Under .125 Klonopin Club

[[se...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in to give a bit of advice.  You are all in the “eye of the storm” as you get to these lower doses.  Keep in mind your symptoms are reflective of your body adjusting to the lower doses, which is a good thing!  Take a break for Christmas, enjoy your family and finish your journey after the holidays. 

 

The best advice I can give is to take it very slow, give yourselves a break in dosing down from time to time and let your body adjust.  Better to do this while on the drug then after.  I tapered down and walked off gently 16 months ago.

 

Nourish your bodies, eat clean.  Once you jump the first few months will be like the last few months of your taper, but things will  gradually get better and better.

 

Today you are one day closer to freedom!  Stay strong!!!

[[he...]]

FINALLY!

 

I hit .1247 mg today! I wasn't sure I'd ever make it this low with the way things have gone since the end of April, but I'm here, and I've had some decent windows or partial windows the last three evenings. I'm not sure what the next few months will bring, but I made it here and continue to move forward.

 

Thanks for your post, seasalt. That is very encouraging and helpful. Holding does nothing for me, unfortunately, so I can't take a break for Christmas. I'm hoping, however, that things will continue easing up a bit as I get lower and not the opposite. It's been very difficult since I went below .4 mg.

 

Happy to finally be in this group.

[[Bo...]]

Congrats on the milestone hereforhelp!!! Happy for you yhay you’re getting some windows! That’s a big deal and gives us some recharge in all of this. Best wishes as you continue on! I’ve gotten slightly better the last 2 months, thankfully gained some functionality back but I won’t say it too loud hah bc I want it to stick around.  Just shows  that things don’t keep getting worse as I was very afraid of bc it’s been a very difficult year. Hope this and your last few nights give you some hope!! Keep doing great!

[[ne...]]

Great update HereForHelp! Wishing all of you a blessed Christmas week whether you celebrate or not.

[[he...]]

Thank you for your kind words, Boges and NW! Glad to finally be in this group with y'all. We do celebrate Christmas! Merry Christmas to you too! I'm praying for some more windows for all of us, especially over the holidays.

 

I did not get a fourth night with a window, unfortunately, but I had some short moments that were almost symptom free and was able to have dinner with the guys in my small group and be present and engage, despite the fuzzy head. It's akin to being buzzed or the sensation after being given the benzo (midazolam/Versed) pre-med before surgery but without the euphoria. I'm afraid this symptom is going to stick with me for awhile. It's really bad. I almost have no other symptoms at this point or don't even think about them because this one has become so magnified. Hoping it decreases in intensity as I get even lower.

[[je...]]

Congrats hereforhelp! You're in the final stretch!

[[he...]]

Down to .110 mg today. The symptoms over Christmas and New Year's were wretched. I had such bad floating head and other symptoms every day, and the scary thoughts/impulses returned with a vengeance. I had two weeks off from work, hoping that it would help, but I'm back at work today and still in the same situation of just trying to make it through the day. Thankfully I still made more downward progress, and I'm getting close to being below 0.1 mg. I'm toying with the idea of tapering down the morning dose first again, because I'm below 0.04 mg on that dose, and it would be nice to have only one dose to deal with, but I'm not sure I can tolerate that. My heart med supposedly raises the serum level and the time of action, so I might be able to get away with one dose. I know others have, and I have the heart med that would help. I don't know...we'll see. I tried not taking my heart med over the break, and my wd symptoms were different and worse, so that proved to me once again that it definitely affects the way the clonazepam hits my body. I started thinking the heart med had been causing lots of palpitations, but I think it's the k, and I don't think I can get off the heart med without throwing myself into acute wd, but I thought it was worth experimenting while I was off work. I had an occasional window and had some good times with the family despite the kids getting sick (assembled a trampoline and did a lot of jumping with them), but getting off this stuff just seems to get harder and harder as I get lower. I could use some encouragement.

 

Hope everyone else has had a better time lately.

[[ne...]]

Always like your updates when I see them HereForHelp <3 Keep on moving....I'm in acute and know this whole thing is hard. Proud of you.

[[he...]]

Always like your updates when I see them HereForHelp <3 Keep on moving....I'm in acute and know this whole thing is hard. Proud of you.

 

Thank you, nervous. How are your symptoms 35 days after jumping?

[[Kl...]]

What did you decide to do NW? It's so tough... and you just don't know what each decision will do. But for me, I cut daytime first and then tapered just one dose, and I found that easier. One pill/one dose, one shaving. That in itself was good for me. But if you find you are more symptomatic in the morning than the afternoon, it could be interdose withdrawal, so having both doses is good. Mine never seemed to be at a specific time... I just felt like crap all the time when I was struggling during the taper!

 

Good news is I'm a little over a month off and doing a lot better! I know windows and waves, so it might just be a good wave for the last week, but I'm feeling a lot more functional, albeit still tired, anxious and foggy head. But those symptoms have been pretty constant throughout my taper as well.

 

Hope you all are doing well and keep pressing on!! YOU GOT THIS!!

[[he...]]

I don't know what to do anymore (haven't for a long time, really). I think we're all just winging it. I'm down to 0.1 mg K tomorrow, and I'm struggling so hard. My head symptoms are insane, my palpitations have increased exponentially over the last few weeks, and I get fatigue and internal pressure and upset stomach and some other things. Thing is, I'm not doing anything differently, except that I've now slowed down once again to try and help things. Nothing seems to work. Holding hasn't worked in ages. I sometimes will hold one dose while tapering the other, and my body seems to hate that. I've considered cutting the morning dose all the way down multiple times and then change my mind when symptoms increase. So I have been cutting daily at 8.5%/14, but for the last few days, I've dropped to 7%/14 daily. I was at 5%/14 all summer and had "thoughts" nearly every day. I was going too slowly, apparently. I've done this before, and it seems symptoms increased some, but I'm tempted to just go linearly again at about .001 mg per day until the end. I just don't know what else to do to ever get off this crap. Like you, KQCO, I just feel like crap all the time. Oh yeah, my nightly windows have pretty much disappeared. I usually have symptoms now until just before bedtime, or they just don't really stop. Way back in the beginning, my sx would stop around 5pm, and that window slowly shrunk over time.

 

Any advice? Please and thank you. I feel like I'm never going to make it off.

[[Bo...]]

So sorry HfH!!!! Know I’m right ahead of you and we ARE going to get off this. It’s always such a crappy trial and error and I’m so so sorry. Trying to figure out the right approach during an already complicated taper add a whole other layer of complexity to this. Being our own experts in this should never be what’s required but here we are.

 

Making it down to .1- congrats, big big deal! Lost in all this is the ability to give ourselves credit bc things are so hard and still not being off, it feels like we can’t celebrate getting here. So I’ll cheers to you bc it’s a big deal!!!

 

If you feel worse off having slowed down than prior to, think you have your answer that your body liked the speed prior to slowing better.

 

Although food for thought when cuts caught up to me this time last year higher up, holding for 7wks initially felt worse and then around wk 3 I was sleeping better and some things were less severe. Ohhh having to do this  tested my patience and I felt so frustrated, but I had no choice (was having the ‘thoughts’ with very bad aka)…. and it saved me. I know you’ve tried holds so not sure at this point if you are wanting to even think one second on that at all. I’m debating on one myself now for even a week bc aka is kicking up and slept zero the last couple nights. I dropped down from 1.5mg melatonin to 1mg kid dose and wondering though if that’s partly to blame. Oh the BS we have to think… is it this is it that is it how I ate this or tried to vacuum or how I held my freaking spoon? Oh the ridiculousness of what our minds go to to ‘figure it out’ on why things are worse. To even think of holding for a week has me sooo annoyed bc I want to maintain .01mg drop a month which feels like torture already to get to finish line ,  but if I can be better for it then well I guess ok. Was doing much better last 2months at times. Hate the trial and error part of this bc gotta try to ever know. Blah. I share in your frustrations if this being a crapshoot.

 

I think stick to what you know in how you’ve been doing your two doses, body likes consistency. However is the one dose smaller than the other? Once it gets to tiny pieces it can be difficult since your dose is split so maybe someone else has thoughts that dropped a dose at some point lower down.

 

Also, are you using the .5mg scored(line in middle) accord tablets? The .25mg and .125mg oral disentegrating are not uniformly dispersed across the pill. So shaving these can sometimes become challenging as the fluctuations of how much K they are getting is up and down.

 

I know we’ve chatted previously about the liquid but might be worth a convo to talk to Nick at Pharmacy Solutions just to see if he would be able to try something other than what you’ve tried way back with liquid. He uses microcrystalline cellulose and pure K powder so I get no other ingredients that could bother me. I even said no flavoring.

 

Might could see how your thoughts of the .001g down a day goes and by third week see how l things are going. Rank your hard symptoms each day individually and if you start seeing things get worse quick, def take a little breather. However, Your body might like the microtaper road than the cut abs hold at this point!

 

Lastly, sometimes good - some people in another groups who reached .1mg have said they didn’t feel much different down to 0 so I’ll be praying that is the case for you! Also Nervouswreck made it down recently and is hanging in there so just know you’re going to as well!!

 

Here if you need to chat!!

[[he...]]

I'm thankful for you, Boges, and the rest of you on here. You all get it. It's freaking hard. We're all stuck doing the best we can to get off this stuff and heal with no real guidance and no guarantee that anything we do is really going to help our symptoms and make things bearable.

 

Thank you for the congratulations. I don't get any accolades from my wife. She's so beaten down by the whole thing and just wants me off, so when I announce things like I'm 90% off recently, she was basically unable to speak. She told me she just has nothing left. I feel terrible for her. This is something none of us wanted.

 

I've considered a long hold, but I'm afraid with the way things have gone in the past and the way I've done slowing way down, that it wouldn't help, and then I've lost weeks or months of tapering for nothing. That's a real gamble that could have a big payoff but could also render a devastating loss. I wish I could just leave my job for awhile to get through this. I'd be able to deal with tougher symptoms at home and just grit my way through it.

 

AM I HOLDING MY SPOON WRONG?! 

 

I hope your sleep returns, Boges. That's a huge loss. Mine has gotten better over the last week again. I had started waking up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. I have that going for me, but the rest of my symptoms are so intense. The floating/sedated/fuzzy head thing has gotten ridiculous and will last for many hours a day. Sometimes it'll go away only to return for another few hours in the evening. That one just takes me out of my life and makes it so hard to be present for my family. I hate that it happens with such regularity in the evenings now.

 

My morning dose is almost half my evening dose. I know you couldn't see my signature when you replied. I just wonder if I would've done better had I removed it earlier on and just had the evening dose. And I do use the orange 0.5-mg Accord tabs. They suck, but I feel like if they were wildly inconsistent in API distribution, I'd have crazy severe symptoms with my dose fluctuating wildly every day. It must be close, because if I cut just a little too much, I feel it with greater symptoms, so my body registers the slight change from what it was getting. If it weren't accurate, I wouldn't be seeing this with regularity. At least that's what I tell myself.

 

I really hope it doesn't get worse. It's really bad. I need it to get better somehow. I need to be one of those people who start to feel a bit better once more med is out of his system. I've lost a good number of symptoms as I've moved along, which speaks to healing, but the main ones have gotten worse, and they have me down. So down.

 

TL;DR

 

I'm not doing well but will continue getting lower. What other choice do I have?

[[je...]]

I'm truly sorry this is so tough hereforhelp. I'm wondering with your split dose being so low whether you're getting the therapeutic effect from either dose? When I got to around 0.075  my pre-existing benzo condition came back with a vengeance. Prior to that dose I noticed it but it was manageable but since then it was really bad. I'm wondering if the therapeutic effect was lost at that stage. In your case you have a combined dose that's still on the higher end but because you split it I'm just wondering whether there might be something similar going on?

 

Tapering the lower numbers is really tricky especially with difficult tapers like yours. I made a post explaining how I did mine, but my taper was not as problematic as yours http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=275221.msg3435769#msg3435769

[[ne...]]

HereForHelp:

 

You got some great feedback from some very wise members. I am off for 42 days now and I overthought the last part for sure. I don't know that you can really avoid the symptoms when there is less of the med and the injury is shining through without a coverup. I believe very much in tapering safely, but, beyond that, part of me thinks you have to push ahead with symptoms (so long as they're not dangerous) and find your way off to heal.

 

Within that each person will find their tolerable level of discomfort though. I was uncomfortable the whole way down; I've now been uncomfortable the whole time off BUT I'm off. My goal. I'm not sure anything, minus something drastic, would have changed where I am now if the process was slightly different. I feel like this was my end result whether I was doing 8%/10%/12%, etc. I did CT originally and that was more intense.

 

This is only my experience. It's confusing. It's a crapshoot. We are winging it. I feel for you and we are here to root you on. Great nuggets of advice here and take what works for YOU.  No matter what you do, you will get off and inevitably heal.

[[Bo...]]

HfH, maybe I knew this and memory issues got me but wowzers incredible yhay you’ve persevered working yhru this!!! I’m so sorry it has been so tough but just wanted to say that you are doing incredible and keeping your full time job!!

 

Spoon was a joke as think you got (but don’t want you to think I’m wacko so clarifying hahh)…. I try to find humor when I can thru this shi*show, I mean the stuff I tell my mom maybe it was this or that, I say I know this is nuts mom, but if you felt this bad you’d try to figure out what was potentially contributing.

 

Hang in there. Hope what JB said above maybe is some insight.

 

I couldn’t barely lift my head off the pillow and bending down to just put my dogs food in their bowl felt like climbing a large mountain(I thought oh I am just not going to make it off this, I can’t even move, there is no way I’ll survive)……for months at a time last year. And here we are down im at.085mg.

 

i say this bc thru the dark, you WILL keep going. I hate the brain fog is so bad, it’s hard and makes interacting so challenging bc can’t think straight. I’m sorry this is so hard for you and wanting to be there 100% for your family. Hold on to the things that have gotten better/improved. Hoping you’ll see a shift for the better on the foginess and other difficult symptoms. All it takes is something shifting for yhe better to give us renewed ability to keep marching forward with some hope.

 

We will be here to remind you that you can keep making it. I’m sorry it been so tough on your wife. I can’t imagine how hard it is to watch this. My parents have struggled badly and it’s caused our family to just feel like it’s falling apart. But things will get better and everyone will find their way thru this. My mom found a therapist that helped just work thru some anxiety and panic attacks she started having due to me. Hope your wife has some people she can lean on to help support her so she can be there for you.

It’s the final leg of this taper…. lean into those coping tools, rest as you can, reach out and I’ll be praying. Hugs.

 

Thank JB for your thoughts and wisdom always!!!

Modifying for NW reply tgat i just saw…. Girl we are rooting you on and looking at you as our inspiration!!!!!! ;)

[[he...]]

Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement, and suggestions! It's so nice to have support from people who know what this is like.

 

My original condition was new-onset panic related to a trauma, and I have thankfully not experienced a panic attack since before the benzo turned on me back in 2021. So I feel like I've gotten over the original issue and probably would have on my own had I never taken a benzo. I was just so terrified and no longer thinking rationally. I didn't know what to do and ended up on a "magic" pill that worked great until it didn't.

 

It feels like the therapeutic value of the clonazepam stopped ages ago when it turned on me. I think the only thing it has been doing the whole way down is keeping me out of acute wd, but I don't know. Nobody really knows what's going on in each of our bodies.

[[Kl...]]

You’ve got this H4H! It’s hard, and no one really understands unless they’ve gone through it. But that’s why I love this forum so much. You’re in the home stretch. This was the hardest part for me, but you can do it! Listen to your body and slow down as needed. But for me, I felt like crap after 0.04mg and just stayed feeling the same no matter what I did (holding or not) so I kept on tapering at 0.001mg most days until the end.

 

I’m a month and a half off and had some really tough weeks and some pretty decent weeks. I’m in another wave now and feeling exhausted, shooting pains all over, can barely get up off couch for work (from home!) and just want to lay down. But last week I felt like 80% maybe?! Tired, foggy head (always now). But able to go through my day and socialize, work and take care of my kids. Then this week I’ve been getting worse and worse and my husband is out of town for 4 days and worried about how to be a single momma, but taking it one day at a time (and hoping neighbors and friends can help some!!)

 

This is all so confusing. It’s good to analyze a bit to understand big trends and if you should adjust your taper, but try not to obsess over it. Easier said than done, I know, but if I overthink about it, it takes over me and is all I think about. Thus why I’m on here in spurts… when I’m feeling good I try not spend much time worrying about when I’ll dip again.

 

Had an appt with my dr today though, and looking at a new supplement to try for the exhaustion - rhodiola. Has anyone tried that? I worry about any new supplement, but would be so helpful if I could find something to help me just get through the worst days (be able to work and take care of my kids)

 

Whew. My brain is so foggy I’m not sure if this makes any sense or is helpful for not!! But thinking of you all and sending my best. We got this!!!!

[[he...]]

Thank you, KQCO!

 

I believe I'm at the point where I just need to push it and get off of this stuff. I cannot find a speed that works. I'm going faster now for the last three days (10%/14 cutting daily), and in some ways, I'm better. It makes no sense, as we all think going slower is the way to make things more bearable. I know of at least one person who was suffering greatly trying to go very slow, and she finally decided she had nothing to lose and started cutting by .0025 mg every day from .29 mg all the way to zero. Her symptoms essentially went away, and she was able to maintain that speed all the way off. It makes no sense, but it also says it's worth trying things, even things that fly in the face of what we think we know, because we're all so different.

 

I'm sorry you're having a tough time this week and don't have your husband there to support you. My wife is working tomorrow, and my mom just had COVID, so I'll be alone with the kids tomorrow. I can't help but be a bit nervous about that. I hope this time with your kids ends up being good even though you might be feeling pretty lousy. It's so hard to parent the way we want to and suffer from this injury.

 

I sure know about a foggy brain...I feel for you.

 

My wife has actually been supplementing with rhodiola for a month or so. I think it has helped her energy level.

[[Bo...]]

H4H- hope you’re hanging in there ok!!!! Yay for below .1mg!! Big big deal and you’re getting there!!!

 

All, I’m getting on to just give my updates as I get lower bc think I’ll be needing some encouragement as I am nervous things are going to hit the fan…. I’ve made it through a very hard road to this point and many symptoms that fall in with what people say happens with cold Turkey but in back of mind I can’t help to worry if things can get worse than that. Last year was Non functional bed bound, couldn’t speak, brother had to spoon feed me, oxygen dropping to mid 80’s…. I just really hope as I approach 0 it doesn’t get worse than where I’ve been bc I can’t even imagine.

 

I’ve gotten better Nov- now…. Def still hard but I can get out of house some to ride in car and can cook some things for myself, walk without my walker. So I’m very very thankful. Just can’t help but be nervous a little about things taking a drastic turn all of a sudden. I’m on path to finish up this summer and praying I can stay on course!!

 

Thanks y’all!!! 💜

[[je...]]

I think it's only natural to feel a bit of anxiety especially for those of us who had a tough time. I felt quite nervous when I jumped as I kept having these flashes to when I was bedridden. I was just waiting for the paw-paw to hit the fan, but then nothing happened. If it will help your anxiety, you can always hold for a bit. I do think it's important to be in the right place mentally. If you're way too stressed, then the anxiety and stress will definitely ramp up your symptoms. You need to be kind to your mental self too as you get lower.

 

Hang in there Boges11! The end is in sight! 

[[he...]]

H4H- hope you’re hanging in there ok!!!! Yay for below .1mg!! Big big deal and you’re getting there!!!

 

All, I’m getting on to just give my updates as I get lower bc think I’ll be needing some encouragement as I am nervous things are going to hit the fan…. I’ve made it through a very hard road to this point and many symptoms that fall in with what people say happens with cold Turkey but in back of mind I can’t help to worry if things can get worse than that. Last year was Non functional bed bound, couldn’t speak, brother had to spoon feed me, oxygen dropping to mid 80’s…. I just really hope as I approach 0 it doesn’t get worse than where I’ve been bc I can’t even imagine.

 

I’ve gotten better Nov- now…. Def still hard but I can get out of house some to ride in car and can cook some things for myself, walk without my walker. So I’m very very thankful. Just can’t help but be nervous a little about things taking a drastic turn all of a sudden. I’m on path to finish up this summer and praying I can stay on course!!

 

Thanks y’all!!! 💜

 

You're gonna be okay, Boges.

 

I'm hanging in there. Things are tough, but I've been getting some multi-hour windows. Yesterday was tough, but the six previous days had windows, and today has been a bit better. I'm just trying to stay functional and continue to work. Despite my head sx becoming more intense and my nightly windows shrinking so much, I feel like some things are better. I feel like I can enjoy my kids more and be more present most of the time. I've been enjoying making them laugh lately and jumping on the trampoline. I've been able to be there more for my son, and his behavior has gotten better over the last month or so. Things are looking up, but I still get wave days where I feel like I've gone back to the beginning and am back in the hole, as Jennifer Swan says. This journey is still very hard, but I feel like I have a little more hope that I'm going to make it now.

 

What are you down to now? I'm at .082 mg today. I also have the same fears, but more than likely, it's not going to happen. The stuff is not going to hit the fan. I'm glad you've been somewhat better since November. That's great! I hope it continues to be better as you approach jumping or walking off. Jelly baby is right, the more we worry and ruminate, the greater our symptoms will be. Our bodies and brains are always listening to our inner monologues.

[[Hi...]]

looking for support. I feel like I am no choke dying. my head is spinning constantly and my chest hurts. I cannot control my. tachycardia which was made training for a half marathon really hard..... I switched to liquid and have only made two 5% cuts wow I feel much worse when I was initially making HUGE cuts- is this normal?

[[Bo...]]

JB- thank you!!!! Hope you’re doing ok thru the acute stage!

 

H4H- so so glad you’re feeling the connection with your kids again and enjoyinggg it!! So heartbreaking how this stuff manipulates the brain functions and changes how we want to feel to such a hard yucky place. To be getting the veil lifted at times I know is such a relief for you…. And it’s I’m sure helpful in showing you that your brain, emotions , feelings etc are coming back! Hopeful some if the better moments stick around for you!

 

I’m down to .072mg so I bet we will be around the same soon!

 

Hilly- wow a half marathon!!! I can barely stand at times so know you are doing pretty good compared to many of us here! Give yourself some grace though thru this bc our bodies try to give us some clues along the taper way to take more easy if that’s what it needs to help get thru this!! 5-10% every 2-4 weeks is a pretty decent guide to steer people down tapering. My larger cuts caught up to me all at once and I hit a brick wall and had to hold to regain some ability to just make it thru and not updose. Changing formulation people tend to hold for a couple weeks bc the body can someimesc take the change as a cut even though it’s still getting in theory same dose and all that changes was to liquid form. So might see if holding for a little bit might help out your chest pains and tachycardia …. That stuff was actually present when I changed to liquid also but it calmed some for me when I decreased my taper rate and think also after 2-3 mo my body got used to liquid compound.

As you know we are all so diff and have to test the waters to find our way that works for ourself… frustrating to not know ahead of time ever will work but I hope you find what’s best and works for you!  You’ll get there, I thought there was no way I’d make it down (major Benzo lie) and I’m at .072mg now. Good luck yo you!!!

[[he...]]

How is everyone doing?

 

I was doing better last time I checked in. Right now, I seem to be getting over a caffeine-induced wave. I decided to reintroduce coffee, just to see if I could handle it and see if it might even help. I felt like it was helping for the first few days, but then my sxs started getting worse. By the end of it, my head sxs were lasting all day without ceasing and I even had DR return for one day. It had been over six months since I'd experienced that. So as of Saturday, I'm off caffeine again completely, no coffee or cascara tea. I'm down to .0735 mg K today and find myself really struggling. I want off this stuff, but I can't go any faster than I'm going, which means I'm currently looking at being off by August. That seems like too long. I'm hopeful I can tolerate speeding up again soon. I always hoped I could step down by .001 mg per day when I got to .125 mg, but that has not happened. My head just gets so floaty and sedated, and I feel so off. This is still my worst symptom by far. I'm once again afraid I'm going to have to leave my job to get over this.