Cancer Support Group

[[Ho...]]

Dear Hope, I am so very sorry to hear of Solitudeseekers passing.  I hope that the love of her friends here will comfort and strengthen you in the days ahead. My heart goes out  to her family and friends here, at this very sad time. 

 

Thank you Hope, for providing the link. What an amazing lady she was, such a powerful letter

 

Magrita  :'(

 

Thanks Magrita 

[[pi...]]

My heart goes out to everyone whose lives have been touched and impacted by knowing and loving Solitudeseeker.  She was a fighter for as long as she could, taking on both cancer and benzo withdrawal. Her story is indeed powerful and also heartbreaking.  We should all be thankful for all she has done to bring attention to benzo withdrawal. 

 

pianogirl 

[[Ho...]]

My heart goes out to everyone whose lives have been touched and impacted by knowing and loving Solitudeseeker.  She was a fighter for as long as she could, taking on both cancer and benzo withdrawal. Her story is indeed powerful and also heartbreaking.  We should all be thankful for all she has done to bring attention to benzo withdrawal. 

 

pianogirl 

 

[[Bl...]]

I’m so sorry for your loss Hope, as well as all those going through Benzo/z-drug w/d who knew Solitudeseeker. I also want to extend my condolences to her dear family. :'(

 

Her story will forever be embedded in my heart…never to be forgotten. It is my hope that the letter she wrote makes an impact on any doctor who reads her touching story of what she had to endure as a result of taking benzos as prescribed during her cancer treatment.

 

It is hard to believe that it wasn’t until SS had finished her cancer treatment that the Cancer Center told her that benzos are to be taken short-term only, and in that conversation she was directed to contact her primary care doctor to refill the Ativan prescription. Hard to believe…or is it??

[[so...]]

Hope,

 

I read your loving tribute and Lori's powerful letter on FB yesterday and SS was constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  She was the epitome of grace under fire.  She's not in pain anymore.  She is finally at peace.  Free.

 

These drugs are world-wide abominations and heartless thieves in the night.  They wreaked havoc on Lori's glorious remission years, but they could not touch her soul. 

 

Lori's heart is with you, Hope. 

 

Sofa

[[Ho...]]

Hope,

 

I read your loving tribute and Lori's powerful letter on FB yesterday and SS was constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  She was the epitome of grace under fire.  She's not in pain anymore.  She is finally at peace.  Free.

 

These drugs are world-wide abominations and heartless thieves in the night.  They wreaked havoc on Lori's glorious remission years, but they could not touch her soul. 

 

Lori's heart is with you, Hope. 

 

Sofa

 

Thank you Bluerose and Sofa  I will definitely never forget Lori and will keep her in my heart forever. One of the last things I told her was that my love would go with her on her journey.

[[be...]]

Hope I was so touched by Solitude and her story, I remember posting to her on the Long Hold Group and I remember thinking what a courageous Woman and I followed her around BB, reading of her progress and the more I read I knew that my first impression of her was much more than I realized. Just the little time I had with her, to this day has had a impact on my Life. Your last words to her about being with her on her Journey so touching and true a good friendship never ends, it just goes on in a different way. My eyes have been heavy since last night when I read, but there are no tears, because I feel her Loving Presence here with all of us.

[[Ho...]]

Hope I was so touched by Solitude and her story, I remember posting to her on the Long Hold Group and I remember thinking what a courageous Woman and I followed her around BB, reading of her progress and the more I read I knew that my first impression of her was much more than I realized. Just the little time I had with her, to this day has had a impact on my Life. Your last words to her about being with her on her Journey so touching and true a good friendship never ends, it just goes on in a different way. My eyes have been heavy since last night when I read, but there are no tears, because I feel her Loving Presence here with all of us.

 

Thank you begood. You always have such a beautiful way of putting things 

[[co...]]

I just joined the forum and want to post in this group since I was diagnosed with Lymphoma on 4/5.  Thanks to being on psych meds long term that didn't include benzos, I feel my sleep cycle was destroyed. 

 

Out of desperation, I started taking Temazepam in 2014 on a PRN basis.  Maybe three times a month for a few years.  At the beginning of 2017, the usage became like two or three times a week.  Unfortunately, due to the stress of being diagnosed, I started using the T full time and unfortunately, feel I have developed a tolerance to it.

 

Unfortunately, having to take Prednisone, which is a sleep destroyer, as part of my chemotherapy on days 1 through 5, I am not yet in a position to start tapering off of it.  I will more after the results of an 8/2 pet scan as to whether I will be done with chemo and moving on to radiation or if I have to continue the current therapy. 

 

If I move on to radiation, then I will start a slow taper once I am through Prednisone withdrawal.  If I have to continue chemo, then obviously, my taper will have to wait.

 

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know everyone.  I would also greatly appreciate hearing from anyone who has had to take Prednisone and how you coped.  I wouldn't wish this drug on my worse enemy.    Even a neurologist I saw said it was a horrible drug.

[[Tr...]]

I just joined the forum and want to post in this group since I was diagnosed with Lymphoma on 4/5.  Thanks to being on psych meds long term that didn't include benzos, I feel my sleep cycle was destroyed. 

 

Out of desperation, I started taking Temazepam in 2014 on a PRN basis.  Maybe three times a month for a few years.  At the beginning of 2017, the usage became like two or three times a week.  Unfortunately, due to the stress of being diagnosed, I started using the T full time and unfortunately, feel I have developed a tolerance to it.

 

Unfortunately, having to take Prednisone, which is a sleep destroyer, as part of my chemotherapy on days 1 through 5, I am not yet in a position to start tapering off of it.  I will more after the results of an 8/2 pet scan as to whether I will be done with chemo and moving on to radiation or if I have to continue the current therapy. 

 

If I move on to radiation, then I will start a slow taper once I am through Prednisone withdrawal.  If I have to continue chemo, then obviously, my taper will have to wait.

 

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know everyone.  I would also greatly appreciate hearing from anyone who has had to take Prednisone and how you coped.  I wouldn't wish this drug on my worse enemy.    Even a neurologist I saw said it was a horrible drug.

 

Hi compsports,

 

I too was diagnosed with the same type of Lymphoma in October 2015.  Mine was between my heart & lungs which caused superior vena cava syndrome.  I was on approx 200 mg prednisone per day for 5 days during my chemo cycle.  In addition, I was taken off .25mg of Klonopin and placed on 1.5-2 mg of Ativan 1 week before I started chemo.  I will let you know later how I coped but in the meantime if you have any questions I'd be happy to share what I know.

[[Te...]]

I am so sorry to read of solitudeseeker's passing. Lori was an exceptional person, and she gave so much to the benzo community!!  :smitten:

[[on...]]

Hope and TTBP- I am so saddened by the passing of Solitude Seeker.I came to know you three and your courageous battle with benzos and cancer at the same time. When I would feel down about my own struggles getting off xanax your inner strength and courage  kept me going. Although I did not know Lori personally like you both did I could tell what a strong and special lady she was. She combined a quiet sense of determination with a gentle soul and the world will not be the same without her. Her voice lives on through her fight to make public the horrors  of benzos. I only wish I had half the courage and dignity she did while facing death.  I hope you both find  strength in the coming days as you mourn her loss. Remember  you both have many friends and lots of support here on Benzo Buddies.

[[Tr...]]

Hope and TTBP- I am so saddened by the passing of Solitude Seeker.I came to know you three and your courageous battle with benzos and cancer at the same time. When I would feel down about my own struggles getting off xanax your quiet strength and determination kept me going. Although I did not know Lori personally like you both did I could tell what a strong and special lady she was. She combined a quiet sense of determination with a gentle soul and the world will not be the same without her. Her voice lives on through her fight to make public the horrors  of benzos. I only wish I had half the courage and dignity she did while facing death.  I hope you both find  strength in the coming days as you mourn her loss. Remember  you both have many friends and lots of support here on Benzo Buddies.

 

Thank you so much ontheroadme.  I appreciate your kind words.  I've spent the past 24 hours going over some of the posts SS and I (and fellow buddies) shared with each other.  Including the very first ones last year around this time.  It's been both incredibly sad and enlightening at the same time.  I agree, her courage was just beyond words.  I know she was scared and at times confused.  Yet, she always found a way to figure things out for herself to move forward as best she could.  I missed her before she even passed and now the only thing I have left are her posts.  Not to sound too corny but I absolutely cherish the short time we had as friends on this site.  I'm so glad I got the chance to cross paths with her before she passed.

 

Thanks again, as always, for all of your support.  I hope you have been doing a lot of healing.  Please keep me posted as to how you've been feeling.

[[Ho...]]

Hope and TTBP- I am so saddened by the passing of Solitude Seeker.I came to know you three and your courageous battle with benzos and cancer at the same time. When I would feel down about my own struggles getting off xanax your quiet strength and determination kept me going. Although I did not know Lori personally like you both did I could tell what a strong and special lady she was. She combined a quiet sense of determination with a gentle soul and the world will not be the same without her. Her voice lives on through her fight to make public the horrors  of benzos. I only wish I had half the courage and dignity she did while facing death.  I hope you both find  strength in the coming days as you mourn her loss. Remember  you both have many friends and lots of support here on Benzo Buddies.

 

Thank you so much ontheroadme.  I appreciate your kind words.  I've spent the past 24 hours going over some of the posts SS and I (and fellow buddies) shared with each other.  Including the very first ones last year around this time.  It's been both incredibly sad and enlightening at the same time.  I agree, her courage was just beyond words.  I know she was scared and at times confused.  Yet, she always found a way to figure things out for herself to move forward as best she could.  I missed her before she even passed and now the only thing I have left are her posts.  Not to sound too corny but I absolutely cherish the short time we had as friends on this site.  I'm so glad I got the chance to cross paths with her before she passed.

 

Thanks again, as always, for all of your support.  I hope you have been doing a lot of healing.  Please keep me posted as to how you've been feeling.

 

Such wonderful words ontheroadme. Thank you! TTBP I haven't had the heart to go back and look at our old posts yet but I will one day. I asked admin and they will stay up indefinitely thankfully.

[[Tr...]]

You'll do it when you're ready I'm sure.  I really needed to feel reconnected to her in some way and reading our exchanges was the only way I could think of to really feel her with me.  So far it's been nice to read our journeys.  Of course reading posts when she expresses how she can't wait to get off benzos and knowing she never got that chance...we'll it just sucks! :'(. 

 

Let's face it there's not a whole lot of happiness expressed around here.  I know there are moments don't get me wrong but most of what we're all going through, well you know how challenging it all can be.  So far, as I reread, it hasn't mattered to me whether it's sadness, frustration, happiness from a jazz festival, etc.  as long as it's something from her it makes me feel better.

 

I guess I just want to remember her alive and not dead.  I need to remember the details of how she helped me:)

 

 

[[Ho...]]

You'll do it when you're ready I'm sure.  I really needed to feel reconnected to her in some way and reading our exchanges was the only way I could think of to really feel her with me.  So far it's been nice to read our journeys.  Of course reading posts when she expresses how she can't wait to get off benzos and knowing she never got that chance...we'll it just sucks! :'(. 

 

Let's face it there's not a whole lot of happiness expressed around here.  I know there are moments don't get me wrong but most of what we're all going through, well you know how challenging it all can be.  So far, as I reread, it hasn't mattered to me whether it's sadness, frustration, happiness from a jazz festival, etc.  as long as it's something from her it makes me feel better.

 

I guess I just want to remember her alive and not dead.  I need to remember the details of how she helped me:)

 

That's really nice TTBP. I'm glad you were able to feel that connection. I will definitely go back when I'm ready. When I think about it, it still doesn't even seem real she is gone!

[Guest [vi...]]

i hope lori has finally found peace mingling with angels and the souls of her departed loved ones. i hope she continues to look down on her daughter with love, indulgence and a newfound divinity.

[[Be...]]

Life's not fair. 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

[Guest [vi...]]

Life's not fair.

 

no life isn't fair.

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

[[Ho...]]

Gosh I was going back and reading the first few pages of this thread. This was Lori's first reply to me:

 

"Hello Hope, happy to meet you! We sure got hit with a double whammy, didn't we? We expect life to be fair, but there are no promises. But this just seems exceptionally unfair."

 

And it was totally unfair. I'm sorry you are suffering so much Becks.

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

 

 

[[Be...]]

I wasn't talking about suicide, just that when I do die, I hope I can meet Lori in heaven. 

[[Yo...]]

Becks,

 

He was just agreeing with you, and saying that your post was unnecessarily edited, as its intent was clear to him and should not have been misconstrued.

[[Be...]]

I still don't understand what you meant by hyper-vigilantism and what was pretty obvious?  I guess I shouldn't be hogging up this support thread with all this confusion, it's for cancer bb's.  Sorry.

[[co...]]

Hi Tryingtobepositive,

 

Sorry for my late response.  OMG, it sounds like you have been through the ringer.  I am so sorry.

 

And 200mg of Prednisone per day?  I thought 100mg was going to drive me to insanity.

 

Did you end up tapering Ativan and if so, how did you do it, especially in light of the high dose of Prednisone you were on?

 

Thanks!

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi again,

 

I did taper off of Ativan but after treatment was over.  At first I tried to get back on .25 mg of Klonopin but it turned out to be MUCH stronger than the Ativan.  The .25 mg of Klonopin was so strong I didn't need to take anything for 2 days.  Anyway, I dropped .5 mg after getting my port out which was approximately 21 days after my last round of chemo.  The rest of the way down can be found on my signature.  I was not on any prednisone at that time.  I also tried switching over to Valium but after an experiment I found a very small dose of Valium made my head feel very heavy which was an indication to me that I would have to put my head through even more abuse than I already had.  The recommended dose of Valium was like 5x the strength I experimented with so I knew it would probably be too strong in terms of weighing me down.  So, I just sucked it up and tapered off of the Ativan.  I knew I had to get off of it because they often caused anxiety.  They were very unpredictable.  I'm so happy to be off of them and free of benzos.  It's been about 9 months:)

 

Let me know if I can help in any other way.