Librium taper

[[Le...]]

Hoi Brian

 

I think it is time for you to CHECK IT that YOU have to ride out and endure.................... if you will get off the benzos!!

 

Nobody can do this for you!!!! We can support you and will be here for you but YOU have to ride it out!!!

 

Greets

 

Leon

[[...]]

Leon,

 

I believe you gave very solid advice.

 

 

Tim

[[qb...]]

Hi guys.  Today is day 4 w/o a benzo.  The reaction that i was having to the librium, physically and emotionally, was killing me, and i was about to be hospitalized.  The doctor advised an anticonvulsant to prevent seizures  and a beta blocker because my heart is so fragile, and i have a history and had surgery for arrythmia.

 

What i did was necissary.  I was having a violent paradoxical/chemical reaction to the librium that was making very physically and emotionally ill.  When i stopped taking the benzo, i immediately felt better, physically and emotionally.  I remember the cold turkey feeling, and it's weird. If im not taking the drug, and go ct, sure i was confused and crazy out of my head, but not depressed or anything.

 

then i can start externalizing, and the world doesn't revolve around me, and i talk to others about other things then benzos and myself.  Sadly, this is a very selfish drug and process.

 

Now this is brutal.  Every waking second is pins and needles.  The first night of ct i added the meds, i realized that going from 200mgs to 75mgs,, i could have a seizure, and things got pretty crazy, like starting to hallucinate, and physically felt like i was going to die.  Adding the depakote and beta blocker seemed to reileve much of this, and i actually slept and i slept pretty well, and was calm the next day.  But like most things, it worked for 1 day, and then stopped and made me worse basically.

 

The antiseizure med is brutal, i hate it.  I makes me retarded, emotionless, like other antiseizure meds, if i leave the house, things look very weird and ugly.  I makes the day feel like 100 hours.

 

I'm really at a loss at this point in time as to what to do, and what my options are.

These bad decisions i've made, all regrettable and terrible, but at the same time, all necessary.  Sadly when down to 16mgs of valium, i had to leave for san diego, because my bro in law, niece and nephew were all coming to visit, and i couldn't handle the stimulation, and i didn't want them to see me like that. My life sucked, but i had a good routine and was sleeping well, i was getting my memory and mind back, was developing some great coping mechanisms, and i was getting in touch and respecting my body and mind, and the future looked bright, all things that are lost now.  Things that i have all betrayed now.

 

From san diego, i moved to seattle to live with a friend.  That was probably the worst things i could have done.  I went into immediate ct from the stress, and can't eat or sleep since.

 

When i had to budge, and went to see the doc, and went on the 200mgs librium, and it got me out of tolerance, made me discontinue this horrible obsessional nervous habit that i've had.  it would have been most beneficial for me to stay there and do a slow taper.  But like all benzos minus xanax, it makes me feel depressed, and i couldn't stomach how long the taper would be, after what i had  just put in to making it from 30mgs valium to 16mgs valium.  Pure hell for months on end. It made it so that i could eat again, and i could leave the house comfortably.

 

After detox, and going back on the librium 200mgs, it did not have the same effect, i still could not eat, was doing my quirky obsessional habit again, and gave me suicidal ideation for 4-5 days straight, where it was all that i could think about.  I came home and under some advice jumped from 200mgs, straight down to 75 mgs so that i would lose what i had gained on valium, and you guys know what my reaction was to that.  I was going psychotic and very  physically ill, ready to hospitalize myself.  I'm not physically ill like that anymore.

My mother is very understanding of my situation.  She does not care if i have to re-instate at a high dose to get somewhat comfortable,, if that's possible.

 

I am very saddened by my situation.  i'm a good kid with a good heart, and i don't know why this is all happening.

 

As far as my options, i don't know what i can do from this point.  My weight is getting dramatically and alarmingly low, i can't eat, and i can't sleep, 2 things i know that i have to as a human being to survive.  Since getting ill on the librium, and going to an anticonvulsant, i've had to quit my tututoring english, and i have like 1 dollar in my account, no resemblence of a life.

 

I see that dr ashton mentions doxepin.  I have a prescription for it.  I think that it would possibly help me with my sleep and eating possibly.  For sure not a certainty.

 

If you guys could offer any advice, i would greatly appreciate it.

 

Please don't judge me for what i've done, since all of my actions were necissary for my situation.

 

i understand that i have about 1 month to re-instate a benzo right?  If i added one, i don't know what dose, or which benzo would be appropriate for me, to perhaps get a little comfortable and be semi functionable if that's possible.

 

And of course there are no gaurentees that re-instating will help a lot after the cts and re-instatements. On valium, i never even had the urge to updose at all.

 

I could continue as i am and see if it gets any better.

Am I out of seizure territory now?  Do i need to continue the antiseizure medication?

 

Thank you guys for your continued support/help/advice.

 

I am very saddened.

 

 

Kind regards,

 

Brian

[[Th...]]

Hi Brian,

 

Geez, cold turkey?? I'm glad you took the depakote before doing this. I just don't know what to tell you at this point, you really need to discuss your options with a doctor.

 

 

T2

[[qb...]]

Hi Brian,

 

Geez, cold turkey?? I'm glad you took the depakote before doing this. I just don't know what to tell you at this point, you really need to discuss your options with a doctor.

 

 

T2

 

Oh yeah, it was making me violently ill.  I had to stop it.  My brain/body totally rejected it, and would not allow me to take anymore, signaling to me, that it was making me very sick.

 

I don't know if the anticonvulsant is still masking some of the wd symptoms, and that if i removed it, i'd go into full blown ct, more so than now.

 

Or if i remove it, then i can finally let my cns and gaba begin it's healing, seeing how the anticonvulsant acts on both.

 

Thanks T2

[[pi...]]

Hi Brian,

 

Geez, cold turkey?? I'm glad you took the depakote before doing this. I just don't know what to tell you at this point, you really need to discuss your options with a doctor.

 

 

T2

 

Oh yeah, it was making me violently ill.  I had to stop it.  My brain/body totally rejected it, and would not allow me to take anymore, signaling to me, that it was making me very sick.

 

I don't know if the anticonvulsant is still masking some of the wd symptoms, and that if i removed it, i'd go into full blown ct, more so than now.

 

Or if i remove it, then i can finally let my cns and gaba begin it's healing, seeing how the anticonvulsant acts on both.

 

Thanks T2

 

Hi Brian,

 

It sounds like your CNS needs time to STABILIZE on whatever medications/dosages your doctor has placed you on. It would be a very bad idea if you removed your anticonvulsant without first consulting with your doctor. With all of the c/t's and crossovers you have been through lately your poor CNS is in shock. If you continue to jack with it against medical advice you could end-up in a much worse place than you are in right now.

 

There is no amount of manipulating medications that you can do to make all of your symptoms miraculously disappear, that's not how benzos work, and I'm sure you know this. You are in a very heightened state of anxiety right now and any decisions you make are most likely not made with a clear mind and good judgment.

 

We cannot tell you what medications to take or which ones to discontinue. All we can do here is support a safe and sane taper and post-taper plan, ideally one that is carried-out while maintaining frequent contact with your doctor as T2 has suggested.

 

We are here for you and we want to see you succeed - just be safe, OK? 

 

PPJ 

 

 

[[el...]]

 

i understand that i have about 1 month to re-instate a benzo right? 

 

IMO, this is too long. Especially with your history. If you are going to reinstate, the absolute sooner, the better. A reinstatement to at least your last dosage before your detox, 16mg valium, (or 40mg librium) would be suggested. Please see your doctor. 

[[el...]]

You know Brian, this was very dangerous if you didn't include anti-convulsants with this CT.  You have been taking benzos again long enough (considering the high dosage)  since your detox, to possibly trigger seizures from a CT of it. I don't understand why you did this.  

[[qb...]]

You know Brian, this was very dangerous if you didn't include anti-convulsants with this CT.  You have been taking benzos again long enough (considering the high dosage)  since your detox, to possibly trigger seizures from a CT of it. I don't understand why you did this.  

 

I know.  I think the jump from 200mgs to 76mgs after 5 days kinda messed me up.  But the re-introduction of the drug, i was having a toxic reaction to it after the detox.  The doc said that i had to take an anticonvulsant if i wanted to come off.  He preferred phenobarbitol, but wouldn't prescribe it on an outpatient basis.  So i have depakote.    The re-instatement of librium after the detox was almost inducing psychosis/suicidal ideation and violently physically illness.

 

I knew that i needed off of it immediately or that i would die.  My body would not have stood another long taper, as i could not eat during the end.  I've gained about 4 lbs since being off  of the benzos.  I didn't see any other route.  I couldn't go back to valium because my tolerance to it had become severe.

 

It's sad that i had to take these drastic measures and decisions.

 

I'm paying dearly for it with my body.  My heart is kinda jacked up, i have a beta blocker.  Sleep has gone to 1-3 hours. I'm getting really bad electric shocks, i hope that i can begin to recover now.  A re-instatement for 3 days, a detox, re-instatement for 9 days then ct, for sure was like hitting the emergency brake while driving full speed 4 times.

 

I'm imagining that since the anticonvulsant works on gaba and the central nervous system, that i can't begin to fully get better til i am off of  it correct? Or is being off the benzos a step in the right direction regardless?  I can alredy feel my memory and emotions are already coming back, almost like seeing the world with new eyes.  Amazing how much amnesia these drugs cause.  It's frusterating when you begin to get your mind back, but your body can not follow.

 

Regards,

 

Brian

[[el...]]

So you are still taking the antiseizure? I don't think you mentioned that, but that's good.

 

I don't know how much longer you should stay on it, or how you should taper off it, so you need to discuss this all with your doc.

 

TC. 

[[...]]

Brian,

 

Be careful with the Depakote.  As far as I know, that is a medication that you will have to taper off as well.  Take care.

 

Tim

[[qb...]]

So you are still taking the antiseizure? I don't think you mentioned that, but that's good.

 

I don't know how much longer you should stay on it, or how you should taper off it, so you need to discuss this all with your doc.

 

TC. 

 

Yeah, today is day 4 on the seizure med.  I used to ct these seizure meds w/o any prob back in the day, but for sure don't wanna have a seizure by dropping, especially seeing as my ct has really hit the fan already.  I'll have to speak to my doc about my options. I'll probably just ride it out as re-instating would probably not work and be a waste of my time.  My brain/body can't take another shock like that any time soon.  So sad considering i got down to 1mg of valium a couple of years ago, and was detoxd in a week last summer, and things were fine, but i had racing thoughts so i thought i was bipolar and went back on, and my attention was bad, and i thought i add lol.

 

Oh well, what can ya do.

 

Regards,

 

Brian

 

my first attempted ct was about 4 years ago, my first attempt at coming off the drug, and i was basically delirious and lasted 3 weeks.  This delirium would probably last longer seeing as i've bee on it longer and higher doses, not sure.

 

Thanks!

 

Brian