Loving him to his finish line -caregivers perspective

[[Mo...]]

Thanks for all the kind replies.  To be clear, I am not the hero - he is!  He deserves the accolades.  I just deserve money for coaching - HAHAHA - kidding! 

 

As a follow up:  he had a great race this weekend and ran it in 9-10 minute miles - no stopping!  When he ran past me and our girls he was smiling from ear to ear.  He even mentioned after the race trying a small triathlon later this year.  Who cares if he does it or not!?  Him just having that thought proves he believes in himself again!  Very proud 

 

Keep believing it is possible!

 

Wow, Wow, Wow, no other words come to my mind.

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[Pe...]]

Very moved by your dedication.  Your husband was very lucky to have you right there with him!   

[[am...]]

One of the things that I REALLY notice about not being on benzos anymore is how much stories like these affect me now. I get tears in my eyes and very emotional and when I was on benzos it wouldn't have moved me much. Good healing all !

[[be...]]

You then are the strongest woman in the world. Very touching post. Thank you so much for sharing. 

[[ca...]]

I just re-read your success story. Its is inspiring for both of you.

Your children will benefit from this also, because you will be able to tell them about Benzo's and that they cause long-lasting symptoms that are horrific....Hopefully you will tell others about Benzo's too, so many people can have a good outcome from this horror.

 

Much love and continued healing,

Causing

 

[Guest [Be...]]

I've just been directed to this wonderful story by someone else here. Thank you, inspirational.

 

I have a husband of 47 years and he's stood by me every inch of the way. Yes, he's occasionally become frustrated and demoralised but he's always apologised and given me loving care and attention throughout this terrible, bewildering process. We're going forwards together.

 

My Love to you both. 

Beth 

[[Sp...]]

So happy for your husband's healing. The process is so hard on our spouses. He is blessed to have you.

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[Al...]]

What an amazing woman you are. My husband is supporting me through this very difficult time and he has been nothing short of an angel. We all need this incredible support on this journey. I feel so happy for you and your husband and so encouraged by your story. Enjoy the rest of your life without benzo's!

[[ne...]]

Wow... this is heart-warming  You are a special type of person for seeing him through that struggle. Thank you for being so strong and determined through that process and for not abandoning him, you very well may have saved his life. Congrats to the both of you.

 

na- 

[[Mi...]]

Tomorrow my husband runs in his first half marathon since the benzo nightmare so finally – I feel it is time to post his success even if he crawls to the finish line - LOL!  He disagrees at my timing since he still struggles with some nerve pain; however, as I remind him if he could see all that I have from the beginning he would see the success.  It is also not hard to see when you look into his eyes and see his smile.    I also felt timing was appropriate with his Race, Easter and Spring – his new beginning…

 

Background: my husband took Klonepin for over 10 years- prescribed for anxiety after failed attempts at exercise, diet, therapy etc. – the pill was his last resort when his physical/mental pain became extreme and he could no longer function.  I do not fault him for taking it or the doctor who prescribed it.  I just wish we/doctor was better educated and it was used for a short time and coupled with other non-medicinal therapy. Gradually over the years, the dose was increased to 3 mg when he finally said enough.  Thankfully, he did his homework and decided to stop.  Note: he was very physically fit before stopping.

I would like to take a moment to share my perspective/experience as a caregiver:

 

When he first approached me to say he was considering stopping I said, “Great!  I was never an advocate of drugs.  Timing was good – how long will it take?  A month or 2?”  He at least had done research and found Ashton after many failed attempts with ignorant doctors and informed me it would be much longer.  I thought nothing of it and told him to go for it.  Honestly/sadly, it didn’t really affect me too much in the beginning.  I noticed more during the crossover, but valium helped him sleep more so things hadn’t got extreme yet.  I started to take note more as my non-fat husband continued to drop weight, considerable weight -30+ lbs.  I bought him Ensure shakes just so he was getting enough calories although he was eating normal if not more.  I attributed his health to a stressful job but got more involved in educating myself about Benzos around 15mg left in the taper.

 

His final 10mg decent took a huge toll – even though he was following Ashton’s taper.  Depression, anxiety, extreme muscle pain, band around the head, teeth pain, weakness/dizziness – trouble walking, night sweats/weird smell and complete insomnia.  The worst symptoms (my opinion) were constant chest pain and that voice in his head that kept telling him he was dying and not going to get better.  There were other strange symptoms too.  He literally couldn’t talk at times because the nerves would swell his voice box.  He twitched so badly it was like an electric eel when he was in bed.  His heartbeat would beat out of his chest when we would lie on the couch together -other days his heartbeat was way too slow.  He had to pee constantly.  He also said he would get up in the middle of the night and see all white -no color.  Extreme OCD too which he had never exhibited before.  Lastly, he was so antsy he could not sit still or be around too many people.  It certainly was a strange journey neither of us ever expected and left me in a spiral as to how to help him as he had quickly turned into someone I didn’t recognize.  Fortunately, education and some shear determination took hold of me and forced me to dig in deep and help me find the man I loved.  All this and he persevered. 

 

I will not say I was compassionate at all times.  I had many rolled eyes, “when are you going feel better” comments, and sadness of my own.  It can be overwhelming, lonely, and taxing on the caregivers body/mind as well. 

 

What I did to try to help him: yoga DVDs, Epsom salt baths, massages, acupuncture, listened to him, clean eating, positive notes around house/in his car, meditation classes, group counseling, short/long walks (whatever he could handle), relaxing music, pep talks, strict bedtime routines, handled all house/kid stuff to alleviate his stress, listened more, researched everything about Benzos, bought all the books, read all the literature, prayed like I never thought I could or ever did, so terribly many hugs whenever he needed them and lastly (probably the one he hated most) I made him tell me 5-10 positives EVERY morning including how far he had come for almost a year. (Side Note: chewing gum, walking- even down the driveway, and gardening helped distract him the most)

 

What I did to help me: I cried, I prayed, I exercised A LOT, and I went out with friends/family even though I hated leaving him and NO one understood.  I had to maintain a normal life for me and my children.  I also had to do those things to be strong for him otherwise I could have fell into his pit of despair quite easily. 

 

The journey took a LOT longer than we expected after the acute phase.  He had physical pain in chest, head, teeth & feet for 20 months, lessoning SLOWLY and continuing to still slowly lessen.  He also had a rare symptom: slow heart rate (never had before taper) and was diagnosed with dysautonomia.  All the many exercises, remedies, gimmicks, etc. he tried only one thing really worked: Time.  It does heal.  He is living proof.

 

What I have learned on this adventure: my husband is the strongest man I know – his body/mind endured more torture than I thought possible and he was only off work for 6 weeks (not sure how he did it).  Our faith has grown exponentially – I am not sure either of us would have survived without faith and glimmers of hope.  I also think my children have also benefited from this experience. Even though they are young they have a better appreciation for love and caring for others.  I am more conscience of what goes in my body and what a doctor thinks is best for me/him or my children. I have learned patience & compassion.  I have learned time heals. Lastly, and most importantly, I have found a greater love for my husband through this journey than I ever thought possible. 

 

Living happily ever after… 4LovofPat

 

PS: thanks to every individual on this site that encouraged me, posted successes, or simply posted positive words in their own distress.  I will be forever grateful to each of you and will continue to be cheering you to your finish line.

 

My husband is on Benzo Buddies too now.

He searched the word "CAREGIVER" in the search bar of the Success Stories and this is a story that "popped up". Perfect timing and so very helpful with how I'm feeling right now.

 

I like how she said: "that constant voice in his head telling him he was dying." Whenever I have a bad string of days I revert back to this way of thinking myself. I needed this succes story as a reminder that everyone feels this way at one point or another throughout all of this....and they get through it. I mean this man is running a marathon now. Amazing.