FAMILY MEMBER/PARTNERS SUPPORT THREAD

[[a1...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

[[Mr...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

Dear a13drw,

My wife was prescribed a benzo for sleeplessness and fibromyaligia.  After many years of being reassured they were safe and none addictive, she made some progress with homeopathic remedies.  Over the years, the cumulative effect of the klonopin gradually reduced her ability to function to the point that she was desperate to get off of them.  Medical advice pointed us steadfastly down the wrong path at every turn.  She was off for 7months after a 6 week taper, and went into severe psychosis.  During that time, and for a few months after reinstatement (to stabilize), I was the brunt of every frustration, mishap, and mistake you could imagine.  It was very difficult for everyone involved, including our adolescent son.  My single most effective way of coping was to accept that she couldn't help it, it was beyond her control, she was injured and in recovery, just to keep the resentment at bay.  It does pass.  It sounds like your wife is in much the same place.  At it's worst, my wife was only sleeping 2 hours a night, and that alone can cause severe psychosis.  When you say she is off, did she do a taper or CT?  I'll be looking for your reply.

Mr. P

[[a1...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

Dear a13drw,

My wife was prescribed a benzo for sleeplessness and fibromyaligia.  After many years of being reassured they were safe and none addictive, she made some progress with homeopathic remedies.  Over the years, the cumulative effect of the klonopin gradually reduced her ability to function to the point that she was desperate to get off of them.  Medical advice pointed us steadfastly down the wrong path at every turn.  She was off for 7months after a 6 week taper, and went into severe psychosis.  During that time, and for a few months after reinstatement (to stabilize), I was the brunt of every frustration, mishap, and mistake you could imagine.  It was very difficult for everyone involved, including our adolescent son.  My single most effective way of coping was to accept that she couldn't help it, it was beyond her control, she was injured and in recovery, just to keep the resentment at bay.  It does pass.  It sounds like your wife is in much the same place.  At it's worst, my wife was only sleeping 2 hours a night, and that alone can cause severe psychosis.  When you say she is off, did she do a taper or CT?  I'll be looking for your reply.

Mr. P

 

Mr. P,  I am very sorry to hear you are going through this also. Our situations sound very similar. Thank you for your advice. I try to keep in mind that she is being irrational. But as you know its very hard to be the brunt of all their frustrations and hurtful words. The hardest is when its in the middle of the night and there is literally no where for you to escape and I'm too tired and upset to safely go for a drive to get away. We are at the point of sleeping in separate rooms and she just follows me around the house asking me why I let her get sick and why didn't I protect her ect. She does this during the night when I'm trying to sleep even after asking her to give me some space after listening to her blame me all day/night. She says if she cant sleep I shouldn't be able to either and I'm selfish I can live my life and she can't. I try to be supportive but I don't think its realistic to expect a significant other to deal with that for 4 days straight without losing their cool or patience. Am I being unsupportive or unreasonable or insensitive?

[[a1...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

Dear a13drw,

My wife was prescribed a benzo for sleeplessness and fibromyaligia.  After many years of being reassured they were safe and none addictive, she made some progress with homeopathic remedies.  Over the years, the cumulative effect of the klonopin gradually reduced her ability to function to the point that she was desperate to get off of them.  Medical advice pointed us steadfastly down the wrong path at every turn.  She was off for 7months after a 6 week taper, and went into severe psychosis.  During that time, and for a few months after reinstatement (to stabilize), I was the brunt of every frustration, mishap, and mistake you could imagine.  It was very difficult for everyone involved, including our adolescent son.  My single most effective way of coping was to accept that she couldn't help it, it was beyond her control, she was injured and in recovery, just to keep the resentment at bay.  It does pass.  It sounds like your wife is in much the same place.  At it's worst, my wife was only sleeping 2 hours a night, and that alone can cause severe psychosis.  When you say she is off, did she do a taper or CT?  I'll be looking for your reply.

Mr. P

 

Mr. P,  I am very sorry to hear you are going through this also. Our situations sound very similar. Thank you for your advice. I try to keep in mind that she is being irrational. But as you know its very hard to be the brunt of all their frustrations and hurtful words. The hardest is when its in the middle of the night and there is literally no where for you to escape and I'm too tired and upset to safely go for a drive to get away. We are at the point of sleeping in separate rooms and she just follows me around the house asking me why I let her get sick and why didn't I protect her ect. She does this during the night when I'm trying to sleep even after asking her to give me some space after listening to her blame me all day/night. She says if she cant sleep I shouldn't be able to either and I'm selfish I can live my life and she can't. I try to be supportive but I don't think its realistic to expect a significant other to deal with that for 4 days straight without losing their cool or patience. Am I being unsupportive or unreasonable or insensitive?

 

Also didn't see your question about ct. She did a taper in the hospital this last time and is no longer taking it. My signature gives a better explanation of everything. Thanks!

[[Mr...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

 

Mr. P,  I am very sorry to hear you are going through this also. Our situations sound very similar. Thank you for your advice. I try to keep in mind that she is being irrational. But as you know its very hard to be the brunt of all their frustrations and hurtful words. The hardest is when its in the middle of the night and there is literally no where for you to escape and I'm too tired and upset to safely go for a drive to get away. We are at the point of sleeping in separate rooms and she just follows me around the house asking me why I let her get sick and why didn't I protect her ect. She does this during the night when I'm trying to sleep even after asking her to give me some space after listening to her blame me all day/night. She says if she cant sleep I shouldn't be able to either and I'm selfish I can live my life and she can't. I try to be supportive but I don't think its realistic to expect a significant other to deal with that for 4 days straight without losing their cool or patience. Am I being unsupportive or unreasonable or insensitive?

 

Also didn't see your question about ct. She did a taper in the hospital this last time and is no longer taking it. My signature gives a better explanation of everything. Thanks!

Dear a13drw,

Your wife was tapered much too quickly in hospital.  My wife tapered over 19 months and struggled to maintain.  She is vastly improved and has begun to regain her life now, so I am speaking from the "other side" of the process.  She cannot taper in days from a drug designed to manipulate the physical function of the brain.  It is essential that you find a practitioner who has some inkling as to how to recover a benzo victim.  The taper done in hospital over a few days is tantamount to cold turkey.  My wife had to reinstate for months before we undertook a liquid titration taper.  Don't seek direction from conventional medicine, or psychiatry.  They are who got you into this mess.

Mr. P

[[a1...]]

Hi everyone. I tried looking for a support thread for caregivers and family months ago on here with no luck. So glad to find this thread! I am hoping to call this place home and that we can all find support, hope, and encouragement from one another. My wife has been dealing with this for 7 months and has been off for 2 months with severe akathisia and insomnia. I am wondering if any of you have dealt with your loved one constantly talking about how they should have never taken the benzodiazepines and gotten off of them sooner and also if they constantly blame you for letting them get to this point? All day long, every few min she brings up how I let her take an addictive substance and made her sick. Just wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar and how they cope with it. Thanks!

 

Mr. P,  I am very sorry to hear you are going through this also. Our situations sound very similar. Thank you for your advice. I try to keep in mind that she is being irrational. But as you know its very hard to be the brunt of all their frustrations and hurtful words. The hardest is when its in the middle of the night and there is literally no where for you to escape and I'm too tired and upset to safely go for a drive to get away. We are at the point of sleeping in separate rooms and she just follows me around the house asking me why I let her get sick and why didn't I protect her ect. She does this during the night when I'm trying to sleep even after asking her to give me some space after listening to her blame me all day/night. She says if she cant sleep I shouldn't be able to either and I'm selfish I can live my life and she can't. I try to be supportive but I don't think its realistic to expect a significant other to deal with that for 4 days straight without losing their cool or patience. Am I being unsupportive or unreasonable or insensitive?

 

Also didn't see your question about ct. She did a taper in the hospital this last time and is no longer taking it. My signature gives a better explanation of everything. Thanks!

Dear a13drw,

Your wife was tapered much too quickly in hospital.  My wife tapered over 19 months and struggled to maintain.  She is vastly improved and has begun to regain her life now, so I am speaking from the "other side" of the process.  She cannot taper in days from a drug designed to manipulate the physical function of the brain.  It is essential that you find a practitioner who has some inkling as to how to recover a benzo victim.  The taper done in hospital over a few days is tantamount to cold turkey.  My wife had to reinstate for months before we undertook a liquid titration taper.  Don't seek direction from conventional medicine, or psychiatry.  They are who got you into this mess.

Mr. P

 

Mr. P.,

Thank you for your response. She had already been cold turkeyd twice by a physician before the hospital tapered her this time. We comtemplated long and hard about whether to continue liquid titration at a rate of 0.01 every 2 weeks with the same symptoms she is currently having. She had already been kindled so we decided it was better to get her off since she was so sick on 20mg a day. And this was under a physician that specializes in benzo withdrawal. We have gotten numerous second opinions only for them to ask us how to taper because they don't know enough about it. It has been a nightmare trying to get help. At this point reinstating has actually made her worse and reinstating at this point wouldn't help. So we are here and have to deal with it. And I'm just struggling on how to best help her while keeping my sanity.

[[Mr...]]

[Mr. P.,

Thank you for your response. She had already been cold turkeyd twice by a physician before the hospital tapered her this time. We comtemplated long and hard about whether to continue liquid titration at a rate of 0.01 every 2 weeks with the same symptoms she is currently having. She had already been kindled so we decided it was better to get her off since she was so sick on 20mg a day. And this was under a physician that specializes in benzo withdrawal. We have gotten numerous second opinions only for them to ask us how to taper because they don't know enough about it. It has been a nightmare trying to get help. At this point reinstating has actually made her worse and reinstating at this point wouldn't help. So we are here and have to deal with it. And I'm just struggling on how to best help her while keeping my sanity.

a13drw,

It sounds like you have done your homework.  "Benzo aware physicians" come in all types of deficiencies, sorry to say.  Our path to recovery began when we left medicine behind.  One day, windows will come and you will see some light at the end.  Hopefully, gathering from your signature, since your wife hasn't been on them too long, her recovery will be much shorter than ours.  I found talk therapy to be somewhat helpful though they encouraged antidepressants.  I declined. 

 

Mr. P

[[kr...]]

hello!! is this thread for  families AND benzo quitters? I am 19 mo off klon and Id like to get a better handle on how my bf and sister and friends are going through. Im feeling everything is gonna hit the fan even though now I am further in recovery. No one believes it can go this long. i am having bad adrenal problems now, internal shaking, nausea etc and bf thinks its mental and i use it to get outta stuff. he wants me to quit all vitamins, teas and remeron now

 

told i complain all the time and dont have interests any more and panic too easy and dont want sex.  Ive always felt that they didnt read much at all on what Im going through and I always have to defend myself and explain why which is complaining.

 

Ive seen relationships fail here, and I dont want to be making decisions like breakups till i feel all healed (sometimes i think im over the klon and the rest of this anguish is just me)

 

Hoping I can get some insight here. I want to be more grateful for what i have etc and also fix my relationship

my bf says he gets mean cause hes so fed up and while there are things about him i never liked, they seem huge now and we fight a lot. He wasnt a good caretaker as in empathetic, just did the chores. (btw, we were together many years and broke up for 4-5yrs and he came back when i needed someone, together now 5 yrs)

 

I am also not working yet and in debt and he keeps sticking around but I think hes wanting a different girl he remembers and I dont know if shes coming back or what. Some days i feel empowered and some days like im a loser and have emot/mental issues deep (I did klon cause i couldnt deal w really hard time goin on) I still have bad mornings and many times worry about what i did w my life and now im old

 

If i stay here in MI this year (he goes to fl each winter to work) he will break up w me. I blew a lot of money and he says we need to be on the same page w budget to have a life. I didnt go last 2 winters...too afraid for different reasons, maybe cause fear is so dominant in recovery. ? also i am 51 and heading into menopause...icing on the cake.

love to hear from you all please!

 

[[a1...]]

[Mr. P.,

Thank you for your response. She had already been cold turkeyd twice by a physician before the hospital tapered her this time. We comtemplated long and hard about whether to continue liquid titration at a rate of 0.01 every 2 weeks with the same symptoms she is currently having. She had already been kindled so we decided it was better to get her off since she was so sick on 20mg a day. And this was under a physician that specializes in benzo withdrawal. We have gotten numerous second opinions only for them to ask us how to taper because they don't know enough about it. It has been a nightmare trying to get help. At this point reinstating has actually made her worse and reinstating at this point wouldn't help. So we are here and have to deal with it. And I'm just struggling on how to best help her while keeping my sanity.

a13drw,

It sounds like you have done your homework.  "Benzo aware physicians" come in all types of deficiencies, sorry to say.  Our path to recovery began when we left medicine behind.  One day, windows will come and you will see some light at the end.  Hopefully, gathering from your signature, since your wife hasn't been on them too long, her recovery will be much shorter than ours.  I found talk therapy to be somewhat helpful though they encouraged antidepressants.  I declined. 

 

Mr. P

 

I am really hoping you are right about it being shorter since it was only 6 months she was on it. She's losing her hair and has bleeding gums and kindled so I get scared she has a long road ahead of her. I really hope I'm wrong. How many months off of the drug did it take before your wife started to show signs of improvement? I really hope your wife doesn't have much longer in her recovery. When you mentioned talk therapy did you mean for her or yourself? I have found a therapist while dealing with this but have only been able to see them once so far. If they tried prescribing you medication it sounds pretty ridiculous and insensitive they would recommend drugs that alter your neurotransmitters for a situational reason you are seeking therapy. Especially when they know your wife is in this situation because of drugs like these. I don't know enough about them or your situation but if it were me I would feel like they really didn't understand the situation. Very frustrating I can imagine.

[[Mr...]]

[Mr. P.,

Thank you for your response. She had already been cold turkeyd twice by a physician before the hospital tapered her this time. We comtemplated long and hard about whether to continue liquid titration at a rate of 0.01 every 2 weeks with the same symptoms she is currently having. She had already been kindled so we decided it was better to get her off since she was so sick on 20mg a day. And this was under a physician that specializes in benzo withdrawal. We have gotten numerous second opinions only for them to ask us how to taper because they don't know enough about it. It has been a nightmare trying to get help. At this point reinstating has actually made her worse and reinstating at this point wouldn't help. So we are here and have to deal with it. And I'm just struggling on how to best help her while keeping my sanity.

a13drw,

It sounds like you have done your homework.  "Benzo aware physicians" come in all types of deficiencies, sorry to say.  Our path to recovery began when we left medicine behind.  One day, windows will come and you will see some light at the end.  Hopefully, gathering from your signature, since your wife hasn't been on them too long, her recovery will be much shorter than ours.  I found talk therapy to be somewhat helpful though they encouraged antidepressants.  I declined. 

 

Mr. P

 

I am really hoping you are right about it being shorter since it was only 6 months she was on it. She's losing her hair and has bleeding gums and kindled so I get scared she has a long road ahead of her. I really hope I'm wrong. How many months off of the drug did it take before your wife started to show signs of improvement? I really hope your wife doesn't have much longer in her recovery. When you mentioned talk therapy did you mean for her or yourself? I have found a therapist while dealing with this but have only been able to see them once so far. If they tried prescribing you medication it sounds pretty ridiculous and insensitive they would recommend drugs that alter your neurotransmitters for a situational reason you are seeking therapy. Especially when they know your wife is in this situation because of drugs like these. I don't know enough about them or your situation but if it were me I would feel like they really didn't understand the situation. Very frustrating I can imagine.

a13drw,

My wife began to show improvement after several months, although I'm not sure just how many.  It is a very gradual process.  As I said, she titrated for 19 months before being benzo free.  Even after that, there were windows and waves, but always constant progress. She was also dealing with auto immune responses from breast implant disease.  Once those were removed (substantially later), her improvement accelerated. When I mentioned therapy I was referring to myself.  My wife was in no mood to talk to anyone associated with the medical business during her recovery.  In my case, the therapist didn't suggest drugs for me, but it is a popular pathway for them to follow in treatment.  It was helpful for me to be able to talk things out confidentially with someone who was prepared to listen.  She maintained that Mrs. P was bipolar and wanted to "fix her".  Just be careful who you listen to. 

[[Mr...]]

hello!! is this thread for  families AND benzo quitters? I am 19 mo off klon and Id like to get a better handle on how my bf and sister and friends are going through. Im feeling everything is gonna hit the fan even though now I am further in recovery. No one believes it can go this long. i am having bad adrenal problems now, internal shaking, nausea etc and bf thinks its mental and i use it to get outta stuff. he wants me to quit all vitamins, teas and remeron now

 

told i complain all the time and dont have interests any more and panic too easy and dont want sex.  Ive always felt that they didnt read much at all on what Im going through and I always have to defend myself and explain why which is complaining.

 

Ive seen relationships fail here, and I dont want to be making decisions like breakups till i feel all healed (sometimes i think im over the klon and the rest of this anguish is just me)

 

Hoping I can get some insight here. I want to be more grateful for what i have etc and also fix my relationship

my bf says he gets mean cause hes so fed up and while there are things about him i never liked, they seem huge now and we fight a lot. He wasnt a good caretaker as in empathetic, just did the chores. (btw, we were together many years and broke up for 4-5yrs and he came back when i needed someone, together now 5 yrs)

 

I am also not working yet and in debt and he keeps sticking around but I think hes wanting a different girl he remembers and I dont know if shes coming back or what. Some days i feel empowered and some days like im a loser and have emot/mental issues deep (I did klon cause i couldnt deal w really hard time goin on) I still have bad mornings and many times worry about what i did w my life and now im old

 

If i stay here in MI this year (he goes to fl each winter to work) he will break up w me. I blew a lot of money and he says we need to be on the same page w budget to have a life. I didnt go last 2 winters...too afraid for different reasons, maybe cause fear is so dominant in recovery. ? also i am 51 and heading into menopause...icing on the cake.

love to hear from you all please!

kris,

I noticed some key statements you made in your message.  You said your BF wasn't empathetic, and I suspect he is resentful of having to pay all the bills.  If you are in a committed relationship with a benzo victim, you have to be extremely empathetic and learn how to keep your resentments at bay.  My wife was tapering off of Klonopin for 19 months, and was in tolerance withdrawal and cold turkey stages (prompted by medical advice) for many months (years) before that.  What you are going through is part of the recovery path, and anyone who purports to be "with" you, including family members, has to be able to accept that fact without viewing it through the lens of their own reality.  Ask them if they truly think you would actually choose to go through this experience?  Why would you do that to yourself or anyone you care about?  You wouldn't, of course, if you could do otherwise.  Your path to recovery is truly the hardest thing you're ever likely to experience, and whoever chooses to come with you must accept that.  At some point, you will be able to stand on your own, fend for yourself, and decide what you can do with your life. Until then, don't put so much pressure on yourself (be more thankful, etc.) and continue to heal.  I can't give you specific answers, but I can tell you it gets better in time. Someone else will have to chime in on the menopause issues. 

Mr. P 

[[kr...]]

thanks mr P

Im trying to get a handle on what behavior from him is unacceptable like my one sister says hes showing who he really is and im acting like typical battered wife syndrome ie my fault..if i get better hell be nicer

I dont know how much of my issues are still wd...ive never been so afraid of things. nervous yes but i went through them. im depressed and dont know why i cant move forward, get excited about anything.

SO....can a bad relationship be keeping me down? how long do you wait out the healing to know this?

I still have pains which drs say can be from depression/anxiety

i am having to rent my place for needed money and go to FL and be w him again. This place is where i experienced tolerance and found bb. scene of the crime sorta.  If i dont have a job, meet a friend or 2, and take care of myself im afraid ill relapse - is that just irrational fear?

 

anyone out there can you tell me how your benzo victim spouse is mentally after 19 mo or around there?

[[Mr...]]

thanks mr P

Im trying to get a handle on what behavior from him is unacceptable like my one sister says hes showing who he really is and im acting like typical battered wife syndrome ie my fault..if i get better hell be nicer

I dont know how much of my issues are still wd...ive never been so afraid of things. nervous yes but i went through them. im depressed and dont know why i cant move forward, get excited about anything.

SO....can a bad relationship be keeping me down? how long do you wait out the healing to know this?

I still have pains which drs say can be from depression/anxiety

i am having to rent my place for needed money and go to FL and be w him again. This place is where i experienced tolerance and found bb. scene of the crime sorta.  If i dont have a job, meet a friend or 2, and take care of myself im afraid ill relapse - is that just irrational fear?

 

anyone out there can you tell me how your benzo victim spouse is mentally after 19 mo or around there?

For my part, I can tell you that my wife is tremendously improved from her state of mind during and after her benzo experience.  She is becoming progressively more productive, is engaged in everyday activities and has discovered chalk painting, so any piece of furniture in the house is subject to change.  She is no longer afraid, able to relate to folks outside the home, though she still isn't entirely comfortable in public places.  She has some attendant physical issues she is still contending with, resulting from breast implant disease, but that is another story.  The demands benzo withdrawal places on ralationships is hard to describe, but they will definitely test the absolute limits of everyone involved directly.  I still feel shame from some of the exchanges I had with my wife during her worst times, but I have reconciled these experiences to the "lessons learned and not to be forgotten" file.  I can't tell you what your BF's tolerances are, but he will need to show a lot of patience to maintain on your behalf.  You may be the best judge of what is acceptable from him as it relates to you, but your sister is wrong about battered wife syndrome.  YOu may be battered, but it is due to the healing process and the damage done by the clonopin. 

Mr. P 

[[kr...]]

thanks so much for responding to me...can you share what kind of "exchanges" you had w your wife?

My sister who says i have battered wife syndrome is saying that I make excuses for him ..that hes frustrated with me not being like my old self he liked better. Hes not sympathetic around me being sick etc. And has said words like bitch, stupid, addict, and F bomb etc She says theres no excuse for it. Weve been together 30 yrs w a 4 yr break. came to me again when my mom got sick. And that s when the klon was starting. In our earlier years we were both fdifferent i guess and he didnt do all this cussing. rarely. he yell loud. I look back at things i would not put up with today. and especially now. but i want to forget the past. Im dealing w lots of midlife stuff at 51 and this recovery. Not in a place i feel confident to leave and not sure it might all repair as i get healthier. (which is hard in the line of fire)

 

I am right now gettting ready to go to FL where he is working right now. I have to rent my place for the income and try to find something easy to do for money there but not a lowlife job that makes my self esteem worse! find a couple friends. go to gym. I am extremely nervous! Im not getting things done. im obsessing on my anxiety and sx. wondering if this is just who i am now. had anxiety as a kid and then situational as adult. Im not sure how much of the worry is due to being with him again. But hell be working. this summer we both were in a tiny space not working. In FL he has a big camper on his lot and a giant shop w room for yoga, painting...

Do you find that as your wife became more social and involved in her chalk etc that everything seemed better?

i really appreciate your help!

[[Mr...]]

thanks so much for responding to me...can you share what kind of "exchanges" you had w your wife?

My sister who says i have battered wife syndrome is saying that I make excuses for him ..that hes frustrated with me not being like my old self he liked better. Hes not sympathetic around me being sick etc. And has said words like bitch, stupid, addict, and F bomb etc She says theres no excuse for it. Weve been together 30 yrs w a 4 yr break. came to me again when my mom got sick. And that s when the klon was starting. In our earlier years we were both fdifferent i guess and he didnt do all this cussing. rarely. he yell loud. I look back at things i would not put up with today. and especially now. but i want to forget the past. Im dealing w lots of midlife stuff at 51 and this recovery. Not in a place i feel confident to leave and not sure it might all repair as i get healthier. (which is hard in the line of fire)

 

I am right now gettting ready to go to FL where he is working right now. I have to rent my place for the income and try to find something easy to do for money there but not a lowlife job that makes my self esteem worse! find a couple friends. go to gym. I am extremely nervous! Im not getting things done. im obsessing on my anxiety and sx. wondering if this is just who i am now. had anxiety as a kid and then situational as adult. Im not sure how much of the worry is due to being with him again. But hell be working. this summer we both were in a tiny space not working. In FL he has a big camper on his lot and a giant shop w room for yoga, painting...

Do you find that as your wife became more social and involved in her chalk etc that everything seemed better?

i really appreciate your help!

kris1967,

Those exchanges are painful memories for me.  I will confess I said some very unkind things on one particular occasion.  In retrospect, it was born out of a need to hear her apologize for all the hurtful things she had said over the past several months.  It was a breaking point, I broke, and I regretted it. Not from anything she said or did afterward, but from the realization that I had actually gone there, to that mean place.  It was a teaching moment for me.  She never brings it up, and may not even remember it.  She was so sick.  I know BF is frustrated, resentful, angry because he has lost the woman he once knew.  That doesn't excuse abusive behavior, however, and name calling can be devastating to someone who can't cope with that kind of assault.  I'm not sure your sister understands what's going on for the two of you, so she may not be the best source for advice.  They both need to take the time to learn more about what recovering benzo victims go through.  It isn't a physical addiction in the sense of the classic "addict" designation, but rather injury from which you must heal.  That is what they both need to embrace. 

My wife is becoming more and more productive.  She is excited about her new hobby, and it gives her a lot of satisfaction and a sense of worthiness.  She is fortunate that she doesn't have to work, though any income she could provide would be useful, trust me.  As she heals and adjusts to being back in the real world, as opposed to the unreal dimension she was in during her psychosis and withdrawal, I think she believes she is over the clonopin, but now she has to re-engage with the world.  She essentially lost 10 years of her life, and a lot of things have changed in that time.  The more things you can do (yoga, painting) to occupy your waking hours so you don't dwell on the anxiety will be helpful.  Being cooped up in close quarters with no work is challenging for anyone, much less someone who is sick.  I believe Florida may be a much better experience for both of you.  And you will continue to get better.  Soon, perhaps he will begin to see that as well.

Mr. P 

[[kr...]]

you dont know how much this helps me mr P! thank you! I hope i can stop regurgitating past and wish my family and bf would actually read all about this bizarre, long, hell. I think it intensifies any of you bad qualities, quirks etc I wonder if youve noticed that ie obsessiveness They seem to be judging me as if i am 100 normal again, and even i doubt myself cause at 19 mo i dont have debilitating physical sx now. i getmore pain when i get emotional tough. so mostly its the fear of things, getting back in the world, and some focusing issues. Also in menopause now on top of it

another question...is she focused on the negative esp with you?

thanks again i may follow ya to see progress and check in ok?!

[[Mr...]]

you dont know how much this helps me mr P! thank you! I hope i can stop regurgitating past and wish my family and bf would actually read all about this bizarre, long, hell. I think it intensifies any of you bad qualities, quirks etc I wonder if youve noticed that ie obsessiveness They seem to be judging me as if i am 100 normal again, and even i doubt myself cause at 19 mo i dont have debilitating physical sx now. i getmore pain when i get emotional tough. so mostly its the fear of things, getting back in the world, and some focusing issues. Also in menopause now on top of it

another question...is she focused on the negative esp with you?

thanks again i may follow ya to see progress and check in ok?!

kris1967,

My wife is prone to the negative, naturally I think.  She has some obsessive thinking, and anxiety lurking in there as well.  Neither is she prone to lavish praise.  We have had a complicated relationship, so to say it is due to the drugs is difficult. The state of affairs worldwide in general is unsettling for all of us.  It's complicated.  Have you consulted with an OB/GYN on the menopause issue? Hormonal imbalances can wreak havoc on emotional state.

Mr. P 

[[kr...]]

hi yes about the gyno - he would give me some kind of med hormone which i am leary of until i am atleast 2 yrs off klon and or symptom free (which is hard to know cause sx of wd are similar to menopause sx i think) Other option is a type of hysterectomy?

Fear of things, loss of confidence, ruminating...got that too?

I think back and see i should have handled my relationship different w my bf. Im praying that it is better this time together while in FL this winter. Im so nervous and overwhelmed trying to be ready to go. esp need a renter in cabin but may have to leave it for the house renters to fill for me. also leaving my cats w them and their dogs. i feel like a bad mommy to them.

keep me posted on your success w your relationship and wife progress!

[[kr...]]

ok you mentioned a complicated relationship?...ive been w my bf 30 yrs w a 4 yr break. he came back when mom was sick and i needed someone and i feel like i was pushed in to it. i still have no real attraction to him and hes gained wt up to 250lbs which sounds shallow but he promised if we got together again hed get healthy

I know he is abusive verbally and been several slightly physical episodes past summer

Hes become really involved in my property/rental business. Its not enough to live on and i cant do it all myself.

Hes not the real empathetic type to wanna care for you when your sick.

Ive just spent so much of my life with him in many stages and im wondering if things may improve or if ill improve w my own self..job..friends..hobbies etc or if i never will cause ive been unhappy w him but dependant. 

feel i dont think ill improve while with him YET i feel i have nothing and will fall apart if i leave

he really thinks he loves me but needs to learn some things about love/relationships

 

[[Mr...]]

ok you mentioned a complicated relationship?...ive been w my bf 30 yrs w a 4 yr break. he came back when mom was sick and i needed someone and i feel like i was pushed in to it. i still have no real attraction to him and hes gained wt up to 250lbs which sounds shallow but he promised if we got together again hed get healthy

I know he is abusive verbally and been several slightly physical episodes past summer

Hes become really involved in my property/rental business. Its not enough to live on and i cant do it all myself.

Hes not the real empathetic type to wanna care for you when your sick.

Ive just spent so much of my life with him in many stages and im wondering if things may improve or if ill improve w my own self..job..friends..hobbies etc or if i never will cause ive been unhappy w him but dependant. 

feel i dont think ill improve while with him YET i feel i have nothing and will fall apart if i leave

he really thinks he loves me but needs to learn some things about love/relationships

Yeah, your relationship sounds complicated all right.  Just to be clear, my relationship is sound and the things I mentioned earlier are minor in the grand scheme of things.  She's the way she is, I'm the way I am.  Simple as that.  It sounds like this winter may be the litmus test for you and BF.  Keep in mind that you will likely need a functional partner more and more as you age.  In my frame of reference, you're pretty young with a lot to look towards, so a relationship decision shouldn't be out of the question.  You've got a lot of history to consider, like you said.  Has your gyno weighed in on drug interaction, or is that more than you can expect?  Doctors can be clueless.  You can be confident that you will improve with time, that much is certain.

Mr. P

[[kr...]]

thanks mr P. I had a couple hrs w him on phone yesterday which led to me having zero sleep last night. Its hurts to the bone w his verbal abuse. Hes lashing out cause he doesnt get what he needs from me which i understand but also it got bad on phone when he realized he may not be put on the house note. Im tenants incommon w sisters and its confusing but everyone tells me dont put him on it unless youre married.

Im a wreck physically and metally today

[[Mr...]]

thanks mr P. I had a couple hrs w him on phone yesterday which led to me having zero sleep last night. Its hurts to the bone w his verbal abuse. Hes lashing out cause he doesnt get what he needs from me which i understand but also it got bad on phone when he realized he may not be put on the house note. Im tenants incommon w sisters and its confusing but everyone tells me dont put him on it unless youre married.

Im a wreck physically and metally today

Your sisters are right.  There are too many questions about the future with this guy to make that kind of legal commitment.  Hang on.

Mr. P 

[[Ja...]]

I need help.  I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months and she is going through withdrawal and PTSD.  We have argued a lie and mentions breaking up.  This shit is hard I love her to death

[[Mr...]]

I need help.  I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months and she is going through withdrawal and PTSD.  We have argued a lie and mentions breaking up.  This shit is hard I love her to death

Jaricko,

My wife was on 2.5 mg klonopin for a similar period of time.  We found liquid titration to be the answer for a gradual enough cessation rate to keep the sxs in check more successfully. She was reinstated after a medically supervised CT which had drastic consequences, so be very cautious when seeking guidance from conventional medicine.  The advice we got from that source was not helpful.  In addition, we looked at other contributing factors (leaching mercury from old filings that we had removed with good result in short time frame). A clean diet and detoxification efforts were important factors for us.  You may find that the rate of cessation may have to slow down, as it took us 19 months to go from 2.5 mg's down to zero.  Though this was a long time, it was necessary for us to maintain some control over the severity of the withdrawal effects.  During that time, we went through some very hard stuff, and looking back I can see that it was all a result of the recovering brain damage and the additional toxification from other sources that played a big role in the troubles we endured.  Emotional effects are common place, and many things can be said that aren't intended in retrospect, so move slowly if you are truly committed to saving the relationship.  There are a number of sources of support and information available on this site as well as other social media sources.  There are literally 100's of thousands of people involved in this same struggle, both in recovery and support roles. Invisible illness can't be explained to family and friends like more visible injuries can, so understanding and support can be hard to find from that quarter.  Education and support groups will be essential to making it through, but it happens.  I'm not sure how many people watch this particular thread anymore, but don't stop checking in.  It was a lifesaver for me as I helped my wife in her healing.

Mr. P 

[[be...]]

Hello!

 

I just joined the forum. My husband was on lorazepam for a few month last year and has been off now for 9 months but continues to go through significant withdrawal symptoms. There are good days and bad days but the good days never last for very long. I'm trying my best to be there for him but I'm also having a tough time. This withdrawal is taking quite the toll on our relationship. There are definitely more good bad days than good for my husband. He is always complaining and everything is about "the benzos" or because of "the benzos". There isn't a single day that goes by where benzos aren't mentioned. I know that I can't truly understand how he feels and that what he is going through is agonizing but I sometimes feel like the way he is handling this whole thing is selfish and he's forgetting that our marriage and relationship is important too. We have been married for a little over 2 years, are in our thirties and I'm ready to start having kids and move on to the next steps and I feel like this whole thing is ruining that.

 

I'm sorry if this seems heartless or whatnot, just needed to vent a little. I'm hoping to hear from others how/what they did to get through this and keep their relationships. Thanks!