12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hi ...

 

Got my date for the lymph node biopsy ... next Monday ... will sure be glad to get this behind me ...

 

Hope you all are having a quiet Monday.

 

Michael

[[...]]

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

 

I hope you are well today!

 

[[mr...]]

Hi ...

 

Got my date for the lymph node biopsy ... next Monday ... will sure be glad to get this behind me ...

 

Hope you all are having a quiet Monday.

 

Michael

 

Michael,

 

I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but I had a surgical biopsy done back in September of this year. Everything went great, and I had no issues pre-, during, or post-op. I told them continually that I did not want any benzodiazepines, and then on the day of surgery, I asked the anesthesiologist to tel me exactly what medications I was to receive. I'm glad I did; I discovered that they were going to use an antibiotic as well as a narcotic pain medicine as preventative care. I opted out of the pain medicine, and referenced Google to be sure the antibiotic was not a fluroquinolone (it was not). I also discovered that they were planning on using lidocaine for the site of the IV, and was able to request only 1/3-1/2 the dose (I would've opted out entirely, lol, but they'd already begun to administer it before I realized it ). All the medicines they were using I'm sure would've been fine, but I just prefer as "non-medicinal" a route as possible, personally.

 

It will go great, I have no doubt In my case, it was very much a Shakespearian scenario: "Much ado about nothing". Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Thanks for the encouragement about the biopsy, folks ... I just want to know what is happening ... I have my suspicions that this is related to recovery ... much like everything else ... just go and do it and come home ...

 

Got my head pressure stuff again this afternoon ... and feeling quite tired ... and BORED ... this is getting old again ...

 

Have a good afternoon and evening ...

 

[[pe...]]

Today I am not so depressed. I am fitful, anxious, vibrating and so ramped up. It's awful and seems unending. I think others have had big waves when reading into month 11. I can't believe this is still so strong. I thought the waves would be weaker and further apart. I feel like they were weaker and further apart. What is this?!? Why now? I just want a break. I just want it to roll out and let me be. Oh me, oh my.

[[mr...]]

Today I am not so depressed. I am fitful, anxious, vibrating and so ramped up. It's awful and seems unending. I think others have had big waves when reading into month 11. I can't believe this is still so strong. I thought the waves would be weaker and further apart. I feel like they were weaker and further apart. What is this?!? Why now? I just want a break. I just want it to roll out and let me be. Oh me, oh my.

 

Peace,

 

I've read this over and over again, with many buddies:

When further out, the stronger the wave, the higher/better the baseline is after it passes. I've experienced this myself recently, but also this has happened recently to: recoveringfrombenzoz, Northofhere, inw, and our very own Life! Icky waves, but then a HUGE corner turned thereafter.

 

Its weird, this windows/waves thang. And ICKY! But look on up ahead, see that just around the corner? Its your new Higher baseline!! Its coming. Promise This wave us just intensive healing that is occurring The higher baseline will be a sweet tasting reward!!

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

Nova, it must be hard to deal with a biopsy on top of all of this. I don't know how you are managing to  not freak out. you are such an inspiration.

 

Peace, my worst month after the first ones of my ct,  has been this one. So don't let this wave of yours distract you from the big picture, you are healing.

It is unbearable at times but it is happening. So even this intense suffering, is leading towards better times.

Hearing noise in the background is ok, it is horrible but it is part of the great jumbo deal we go on signing up for magical benzo tour ! all inclusive !

 

Everybody, I am going to bed. Today was my day off wd, and it was great. But this 24 hour cycles are maddening.

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks, Mrs. If that holds true, I should be 100% after this big wave. You are a gem to be so kind and steadfast.

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

hi everyone it's me again.. i'm still here. i have a question for you. when you have your wave with the anxiety do you still get d/r with it?

[[Mo...]]

Hi Kids..

 

My 12 months hits on the 21st.  I am coming out of the acute stage from months 9&10 nicely.  There is some 'over the shoulder' fear of acute returning, but life goes on. 

 

Hugs!!

MommyR

[[No...]]

Sussie ... sometimes when anxiety gets quite loud I can't remember which chair I am in ... have to check things out ... sort of "proof" where I am ... sometimes it is like being sucked out of here and now and I have to keep re-connecting ... I can go really deep into the anxiety and lose myself for a while ... and it all passes ...

 

Hope that kind of makes sense ... words can be quite elusive describing these adventures ...

 

[[be...]]

Hey all,

Anybody here still have the burning skin? It left for a while but now it's back.

Also, do any of you have itchy ears? My ears are driving me crazy with itching in the middle of the night. The itching wakes me up and I have to get a Q tip to relieve it.

Hugs to all.

[[He...]]

So here's my dilemma.  I will have these times where I feel like I am completely going to die of a heart attack.  My chest feels tight and I can have a boaty feeling along with it.  I have been having these episodes since at least January, when I started writing about them.  I don't know if I had this symptom before and it was just masked by how horrible everything else was, or if it started then.  I have this feeling off and on, this week has been significant with this wave I am fighting through. 

 

The thing that freaks me out about it is it doesn't just happen with anxiety, but will often feel "squeezy" all on it's own....which can trigger anxiety.  I also experience tightness and squeezing through my rib cage and my back. When I'm not freaking out about it, I often think that it is more on the outside (like cartilage and muscle) than on the inside (like my heart). 

 

I have MAJOR health anxiety about this and it is making me very anxious just even writing to you guys about this.  I am afraid that someone will tell me to call 911.      I am also very afraid to go to the doctor.  When I don't have it, and when my anxiety is down, I don't even think about it. 

 

My question is what do you think I should do.....and PLEASE don't tell me to call 911 because you know of someone who died because of this very thing. 

I am 43, I have good health (as far as I know), my bp is low, I'm not overweight, never been a smoker, no family history of dropping dead, and my heart rate stays steady during these episodes, I don't have trouble breathing.  I have only been to one doctor for a post-withdrawal checkup and that was a natural nurse practitioner back in the spring. She didn't do any special tests, other than blood work to test thyroid and vitamin D levels, but she said I was very healthy.  Although she only listened to my heart and took my blood pressure.

 

Any advice?  Do any of you feel something similar?  Wouldn't I have dropped down dead long ago if this really WAS my heart?

 

The other thing is that when I don't think about it, it will often go away.  I posted this, then started getting busy with something else and then realized that I didn't feel the squeezing or fear anymore....but then it started to creep back.  A real heart issue would happen on it's own, regardless of my thoughts, correct?  This makes me think that it's almost certain a recovery issue, but my health anxiety causes me to doubt.  UGH! 

 

 

[[No...]]

HH ... my "opinion" ... sounds like recovery ...

 

The benzos wreaked havoc with our entire muscle system ... muscles, tendons, fascia etc ... and when you mix in the cns and peripheral nervous system, I believe things are still "shaking out" ...

 

And the "anxiety process" always triggers a hormone response ... even if we are not aware of it ... "tension" - "getting ready to move" ... all this is going on in the background ... and when we are "healthy" we do not even notice these responses most of the time and they settle out as quickly as they "engaged" ...

 

The drug(s) messed this entire process up ... and I now believe that for some of us, we have experienced a form of "trauma" during the stages of withdrawal and acute ... that would also mess up our natural "release" response ...

 

This is all very complicated and hard to put into words quickly ...

 

I too believe that heart issues and stroke issues do not wax and wane ... they are a "bang ... gotcha" kind of thing ...

 

I now know that for me neck tension and upper should tension drives some of my head pressure ... if arnica releases some of this kind of pressure by working on the tension then I have to say this is all inter-muscular ...

 

And health fears and doubt contribute to my tension and stress responses ... everything is connected ... and we are still recovering ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ... kind of just slapped it together, perhaps too quickly ...

 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... I sometimes find myself digging into my ears to get rid of the itch ... it comes and goes ... and drives me a little nuts sometimes ... probably more nerve stuff or some kind of tension ...

 

[[He...]]

HH ... my "opinion" ... sounds like recovery ...

 

The benzos wreaked havoc with our entire muscle system ... muscles, tendons, fascia etc ... and when you mix in the cns and peripheral nervous system, I believe things are still "shaking out" ...

 

And the "anxiety process" always triggers a hormone response ... even if we are not aware of it ... "tension" - "getting ready to move" ... all this is going on in the background ... and when we are "healthy" we do not even notice these responses most of the time and they settle out as quickly as they "engaged" ...

 

The drug(s) messed this entire process up ... and I now believe that for some of us, we have experienced a form of "trauma" during the stages of withdrawal and acute ... that would also mess up our natural "release" response ...

 

This is all very complicated and hard to put into words quickly ...

 

I too believe that heart issues and stroke issues do not wax and wane ... they are a "bang ... gotcha" kind of thing ...

 

I now know that for me neck tension and upper should tension drives some of my head pressure ... if arnica releases some of this kind of pressure by working on the tension then I have to say this is all inter-muscular ...

 

And health fears and doubt contribute to my tension and stress responses ... everything is connected ... and we are still recovering ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ... kind of just slapped it together, perhaps too quickly ...

 

 

Nova,

It helps a LOT.  Thank you!  I believe what you said to be true, but I can sure feel fear that comes along with feeling this way.  My fear was a bit higher because I have "put it out there"....like it makes it more real in a way, and potentially more serious.  But, I have so much tension in my upper back also...so why can't I have similar tension in my upper chest.

 

We ARE still recovering. 

 

I'll be particularly glad when this symptom goes away!  I may also have to go to the doctor just to be sure.  I just have so much fear regarding doctor visits!  But maybe a lot of fear for a single doctor visit will alleviate the fear that comes along with these sensations.  I don't know.  I wouldn't even know what type of appointment to schedule, or what to say.  <sigh>

 

[[mr...]]

HH, I'm with Nova on this.

 

No, heart stuff definitely does not wax and wane. I had some very challenging health fears regarding heart stuff. Here's what I would do, if it were me:

 

I would schedule an appointment with a cardiologist. I know that the health-fear is saying dumb things about the symptom; but deep down, do you really believe it is true? I think that the answer is no, and that you know better -- the Real You knows better. For this reason, I personally would not go to the E/R, because I am not willing to "build my own crisis" as Dr. Claire Weekes would say. No, sir. BUT -- it is helpful to me personally to have some "proof" to back me up, especially medical tests & such. So, I would schedule just a regular appointment with a cardiologist. On the initial appointment, before he even says a word, I would let him know of your situation. That you are currently in recovery from benzo withdrawal. That, as such, you are sensitive to anxiety and panic. And that your goal of meeting with him/her is to SHUT UP the dumb voice that says "maybe" to heart symptoms. Let him/her know that you NEED him/her to be encouraging and uplifting. No sharing "maybes" or "could be" scenarios. And ask him/her to especially share ALL of the GOOD qualities of your heart that he finds from tests. Etc, etc. You may be surprised how a) knowledgeable many cardiologists are of benzo withdrawal, and b) how quick and willing he/she'd be to help you in this endeavor.

 

All just IMO, and what I'd do, personally. I believe with all of me that there is NOTHING wrong with you, HH. I've had a battery of tests run, amd the BEST cardiologist who has DISSOLVED every DUMB thought about heart stuff. I'm sure you'd find the same, if you're willing to be upfront and firm about what you want (hopefully, anyways!).

 

Also, something I've done recently that has been helping me...I've been forcing myself to actually walk through the "bad case scenarios". Beginning to end. Slowly and reasonably and with some logical thought. For me, the things that used to provoke fear/panic seemed to happen at a "flash" - I'd think or hear one little word or thought about it, and it would "flash" fear/panic. I started to realize, That's unreasonable. How unfair to just "jump" from A to Z like that, without even considering B-Y, you know? So, I've been walking it through. And when I think about each "bad case scenario", A-Z, I realize that I'm not really afraid of it  -- even of death. Its just a dumb fear feeling is all -- benzo induced. And it'll go away entirely eventually.

 

Also, something else I've realized with some of those fears: sometimes we feel a sensation, and we associate that sensation with a health condition we think it makes "sense" to be related to...even when it has nothing to do with said health concern. For instance, someone associating the "throb" sensation and/or pressure from a headache, and think it means blood pressure sensations.  The two are unrelated entirely; but I can kinda see why someone might think this way initially. You know? The sensation of "tight" in the chest and/or back can be from tight muscles, or it can be from tummy upset, etc. Anyways, retraining your brain to not associate the two things is helpful. And a cardiologist proving it so with a couple tests is some sweet 'ole medicine, I tell ya what!

 

I kinda view the dumb thoughts as this annoying bratty three year old that likes to throw temper tantrums to try and get its own way. And, just like I'll walk away from a bratty temper tantrum and not give in, I do the same thing with the dumb thoughts -- its like, You go ahead and keep whining like a big baby: I'M NOT BUDGING.

 

You're doing awesome friend. You can face, and overcome, all these fears -- even in the midst of withdrawal. Its not an easy task, but its doable. All of what I said above I also needed to hear as well, buddy Keep smilin'!

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

HH, I'm with Nova on this.

 

No, heart stuff definitely does not wax and wane. I had some very challenging health fears regarding heart stuff. Here's what I would do, if it were me:

 

I would schedule an appointment with a cardiologist. I know that the health-fear is saying dumb things about the symptom; but deep down, do you really believe it is true? I think that the answer is no, and that you know better -- the Real You knows better. For this reason, I personally would not go to the E/R, because I am not willing to "build my own crisis" as Dr. Claire Weekes would say. No, sir. BUT -- it is helpful to me personally to have some "proof" to back me up, especially medical tests & such. So, I would schedule just a regular appointment with a cardiologist. On the initial appointment, before he even says a word, I would let him know of your situation. That you are currently in recovery from benzo withdrawal. That, as such, you are sensitive to anxiety and panic. And that your goal of meeting with him/her is to SHUT UP the dumb voice that says "maybe" to heart symptoms. Let him/her know that you NEED him/her to be encouraging and uplifting. No sharing "maybes" or "could be" scenarios. And ask him/her to especially share ALL of the GOOD qualities of your heart that he finds from tests. Etc, etc. You may be surprised how a) knowledgeable many cardiologists are of benzo withdrawal, and b) how quick and willing he/she'd be to help you in this endeavor.

 

All just IMO, and what I'd do, personally. I believe with all of me that there is NOTHING wrong with you, HH. I've had a battery of tests run, amd the BEST cardiologist who has DISSOLVED every DUMB thought about heart stuff. I'm sure you'd find the same, if you're willing to be upfront and firm about what you want (hopefully, anyways!).

 

Also, something I've done recently that has been helping me...I've been forcing myself to actually walk through the "bad case scenarios". Beginning to end. Slowly and reasonably and with some logical thought. For me, the things that used to provoke fear/panic seemed to happen at a "flash" - I'd think or hear one little word or thought about it, and it would "flash" fear/panic. I started to realize, That's unreasonable. How unfair to just "jump" from A to Z like that, without even considering B-Y, you know? So, I've been walking it through. And when I think about each "bad case scenario", A-Z, I realize that I'm not really afraid of it  -- even of death. Its just a dumb fear feeling is all -- benzo induced. And it'll go away entirely eventually.

 

Also, something else I've realized with some of those fears: sometimes we feel a sensation, and we associate that sensation with a health condition we think it makes "sense" to be related to...even when it has nothing to do with said health concern. For instance, someone associating the "throb" sensation and/or pressure from a headache, and think it means blood pressure sensations.  The two are unrelated entirely; but I can kinda see why someone might think this way initially. You know? The sensation of "tight" in the chest and/or back can be from tight muscles, or it can be from tummy upset, etc. Anyways, retraining your brain to not associate the two things is helpful. And a cardiologist proving it so with a couple tests is some sweet 'ole medicine, I tell ya what!

 

I kinda view the dumb thoughts as this annoying bratty three year old that likes to throw temper tantrums to try and get its own way. And, just like I'll walk away from a bratty temper tantrum and not give in, I do the same thing with the dumb thoughts -- its like, You go ahead and keep whining like a big baby: I'M NOT BUDGING.

 

You're doing awesome friend. You can face, and overcome, all these fears -- even in the midst of withdrawal. Its not an easy task, but its doable. All of what I said above I also needed to hear as well, buddy Keep smilin'!

 

Mrs.

 

Thanks Mrs!    Now can you fly out to Oregon and hold my hand?? 

 

You are right, I do NOT truly believe it, otherwise I would have been flying to the ER a thousand times by now.  It's so scary for me to even be putting this out there though, you know? 

[[mr...]]

Yes, I do know. Fear loves to say "hide, run, be quiet!" etc. Calling it out on the carpet to put it in its place, it does NOT like -- so it'll try and convince you to do anything BUT that. Often times just letting someone else know (i.e."step one" in overcoming fear) is really tough and scary to do...but the rest is downhill (in a good way) from there

 

You GOT this, girl. You really, truly don't believe that bratty little three year old. And, just for kicks & giggles, its especially fun to "stuff it in its face" with overwhelming proof and data to prove that its WRONG. LOL But I'm like that -- "take that, AND a kick in the pants, to boot" type of personality

 

Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

I kinda view the dumb thoughts as this annoying bratty three year old that likes to throw temper tantrums to try and get its own way. And, just like I'll walk away from a bratty temper tantrum and not give in, I do the same thing with the dumb thoughts -- its like, You go ahead and keep whining like a big baby: I'M NOT BUDGING.

 

Mrs, I love this picture, it really hits the nail on the head !

 

 

Healing, I am so sorry about you heart concerns. We are more or less the same age. I understand your concerns, my heart to worries me a lot and I have lost my trust in doctors. But maybe a small checkup might be in order if it takes a load off your mind.

 

Beaulah,

Hey all,

Anybody here still have the burning skin? It left for a while but now it's back.

Also, do any of you have itchy ears? My ears are driving me crazy with itching in the middle of the night. The itching wakes me up and I have to get a Q tip to relieve it.

Hugs to all.

 

Beulah, I have itchy ears. I also have night itches all over and sometimes my scratching can go overboard. So much that now I am tring to ignore it, because I have some serious skin damage.

THe odd thing is that it starts the minute I go to bed !!

 

HAve you tried ignoring it and seeing what happens ? the thing is, even ignoring it, there will be the time you don't even notice you are scratching yourself !!

 

LAst night I  tried taking some vitamin C. It made my heart so much worse and I had a case of insomnia which I had not had in many months. 

 

So according to my info, it should not be taken after six pm.

 

It was my first day, so it is too soon to say, but it is incredible how different we all are !

 

Sending healing rays to all of you.

[[...]]

Mrs, what supplements are you currently taking? I saw a post you did, I think it was last year, about a few! I'm taking magnesium, vitamin c, vitamin b, vitamin d...gonna start iron, cause it's low. Along with my b and d being low. Have you tried holy basil?

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

No, I haven't really done much with herbs & such. My supplement regime focuses primarily on vitamins and minerals, rather than herbs & such, because vitamins and minerals are things that the body already uses and as such it knows how to use 'em and I believe it also knows how to get rid of what it doesn't need Etc. I use herbs occasionally, as I feel the want. I do this because they, although natural, are still a 'foreign' type substance to the body (i.e. its not something the body already uses, like vitamins & minerals), and are a little more like a 'medicine' in that quality. I'm not opposed to using them, of course! I just try to start w/ the vitamin/mineral category, and then I'll move into the herb category, and then if I feel the desire, I'll move into the medicinal category

 

TMI, much?!? Hehe

 

What I take may or may not be "right" for you to take, of course. So I'll mention my supplement list, but don't feel like you're "missing the boat" because you don't take one of them or something They're all just my personal preferences and opinions, okay? Okay here goes...

 

I take high doses of omega-3 (not just "fish oils", but specifically omega-3) and high doses of vitamin C -- mostly in a time-released formula, and some in a liquid sublingual form (for a hopefully more fast release, during exercise and during the time of day where my cortisol "peaks"). I take the omega-3s for inflammation reduction and for its track record of helping bodily electrical functions (brainwork, etc). I take the vitamin C for cortisol & its subsequent symptoms.

 

I also take magnesium (glycinate). I now take it in a basic/moderate dose, but I used to take it in a high dose for quite a while. I took it for anxiety/panic/fear reduction, as well as palps & tachycardia reduction. It was a major helper for me in these areas. And yes, I do believe the form of magnesium matters -- and that is why I chose the glycinate form.

 

Outside of the above listed, I take basic/moderate doses of the following throughout the day: coenzyme Q10, a natural-sourced low-dosed vitamin B complex, garlic, a seven-strain shelf-stable probiotic w/ prebiotics, and a basic (but quality, plant-based, organic) multivitamin/multimineral. I drink a 1/2 can of XS caffeine-free energy drink per day -- for the sublingual b-vitamins blend. It seems to help me energize in a good, non-anxious way, as well as helps pull me out of a "downer/lack of motivation/sad" funk. On occasion, I use chamomile tea for sooth and calming effects. I have on-hand but use very rarely if at all or ever: 1mg melatonin for sleep, inositol for anxiety, vitamin b6 for nausea, digestive enzymes to aid digestion, aloe very juice and/or coconut water for constipation; I have niacinamide on-hand, but have never used it, for anxiety/panicky feelings.

 

That's my (loooooong, expansive, TMI) list of "schtuff" that I have in my arsenal!!! Lol, are ya sorry you asked yet?!?! Like I said before though, don't feel like you "should" or "shouldn't be" taking something, of course! To each their own, and whatever you decide for you is cool

 

OK, I was gonna grab an early morning nap before work, but EH!! Oh well Off to get dressed and ready for work soon! Bye for now

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Thanks for your response! I won't adjust my things, just curious cause I saw your post elsewhere!im not trying to "speed healing" (although that would be nice!) as much as trying to be healthy, which in turn will help my healing! I agree that the vitamins and minerals are the best, at least for me!

 

[[mr...]]

Sky, it could be either the form of vitamin C, or the dose, that may have impacted your sleep. If the dose was too "high" for your body chemistry, it can slow down the production of melatonin a bit. If it was acidic, it can also impact sleep. I use a time-released formula that mixes vitamin C from two sources -- ascorbic acid and acerola cherries. I seem to do alright with it, but I know we are all different! I hope you get it all figured out for you Take a nap today if you can!!

 

Mrs.

[Guest [su...]]

thanks for your reply nova scotia, it's a horrible mess i know that.. it's hard to deal with. but i know what you mean.