off for less sxs in WD, but we don’t.  I’m so afraid that my CNS will not recover after being on these meds for over 25 years. 

 

I have another question for you about holds...when doing DLMT can you just slow down the taper by holding, say, 1 or 2 days a week as necessary?  Or better to taper 4 weeks and hold for 2 weeks? Both could get me to the same place.  But based on your experience do you think one is preferable?

 

My sxs are variable from day to day. Although hugely better than when I did dry cut and hold.  That was rough! The constant is morning anxiety that moderates by 4:00pm~,  sleeping only 2-5 hours a night now, burning feeling arms and legs, twitching eyelid, muscle tension, nausea was strong in cut and hold but not so much now. Depression seems to be increasing as I go down lower.

 

I feel like I’m out here on my own.  Doc doesn’t support the taper.  Says I need more med or alternatively, just stop.  He will provide pills but no help.  No interest.  I have a therapist I see to help me process my feelings as I “thaw” from the benzo after all these years.  But she doesn’t know anything about taper.  She is supportive.  But I’m teaching her!  My husband helps by taking on some of the household chores, but honestly does not understand what this is about.  How could he?  I can hardly believe it myself and I’m living it.

 

I am hoping that you will have an easy time of it in the WD to show me that the slow taper is the way to go.  How has it been for you?

 

Sorry to hijack your blog.

 

Thanks

 

 

[[Se...]]

Hi Star,

Hope things are going well with you. Thought I'd stop by and say Hello and answer some of you questions and put my two cents in.

 

Hi Serenitee,

Thanks for responding to me.  I keep making taper plans and think I’ll be done in 8-10 months.  Then keep revising and revising based on information from people here and I feel like the end date just gets farther and farther away.  So, what I originally was thinking was that I would reduce by .001 per day all the way to the end.  But I started to feel a bit edgy as the % was increasing.  So after a back and forth with Jim Hawk, I’m looking at 8% every 14 days.  Fine for now, but it looks like an impossibly small cut when I get to .05 and below.  It just drags on forever.  Also, Jim advises a jump at .025K per Ashton.  I see so many people go so much lower and walk off rather than jump. The thing is, Ashton is tapering V and there’s about 30 days ramp after the last dose due to the long half-life.  K only gives me about 8-9 days ramp.  So I was thinking about going down lower.  So now I’m contemplating a reduction of .0005/day once I get to about .05K and let the % just go up.  What was it like for you from .05 on down?  How did sxs compare to cuts higher up the chain? 

 

I can relate to your end date seemingly getting farther and farther away. My original plan was to do a "conservative" three month taper. After 25 days of a DLMT, I crashed hard and found out this was going to be harder than expected.

 

I tapered all the way down to zero. I really don't know if there is a correct way to transition. I think you will know your answer when the time comes. I would not worry about it. I'm sure with the slow taper you are doing, that your transition off benzos completely will be relatively smooth.

 

I’m also getting a bit fearful about what comes after the taper.  I wish we knew that the slow taper was a guaranteed trade off for less sxs in WD, but we don’t.  I’m so afraid that my CNS will not recover after being on these meds for over 25 years.

 

I have another question for you about holds...when doing DLMT can you just slow down the taper by holding, say, 1 or 2 days a week as necessary?  Or better to taper 4 weeks and hold for 2 weeks? Both could get me to the same place.  But based on your experience do you think one is preferable?

 

I started out on a DLMT. At 25 days when I crashed, I held for awhile based on some advice I received from someone here. About 2-3 weeks in to my hold, I started feeling good enough to proceed. From that point on I did more of a cut and hold taper based on how I was feeling. I generally found that 2-3 days after a cut I had varying levels of sxs that slowly diminished. After two weeks I would feel confident enough to continue and just continued that cycle till I was down to zero. Of course there were times when my cuts seemed to be too fast for my brain/body's ability to heal or normalize to the new dose and I had to hold longer. My longest hold was over the summer of 2017. In May of that year, I was becoming fearful that I may have to stop working so I started a long hold which encompassed the whole summer and beyond a bit because of a wedding coming up. I wanted to feel halfway decent for the summer. It did help. I felt fairly good for the summer. 

 

As far as how you should approach your taper, if you are going to do a DLMT based taper, I would do the taper 4 weeks and hold for 2 weeks thing, but know that this may have to be modified based on how you are doing. This whole taper thing is soooooo variable from person to person, it is hard to plan on any hard and fast rules. Just be flexible based on how you are doing and you will very likely get in to a rythym that will take you to the finish line.

 

My sxs are variable from day to day. Although hugely better than when I did dry cut and hold.  That was rough! The constant is morning anxiety that moderates by 4:00pm~,  sleeping only 2-5 hours a night now, burning feeling arms and legs, twitching eyelid, muscle tension, nausea was strong in cut and hold but not so much now. Depression seems to be increasing as I go down lower.

 

I am almost 3 months out from the end of my taper. It has been up and down a bit. I had a couple of week long spells where I felt pretty bad mixed in with weeks of feeling pretty good. Mentally right now, I am sharper than I have been in 12 years. Morning anxiety is nill. But still, I get that odd day where I can feel really bad. For instance about 4-5 days I ago, I had a day that was just brutal, but the next day I felt tremendous and have ever since.

 

I can tell you that I had the brutal morning anxiety thing that waned in the evening also. That will dissipate in due time. Be assured of that. Try not to let that overwhelm you. Let yourself imagine a time when you wake up refreshed with no anxiety. It will come. The one thing that I am still bothered by  to varying degrees is the burning in my neck and arms. It is variable. I am going to be start seeing a PT in a week or so to see if that will help with all this neck arm pain. I have two distinct pain patterns with my neck and arms. Part of it is just that the muscles in my neck are so tight. The burning, nervy part is the benzo related stuff. I always recognized that I would see a PT when I was done with my taper. I just felt it would not be worth while during my taper because it was so confusing as to what was causing what pain. We'll see.

 

I feel like I’m out here on my own.  Doc doesn’t support the taper.  Says I need more med or alternatively, just stop.  He will provide pills but no help.  No interest.  I have a therapist I see to help me process my feelings as I “thaw” from the benzo after all these years.  But she doesn’t know anything about taper.  She is supportive.  But I’m teaching her!  My husband helps by taking on some of the household chores, but honestly does not understand what this is about.  How could he?  I can hardly believe it myself and I’m living it.

 

I am hoping that you will have an easy time of it in the WD to show me that the slow taper is the way to go.  How has it been for you?

 

Sorry to hijack your blog.

 

Thanks

 

Sorry to hear your Doc is not benzo aware. At least he is still prescribing. You will be an expert when this is over. You are very fortunate to have a husband who is supportive. That is awesome. In time, you will become more and more capable and will no doubt be able to resume you normal life. That is probably hard to imagine right now, but it is true. It is true that no one can possibly imagine what we go through either. I can barely believe it myself in some respects. I would often times make a small cut, really small and then have sxs from that cut. Throughout the whole taper, the one thing I just could not believe is that I could have such difficult sxs coming from such small cuts. I would ask others too about that and the answer was always that they had experienced the same thing. So I now I was not making it up in my mind.

 

Anyways if you ever need support, feel free to ask. It is a long road for some of us. You will get through this. It takes persistence, determination and time.

 

And Never, ever, give up. At times when I was in hell, I would think of Colin's avatar. He had an avatar of a person slowly putting one step in front of another and slogging forward no matter what. In the end you will be whole again.

 

Best Wishes going forward.

[[ci...]]

Hi Star,

Hope things are going well with you. Thought I'd stop by and say Hello and answer some of you questions and put my two cents in.

 

Hi Serenitee,

Thanks for responding to me.  I keep making taper plans and think I’ll be done in 8-10 months.  Then keep revising and revising based on information from people here and I feel like the end date just gets farther and farther away.  So, what I originally was thinking was that I would reduce by .001 per day all the way to the end.  But I started to feel a bit edgy as the % was increasing.  So after a back and forth with Jim Hawk, I’m looking at 8% every 14 days.  Fine for now, but it looks like an impossibly small cut when I get to .05 and below.  It just drags on forever.  Also, Jim advises a jump at .025K per Ashton.  I see so many people go so much lower and walk off rather than jump. The thing is, Ashton is tapering V and there’s about 30 days ramp after the last dose due to the long half-life.  K only gives me about 8-9 days ramp.  So I was thinking about going down lower.  So now I’m contemplating a reduction of .0005/day once I get to about .05K and let the % just go up.  What was it like for you from .05 on down?  How did sxs compare to cuts higher up the chain? 

 

I can relate to your end date seemingly getting farther and farther away. My original plan was to do a "conservative" three month taper. After 25 days of a DLMT, I crashed hard and found out this was going to be harder than expected.

 

I tapered all the way down to zero. I really don't know if there is a correct way to transition. I think you will know your answer when the time comes. I would not worry about it. I'm sure with the slow taper you are doing, that your transition off benzos completely will be relatively smooth.

 

I’m also getting a bit fearful about what comes after the taper.  I wish we knew that the slow taper was a guaranteed trade off for less sxs in WD, but we don’t.  I’m so afraid that my CNS will not recover after being on these meds for over 25 years.

 

I have another question for you about holds...when doing DLMT can you just slow down the taper by holding, say, 1 or 2 days a week as necessary?  Or better to taper 4 weeks and hold for 2 weeks? Both could get me to the same place.  But based on your experience do you think one is preferable?

 

I started out on a DLMT. At 25 days when I crashed, I held for awhile based on some advice I received from someone here. About 2-3 weeks in to my hold, I started feeling good enough to proceed. From that point on I did more of a cut and hold taper based on how I was feeling. I generally found that 2-3 days after a cut I had varying levels of sxs that slowly diminished. After two weeks I would feel confident enough to continue and just continued that cycle till I was down to zero. Of course there were times when my cuts seemed to be too fast for my brain/body's ability to heal or normalize to the new dose and I had to hold longer. My longest hold was over the summer of 2017. In May of that year, I was becoming fearful that I may have to stop working so I started a long hold which encompassed the whole summer and beyond a bit because of a wedding coming up. I wanted to feel halfway decent for the summer. It did help. I felt fairly good for the summer. 

 

As far as how you should approach your taper, if you are going to do a DLMT based taper, I would do the taper 4 weeks and hold for 2 weeks thing, but know that this may have to be modified based on how you are doing. This whole taper thing is soooooo variable from person to person, it is hard to plan on any hard and fast rules. Just be flexible based on how you are doing and you will very likely get in to a rythym that will take you to the finish line.

 

My sxs are variable from day to day. Although hugely better than when I did dry cut and hold.  That was rough! The constant is morning anxiety that moderates by 4:00pm~,  sleeping only 2-5 hours a night now, burning feeling arms and legs, twitching eyelid, muscle tension, nausea was strong in cut and hold but not so much now. Depression seems to be increasing as I go down lower.

 

I am almost 3 months out from the end of my taper. It has been up and down a bit. I had a couple of week long spells where I felt pretty bad mixed in with weeks of feeling pretty good. Mentally right now, I am sharper than I have been in 12 years. Morning anxiety is nill. But still, I get that odd day where I can feel really bad. For instance about 4-5 days I ago, I had a day that was just brutal, but the next day I felt tremendous and have ever since.

 

I can tell you that I had the brutal morning anxiety thing that waned in the evening also. That will dissipate in due time. Be assured of that. Try not to let that overwhelm you. Let yourself imagine a time when you wake up refreshed with no anxiety. It will come. The one thing that I am still bothered by  to varying degrees is the burning in my neck and arms. It is variable. I am going to be start seeing a PT in a week or so to see if that will help with all this neck arm pain. I have two distinct pain patterns with my neck and arms. Part of it is just that the muscles in my neck are so tight. The burning, nervy part is the benzo related stuff. I always recognized that I would see a PT when I was done with my taper. I just felt it would not be worth while during my taper because it was so confusing as to what was causing what pain. We'll see.

 

I feel like I’m out here on my own.  Doc doesn’t support the taper.  Says I need more med or alternatively, just stop.  He will provide pills but no help.  No interest.  I have a therapist I see to help me process my feelings as I “thaw” from the benzo after all these years.  But she doesn’t know anything about taper.  She is supportive.  But I’m teaching her!  My husband helps by taking on some of the household chores, but honestly does not understand what this is about.  How could he?  I can hardly believe it myself and I’m living it.

 

I am hoping that you will have an easy time of it in the WD to show me that the slow taper is the way to go.  How has it been for you?

 

Sorry to hijack your blog.

 

Thanks

 

Sorry to hear your Doc is not benzo aware. At least he is still prescribing. You will be an expert when this is over. You are very fortunate to have a husband who is supportive. That is awesome. In time, you will become more and more capable and will no doubt be able to resume you normal life. That is probably hard to imagine right now, but it is true. It is true that no one can possibly imagine what we go through either. I can barely believe it myself in some respects. I would often times make a small cut, really small and then have sxs from that cut. Throughout the whole taper, the one thing I just could not believe is that I could have such difficult sxs coming from such small cuts. I would ask others too about that and the answer was always that they had experienced the same thing. So I now I was not making it up in my mind.

 

Anyways if you ever need support, feel free to ask. It is a long road for some of us. You will get through this. It takes persistence, determination and time.

 

And Never, ever, give up. At times when I was in hell, I would think of Colin's avatar. He had an avatar of a person slowly putting one step in front of another and slogging forward no matter what. In the end you will be whole again.

 

Best Wishes going forward.

 

Serenitee,

 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!  I am really happy to hear that your are doing so well after 3 months.  It gives me a lot of hope.  I will be checking on your progress.  I hope your neck gets better with PT.  Have you ever tried a chiropractor?  They can really help with discs that are locked in by tight muscles.  Just a warning though...all chiropractors are not equal.  It's definitely more of an art than a science.  So make sure you get a referral.  Also learn how your body best responds.  For example, I have learned that small adjustments work better for me.

 

I am proud of what I've accomplished so far.  Just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

Thanks!

Circlestar

 

 

 

 

[[ab...]]

It really is awful.  Best of luck to you!!!!  :thumbsup:

 

Finished my taper last Saturday. June 9 th. About 1-1/2 years. I remember when I started I thought, I’ll be real conservative and taper over 3 months.    It became very apparent that was never going to happen. I ended up holding all through last summer to let my brain catch up to my taper and just to have some time where I felt decent. I had no choice but to go slow so I could continue to be relatively functional for work. Even then there were a couple of points where I wasn’t sure I could keeep working.

 

We’ll see how things go from here. I’ll give updates now and again. I am hoping that because I did a super slow taper, that I will have minimal trouble going forward, but who knows.

 

Hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

[[Se...]]

Time for my three month update. The last month has been mostly positive. I think it started out with me being a bit wonky. Morning anxiety and neck arm and upper back burning and achy nervy pain. Since then it has been better. Two weekends ago, I had the most awe full day. Absolutely atrocious. Anxiety, inner vibrations, neck and arm pain off the charts. But then the next day I was fine. Just like that. It’s weird how one can go from so bad to so good in the course of one day. I have no idea why.

 

Since then, I have been pretty good. Little to no anxiety. Brain is functioning well. I generally feel good except for my neck, upper back and arm, primarily the right. I believe I have a couple of things going on with the whole neck pain thing. There is certainly a physical issue going on with my neck. There is also an anxiety component to the neck pain. The “anxiety “ component produces a burning nervy achy pain, while the “physical “ issue is more of a “muscular” type pain if that makes sense. I think over time The benzos helped create “neural pain pathways” that tend to get activated under stress and create the burning achy pain. These “neural pain pathways” were very prominent at times during my taper, particularly after a cut. Anyways, they are diminishing and hopefully someday they will no longer be susceptible to being activated.

 

I am starting a course of PT with a Physical Therapist soon and hopefully that will have some positive effect on my on going neck pain.

 

I wish all of you reading this all the best as you continue on with your own personal journeys. It takes persistence, determination and time to get through this, but you will become whole again.

 

Take care and Never, Ever, Give up.

[[be...]]

Time for my three month update. The last month has been mostly positive. I think it started out with me being a bit wonky. Morning anxiety and neck arm and upper back burning and achy nervy pain. Since then it has been better. Two weekends ago, I had the most awe full day. Absolutely atrocious. Anxiety, inner vibrations, neck and arm pain off the charts. But then the next day I was fine. Just like that. It’s weird how one can go from so bad to so good in the course of one day. I have no idea why.

 

Since then, I have been pretty good. Little to no anxiety. Brain is functioning well. I generally feel good except for my neck, upper back and arm, primarily the right. I believe I have a couple of things going on with the whole neck pain thing. There is certainly a physical issue going on with my neck. There is also an anxiety component to the neck pain. The “anxiety “ component produces a burning nervy achy pain, while the “physical “ issue is more of a “muscular” type pain if that makes sense. I think over time The benzos helped create “neural pain pathways” that tend to get activated under stress and create the burning achy pain. These “neural pain pathways” were very prominent at times during my taper, particularly after a cut. Anyways, they are diminishing and hopefully someday they will no longer be susceptible to being activated.

 

I am starting a course of PT with a Physical Therapist soon and hopefully that will have some positive effect on my on going neck pain.

 

I wish all of you reading this all the best as you continue on with your own personal journeys. It takes persistence, determination and time to get through this, but you will become whole again.

 

Take care and Never, Ever, Give up.

Hi Serenitee, thanks for letting us know how you are doing, of course being a Friend and all I am always thinking of you and your New lease on Life. You got this, just take care of things that are wonky, and Stay Strong, and strength I know you have had the entire taper. I am watching closely as I am getting close...but really a way to go, but I have to do the 30 day holds. I have to remind myself also...to never ever give up... , but so far...it is going OK. 💖 Peace and Healing.

 

PS..miss the drive thru.

[[Su...]]

So good to read this Serenitee, that you are generally doing well, and that there are days that come out of nowhere....

Don’t wish that on you or anybody but it seems to be part of the package. And by writing about it, it takes some of the fear away....

Mostly so happy for you and the stellar job you did and are doing....

💕🙏🏻

SS

[[Se...]]

So good to read this Serenitee, that you are generally doing well, and that there are days that come out of nowhere....

Don’t wish that on you or anybody but it seems to be part of the package. And by writing about it, it takes some of the fear away....

Mostly so happy for you and the stellar job you did and are doing....

💕🙏🏻

SS

 

Hi SS, thanks for stopping by and for the kind words. It does seem like now it is a two step forward, one step,back situation where as during the taper, it was a one step forward then one step back .......... repeatedly,  each time I did a cut. As soon as I would feel better, it was time to cut again.

 

So definitely moving steadily forward.

 

You are getting down there too. Before you know it, you’ll be off completely. Imagine that!! Won’t it be nice to be your normal self again!  It will,happen. Keep moving forward and Never, Ever, Give up. 

[[Ca...]]

Hi Serenitee..

 

Great to hear you are getting there too..

A few benzo things in the mix for me too, but overall so much better, (some personal things aside)

 

Wont it be great to see the others follow, and lives flourish... cant wait..!!

 

Best wishes...

[[Se...]]

Well, I'm a week late with my 4 month update on being benzo free. I'm kinda afraid to say it, but I have been feeling ............... like pretty normal. I did not have any waves. Most of the time I felt really good. Every once in awhile I would get a sense of anxiety after waking, but it goes away in 10 minutes or so.

 

I remember when I joined this forum and I had to select a name. I wanted Serenity, both as a name and to experience it once again, because I was everything but serene. There was this constant ........ unease and unrest about me. I would see someone contentedly just sitting reading a book. Or see someone in casual conversation, being present in time and I didn't have that. I ended up using the name Serenitee and then I second guessed myself wondering if people would think it was weird that I picked a "girls" name.  Pretty funny when I think about it now. I'm sure everyone could figure out the real reason for having that name.

 

So here I sit, 4 months after an 18 month taper, being able to feel  content and serene when appropriate. No uneasy feelings. Focus is generally good. Concentration is getting better and better.My brain running on all 8 cylinders, or at least 7. Up from the 3-4 cylinders it had been running at.

 

So yea, I am very happy. Hopefully it continues. One never truly knows what the future holds I guess.

 

For everyone suffering out there, I send my best wishes out to you all. That you will all have a successful taper and become whole again. To have that feeling of peace, joy and of course my favorite, Serenity.  Persistence, Determination and time will see you through.

 

And Never, Ever, Give up.

 

Peace 

[[Su...]]

So so so Happy For You Serenitee!

Such am example to us all of a fine taper done well.

congratulations! 

:smitten:

SS

[[ci...]]

Wonderful news!  You give us such hope!

Thank you!

 

[[be...]]

Serenitee, so happy to read your updates, it reinforces to me, that one day I too can walk off. You have so much to be grateful for and I know you are, I can feel your energy through your post. There is nothing like Hope and a good dose of Faith, to remind us, that we must persist and stay strong each day of our journey. I know you suffered, but each day you got back up and tried to make it each day or hour. I am so proud to have met you and glad that you will be here when I walk off, or you will come back, I know everyone leaves BB when it is time. Keep the updates coming. 💖 Peace and Healing.  

[[Ca...]]

Great Stuff... -Yes, its in yoir "voice"...

 

"Onwards and upward" for you...