12-18 month support

[[He...]]

My wave is still hanging on, but it is less intense than it was last Friday and Saturday.  I had one of those nights that I wake up every hour.  It could be a long day today.

 

I've decided to wait until I'm out of this wave to think more about seeing a doctor for my chest sensations.  I really believe that it is simply withdrawal, especially after getting brave enough to search for it on BB last night.  It was all over the place, with people having similar tightness.  Many of the posters went to the ER and had batteries of tests run, and their hearts were healthy.  I'll just wait until this wave passes over and then I'll see how I'm feeling. 

 

Wishing you all well today! 

[[mr...]]

HH, what day did your "monthly friend" come last week? Just curious if you & I follow a similar pattern here...

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Mine was Saturday morning.  It was a full week early and packed a punch. Blah...

[[Sk...]]

Sky, it could be either the form of vitamin C, or the dose, that may have impacted your sleep. If the dose was too "high" for your body chemistry, it can slow down the production of melatonin a bit. If it was acidic, it can also impact sleep. I use a time-released formula that mixes vitamin C from two sources -- ascorbic acid and acerola cherries. I seem to do alright with it, but I know we are all different! I hope you get it all figured out for you Take a nap today if you can!!

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs, I really took a microscopic dosage of it, 198 grams. I will try halfing in tomorrow morning and avoid taking it in the afternoon.

We' ll see ! 

[[mr...]]

Sky, it could be either the form of vitamin C, or the dose, that may have impacted your sleep. If the dose was too "high" for your body chemistry, it can slow down the production of melatonin a bit. If it was acidic, it can also impact sleep. I use a time-released formula that mixes vitamin C from two sources -- ascorbic acid and acerola cherries. I seem to do alright with it, but I know we are all different! I hope you get it all figured out for you Take a nap today if you can!!

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs, I really took a microscopic dosage of it, 198 grams. I will try halfing in tomorrow morning and avoid taking it in the afternoon.

We' ll see ! 

 

You sure did, lol! Might have just been coincidental Oh well!!

[[mr...]]

Mine was Saturday morning.  It was a full week early and packed a punch. Blah...

 

Yup, that sounds about right!!

 

I could tell you within a day or two before my period would begin, because I would have a bout of (sinus-normal rhythm) tachycardia, often coupled with higher anxiety throughout the day or two before I would then feel "wavey" throughout my period duration (6-8 days) and for a couple days following, but then would incrementally feel better and better!

 

Sumthin' 'bout that period (bass? No treble! Hehe)...

 

Mrs.

[[be...]]

I kinda view the dumb thoughts as this annoying bratty three year old that likes to throw temper tantrums to try and get its own way. And, just like I'll walk away from a bratty temper tantrum and not give in, I do the same thing with the dumb thoughts -- its like, You go ahead and keep whining like a big baby: I'M NOT BUDGING.

 

Mrs, I love this picture, it really hits the nail on the head !

 

 

Healing, I am so sorry about you heart concerns. We are more or less the same age. I

 

 

 

understand your concerns, my heart to worries me a lot and I have lost my trust in doctors.

 

But

 

maybe a small checkup might be in order if it takes a load off your mind.

 

Beaulah,

Hey all,

Anybody here still have the burning skin? It left for a while but now it's back.

Also, do any of you have itchy ears? My ears are driving me crazy with itching in the middle of the night. The itching wakes me up and I have to get a Q tip to relieve it.

Hugs to all.

 

Beulah, I have itchy ears. I also have night itches all over and sometimes my scratching can go overboard. So much that now I am tring to ignore it, because I have some serious skin damage.

THe odd thing is that it starts the minute I go to bed !!

 

HAve you tried ignoring it and seeing what happens ? the thing is, even ignoring it, there will be the time you don't even notice you are scratching yourself !!

 

LAst night I  tried taking some vitamin C. It made my heart so much worse and I had a case of insomnia which I had not had in many months. 

 

So according to my info, it should not be taken after six pm.

 

It was my first day, so it is too soon to say, but it is incredible how different we all are !

 

Sending healing rays to all of you.

 

Yes Sky, I also have the all over itching, but my ears and legs are the worst.

Sometimes I think it's the nerves healing because it's so intense. The itching wakes me every night and I have scratch marks that look like a cat attacked me.

Let's just pray it's healing of the nerves.

 

[[Sk...]]

Beulah, I keep thinking my foot, right one, seems beyond repair. It looks like  I have had some very bad skin sickness.

 

Have you tried resisting it ? Ignoring the itchiness? I have tried but it many times it takes me unawares and I am scratching without even noticing it!

 

OH well, it is not my worst symptom by any means.

[[be...]]

Beulah, I keep thinking my foot, right one, seems beyond repair. It looks like  I have had some very bad skin sickness.

 

Have you tried resisting it ? Ignoring the itchiness? I have tried but it many times it takes me unawares and I am scratching without even noticing it!

 

OH well, it is not my worst symptom by any means.

 

Yes, I have tried ignoring it but it is so intense that I can't. I have been putting baking soda in my bath and oatmeal cream on my skin,nothing helps. It goes deeper than the skin which is why I think it's the nerves.

No, this isn't my worst symptom either....just the most annoying at the moment.

We'll get through this. Hugs.

[[He...]]

Green,

[move]CONGRATULATIONS on passing the one year mark!!  [/move]

That is such a HUGE milestone in this unbelievably brutal process of recovery!  You have done amazing!

 

[[He...]]

Good morning!

This weekend has been pretty good, with just some Yuck hanging around the edges.  I was able to sleep in both yesterday and today, which was wonderful!  I vividly remember being jolted awake in a panic every morning about 4:00 all last year.  What a relief to be done with that!

 

I have a huge assignment that is due tonight at midnight for my masters class....a 12 page paper that is quite different than I have had to write before.  It's causing me some anxiety about getting it done successfully.    One of the things that I am learning through this recovery process is how to plow ahead DESPITE anxiety, which makes me want to simultaneously curl up in a ball and run away.  Ok, enough stalling.  Deep breaths, lots of prayer, and I will get this paper done.

 

Wishing you all a good Sunday. 

[[Sk...]]

Healing, wish you the best with your paper ! 

[[mr...]]

You can do it, girl!!

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Sky and Mrs,

THANKS!!  So far, so good.  I'm at the beginning of page 4 and I'm not stalling (TOO much ).  It's only 3:30 here, so I just might get this baby done before dinner. 

 

Even though I am not yet 100%, and I haven't written my success story, I am amazed at how far I have come in the past year.  Last November I was 4 months off and MISERABLE.  I was missing days of work, often having to go home at lunch because I couldn't handle it, I was very depressed, I had jumping-out-of-my-skin anxiety all the time, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a stretch, I could hardly eat and I certainly couldn't eat anything with sugar, I had fits of crying and fits of yelling (my poor family!), I was terrified of being alone, Sunday's were filled with dread and fear for the upcoming week. 

This November, even though I still get hit with the occasional nasty wave more often than I want, I can sleep in on my mornings off, I am sitting here drinking a 1/2-caff coffee while alone in my house and writing a huge paper with a deadline looming over my head, I feel joy at the thought of the upcoming holidays, I haven't yelled at my family in a while, I can make plans without feeling dread and fear.  It's amazing the progress, really. 

 

Where were you last November compared to today?

 

OK...enough stalling.  Back to my paper.   

 

Update: Paper done.  BOOM! 

[[Sk...]]

Sky and Mrs,

THANKS!!  So far, so good.  I'm at the beginning of page 4 and I'm not stalling (TOO much ).  It's only 3:30 here, so I just might get this baby done before dinner. 

 

Even though I am not yet 100%, and I haven't written my success story, I am amazed at how far I have come in the past year.  Last November I was 4 months off and MISERABLE.  I was missing days of work, often having to go home at lunch because I couldn't handle it, I was very depressed, I had jumping-out-of-my-skin anxiety all the time, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a stretch, I could hardly eat and I certainly couldn't eat anything with sugar, I had fits of crying and fits of yelling (my poor family!), I was terrified of being alone, Sunday's were filled with dread and fear for the upcoming week. 

This November, even though I still get hit with the occasional nasty wave more often than I want, I can sleep in on my mornings off, I am sitting here drinking a 1/2-caff coffee while alone in my house and writing a huge paper with a deadline looming over my head, I feel joy at the thought of the upcoming holidays, I haven't yelled at my family in a while, I can make plans without feeling dread and fear.  It's amazing the progress, really. 

 

Where were you last November compared to today?

 

OK...enough stalling.  Back to my paper.   

 

Update: Paper done.  BOOM! 

 

 

Healing, beautiful post, I can picture you sipping your coffee. 

 

Last year, I was in the 5th circle of hell. I had just got out of the hospital, where I had been operated on. At the hospital I had ct, I did not know that, I didn't even know I was dependent on anything. I had 3 days of hallucinations where I repeatedly tried to run away from the hospital in a clear state of confusion.

The docs sent me home, saying it had been sleepwalking. 

So, this time of year, I still had no idea what was wrong with me, I thought I was either having a nervous breakdown or was crazy. I was in agony and scared.

 

I would find out what was happening only the 16th of december, so all in all, now things have definitely improved.

 

Last year this time, because I was so weak, I was being given a lot of sugar !! 

 

In wd, memory lane is important, it gives you an idea of how far we have come. progress appears slow, but all we have to do is look back and then it all makes sense !

 

Last night, in bed, my palps got so out of hand and my vibrations were just crazy.

 

Now, I am feeling better, but I am so scared of what happened yesterday.

 

I am urinating so frequently, it has gotten out of control and I taste salt in my mouth all the time. My belly is so swollen.

 

Ok, off we go to  work !

 

See everybody later, have a nice day !

[[Sk...]]

I am posting a link, that gives a funny interpretation on how it would look like if physical illness were treated like mental illness.

 

Don't be lazy, click here  it will make you smile and you need that!  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/13/mental-illness-physical-i_n_6145156.html?cps=gravity

[[No...]]

Thank you for the link, Sky ... gave me a little smile ... and I have heard each of those comments ... maybe we all have ...

 

Going off for my biopsy in 4 hours or so ... will be glad to get this behind me ... just feeling kind of numb this morning ... kind of got that "deer in the headlights" feeling ...

 

Hope you are having a good day ...

 

[[Fi...]]

HealingHope--

 

I joined here just to answer you and say that I'm in Oregon too and  have been experiencing those same chest pains and am NOT going to the doctor about it and am definitely writing it off to benzo withdrawal.  Actually, I spent an hour writing you a long message which, when I went to  preview it, disappeared!  Argh.  Too stressful. I see you are working on a paper.  I'm working on a book about all this, being a writer, and I consider writing WORK.  I hate it when it gets "disappeared."  I may have to save my energy for my book which will be my "success story."

[[He...]]

HealingHope--

 

I joined here just to answer you and say that I'm in Oregon too and  have been experiencing those same chest pains and am NOT going to the doctor about it and am definitely writing it off to benzo withdrawal.  Actually, I spent an hour writing you a long message which, when I went to  preview it, disappeared!  Argh.  Too stressful. I see you are working on a paper.  I'm working on a book about all this, being a writer, and I consider writing WORK.  I hate it when it gets "disappeared."  I may have to save my energy for my book which will be my "success story."

 

Hi Finally!  Thanks for coming on and writing me.    I'm sorry that your message disappeared, that is so maddening when that happens!  Yay for being another Oregonian.  I love this state!! 

I am doing much better with not freaking out with the chest tightness/pains.  They aren't making me panic anymore....I think just finally writing about it and putting it out there for others to comment on helped tremendously. 

Interesting that you are writing a book about all this.  It's quite something, isn't it?   

HH

[[He...]]

Sky and Mrs,

THANKS!!  So far, so good.  I'm at the beginning of page 4 and I'm not stalling (TOO much ).  It's only 3:30 here, so I just might get this baby done before dinner. 

 

Even though I am not yet 100%, and I haven't written my success story, I am amazed at how far I have come in the past year.  Last November I was 4 months off and MISERABLE.  I was missing days of work, often having to go home at lunch because I couldn't handle it, I was very depressed, I had jumping-out-of-my-skin anxiety all the time, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a stretch, I could hardly eat and I certainly couldn't eat anything with sugar, I had fits of crying and fits of yelling (my poor family!), I was terrified of being alone, Sunday's were filled with dread and fear for the upcoming week. 

This November, even though I still get hit with the occasional nasty wave more often than I want, I can sleep in on my mornings off, I am sitting here drinking a 1/2-caff coffee while alone in my house and writing a huge paper with a deadline looming over my head, I feel joy at the thought of the upcoming holidays, I haven't yelled at my family in a while, I can make plans without feeling dread and fear.  It's amazing the progress, really. 

 

Where were you last November compared to today?

 

OK...enough stalling.  Back to my paper.   

 

Update: Paper done.  BOOM! 

 

 

Healing, beautiful post, I can picture you sipping your coffee. 

 

Last year, I was in the 5th circle of hell. I had just got out of the hospital, where I had been operated on. At the hospital I had ct, I did not know that, I didn't even know I was dependent on anything. I had 3 days of hallucinations where I repeatedly tried to run away from the hospital in a clear state of confusion.

The docs sent me home, saying it had been sleepwalking. 

So, this time of year, I still had no idea what was wrong with me, I thought I was either having a nervous breakdown or was crazy. I was in agony and scared.

 

I would find out what was happening only the 16th of december, so all in all, now things have definitely improved.

 

Last year this time, because I was so weak, I was being given a lot of sugar !! 

 

In wd, memory lane is important, it gives you an idea of how far we have come. progress appears slow, but all we have to do is look back and then it all makes sense !

 

Last night, in bed, my palps got so out of hand and my vibrations were just crazy.

 

Now, I am feeling better, but I am so scared of what happened yesterday.

 

I am urinating so frequently, it has gotten out of control and I taste salt in my mouth all the time. My belly is so swollen.

 

Ok, off we go to  work !

 

See everybody later, have a nice day !

 

My goodness, Sky! I didn't know you had such a traumatic experience! You are incredibly strong.

How are the heart palps today?

[[Fi...]]

Healing Hope--

 

How often do you get these chest pains and do you track them?  I'm kind of an A type who started detailed health charts about six years back.  In 2013 I was having trouble with withdrawal from Oxycodone after a total knee replacement surgery and when I wasn't well after 8 months "clean," I went to my doc.  She said I must have something else, like so many doctors do,offering no help and only triggering more anxiety.  As I walked out the door, though, she said, "I am kind of concerned about your Xanax use, because you know THAT can be really addictive."  So, good little girl that I am (well, I'm 63!) I went right home and looked at my charts.  How far back did my Xanax use go?  All the way to the beginning because--duh--that's why I started the charts!  I knew I wasn't supposed to take too much.  So I'd been taking 1.5 over the course of a week, often in half tab doses.  So I decided to cold turkey.  I had a friend who'd been on this board who advised against it, but I didn't really think I was using that much, and if this was what was keeping me from getting well, I didn't want to take one more pill.  I had a couple of nights of awful insomnia, but after that, not too much trouble with sleep.  About ten days out, though, I was lying in bed and had this full torso cramp.  It was bad enough that I'd have been calling 911 except... I recognized this!  It was a more dramatic version of something that had happened to me a half dozen times over the five years I was on Xanax.  Putting it all together and reading stories here on BB, I realized that had been a symptom of tolerance.  Because of course what would I do to fix it?  I'd take a Xanax, of course!  It was like the drug reminding me I hadn't taken any in awhile.  I had a couple more of these in the fall of 2013.  One in November lasted the longest, a half hour.  Thought I was done with them until I had another one in February.  This past summer I had another half dozen, about two or three weeks apart.  They were only lasting 5 or 6 minutes though.

 

They're awful, I know!  They always hit out of the blue when I'm perfectly fine, but the chemicals of anxiety that seem to go coursing through me of course feel just awful.  I just lie down, try to take deep breaths and hang on without doing anything to make it worse.  Just tough it out.  I've read so many stories here of people rushing to the ER over things and with the exception of one story (statistically there's going to be SOMEBODY who actually does have something else going on, I guess) everyone gets an all clear.

 

I understand exactly your feelings about fearing going to the docs with this.  I never talked about these episodes to anyone but my husband back when I was still taking the Xanax.  I did put them on my chart as "weird back pain."  For me it starts in the upper left back and often the pain shoots up to my right jaw.  Then it's just a big dose of fear.  If I ever HAD gone to the ER, there'd have been nothing to show for it by the time I got there.

 

Benzo withdrawal is the worst thing ever for somebody who's kind of a hypochondriac, which I am and work at trying not to be!  I've had so many weird, random pains.  Good grief, if I'd tried to track everything down I'd have just made myself crazy.  Some people seem to feel reassured by having the docs tell them they're perfectly fine, but I've had so much trouble with no doctors being able to actually help me with withdrawal, I really don't want to show up and get one more mark on my chart saying I'm a nutcase and "it's all in her head."

 

So, the last time I had this cramp thing was September 25th, so I'm watching and hoping maybe I've seen the end of it.  A few times lately I've felt as if the pain was starting up, but then it's just a ghost of it and never goes ahead and grips me.  I do have lots of random upper back pains.  I just feel like I have the flu a lot, and here at almost 15 months out, I'm stuck in a month long wave that's given more more bad days in a row since way back before I had any windows at all.  Discouraging!

 

One difference in being 63 instead of your 43 is that when my thoughts spiral downward, I start thinking maybe this is just how it feels to be old.  Like I got old while I was trying to heal and I'm not even remembering right what it feels like to be well.

 

So, do these cramp things sound like yours?  Do you keep track?

 

FinallyJoining63

[[He...]]

Hi Finally,

Mine aren't really painful cramps, but more like squeezing/burning. I guess I do sometimes get some pain, but the sensation is more like an electrical current than a cramp. I don't know...its hard for me to explain. I have realized that it's in my rib cage and sternum rather than under it, so that gives me comfort. MOST of the time I know it's not heart related.

 

I am 16 months out and feel pretty achy in random places, especially my joints. This, too, comes and goes so I know it's "just" my body healing. Thankfully I haven't been having anxiety with it!

 

I don't track my symptoms much anymore other than my posts here.  However, my waves are very much brought on by my cycle.  I'm getting very tired of this process, but it's almost done. I find myself thinking about it less and less throughout the day.

[[Fi...]]

HH--

 

I see I am about six weeks behind you.  Hope my pattern follows yours, the way you're feeling better now.  This bad wave hit me at 14 and a half months too.  I probably still have stuff going on with the opioids too, though.  When I was six months clean I read a book about addiction that said post acute withdrawal syndrome lasts two full years and don't think you're going to get away with anything shorter!  I found that pretty devastating, the idea of a year and a half still to go.  That was before I realized Xanax was hurting me more than it was helping.  So I'll be two years off Oxycodone around New Years.  Let's just hope I've been serving  concurrent sentenceS here.

 

Glad you're feeling better.  What I notice when I have a good day is that I'm thinking about what I want to DO, not how I FEEL.

 

FJ

[[He...]]

FJ,

I have heard that 2 year marker in several different places, and I believe it to be true.  I don't think that it means we will necessarily be feeling w/d symptoms that long, but I think we will have a propensity to be more sensitive.  There are many, many success stories where they talk about big healing happening about 18+ months out. 

I got slammed with a wave a week and a half ago, so I'm not out of the woods yet, but most of the time I am feeling good and normal.  It's such a blessing!  I can't even hardly believe it when I think back to how I was last year at this time. 

I hope you are having a good day!

It's very wet in So OR today.

HH

[[Fi...]]

Hey HH-- you aren't by any chance in the lovely little town hosting a certain festival, are you?

 

I'm not doing too bad today.  I'm enjoying catching up on people's stories on the BB board.  I think it's going to help me feel connected with people beyond my own home!  I probably should have signed up earlier, but the rules scared me off.  Also, I didn't have anything encouraging to say to anybody else.