12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Thanks Beulah....at least I caught my breath and have enjoyed some moments of peace.. ..I hope the drops help...they are super cheap and you can use them throughout the day... Are you still doing goid otherwise?...I am actually hungry for chocolate so that's a step forward.  8 pounds of me dropped off in the last 8 weeks.. It would be fine if they didn't return

[[al...]]

hi my name is chris and i'd like to join in the group...a little bit about me..i'm 58 yrs old and i took ativan for 6 weeks at a low dose it turned on me and gave me anxiety. i have never taken any thing in my life maybe an aspiran or something like that a few times.. i c/ted the ativan and went straight to hell and i've been there since.. my sxs i have now are d/p and depression sometimes anxiety and no emotions.i'm very scared this is me now and i get suicidal sometimes that i can't handle this anymore.. i don't feel anything like myself ever. 16 months now i i cried almost everyday.. is there hope for me??? i see you all are in pain.. i thought that since i was sort term and low dose this would be over by now.i need encouragement for sure because i'm scared i might give up and i don't want to.. i love my life very much and want it to continue. i never had any of these sxs before in my life i only took the ativan because i had a bad reaction to tylenol.. ugh! i am also considering on going back on and tapering maybe my brain won't heal unless i do because of the c/t.

[[Co...]]

Allbymyself....You are in the right place. As you can see from the posts...we are all between 12-18 months off...some of us are a few months past the 18 month mark. We are committed to staying together as a group until we are all better

....Everything you are experiencing can be found in one story or another here. If you have crawled and drug yourself through 16 months... that is HUGE.. don't give up. Some of us on this thread are beginning to see improvements after experiencing thier worst waves since acute. HH had a terrible long wave in month 18.. she is now getting ready to write her success story.. Beulah is turning a significant corner after months of waves. ..I am just about at 18 months ( April 3)...I have been in the worst wave since acute...4/5 straight weeks of anxiety, constant health anxiety, d/r, cog fog and dizziness. Today I had a break.  I wanted to quit but the buddies here kept me going. There is unconditional constant support here.  Lovely compassionate people who are experiencing everything that you are and asking the same questions.  ...You are going to get through this. You have come way to far to stop. You are almost over the finish. Are you getting any breaks ..or feeling of even small improvement....You are so welcome here.  We are all singin' the same song... cooperten

[[al...]]

i do get some days without complete torture but not many..i was considering to reinstate and try again maybe my brain can't get it right because i c/ted..

[[je...]]

Chris- welcome! Don't give up, 16 months is HUGE! Healing might be right around the corner... Sx can change overnight. From all the reading I've done on this site, it can take at least 2 years for some of us to heal. You'll get lots of support from this thread, everyone on here is wonderful

[[al...]]

why am i so scared that i won't heal??? is everyone like this? i cry everyday for 16 months.. :'(

[[je...]]

Yes, when I'm in a wave I think I will never heal.. I think most of us have those thoughts from time to time-- its a normal part of w/d to feel that way.. But we ALL heal in time

[[al...]]

thank you jenny. i hope things get better for all of us.. my heart breaks for us all.

[[Co...]]

Allbymyself...Give it everything you have not to. I was considering reinstatement 3 weeks ago....I am so glad some buddies here supported me through it ...I didn't reinstate. The thing about reinstatement is that a) ...it might not help snything...it could make things worse. At some point ( probably sooner than later as you had early tolerance to begin with) you are going to hit tolerance again....and have to start all over again....losing these hard won 16 months off. b)...second withdrawls are typically more brutal than the first.

Green and Beulah both have gut wrenching stories of reinstatement and a second w/d. ...I reinstated in month 6 for 3 days after a panic that landed me in er. It set me back. I know how desperate and terrified we feel this far out with sx...I am the wimp of the group and if I can do this ...anyone can. You know your sx are w/d as you say you have had every test for every sx.  Just take some time and read through some of the pages in this thread.  You will see yourself in every story..  Do whatever it takes to keep going . We are here to help you keep going...coop

[[al...]]

thank you coop. i'll keep going and hope for the best i just need lots of encouragement.. like not feeling like myself does everyone feel like that and do they cry all the time?? i hope i'm not different.

[[dr...]]

Allbymyself-look how much a low dose affected you after a short time. I shudder to think the problems you would have w reinstating.  This drug is never an answer once we react poorly to it.  It sucks hat we have no answer but it's the facts.  Reinstatement isn't recommended to taper usually after a few weeks have passed.

 

Hi everyone else....keeping a low profile. My mental and anxiety symptoms have been low so it makes all my physical much easier.  Passing the time. 

[[al...]]

thank you drew.

i'm just so bad still and i'm really scared i cry all the time and my poor husband is so good with me, i feel sorry for him.

[[Fi...]]

Yeah, I feel sorry for my husband too, allbymyself.  But you know what?  We will get well and make it up to these sweet guys!  Check out the book by Baylessa Frederick called Renewal and Recovery.  Many here have found it helpful, and it has a short section for caregivers like our husbands.  It really helped mine to understand what was going on with me and which were the best, most comforting things to say and which weren't!

[[al...]]

i have her book i read it over and over..i also have gwen olsens book. if i get better he'll be treated like a king again..

[[be...]]

Thanks Beulah....at least I caught my breath and have enjoyed some moments of peace.. ..I hope the drops help...they are super cheap and you can use them throughout the day... Are you still doing goid otherwise?...I am actually hungry for chocolate so that's a step forward.  8 pounds of me dropped off in the last 8 weeks.. It would be fine if they didn't return

 

I wouldn't worry so much about the weight as of right now. My weight is up and down all the time.

Our appetites change in this process and sometimes it's just hard to keep weight on with anxiety.

I lost almost 50 in acute and it's slowly creeping back on...I looked like a bag of bones with saggy skin hanging from me.

 

I'm not doing to bad...this sickness has set me back a little..but I'll bounce back.

My brain wants everything to be on an even keel everyday...but that can't happen.

In a perfect world we would never be sick, have stresses, or have any worries..but this is the real world  and I'm trying to get my brain to accept and adapt...but it's not cooperating...it doesn't like change.

 

Symptoms are up and down...not in the soup..yet. I'm so ready for the nerve and muscle pain to leave...I'm throwing one big party when it does. Burning skin is low key today, so glad. When the symptoms all want to dance together..it's a rough day!!

 

You're hungry for chocolate and I'm hungry for doughnuts....yum...it's all good...one of these days my friend...one of these days.

[[Co...]]

Beulah...50#...what was left of you...mercy!...you better have some donoughts...So glad you are not in the soup...Yep, life goes on whether we are in w/d or not.  You sound like you are rounding the corner Beulah .We are going to have a big donut party for you...keep feeling better.  coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Drewmantic...you are sounding great...so encouraging to the rest of us.  . Nice to see you here today. Keep feeling better and have a good week end.. coop

[[be...]]

i have her book i read it over and over..i also have gwen olsens book. if i get better he'll be treated like a king again..

 

You mean...when you get well...not if.

Crying is soul cleansing... it can be very therapeutic. I think when my emotions are locked up and I can't cry...I feel worse. Crying is very normal and it does slow down. I used to wake up crying and go to bed crying...glad that's over.

Please...don't let your brain entertain the thoughts of reinstatement...I beg you.

Yes, my husband has taken care of me also..I owe him big-time. He can't cook but his cooking has kept me alive. Let him take care of you while you are healing .

You will heal.

[[Mi...]]

i do get some days without complete torture but not many..i was considering to reinstate and try again maybe my brain can't get it right because i c/ted..

 

Please don't reinstate!  It won't help anything.  I went cold turkey off 1.5mg's of Xanax because I couldn't taper.  That fact I did that probably made my first week or two much more dangerous and scarier than most here, but in the long run I don't think it hampered my healing thus far at all.  A lot of people here tapered first and we are pretty much all in the same spot.  I really don't think it affects how long healing takes.  Sorry your short term use turned into a long term problem.  I used for 10 months.  Just something we have to work through unfortunately.  Just remember you are not broken or permanently damaged.

[[al...]]

thank you mikejee..

you said the keys words and thank you.."you are not broken or permanently damaged" those words sound wonderful to me right now... i will try to be strong and keep fighting thank you so much..

[[al...]]

you know what's weird physically i can jump over the moon, i shoveled snow in my yard that most men couldn't do and i didn't get one bit tired, but mentally i'm a wreck..

[[No...]]

Hi Chris ... good to see you ... this is a "crap shot" ... the spectrum of who reacts to these drugs and how they react is so large that it feels almost impossible to make any sense out of anything ...

 

And yes ... we are not broken ... and we are not permanently damaged ... even though we can go through long periods of time when we feel like it ...

 

We are all marvellously unique and precious ...

 

This group is a place where you can be just as you are today ... sometimes we rant, whine, rave, and hoot and holler ... sometimes we cry ... sometimes we do our happy dance ... it is what it is and we get through it ...

 

All I know for sure ... there is no "one size fits all" ... and ... I cannot "fix" this ... that is my body's responsibility ... I am along for the ride ... day in and day out ... until the ride is over ...

 

It is wonderful that your partner is supportive and compassionate ... that is such a precious thing ...

 

Short term user, medium term user, long term user ... what ever taper is used or cold turkey ... those things are now all ancient history ... today we are healing ... the journey continues ...

 

Welcome and Be Well ... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... had a four hour nap early this evening ... feeling okay ... sort of ... had a big bout of lethargy and slept most of it off ...

 

Hanging out for a while ...

 

Good to hear some are feeling better ... so am I  ... 

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova....so happy to hear that you are surfacing...my sunbreak is hanging on ....just barely but I can definitely say things were better today. Shaking jittery anxiety this morning ...but it lifted.  All of a sudden it just wasn't there...flashes of it but mostly better.  A happy dance for both of us

.....Wishing you a very good peaceful night....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... good to hear you are doing well ... surfacing is always such a relief for me ... when I am in "the clutches" I doubt sometimes that I will ever come up again ... and I do every time ...