GOING THRU TAPERING & WITHDRAWAL ALONE

[[Ma...]]

Hello,

I just found this group. I live in a small home with a husband, adult daughter, and her three children. Not a one of them is interested in what I am going through unless it directly impacts them. I see a psychologist for mindfulness based cognitive therapy and a Psychiatric NP for medication. I’m going through WD and managing my treatment. Have read the Ashton Manual, but really, that makes me capable of making taper decisions? I’ve successfully managed a crossover from 1.5mg Xanax a day to 30mg of Valium. Began at the end of November. I am now on 15mg Valium each day. I am getting close to the magic 10mg. I have no idea how to manage from here through to the end of this nightmare. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to figure this part out. I’m an RN who is unable to manage medications because of this cognitive fog, forgetfulness, and am having multiple falls due to balance issues. I’m afraid to drive now and am isolated in the house all day, everyday. Once everyone comes home I am in my room because of hypersensitivity to sound. The kids are 4,9, and 11. I’m afraid to share any of this for fear of appearing to be just complaining. I know this will all end, I just wish I knew when. I am so lonely.

Mary

[[Ol...]]

Hi Mary,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone, I think many many people in this forum can relate, not just on this thread. Unfortunately unless one has gone through benzo withdrawal themselves, they can never really understand how awful it is. How many times have we been accused of being lazy, unmotivated, uninterested, and just get up and get out more it will do you good. They have no idea! Sending love.

[[Ma...]]

Hello,

I just found this group. I live in a small home with a husband, adult daughter, and her three children. Not a one of them is interested in what I am going through unless it directly impacts them. I see a psychologist for mindfulness based cognitive therapy and a Psychiatric NP for medication. I’m going through WD and managing my treatment. Have read the Ashton Manual, but really, that makes me capable of making taper decisions? I’ve successfully managed a crossover from 1.5mg Xanax a day to 30mg of Valium. Began at the end of November. I am now on 15mg Valium each day. I am getting close to the magic 10mg. I have no idea how to manage from here through to the end of this nightmare. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to figure this part out. I’m an RN who is unable to manage medications because of this cognitive fog, forgetfulness, and am having multiple falls due to balance issues. I’m afraid to drive now and am isolated in the house all day, everyday. Once everyone comes home I am in my room because of hypersensitivity to sound. The kids are 4,9, and 11. I’m afraid to share any of this for fear of appearing to be just complaining. I know this will all end, I just wish I knew when. I am so lonely.

Mary

 

Hi Mary - just wanted to offer support.  I know how hellish and isolating this nightmare can be and cannot imagine how you’re coping with a husband, daughter and 3 kids, especially of those ages!  Do you find your Psychiatric NP to be supportive?  I’m so sorry you don’t get support from your family - that’s really rough when they’re all around you.  There’s only one member of my family who is supportive and has been from the start but he lives 4 hours away.  My daughter lives 20 minutes away but just doesn’t want to know.  It’s such a terribly lonely time to go through and makes it worse when you don’t receive the love, support and compassion which you think would naturally be there from family. 

 

Hugs

[[ba...]]

MargUK

 

Do you find that the valerian helps? What dosage are you taking? Thank you🤗

[[Ma...]]

MargUK

 

Do you find that the valerian helps? What dosage are you taking? Thank you🤗

 

Hi barnangel - yes I do.  Before I was in acute withdrawal, I would take 2 tablets at bedtime and then when I went into acute, I doubled the dose when sleep was at its worst and it seemed to help.

 

Each tablet consists of:

45 mgs of Hops Strobiles;

33.75 mgs of dry extract from Valerian root (equivalent to 135 - 167 mgs of Valerian root)

Extraction solvent: Ethanol 60% v/v;

22.5 mgs dry extract from Gentian root (equivalent to 90 mgs of Gentian root)

 

So I’m now taking 4 tablets at bedtime.  They are manufactured as ‘Kalms’ and I can get them in the local supermarket (I’m in the UK).

 

Hope that helps!

[[Ma...]]

Olive Kitty and MargUK,

Thank you for your support. I can’t tell you how much it means to read those words. I met with my psychiatrist yesterday and gave her control of my taper. I’m just too foggy to manage this on my own. She has read the Ashton Manual, but does not feel that micro-tapering is needed. I will try her way until I get to 10mg. At that point I will try to pull it together and decide where I am headed. Am so glad I found this group.

Mary

[[Ol...]]

barnangel - I drink Traditional Medicinals Nighty Night tea with Valerian before bed sometimes and I think it really helps to make me tired!

MargUK - What is her tapering plan for you? It has been my experience that most doctors want to taper you a lot faster than is comfortable so don't be afraid to ask to slow down if you are experiencing bad symptoms. Even Ashton's method was a little too fast for me! She says in the manual that it should be a patient driven taper. You can do it! We will be here for you.

[[ba...]]

Thank you. I will try and see what I can find here that may be similar. Best wishes to you!

[[Ba...]]

Interesting about the valerian.  But isn't that one of the things we're not supposed to take as per Ashton and, uh, various FB groups?

 

Obviously if it works... that is what I care about.  Have tried that and a few things somewhat did not find it helped at the time.

[[Ma...]]

MargUK - What is her tapering plan for you? It has been my experience that most doctors want to taper you a lot faster than is comfortable so don't be afraid to ask to slow down if you are experiencing bad symptoms. Even Ashton's method was a little too fast for me! She says in the manual that it should be a patient driven taper. You can do it! We will be here for you.

 

I haven’t discussed anything with my doctor yet OliveK - I haven’t been able to get out to any appointments as yet.  I’m not sure I’ll mention it to her - there seems no point - as long as I have all the information I need on here.  I think she will be okay with my repeat prescriptions each month so as long as I can keep getting them that should be fine.  The only thing which may alter that is if a dry cut is too difficult and I have to do a liquid taper - may need her help then.  I haven’t really looked into it much at the moment because I just want to get through this recovery first - to tell the truth I’m absolutely terrified at the thought of going through another 2 withdrawals in the future but yes at least I know BB will be here to give me the much-needed support!

[[ba...]]

Tried the valerian. Worked well but just tore my stomach up. Too bad.

[[Ba...]]

Well, had consult with a supposedly benzo-wise dr.

 

Mostly he said go to sleep dr.  and sleep lab again (I did that 40 yrs ago).  Said they have learned a lot.  He was impressed I went to sleep lab when Dr. Dement (discovered REM sleep) was at that University.  NOT that they helped me one iota.  They told me I did not sleep which I already knew.  That was before benzos the sleep disorder and inherited circadian rhythm prob.

 

Then he said can do liquid valium taper (can rx liquid) and he cuts down .1 every other day...?  Must have meant .01?  or 1 cc? 

 

He said that he has not had patient shave probs getting off ambien...

said ambien and lyrica, individual or togethr way better than benzos.  ??

 

I'm sure he said other stuff (I took notes) but after initially thinking he pretty good, then thinking, maybe not. 

 

He did say no sleep terrible for you, and I know it is.  I got one hr sleep and my cold is back and just am very down today.  I will probly take an ambien to sleep tonight and feel guilty.

 

Really, after decades on this stuff, hard for me to believe I ever can get off everything and sleep normally.  Wonder why I am even trying and feel like my life is just over.  Maybe am blaming myself for being in this mess.

 

[[Ma...]]

Oh Barbara I’m so sorry it was so disappointing.  You sound very torn about the whole thing and unsure of the way forward.  Not a nice place to be. . At least you know BB are here for you should you decide to go ahead and do a taper.  I wonder if reading some of the success stories on here would help at all?

[[ba...]]

Thanks. Currently I am holding my taper at .5 mg Ativan. I have stabilized some. Just trying to find something that will help. CBD has been good so far. Hoping to be able to continue the taper later this month. Thanks for your help and kind words! 🤗

[[jo...]]

Great news, Barn Angel! I hope you continue to make progress in getting off the Ativan!

[[Ba...]]

I did use some grass to sleep yesterday and my ambien, and got some sleep but just have just done nothing today (that is the trend),  very scared/despairing, and onder do i need to get help somehow, like hospital?  This has gone on so long and feel mentally fraying from the stress and being all alone.

Have not eaten, losing hope really.  Wish I had some sort friend/family to check up on me even.  heavy sigh.

[[jo...]]

I did use some grass to sleep yesterday and my ambien, and got some sleep but just have just done nothing today (that is the trend),  very scared/despairing, and onder do i need to get help somehow, like hospital?  This has gone on so long and feel mentally fraying from the stress and being all alone.

Have not eaten, losing hope really.  Wish I had some sort friend/family to check up on me even.  heavy sigh.

 

Barbara, we all are here with you--every day and every night. And we feel your pain, too. I'm in Month 4 of my CT from clonazepam and now I'm fighting to get off the phenobarbital Rx--the one that was supposed to keep me from missing even a single day of work. I've not worked since Oct. 11 and I can't do much of anything every day, either. The DP/DR make me hopeless, too. Today, my big accomplishment was folding the sheets (they were frozen in the washer) after putting them in the dryer. That's it unless you count brushing my teeth and forcing myself to eat. We will beat Big Pharma--that's what I keep telling myself to keep going. And we have each other. 

[[Ba...]]

So the phenobarb get you off?  But is getting off of that any better than off a benzo?

 

Oh dear....

[[jo...]]

Barbara, the phenobarbital is a barbiturate, or in this case, an anti-seizure medication that I now know should NEVER have been Rxd to me, but certainly not for longer than a few days. I trusted the doc to do the best thing for me. He was supposedly helping me discontinue my Rxs since the prescribing docs didn't see the urgency in getting off all the poison I've been taking for YEARS. I was so sick I didn't even question the CT off clonazepam and hydrocodone in exchange for EVEN MORE ADDICTIVE DRUGS until I was in acute WD in the 2nd/3rd weeks. By then, it was too late to just stop them without adding to my already long list of sxs and side effects. I truly thought they were just Rxd to me to help me with the transition off my medications.

 

You can see from my sig. that I have a HUGE mess on my hands. I'm currently tapering 4 meds., which we all know is not a good idea if I start having even worse sxs, but I need to get off these meds. ASAP.

 

I woke up this morning with a HUGE increase in the amount of foam in my urine, compared to any other day, and I've put in a call to my PCP to let him know. Thankfully, it's not cloudy and the color is still a very pale yellow. It could be something as easy as an increase in the acidity of my urine due to stress and anxiety, but it could also be a sign of reduced kidney function. I'd like to think I'll get a quick return phone call, but I know my PCP doesn't truly care about my health. It's about the $$$.

 

Let me end this with a positive. I'm so very grateful for BBs, because I really don't know what I'd have done without the wisdom, support, and encouragement of so many wonderful people throughout my journey! 

[[Ba...]]

Ack, Joan, you do not want reduced kidney function.  Hope you are ok in that department.

Oh, gotcha, so the phenobarb did not help and now you on raft of meds.  I tell you, these drs. are just amazing(ly bad).  SIGH.

 

Agree, it is so useful to be on BB altho I have probs finding where I left off.  Some of the folks on here incredibly knowledgeable; others incredibly supportive.

 

[[Sa...]]

Hi barb! I will be more than happy to send you a message everyday if you want! I would love to check up on you and to make sure you're OK!

[[Ba...]]

Sadpepe,

 

Somehow never saw this post.  You alone as well?

Sure, you can check with me tho I can't always find stuff and not get here every day, tho I try!

 

Thanks!

[[Si...]]

HI

  I'm a new one for this support group.I'm tapering and alone with my self.Glad to be here with buddies who fight this battle alone.I have no support from anyone.I work full time with this hell. Hope you all heal.

          Siwat

           

[[Ba...]]

Hi, Siwat!

 

What type of work do you do?

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much for starting this group. I'm doing this totally alone, and it's tough. I feel really anxious right now.