Do you feel better or worse during the holiday season?

[[ve...]]

Hi Legos.  I see that you've just recently crossed over to valium and are making your way down to 5mg. I started my taper at 7mg valium.  Feel free to pm me if you have any questions about my benzo journey. 

 

Congrats on the wedding of one of your boys.  At least one of your boys still lives within 50 miles.  2400 miles sounds pretty far.  We live about that far from my father and it's been a struggle at times especially during the holidays.  We went out there over Thanksgiving. I've been wanting to see "The King's Speech" too.  The wife and I saw "Little Fockers" yesterday, a bit disappointing.  Although there were some funny scenes, many jokes fell flat.  I guess that happens with sequels sometimes.

 

Well, hope you enjoy the wildlife refuge and your time with family,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[as...]]

i have had anxiety around the holidays for many years, even pre-benzos.  it is wrapped up in family issues that noone will talk about and bring into the open.  it just festers because confrontation is looked at like a bad thing in the family.  anyway, i found myself becoming irritable last night and today and having more anxiety than i have had in a couple of weeks.  it is building up to the family dinner we will have tonight.  i know i should be happy to be with my family, and i am, but there is this one unpleasant side that i have to deal with and i constantly feel like i fail in trying to deal with it.  it is out of my control, i know, and i just have to let go of the fear and anxiety surrounding it.  somehow i must do this.  it is just not so simple no matter how hard i try to simplify it.  guess i need to vent about this.  thanks for putting this topic up in the forum, vertigo!

[[sw...]]

I never appreciated how really difficult being in a room with three other people who were talking at the same time could be.  I really like my family, too.  I felt like I was going to flip out the whole dinner.  I was going to taper tomorrow night, but might wait one more to clear the hurdles and get back home.  Kind of a tough call because I'd like to withdraw as much as possible on this taper before returning to work.  I'm glad my family is supportive, but I'm fairly stablized on this dose (just over a month) and that was intensely difficult to do.

[[ve...]]

i have had anxiety around the holidays for many years, even pre-benzos.  it is wrapped up in family issues that noone will talk about and bring into the open.  it just festers because confrontation is looked at like a bad thing in the family.  anyway, i found myself becoming irritable last night and today and having more anxiety than i have had in a couple of weeks.  it is building up to the family dinner we will have tonight.  i know i should be happy to be with my family, and i am, but there is this one unpleasant side that i have to deal with and i constantly feel like i fail in trying to deal with it.  it is out of my control, i know, and i just have to let go of the fear and anxiety surrounding it.  somehow i must do this.  it is just not so simple no matter how hard i try to simplify it.  guess i need to vent about this.  thanks for putting this topic up in the forum, vertigo!

 

Hi Ashlandana. I understand completely about conflict or avoidance of conflict at family gatherings.   I get anxious several days befor I fly out to see family on the West Coast.  My sleep is disrupted and it is very stressful.  My family of origin can be quite dysfunctional at times. It's almost not worth it to go out there.  There have been times where my health has been jeopardized.  I can relate to what you said about feeling like you  "should" feel happy to be with family.  Sometimes it has been possible to find some joyful moments or experiences, but there have been plenty of unpleasant and unhappy experiences too.  I guess it's a mixed bag.   It takes work to really forgive some family members, particularly parents who have not always been there for us in ways we might like.   I find it particularly difficult to deal with a sibling who has been abusive on a number of levels whether direct or passive aggressive.  Sometimes I have gone out with my wife and son just so my son could experience having family, with the good, bad and the ugly.   I don't know that there is any perfect answer to it all.  It seems that it can be difficult to process sometimes. Hope you got through your family gathering last night.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[as...]]

thanks vertigo!  yeah, it is an issue surrounding my brother in law and of course, my sister, whom he is married too.  i have judgements and rightly so.  i don't want to be judgemental but in the end i think we have to have judgements so we can properly discern.  i don't know if that makes sense.  anyway, i have to constantly deal with them because we are all in a family business together.  very stressful.  it could be so awesome but when there is money and egos mixed in it gets difficult, unfortunately.  no real solution just have to be as harmonious as i can and have faith that things happen the way they are supposed to. 

Thanks again and best wishes to you too!

 

 

[[ve...]]

I never appreciated how really difficult being in a room with three other people who were talking at the same time could be.  I really like my family, too.  I felt like I was going to flip out the whole dinner.  I was going to taper tomorrow night, but might wait one more to clear the hurdles and get back home.  Kind of a tough call because I'd like to withdraw as much as possible on this taper before returning to work.  I'm glad my family is supportive, but I'm fairly stablized on this dose (just over a month) and that was intensely difficult to do.

 

Good to see you SweetG. Thanks for sharing about your family experience the other night.  I completely understand the desire to hold the taper while out visiting family.  It seems they all know how to push your buttons so easily.  Even in the best circumstances, it can be overstimulating to be in a crowded room with people talking at eachother.  I guess it varies culturally sometimes.  There's some really funny scenes in the Woody Allen classic "Annie Hall" where Woody Allen has dinner with the quiet and restrained (some would say stifled prim and proper) family of his girlfriend and then takes her to a boisterous family dinner where things are very lively, basically people yelling at eachother.  Good to read that at least your family is supportive.  

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

 

 

[[ve...]]

Happy New Year to all my benzobuddies.  The holiday season is winding down and hopefully  handling any excess stresses as well as possible.  Today I went snow tubing (my first time) with my wife and son in North Carolina.  Although I'm just about healed off benzos (13 months off) I still have some concerns as my nervous system and equilibrium may be vulnerable to certain activities.   While I've made much progress in eliminating cog fog and dizziness over the past year, I still sometimes feel a little off balance, very subtle but not quite 100%.  I still am cautious about activities that might involve high speed or spinning.  I had never been tubing before, did not realize that the tube might spin around or cause one to go backwards unexpectedly.  In the past, I've avoided rollercoasters at amusement parks since my experience with vertigo after my c/t off valium back in 2008.   I won't go on spinning rides like the tea cup type rides or spinning rockets at Disneyland.  Anyway, I decided that I could handle the snow tube, even if it briefly spun around as it went down the mountain.  I went down five times while my wife and son did 8 runs down the mountain.  Another day and another triumph over the benzo beast .

 

Happy New  Year.

 

Vertigo (NO MORE)