My home is my only securiy zone

[Guest [Sk...]]

Thanks!

This is a weird feeling not dare to go out. What I`m also afraid  this is my real self because I recognize what caused me to take benso. But I try to think positively, it has to go.

I managed to stay in town for two hours, but I got help and was not alone. First was it completely panic, would I do this? Was very stressed and sweated a lot. Also had a lot of pain in the body, but I think there were tensions.

 

I can handle physical problems, but this makes me worried, I don`t want to be like this. I try to tell myself it`s a part of healing and not forever. After 2 years on the sofa I'm not very tough.

 

I have found with age and various difficult life situations that I have lived through that when I fight something uncomfortable it makes it worse.  Its when I accept it... and I tell myself that it is ok then the trouble isn't as difficult to deal with.  For instance... I recently had a bad stretch of insomnia that came on very suddenly during my taper.  I found myself getting really mad, being irritated, even to the point of being almost mean to my loved ones, etc.  I came to the conclusion that I was making it worse by my attitude and I was trying to control it.  When I just accepted the fact that I might not sleep because of the taper, that I might have to live tired my insomnia went away.  Sometimes we just have to live life afraid, tired, hurting or scared.  And truly if people don't like it.... tough.  We give people way too much power by imagining that somehow their opinions matter when really they don't.  We are all human and I believe that if people don't allow other people the freedom to be themselves no matter what that looks like... then those people are not worth worrying about.  Sorry if I am ranting but I kind of get the feeling that we feel safe at home because we don't have to deal with people.  We should be allowed to live our lives alone or around others.  I wish you well and hope you can find peace.   

 

:thumbsup:

[[tr...]]

A few weeks ago, I drove a car to the city. It wasn`t as nasty as I thought! But it became a real backlash, of all new impressions. I understand, I'm a little strange about this whole inhumane situation. It was like going to a new city, and so many people! Aliens, and walking dead? Yes, I love science fiction!

 

I know, I should go out more, but don`t feel healed enough yet. But those times are coming, even though it feels quite far away right now. But, since I'm no longer bedside and got a little better, I can activate myself. Read a lot of fact books, and learn a whole new language. Now, I understand what Benzo caused in my brain, everything goes a lot easier.

I'm definitely tired of TV, have such bad memories from the acute phase. It was, as if the withdrawal killed my joy to watch movies. I see it, as if I am a director, and is far too critical. Everything, just feels flat and boring. Sometimes, I see the line, they use when jumping backwards - cheating! So, I may try to be patient, in my (messy!) bubble.

 

How does it feel like you, when you go out?

[[Th...]]

Optimist, I was in my 'low' last summer and was hardly able to move between bed and kitchen. I'm not there anymore as refering to my earlier post. It becomes better after you have jump so the 'low' is not permanent. Try to take advantage about not working now. Take care! T.

 

Hey Thomas was it the anxiety or fatigue that made you hardly able to move from "bed and kitchen?" I have both right now. I cannot wait until this lifts - I want to be out in the real world again!

[[Ol...]]

Hey Optimist,

When I was in 'bed to kitchen' mode it was from anxiety, fatigue, and nausea. It lasted several months, from about 8mg Valium down to about 3. Pretty much all fall and winter. After that I have been a bit more mobile though I stay home as much as possible still. I am able to go out grocery shopping etc. on some better days.

[[Et...]]

Just dropping in to send you good vibes Translator. I know what you feel and admire you for your progress, if you are getting out it's a huge step; take it very slowly and rest a lot after you are out. If you get some audiobooks they will help, "Hope and help for your Nerves" by Claire Weeks is the best and also "Dare" by Barry Mcdonaugh, those two helped me tremendously as I also had a lot of anxiety about leaving the house. Now I am pretty much constant wherever I am, as I know it's as safe outside as in my house or an emergency room, the same thing happens anywhere for me. Now I just need to find a window to recharge my willpower.

 

Hope you feel better and your windows are long and often.

[[ju...]]

hey translator i too struggled with agoraphobia pretty bad and still do not travel far from my house at one point i was stuck in my room for 3 weeks and avoid contact with everyone but the best advice i can give you is always just one day at a time and one thing at a time there no need to rush anything its def  a big process  this  monday night i went the furthest away from home then i have been in  9 months which is only a 15min car ride i had to go to the ER because the pain i was experiencing was the worst pain ive had in my whole life  i broke all my rules because the pain trumped the anxiety and panic disorder and agoraphobia  i have and i ended up having a kidney stone  still hasent passed yet  and it shoked the hell out of me i was able to do all that 

[[Gw...]]

I can relate to this. My home is my fortress, one of the only places I know I can find some relief from anxiety. But I don't want to feel trapped here, which is why I set the goal of going outside for at least 30 minutes, at least 3 times a week. Usually this is just walking the dog, sometimes more. Do you have someone to walk with you? Any pets?

 

Maybe you could set smaller goals to gently push yourself. You could sit by an open window to enjoy the fresh air, then sit out on your porch if you have one, then take a short walk around your block, slowly increase the frequency...whatever works for you. I agree with suggestions about walking at times/in places where where will be fewer people outside, whether that is early in the morning, later in the evening, or while it's raining. I saw someone suggested headphones, whether or not you have music playing...I do this all the time to discourage people from approaching me and the music often acts as an 'anchor' when the sensory input starts to get overwhelming.

 

If you can get into a routine, you might find it easier. Good luck! 

[[Pl...]]

I never had agoraphobia or terror/anxiety at this level that totally surpasses anything that happens in human nature until I took these drugs

 

My natural feelings of stress induced anxiety were nothing; I mean nothing - a walk in the park - I would take anyday compared to this absolute torture I’ve been going thru

[[tr...]]

The strange thing is, if I finally get away, I'm fine. A few days ago, I drove a car and bought food. But, why is it so hard, to get away? I was very nervous, wondering how it would go. But, as soon as I started the car, everything felt as usual. Could it be, because I focused on something else, and temporarily forgot my withdrawal symptoms?

When, I'm in the shop, I usually compare to how it was at the last visit. At first, it felt like I was on a boat. But, this last time, it wasn´t so, and everything felt quite normal.

 

When, I came back, everything was as usual. Are the problems "in the wallpaper?" It feels almost so. But, of course, it became a real backlash, and Benzo-flu came back. But I thought, "this was easy, I have to do that again." Have I done? Nope, I dare not, maybe "tomorrow?" But, just as you write, one step at a time.

 

How are you doing, is it better?

 

[[li...]]

I read somewhere to stick your toe out first then your leg then your body. Try just going out your front door. Sit on the steps. Then maybe down the street, once you feel you can do it, the rest should come naturally

[[Tr...]]

I have agoraphobia and panic disorder. I was diagnosed this before started Xanax. I'm not going to lie it's pretty scary reading about all of these experiences due to withdrawal symptoms. I currently bounce between .75mg and 1mg a day. I have just in the past couple of months been able to go places again. I live in the suburbs and have made into the city about 7 times but is with a .5mg xanax. I don't want to go back to full agoraphobia but I do want to kick the benzos. I'm now confused on how to taper AND work on the panic disorder 

[[Ol...]]

Hi Trucking,

It's a tough call. I never had agoraphobia before benzo w/d so I can't say. I think there are better medications for it though. I think if it were me, I would get off the benzos completely since benzos are not a good long term answer. Then the maybe explore other options with your doctor, because there could be something else out there that might be better for long term.

[[Tr...]]

Thanks for the reply. I have considered going ahead with the taper and deal with the agoraphobia afterwards but its a scary decision either way. I'm struggling with feeling okay during the day but panic at night. I haven't even fully started the taper yet

[[Ol...]]

Yes it can be daunting for sure. Some people have an easier time than others. Try not to read all the horror stories on here and get scared, there are just as many people that have an easier time and are out living their life instead of posting on here. My advice would be to taper very slowly if you have that option, check out the Long Hold Support Group on here, they are very sweet and have very valuable information to offer.

[[tr...]]

During the first 2 years, I didn´t want to go out, everything was so scary. I was in a bubble, in a nasty movie. But now, I can go out, and everything feels normal. When I get home, everything is as usual. It's as if the fear is in my home. I should think: "this went well, today I will go out again." But I forget, that everything went well, and I'm still scared. All this, is so weird!

[[Fr...]]

This is definition of agoraphobia. Unfortunately the only way to break that cycle is to go through it, I experienced this too. . . it's imperative to try and get out, little by little. There was a point I couldn't drive down my block without breaking into a severe panic. I had a friend that would go on drives with me to kinda support me, tell jokes etc. I set small reasonable goals and didn't get hard on myself for reacting badly if I did. I kindof broke myself of it by driving 3 hours across the state, just for no reason at all. . . after that it felt like I could go wherever.