JOKE OF THE DAY GROUP

[[Bi...]]

:laugh:

 

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated."

 

The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."

 

Farmer Gossman comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.

 

The vet says, "What happened?"

 

Farmer Gossman says, "The horse blew first."

 

UWWWWE 

[[...]]

:laugh: :laugh:

[[lo...]]

Birdman/GMIT

 

What can I say???

 

> >

 

 

LF

 

 

[[Bi...]]

I am blond so I can get away with this one 

 

 

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

[[no...]]

:laugh:

 

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated."

 

The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."

 

Farmer Gossman comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.

 

The vet says, "What happened?"

 

Farmer Gossman says, "The horse blew first."

 

That is hysterical. 

[[Bi...]]

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather large women next to him talking in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back: "It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

[[lo...]]

I like it!!!

 

I shared an office with a Hungarian doctor.

 

One day he said "I know why you like the windows open and Kate likes them closed. It is because you are thin and Kate is thick."

 

 

LF

[[Bi...]]

I like it!!!

 

I shared an office with a Hungarian doctor.

 

One day he said "I know why you like the windows open and Kate likes them closed. It is because you are thin and Kate is thick."

 

 

LF

[[be...]]

 

 

what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a circus ring with tigers?...Claude

[[Bi...]]

That's almost as bad as this joke..

 

And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance on the ATM machine,,,

 

So I pushed her over

 

 

[[Bi...]]

Four brothers left home for college: one became a lawyer, one a doctor, one a hedge fund operator, and one a retailer. They all prospered.  Some years later, chatting after a  holiday dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."  The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."  The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a 600SL with a chauffeur."  The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty Priests 12 years to teach him."  "I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."  Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much." "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes... And the driver is rude. A million thanks." "Mark, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. Thanks anyway." "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have good sense to give a little thought to your gift."  "The chicken was delicious."

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[[be...]]

[[be...]]

i read a post today about someone who had no energy for even personal hygiene. i wanted to ask her if her name was Anita........Anita Bath...would that have been inappropriate? 

[[Bi...]]

i read a post today about someone who had no energy for even personal hygiene. i wanted to ask her if her name was Anita........Anita Bath...would that have been inappropriate?

 

I live in the water so I have no problem there   My kids call me "FISH GIRL"  since I spend about 2 or 3 hours a day in the pool and or spa.  It helped me much.

 

I can't find Mom,  "check the pool"  this is my house 

[[be...]]

yeah i can see the water bubbles....lol.......so where does ''birdman'' come from then??

[[Bi...]]

yeah i can see the water bubbles....lol.......so where does ''birdman'' come from then??

 

It's an anagram of my real name 

[[be...]]

it'll probably take me as long as my taper to figure out but i'll get it eventually.

[[Bi...]]

it'll probably take me as long as my taper to figure out but i'll get it eventually.

[[be...]]

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

 

[[sn...]]

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

 

Yummy

[[Bi...]]

uwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[[Bi...]]

OK here's two for you guys

 

Why can't a blonde dial 911 ?

 

AND

 

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?

 

 

 

give up??

[[sn...]]

OK here's two for you guys

 

Why can't a blonde dial 911 ?

 

AND

 

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?

 

Ummm, dunno about the blonde. But as for the snow people...The difference would be 2. The snow woman has 3 balls and the snowman has 5.

 

 

 

give up??

[[be...]]

because she couldn't find the 11....hahahahaha

[[be...]]

check out Birdman, Sno.... she thinks she can stump 2 characters like us....!