The Dizziness Group: For those who are floating, boating, falling or flying

[[Be...]]

LadyDen, sorry for your vertigo episodes.  I had vertigo episodes too when lying in bed and rolling over and they did finally go away for good.

[[La...]]

Thank you Becks for your reply. I needed to hear that this will go away. I’m glad yours did.

Very sweet of you to take the time to tell me that. Thanks so much.

 

[[Ho...]]

Howdy Folks!  It’s been a while. First the good news, I had a window for a while where the vestibular symptoms were easing and becoming quite manageable. I would still have some issues but they weren’t chronic or persistent and I was finding a way to enjoy my life somewhat despite all the other symptoms. It was a visitor that wasn’t in my face all day everyday and I could treat it as such and succumb to it only occasionally, then move on.  But sadly, I must report that it has come back worse than ever and I am pretty much spending my days in bed for the most part. Everything else has also gotten much worse, the chest pain, heart palps, and tinnitus. I am also experiencing nerve pain and spasms now as well. I can’t do anything without extreme fatigue. Just normal things like sweeping or doing dishes will make my arms sore in like 2 minutes. All this has brought the anxiety / panic back and I’m afraid to leave my house because I believe my body will give up on me and I will die! I went back to my journal and I can definitely say that I am much worse off now than I was a year ago. I keep trying to tell myself that the healing is not linear and that this is likely the last big wave before I begin to heal for good, but it’s become hard to keep the faith after over 3.5 years off this poison.

 

I wish you all the best and hope we all find some relief soon!

[[or...]]

Alas, I have Long Covid. I got sick on Jan 18. Not too bad -- mainly sneezing and coughing that passed in a week.  But the dizziness, fatigue and cog fog that it left in its wake have not improved. It's mainly the dizziness/vertigo that pi**es me off.  Anyone else suffering from this? My doc wanted to send me for "vestibular therapy" i.e. getting my ear crystals aligned, but I don't think that's the problem.

 

Dizzily,

 

 

Katz

[[Be...]]

sorry katz that you have lingering COVID symptoms.  I wonder why that happens to some people?

[[La...]]

Howdy Folks!  It’s been a while. First the good news, I had a window for a while where the vestibular symptoms were easing and becoming quite manageable. I would still have some issues but they weren’t chronic or persistent and I was finding a way to enjoy my life somewhat despite all the other symptoms. It was a visitor that wasn’t in my face all day everyday and I could treat it as such and succumb to it only occasionally, then move on.  But sadly, I must report that it has come back worse than ever and I am pretty much spending my days in bed for the most part. Everything else has also gotten much worse, the chest pain, heart palps, and tinnitus. I am also experiencing nerve pain and spasms now as well. I can’t do anything without extreme fatigue. Just normal things like sweeping or doing dishes will make my arms sore in like 2 minutes. All this has brought the anxiety / panic back and I’m afraid to leave my house because I believe my body will give up on me and I will die! I went back to my journal and I can definitely say that I am much worse off now than I was a year ago. I keep trying to tell myself that the healing is not linear and that this is likely the last big wave before I begin to heal for good, but it’s become hard to keep the faith after over 3.5 years off this poison.

 

I wish you all the best and hope we all find some relief soon!

Hopper 

I was wondering where you ran off to 😂 I figured that you got better and was living it up! Although I missed you, I hate to see that you’re back with dealing with this vestibular crap as well as your other symptoms. You know, this is such a cruel ride. It truly is a roller coaster of flying through loops, twists and turns then it levels out for a bit then more loops turns etc. BUT all roller coasters come to an end. It’s a cruel trick for this to make us think we’re past the worst of it then slam us again. Guess what? I’m in the same boat as you at 25 months out. I was doing fairly well pushing through my vestibular issues. They had damped down to mild and windows of disappearing during the day off and on. I was really starting to enjoy things again. Now I’m slammed again too! In bed most of the day. I try to get up to walk around but I can’t get far or last long. My symptoms has intensified too including my night waves and morning dread. Sucks!!!! I’ve had symptoms cycle back that has been long gone as well and new ones pop in and out especially during my bad night waves. It’s very disheartening to be tortured by your own body at night alone in the dark. Same as you I was cooking, doing laundry, taking baths, chores, walking outside, sitting up watching tv with my family etc. Now, in bed, get up to go to the bathroom or warm something in the microwave then back to bed before I fall. I’m wishing that this is our last go round too. The last big wave that we’ve read about. Wow that would be nice! So, I guess all we can do is wait and see. I’m sure just like me, you tried to look back to see what or if you did something wrong. Nope, it’s just nonlinear like that. Nothing we did to cause it. Now I understand why people wait months after their last big wave before they say they’re healed. You’re further out than me so I’m sure you’re even more disappointed than I am. But, let’s wait it out because we’ve had this happen before. It’s just so dang gone ridiculous! My point is….you’re definitely not the only one who got slammed again. So, we press on and go back to distracting until it passes. I’m praying to God that this is our last crap show and it’s short lived! Sending you big hugs!

[[La...]]

Alas, I have Long Covid. I got sick on Jan 18. Not too bad -- mainly sneezing and coughing that passed in a week.  But the dizziness, fatigue and cog fog that it left in its wake have not improved. It's mainly the dizziness/vertigo that pi**es me off.  Anyone else suffering from this? My doc wanted to send me for "vestibular therapy" i.e. getting my ear crystals aligned, but I don't think that's the problem.

 

Dizzily,

 

 

Katz

Katz 

Wow that sucks that you’re dealing with this. Especially since it’s long COVID causing it. I can see why you’re pissed off. Hopefully it will fizzle out soon. Are you severely dizzy? Different intensity levels? Is it constant? Occurs when you do certain things?

I’m not sure if VT would help but you can give it a try. IMO I seriously doubt it’s a misaligned ear crystals. I agree with you. I have another BB friend on here with long COVID. Would you like me to ask her if she had dizziness too? She’s not posting here recently because her computer is broken.

I really hope just as it suddenly popped up that it will suddenly go away for you. Big hugs 🤗

I’ve had an uptick in my symptoms recently with increased intensity of symptoms and waves especially at bedtime and mornings. It has me back in bed most of the day. It really sucks getting slammed out of the blue after making progress. But, I’m doing my best to wait it out. At 25 months out this is unreal! So I know how upsetting it can be to have debilitating symptoms. Dizziness, boatiness, ataxia and any vestibular issue is no joke! I’m so sorry to see you join this thread. I wish I could hug you, my friend.

[[Ho...]]

Howdy Folks!  It’s been a while. First the good news, I had a window for a while where the vestibular symptoms were easing and becoming quite manageable. I would still have some issues but they weren’t chronic or persistent and I was finding a way to enjoy my life somewhat despite all the other symptoms. It was a visitor that wasn’t in my face all day everyday and I could treat it as such and succumb to it only occasionally, then move on.  But sadly, I must report that it has come back worse than ever and I am pretty much spending my days in bed for the most part. Everything else has also gotten much worse, the chest pain, heart palps, and tinnitus. I am also experiencing nerve pain and spasms now as well. I can’t do anything without extreme fatigue. Just normal things like sweeping or doing dishes will make my arms sore in like 2 minutes. All this has brought the anxiety / panic back and I’m afraid to leave my house because I believe my body will give up on me and I will die! I went back to my journal and I can definitely say that I am much worse off now than I was a year ago. I keep trying to tell myself that the healing is not linear and that this is likely the last big wave before I begin to heal for good, but it’s become hard to keep the faith after over 3.5 years off this poison.

 

I wish you all the best and hope we all find some relief soon!

Hopper 

I was wondering where you ran off to 😂 I figured that you got better and was living it up! Although I missed you, I hate to see that you’re back with dealing with this vestibular crap as well as your other symptoms. You know, this is such a cruel ride. It truly is a roller coaster of flying through loops, twists and turns then it levels out for a bit then more loops turns etc. BUT all roller coasters come to an end. It’s a cruel trick for this to make us think we’re past the worst of it then slam us again. Guess what? I’m in the same boat as you at 25 months out. I was doing fairly well pushing through my vestibular issues. They had damped down to mild and windows of disappearing during the day off and on. I was really starting to enjoy things again. Now I’m slammed again too! In bed most of the day. I try to get up to walk around but I can’t get far or last long. My symptoms has intensified too including my night waves and morning dread. Sucks!!!! I’ve had symptoms cycle back that has been long gone as well and new ones pop in and out especially during my bad night waves. It’s very disheartening to be tortured by your own body at night alone in the dark. Same as you I was cooking, doing laundry, taking baths, chores, walking outside, sitting up watching tv with my family etc. Now, in bed, get up to go to the bathroom or warm something in the microwave then back to bed before I fall. I’m wishing that this is our last go round too. The last big wave that we’ve read about. Wow that would be nice! So, I guess all we can do is wait and see. I’m sure just like me, you tried to look back to see what or if you did something wrong. Nope, it’s just nonlinear like that. Nothing we did to cause it. Now I understand why people wait months after their last big wave before they say they’re healed. You’re further out than me so I’m sure you’re even more disappointed than I am. But, let’s wait it out because we’ve had this happen before. It’s just so dang gone ridiculous! My point is….you’re definitely not the only one who got slammed again. So, we press on and go back to distracting until it passes. I’m praying to God that this is our last crap show and it’s short lived! Sending you big hugs!

 

Hi LadyDen, Thanks for being so kind and responding as usual!

 

I’m glad to hear that you experienced a window as well and were able to do what I like to call “normal people stuff”.  I had to go to the car dealership this morning and drop off my vehicle and pick up a loaner. While I was only in there for maybe 15-20 minutes it felt like forever and as if a I were in hell. Thought I would pass out for sure but didn’t. Was afraid the chest pain was the impending heart attack for sure this time but it wasn’t, just like all the other times. The panic / anxiety is just owning me right now. So afraid my body will give out on me. Back to the floor coming up to meet me and knocking me around while I’m standing. It’s all just so exhausting. Can’t we just get on with our lives already?

 

Hoping this is the last big F you from the Benzo symptoms for both of us!

[[La...]]

Hopper I’m proud of you for pushing through. That wasn’t easy according to your description of what was going on. Yes these symptoms make us fear the worst. But you and I know very well by now that the fear is also a symptom and we should do our best to fight it. As you said, it always seems to turn out ok with our worst fears disproven to be bull crap! I would push myself harder if I could because I’m not scared of my symptoms. I’m scared of falling - severely hurting myself when I’m here alone with nobody to help me. If I had a walking buddy that would be so nice. So I’m torn between going further away from my apartment door on the sidewalk or just go where I know I can dart back inside if I need to. Of course this is only when this wave settle down. Before I got slammed, I had just decided to go for it. Put on some workout clothes and see how it goes. I even mapped out a route- to the next building over which isn’t far. I was sooooooooo excited that it was now a possibility after such a long time. But, it was crushed to pieces by this slamming! I have not been outside in nearly 2 weeks now  :'(  I think today I’ll just go stand in the front doorway about 3-4 steps away and see how long I can tolerate it. I really hate that every time I’m slammed I have to start over with reconditioning myself. The good news is that this time, I still can walk around and sit up for a short awhile. Compared to all the other times, I was back to completely bedridden and hired a caregiver! So it is progress although small and slow as hell 

Today perhaps you can just rest the remainer of the day. Your CNS is telling you to chill out. When this blows over then you can pick up to where you left off. I know you still have to do things so just do what you did with the dealership trip…what you can when you can. These symptoms don’t give a hoot nor holler that we have things to do. My biggest challenge today will be to get a bath. That normally wipes me out.

Take care 🤗🙏

We will be alright soon. Healed and living it up!

[[li...]]

I’m so sad to hear of everyone’s dizzy symptoms and such that just won’t go away .

I’m pretty much in the same rocky boat …I’m saddened because I was so good for a while ..and now this pushing pulling feel like falling crap just won’t leave !!!

I just wish there was a simple answer for this ! What the heck can we do to make this stop ?? It’s almost 10 years for me dealing with this bull …I’m just so sick and tired of it ! As I’m sure the rest of this group is as well …

What makes its come and go ?

Mine is the worst when I’m sitting on my shower seat of all places ! I haven’t been able to enjoy a standing shower for years ! It’s not a good place to feel like you are being pushed and shoved around.  I even tried a different chair , I thought maybe it’s the  chair …nope …not the chair …just my dumb brain that won’t heal already !

 

Anyhow , the only real comfort I get ….sadly …is that I’m not alone in this …for years I thought it was just me …

But after reading the threads here …I know it’s not just me ….and believe me …I feel bad for everyone going through this awful horrible long term side effect? I’m not sure what the heck to call it anymore ..

 

I hope everyone starts to get some relief from this nonsense soon ….it’s an awful way to live …

Much love to all ..

little

[[La...]]

Little, it makes me sad too that we are going through this. You’re so right that it’s no way to live life. So someway somehow our brains has to fix this. It knows that we need to do things which requires no dizzy boaty pushing pulling crap. Bathing is also a challenge for me. About 3 months ago I had a pretty good window one evening and I jumped at the chance to shower so I could quickly wash my hair. You should have seen the smile on my face! I hadn’t been able to shower in a year and a half or take a bath. After that I started being able to take a bath in my windows. Since getting slammed recently, I’ve not been able to do that so I sit on side of the tub to bathe fast. I have a shower seat but I don’t use it. Why? For the same reason you have- sitting up makes my symptoms worse. My tub/shower is small. If I put that seat in there then I have no room to maneuver around to get out. I’ve always wondered as well why do I get worse when I sit up or after I take a walk. And you’re right, it’s not the seats, it’s our brains! I tried different seats too and nothing changed. I have no proof why these symptoms come and go but I do have a theory…

Our gaba receptors was injured including our vestibular systems. As we heal, the brain does this process is “sessions “. It’s a lot of areas to repair so it jumps around fixing things bit by bit. BUT at the same time trying to maintain normal functioning. As the healing happens, the gaba receptors’s functioning slowly returns to normal ( whether they upregulate again, grow new ones or what- I’m not sure). As they do, we get better with symptoms fading away because they’re able to do their job. When the brain gives a job to the gaba receptors, if they’re undamaged ones, it performs well ( window) and if not ( wave/ symptoms). Over time, there’s no more damaged ones around to give a job to, so we are healed with no more symptoms. I think once we are far out, feeling better and reintroduce things or start back doing things we used to do then the brain might run across a little area here or there that needs a bit more repair to handle what we’re doing. Therefore we get symptoms again. That’s my theory….it just makes sense to me.

No matter what is what, I’m so ready to not be so debilitated anymore. All I want is to live a healed normal life free of symptoms. Go anywhere and can enjoy myself. Drive again. Eat a restaurant, sit on a toilet or take a shower without rocking pushing off balance, etc This has been a hell of a symptom. The debilitation is so extreme! Lasts so very long! And I don’t know why. Maybe we won’t ever know. Some get it a couple of weeks or months then it’s gone. Some a year then gone. Some like us, years.  :'( :'( :'(

But we must not lose hope that it will leave for good. Mine comes and goes in various intensity levels now. It didn’t used to do that a few months ago. So that means it is improving so it can be gone. If it leave before, then it can do it again!

Hugs 🤗

[[Ho...]]

Interesting theory LadyDen. Sounds plausible to me. Sorry you are having a rough time of it right now as well. I cut my grass this morning in the heat and it was brutal. Chest pains, heart palps, dizziness and nausea. Spent the rest of the day lying down and hoping nothing fatal was going to happen.

 

Sending healing vibes your way.

[[La...]]

Hopper, it’s amazing that you were able to cut your grass! You get a medal 🎖 for that! Nothing is easy to complete in this recovery so many hoorays for you, my friend. Today is Sunday, time to let your body rest from all that yard work. I hope today brings you much relief. And guess what? When I do the smallest thing ( stand up to cook a quick meal for example) it revs me up too. I have to plan my day - what and when I’ll do whatever. It’s a good thing that my waves have a pattern to give me an idea of when I can do things. I rest a couple of hours then get up to do something else. I also try to include some fun things to reward myself. Want to hear something funny?

Last night I dreamed I was driving symptom free. I was driving around trying to get my hair done. 

It’s funny how when I was on Ambien I rarely dreamed and if I did, I didn’t recall them. The dream I had last night was so vivid and detailed. I enjoyed it so much that although I’m having my morning dread and waves, I’m smiling. It was a nice reminder of my new life coming up shortly. That I’m healing…not that I’m going to heal but I’m in the process right now actively healing. Hope you enjoy your day. Big hugs to you 🤗

Thank you for your support and being a great buddie. Happy healing to you and everyone.

[[Ho...]]

LadyDen, I definitely know what you mean about having to plan my life around symptoms and waves. The tinnitus is on full blast this morning, I’m sure it’s angry at me for yesterday and this morning (I went out and did some work on the pool before it gets too hot outside). So dizzy now, I need groceries but we’ll see…

 

I was glad to hear of your dream last night. I’ll bet that put a smile on your face. It’s fun to be able to get lost and distracted from our current situation.

 

Happy Sunday to you and all! 😊

[[La...]]

Hopper since I can’t drive and can’t walk very far. I get my groceries delivered. Perhaps today you can do that? And just rest!

[[Li...]]

Ha boat people,

I am wondering, when did this boatiness, dizzyness started for you? Before the taper, At (the end of ) the taper or after the taper. I am also feel lightheaded, but I think this might be related to interdose withdrawel. And so I imagine it ends when the taper is finished. That is what I hope at least. At the moment my lightheadedness is tolerable. I can do all things I want to do in daily life. This is also the reason I do my taper really slow, so my mind gets the time to adjust. Why hurry… Hug Jerry

 

P.s. I feel always really bad (feeling of hangover) in the morning, this slowly gets better during the day. I never related this to the zopiclon, because I am using other medication which can cause this too. Do you have hangovers in the morning?

[[La...]]

Hi Jerry! My boaty dizzy unbalanced started towards the end of my taper- around 4mg. For most people the dizziness is short lived. It might come then go and come again then gone for good. Some have it for a few months then it disappears. Some have it up to a year or two but it’s in varying levels and gradually fades. There’s no telling how yours will go but it’s a good sign that you can function still. Hopefully yours is short lived. A slow taper is ideal. 

[[La...]]

Hi Jerry,

In my experience, I'd say that the dizziness varies widely between people. For me, the dizziness started long before I started to taper. I had started taking another medication, and it may have been a bad combination of medications that was just too much for my body at the time. There may have been other contributing factors as well, e.g. in women, changing hormones in mid-life can affect balance.

 

I agree with LadyDen that a slow taper is the way to go.

 

I'm glad to hear that you can still do the things you want, since staying mobile is undoubtedly better for the brain and the body.

[[He...]]

Jeroen,

 

I was like Lapis.  My balance issues started back in 2017. I was taking high doses of sleeping pills and sometimes after having wine with dinner.  I could barely walk for about 5 weeks. I had to hold on to walls and sometimes even had to crawl. I figured it out it was the meds and brought down my doses and things improved.  However, for me it came and went and since jumping off the meds, I've had it in waves. It's currently not bothering me and I'm so grateful! I hope it passes for you quickly and stays mild in the meantime.

 

Helen

 

[[Li...]]

Ha boat ladies,

Thanks a lot for your answers and stories, that gives a good insight. And that it is different for everyone. I hope my lightheadedness will be short and will leave when I finish my taper. My morning hang over is way worse than the dizziness I experience. We get some really hot days over here thursday till monday, so I wait with my next taper step till that is over.  Again thanks! I hope that your current boatiness also will leave soon.

Hug Jeroen… 

[[Ho...]]

It started being troublesome for me around the end of my taper. 4 years later I still have it, it’s been bad today coupled with the tinnitus being of the charts.

 

Mine feels like lightheadedness. Like I’m going to faint but I don’t actually lose consciousness. Anybody else feel like that?

[[La...]]

I also have tinnitus that varies in intensity. It’s mild even when I’m in a wave. When I’m in a wave it gets louder but it’s a less louder than it used to be. It is slowly fading. I used to have it in both ears. Now it’s only in my right ear. Mine sounds like back in the old days when we had floor model tv 📺 when it would go off air around midnight signaled by a long beep and lines in rainbow colors.  That sure did force people to go to bed.

 

Most of my symptoms are coupled together. For example when I get the pulling sensation ( which is mild now) I also get loose stools while it’s happening. Both come together and leave together. If I wake up with dry eyes I always have sinus pressure with it. They stay until my morning dread is over then gone! My boatiness seems to be solo. But the ataxia episodes are paired with a bit of anxiety/ fear of falling. I’ll be so glad when they’re all gone for good! Especially these vestibular ones. Just like you, Hopper, ive had these from end of my taper to now. They’ve kept me from living life and making progress. If you can’t walk around or tolerate standing then you can’t do very much. Housebound. Couch bound. Bed bound….what a life, right? If I didn’t have those, I’d be about 90% healed. So I’d say I’m about 65%. 70 would be on my good days.

[[Ho...]]

My tinnitus has been really bad lately. It was raging before I even opened my eyes this morning (at 3 AM). I’m not sleeping well again either. When I am baseline crappy, my tinnitus will usually be mild to moderate when I first wake up and get progressively worse as the day goes on based on the amount of stimulus / input I take in that day. When I wake up like this it’s never a good sign. The vestibular stuff has been bad today so far. Had some severe heart palps (PAC’s and PVC’s) last night. Thought it was the impending heart attack or stroke but I’m still here. As bad as the vestibular stuff can be, I believe if the chest pains and heart palps would go away, along with the associated panic and anxiety about dying from it, I think I could begin to move on.

 

I hope you have a decent day LadyDen! 🤗

[[La...]]

I hope you do too. Wishing you wake up tomorrow much much better

 

[[Mi...]]

                    *** I'm Working Part Time ... & an Update ***

 

Hello everyone.

 

Prayers & thoughts to everyone as we head towards our healing. This is indeed what is happening - Healing.

 

Even on days that are really rough. Even if we've had to take something (med)/have a needed medical/dental procedure/over did it physically too soon/ate the wrong thing etc.-  that may have made it harder for awhile, even if you've had to endure that,  the fact is that we are STILL moving forward towards healing everyday. It's just that it takes a long time. Longer than we expected.

 

I have a milestone that I'm happy to report- 

I've been working part time. Actually if I think about it, I've really been working part time on & off throughout this, just a lot more so in the last couple weeks. I work from home and I do the advertising, marketing, and research for our company. Until these last few weeks it was very infrequent. By infrequent I mean like a few days here and there spread out over a year. I was just too sick to do much more then.

 

Well, in the last couple weeks I've been putting in real part-time hours. Working a few hours almost everyday. I was doing this without even realizing that I should be giving myself credit for it because this is indeed an important milestone that should be celebrated!

 

It feels good to contribute. It feels good to go to bed at night knowing I accomplished something that day, & looking forward to something tomorrow. This feels good even on days that I may still have symptoms that are a challenge.

 

This is a good way to end the day at night, whether we are having a bad day, or a good day. Whether we are able to work, or if we are only able to maybe just get out of bed that day & sit in a chair.

 

Whatever part of your journey you are on. Whatever your capability level, it's good to go to bed at night making a mental list of what you accomplished that day so you feel good about it. If you were able to just get out of bed, it's an accomplishment. If you were able to just sit outside in nature, it's an accomplishment. If you were able to take a walk, visit with someone, talk on the phone, increase physical activity, drive a little, return to work .... it's all an accomplishment. And, if getting out of bed, or just sitting up in bed is all you were able to do today,  you are not alone, and it's still an accomplishment. MANY are experiencing that now, or have at some point. Time will make it better.

 

The last posts I made on here, a couple weeks ago were about how I had overdone it. Too much too soon. I was feeling like I was healed for almost two months so I "went for it". It's hard not to do that when we're feeling better. We all overdo it at one point or another.

 

I golfed 2x in one week. That's something I had not done in about 4 or 5 years.--Way before I was in withdrawal. And, when I took a look at what was really going on, not only had a golfed, I was doing a lot, all at once, & definitely NOT "dipping my toe in." All I had to do was go back over my Instagram posts and photos and by golly, I did more than I had been doing over a 4 or 5 month time-frame,  except this time I packed it all into about 3 weeks.

 

I was going to the beach AND going to festivals AND moving more than I ever had because I wanted to lose weight AND driving more AND going to stores more AND eating out in parks on picnics AND golf - all in 3 weeks! I did it because I thought I was healed.

 

It wasn't all smooth sailing. I had some symptoms. There was a bit of dizziness and wooziness and wobblyness. There were signs that I probably should have dialed it back some, but it was minimal and I ignored it.

 

I know some can do all the things I listed above while in withdrawal, and it doesn't seem to affect them, but for many, including myself, it's too much too soon.

 

I also figured, well it's 3 years and I feel better than I ever have, so I'm healed, cuz it's been 3 years. I was really counting on that time frame. I could think that all I wanted, but my brain and central nervous system reminded me that it was not time and I got a wave of symptoms that got a bit rougher than I expected it would.

 

It's been about 4 weeks since I golfed. The first week was rough. It's gotten better with each week. It was also not as bad as previous waves. For most of it I still felt good enough to get out of the house for a ride. Symptoms came & went throughout the day. I'd have several hours of needing to distract while only feeling physically able to hang out in my chair, mixed in with hours of feeling totally healed.

 

Now I'm doing better and working part time, but I've learned a big lesson in "dipping my toe in". "Dipping my toe in" does not mean cramming it all into 2 or 3 weeks. Lol.

 

Some folks believe in a "desensitization" process as part of "helping to heal". Some believe in waiting it out a bit longer. (Not forever, but a bit longer before increasing activity a little.) I've actually tried it both ways. I've pushed more than I should and this is not the first time I've done that. It seems to me that there's a middle ground,  in a way.

 

I don't believe you can desensitize. You can't make your injury heal. At least I can't. That's me though. I just think for myself it's better to elevate the activity level very slowly, over a period of months. Like hang out at the beach for several weeks and if that goes well, then start with hitting a few balls at the driving range versus going out on the course for several weeks, but not everyday. And when I say "several weeks" I mean like remaining at that pace for the whole summer.

 

Our society and life expectations have such a "push push push" way of living. In my 39 months on this healing journey, I've learned that approach does not work for me. I've had to learn my "do's & dont's" & take them seriously until time heals me more.

 

If working part time when I can, taking my daily nature walks (which I've been fortunate enough to be able to do the entire 3 years of this) , & hitting a driving range a bit on occasion is what my life will look like for a year or so more ... is that really that bad? No. Sounds like a pretty good way to be until I heal more.

 

Can I say that I won't have more waves/symptom flares in my future? No. Not yet I don't think. My brain and CNS are still healing. I'm still sensitive to stress, certain foods & doing too much. I'm still afraid of ever needing a med/antibiotic, but i'm not freaking out about it a bunch like i used to. BUT, I'VE MADE HUGE STRIDES! I've went 5 months consecutively in this where I've only had 4 or 5 days a month of manageable symptoms. Things are improving with time.

 

Keep moving forward.. We'll all get there.

 

- Fortitude