My Doc is trying to "Detox" me in 6 days from 15yrs of X.

[Guest [ve...]]

dear velmdd

 

I'm so sorry you're in sure a difficult condition.

Please do not worry in the least about replying to people's individual comments. No need to do so. The point is just to try to help you even if the only help we can manage is small.

 

I am thinking of you today.

I am sure you are still in a world of hurt, and I'm sorry.

Please write if you feel like it.  Just to say what you are thinking or feeling.

 

Tomorrow is Monday, so wishing you luck with contacting your doctor.

I know you said you have already sent out info to the doctor.

I hope you will be able to talk to the doctor and/or office staff early tomorrow to see that they received this info and to tell them how urgent this situation is.

 

Awww, that's so soothing to hear. I'm getting very upset thinking I might be in c/t again tomorrow. But the doctor has actually emailed me and said we could talk about Ashton and maybe slowing down on Tuesday, which is a very good sign. I think if he actually sees me he might have a change of heart.

  I have been able to eat over the weekend and that seems to be helping me get bigger windows. I feel so much more in control of my benzo rage now. I'm just so hoping seeing the doc won't be an emotional set back. 15 yrs of X is enough.

Thank you all for the support

[[ea...]]

Hi again velmdd,

Shame on this doctor! Is there any way to see another one a lot closer and more, uh, friendly?

eastcoast

[Guest [ve...]]

No, I've been trying since Sept. My family doc knows I've been on benzo for over 15yrs & says, that's just not the type of practice she wants to run, referred to psych. Seen 5 psychs who did evaluations, who refused saying I have too many complications (I also have a TBI from car accident) or say GP should take it over. I also have thyroid, issues. Neuro says it's dangerous with refractory seizure disorder but says I must find a psych.

  My limited funds prevent me from seeing doctors outside of my town or the big city nearest. I've had to pay for these consults each month, which have caused me to great financial stress to the point things might get shut off.

  So no I don't think continuing to pay for consults will help. Also I can't find any docs willing to talk before they do a eval to see if they are benzo taper friendly, they all want to do full eval first.. Frustrating

[Guest [ve...]]

Just wanted to let everybody know, I saw the "6-day detox" doctor yesterday and he upped it to a 6 week detox!! Thank you all for your supportive posts. I probably wouldn't have even gone to the doc if I didn't have the support and encouragement here.

  And  even though he poo-poo'ed the Ashton method, he had been googling it and found Benzo Buddies. He recommended it too me! He was shocked when I told him I was already a member!!! He was was very happy to hear that and encouraged me to stay on the a member!!

  So I just wanted to thank everybody and also let the mods know you even snagged a doctor's endorsement. It was so funny how that happened. Love you guys.

[[pu...]]

Woo hoo. Congratulations, that has to be really big news for you!

 

Six weeks still seems short to me, but worlds better than 6 days.

 

If I were in your situation I would guess that I would want to hole up in my cave and hide out for a long while.  In spite of that, I think it might be useful if you can manage it to stay in touch with the doctor.  Maybe some on- going reports on how you are doing?  Maybe send a log of symptoms day to day or something just so that he knows how you doing so that if/when changes are needed it is not out of the blue.

 

It would also be great if he continues his reading about benzo withdrawal. Expand from Ashton?

 

The part about benzobuddies site is kinda unreal or weird?

But good I guess.

[[bu...]]

Just wanted to let everybody know, I saw the "6-day detox" doctor yesterday and he upped it to a 6 week detox!! Thank you all for your supportive posts. I probably wouldn't have even gone to the doc if I didn't have the support and encouragement here.

  And  even though he poo-poo'ed the Ashton method, he had been googling it and found Benzo Buddies. He recommended it too me! He was shocked when I told him I was already a member!!! He was was very happy to hear that and encouraged me to stay on the a member!!

  So I just wanted to thank everybody and also let the mods know you even snagged a doctor's endorsement. It was so funny how that happened. Love you guys.

 

Good for you! But 6 months would probably be better.

 

But if he has shown his willingness to understand benzo WD, he might be more flexible as time goes on.

[Guest [Ce...]]

Great news!  But I agree, 6 weeks is still a short period of time.

[Guest [ve...]]

Woo hoo. Congratulations, that has to be really big news for you!

 

Six weeks still seems short to me, but worlds better than 6 days.

 

If I were in your situation I would guess that I would want to hole up in my cave and hide out for a long while.  In spite of that, I think it might be useful if you can manage it to stay in touch with the doctor.  Maybe some on- going reports on how you are doing?  Maybe send a log of symptoms day to day or something just so that he knows how you doing so that if/when changes are needed it is not out of the blue.

 

It would also be great if he continues his reading about benzo withdrawal. Expand from Ashton?

 

The part about benzobuddies site is kinda unreal or weird?

But good I guess.

Purpl, it was hysterical, He couldn't find my email about the Ashton manual, so he googled Ashton method and benzobuddies is the first result. I was sitting in the chair thinking he was reading through the Ashton Manual, then he calls me over and says, this place looks like something you could use.  Apparently he'd been reading the information you can see without being a member and was very impressed. I couldn't remember my password to show him but it was like magic. I'm going to try to re-send the link to the Ashton Manual, which I tried to get him to google that phrase, but he said something to the effect "My beard isn't this white for no reason."

I'm just so happy he realized 6 days was preposterous. He took one look at me and told me he could see the effects w/d had on me.

[Guest [ve...]]

Great news!  But I agree, 6 weeks is still a short period of time.

@builder

@Celeste

Yes, I'm going to give it a go and not updose, though. I've known this doc 20+ years, even though I can't get him to look at the Ashton Manual fully yet, apparently something in  my demeanor when he saw me, told him 6days wasn't going to work. And I wish I could post the prescription label, The pharm posted updosing, actually doubling the dose every two days, even though there weren't enough pills to do that with. I hadn't even noticed that because when I first go the script I was so messed up and scared I just followed the 6 day schedule he had emailed me.

  Today I have a false sense of security because he increased the X from the last dose of .25 2/day to 1mg 2/day. My original was 1mg 4/day.

  It's kind of like the brain says if you don't give us some portion of X I'm going to wreck havoc on every organ in your body. Even with only half of the original dose,I feel a ton better, except for body/muscle pain and insomnia. Compared to not even being able to eat, frequent bathroom trips, and well you guys know, that's much better.

  Thanks for the support, and we'll see what happens.

 

[[pu...]]

Hi again,

 

Regarding thee Ashton manual, yes, seems good to send him a link.

There is also other writing though I'm not sure if it is good to send him more?

Dr. Ashton has other writing out there, but I don't know of it is appropriate, I would have to review it.

Also somewhere earlier in this thread I posted about a group in the US which Ashton is part of (on the advisory board or something like that).

I also posted something recently - maybe it was in chewing the fat or benzos in the news or somewhere like that? - about an organization called victims of tranquilizers.  Not sure if the writing there wold be of help or not.  It is also in the UK. (if you want to find it look for VOT in benzobuddies or on web)

And of course you know about the detox clinic in Florida.

I'm sure there is lots more, I'm new to all this.

 

The info is not everywhere, but it is available in some places, not entirely obscure.

I am new to all, i just listed a few things, there is surely much more.

Though you'd have to decide what's the right stuff to pass along to a doctor, since he sometimes poopoos things.....

Then again he was impressed by benzobuddies which is not exactly the most scholarly presentation.  The front page is sorta official sounding I guess........

 

I have seen benzobuddies come up near the top in lots of searches.

 

[Guest [ve...]]

Yes Purple I'm trying to that again. I also tried to get him to talk to the clinic in Fl (?) but he wasn't interested. I think he, with good intentions, just doesn't want to follow anyone else's advice. He feels like he's seen it all. But he is supportive and seems like he'll stick with me through the ordeal, just his way. I have yet to read the whole manual because I know it advocates a much longer detox, which I might get in the end if I'm not doing well. But until I have the support of a longer detox, I don't want to get depressed over thinking my treatment is inadequate. He reinstated Ritalin also so that might be part of why I feel somewhat better, even though the body aches are still off the charts. But windows are getting longer and more productive. Anxiety is manageable to an extent. I don't go out, so I guess that's not really good, but I can at least concentrate and work from home.

  Thank you for all the advice Hope you're feeling well. :smitten:

[[ea...]]

Velmdd, so you are leaving for the detox clinic??? When? Im relieved to read about your doctor, and his recommending BB to you really is pretty funny. But at least hes willing to consider something new. And 6 weeks isnt too bad for a detox program, really.  I presume you have decent insurance, to pay for it? I checked into a local progeram that knew about Ashton and to my disgust and horrow, was told that they would "give me a special low price of just $6300" to participate on an out patient basis. Geez, thats like half my income. Could not possibly happen and I ended up feeling terribly hurt by "for profit" programs....

I really hope that your detox goes well, and gets you set on a safe course. You have been suffering so badly, and deserve relief. A whole new direction!

eastcoast

[[pu...]]

Hey eastcoast,

 

If I've followed this (never certain) velmdd is on her own, with extremely limited money.

The detox clinic was just a possible resource to be another voice saying that Ashton is reasonable and useful schedule - in case her doctor might listen to this opinion coming from such a source.

 

I do agree that whatever help, relief, and support velmdd can get is all for the good.

 

 

 

[Guest [ve...]]

Velmdd, so you are leaving for the detox clinic??? When? Im relieved to read about your doctor, and his recommending BB to you really is pretty funny. But at least hes willing to consider something new. And 6 weeks isnt too bad for a detox program, really.  I presume you have decent insurance, to pay for it? I checked into a local progeram that knew about Ashton and to my disgust and horrow, was told that they would "give me a special low price of just $6300" to participate on an out patient basis. Geez, thats like half my income. Could not possibly happen and I ended up feeling terribly hurt by "for profit" programs....

I really hope that your detox goes well, and gets you set on a safe course. You have been suffering so badly, and deserve relief. A whole new direction!

eastcoast

 

Yes, Purple is right, I guess I should have said 6 week taper, up from 6 days, LOL. That doc has something for the number six. Thank you both for your kind words and support. It really means a lot.

  I wish I had the inpatient option, because I'm afraid I'll get squimish and up dose, but since the worse symptoms, (not eating, constant bathroom, hallecinations, and worse body aches than I have now) are gone I'm going to try hard to not mess up. I still have insomnia, but before it was like 2-3 hours every two days, now it's like 3-4 hours of sleep each night. 4 am I'm so tempted to just pop one more, but so far so good.

For profit, unless it's like Sierra Tuscon, which I heard good things about aren't very reliable. And I did call it some and experienced the same turn down which adds insult to injury. Even tried inpatient with general addicts, w NA meeting, but it didn't fit. They were reminescing about shooting, and stealing for drugs and the euphoria. I never stole or committed a crime and never had euphoria so I immediately reinstated, because then 2yrs ago, no one was pressuring me to get off, but my kids.

Hope you guys are feeling better today!! Thanks for the love and back at ya!

[[ea...]]

Oooh, sorry I misunderstood, velmdd.

You put into words exactly why I decided against going to AA or NA. It just does not fit us, and the pressure they put on you TO fit is pretty strong. I still think the 12 Steps are a wonderful set of ideas for everyone to live by but I dont need AA/NA to use them.

eastcoast

[Guest [ve...]]

Oooh, sorry I misunderstood, velmdd.

You put into words exactly why I decided against going to AA or NA. It just does not fit us, and the pressure they put on you TO fit is pretty strong. I still think the 12 Steps are a wonderful set of ideas for everyone to live by but I dont need AA/NA to use them.

eastcoast

Yep. What Colin has done here really helps put us in true perspective. The accidental addict, isn't going to bond with the other type of addict, not saying one is better than the other, cuz I despise that illegal drugs are even available to ruin people's lives. I don't blame them, it's just a different experience. I don't even like the way NA doesn't address the underlying issues for street addicts, something drove them to that, anxiety, some mental problem, and just a higher power doesn't solve all their problems. Don't even get me started

[[pu...]]

 

Yes, Purple is right, I guess I should have said 6 week taper, up from 6 days, LOL. That doc has something for the number six. Thank you both for your kind words and support. It really means a lot.

  I wish I had the inpatient option, because I'm afraid I'll get squimish and up dose, but since the worse symptoms, (not eating, constant bathroom, hallecinations, and worse body aches than I have now) are gone I'm going to try hard to not mess up. I still have insomnia, but before it was like 2-3 hours every two days, now it's like 3-4 hours of sleep each night. 4 am I'm so tempted to just pop one more, but so far so good.

For profit, unless it's like Sierra Tuscon, which I heard good things about aren't very reliable. And I did call it some and experienced the same turn down which adds insult to injury. Even tried inpatient with general addicts, w NA meeting, but it didn't fit. They were reminescing about shooting, and stealing for drugs and the euphoria. I never stole or committed a crime and never had euphoria so I immediately reinstated, because then 2yrs ago, no one was pressuring me to get off, but my kids.

Hope you guys are feeling better today!! Thanks for the love and back at ya!

 

Hi velmdd -  I'm just stopping in to say hello.  I'm trying to get myself to move more and eat more today.  I've been very isolated, and seem to want to sit like a lump for many hours. I think I'm doing okay on the eating, but not so great on moving.

Sounds like you are doing good.

Your strength and dedication are awesome.

This may sound pretty weird, but I think I'll always remember you as an example of the dangers of benzos - the cost of widespread ignorance.  I have been so horrified by the forced rapid detox, lack of understanding, and the suffering involved.  I am sure it happens to many people, but you are the one who brought it home to me.

I really credit you with having a great attitude in spite of it all. 

 

I looked up Sierra Tuscon (never heard of it)  - looks super fancy.

 

Glad the kindness and support are reaching you - keep giving yourself kindness and support - keep letting them in!

[Guest [ve...]]

Hi velmdd -  I'm just stopping in to say hello.  I'm trying to get myself to move more and eat more today.  I've been very isolated, and seem to want to sit like a lump for many hours. I think I'm doing okay on the eating, but not so great on moving.

Sounds like you are doing good.

Your strength and dedication are awesome.

This may sound pretty weird, but I think I'll always remember you as an example of the dangers of benzos - the cost of widespread ignorance.  I have been so horrified by the forced rapid detox, lack of understanding, and the suffering involved.  I am sure it happens to many people, but you are the one who brought it home to me.

I really credit you with having a great attitude in spite of it all. 

 

I looked up Sierra Tuscon (never heard of it)  - looks super fancy.

 

Glad the kindness and support are reaching you - keep giving yourself kindness and support - keep letting them in!

Hi Purple,

Thanks for the kind words, but if not for you and others pushing me I wouldn't have fared well. I mean You gave me a lot of links and suggestions, even thru your own suffering, that really motivated me to not stop seeking.

  And don't think you're the only one stationary. I'm pretty much tied to my couch and can't even put out trash until 2am because of the agoraphobia. I still have bad waves of benzo rage, but I know posting about it is counterproductive.

  But yeah this accidental addict thing is outrageous. How in the world can something be prescribed that's addictive and doctors not be required to continue it or taper it, seem unethical. Doctors move, retired and die all the time, how can the next doc- when you have a clear history - not at least offer a sane taper. I would like to do something about that, when I'm well.

  I can't thank you and everyone on this thread enough, I really was giving into the thought I won't make it, because I have a TBI and even though my neuro said I couldn't stop XAnax, but wouldn't prescribe saying I had to find a psych, I thought all was lost.

  You guys gave me that push to not give up. Especially your research Purple.

  How are you doing?

[[ea...]]

Hi Velmdd, Purple, et al,

I keep checking in here as you seem to be on the same page as me. Im fighting what I guess is agorophobia now, thats something sort of new. Id lived with this weird un-nameable fear/dread for monthes but am now having trouble even just leaving my living room. This is just totally beyond me, I fight back but it doesnt budge. Can either of you (or anyone else) give me some ideas on how to live like this? Should I fight it or just give in to it??

I just got off the phone with the mother of someone I once loved very much. He died several years ago but I didnt find out until just recently, when I stumbled across his obituary. The whole thing has thrown me into a grief thing and made certain memories pour in and it hurts so much. Talking with his mom on the phone was both helpful and not. I almost hit panic mode several times, as memories were flooding into my mind. I wanted to just hang up but I also did not want to. I surely didnt want to hurt her, shes lost both a son, a husband and a brother in the past couple years -! She is struggling pretty badly right now.

And so am I. I dont mean to take up much space in your thread, Velmdd, but reading here got me going. Any suggestions on dealing with what seems to be agorophobia would be helpful.

eastcoast

[Guest [ve...]]

EastCoast,

  I've been dealing with it  my entire life. As kid, I spent most of my school days in the bathroom, because I panicked so much. Lucky I was very bright. I saw therapist that taught me coping techniques, like talking myself thru everything I did. (ie now I'm leaving the door, nothing will happen, now I'm sitting in class, I'm getting my education, forget anyone else who might taunt you, etc). But I always had the feeling, Oh God I can't wait to get back inside my house!

  College was similar, tried to be as invisible as possible, no student lounge, forced one activity for my resume. Military oddly broke me because you don't have a choice, but by same token you are told you're every step.

  It's how I started on benzo's, but before that I found vigorous exercise (early in the morning) would burn some of the anxiety off, like once I got in the work world. But it came back strong around age 33.

  So I was on anti depressants, benzo, some other stuff and many changes over the years. When I used public transportation I would find a word on an advertisement and make as many words as I could out of that word in my head to distract myself. I did pretty well with benzo's until I  had a car accident that left me with a minor TBI and disfigured me. Now I rarely go out unaccompanied and even then I have panic attacks and 50% of the time I don't do all I planned to do.

  Sorry for the long post. Also I have had public seizures, where you soil yourself reinforcing the agoraphobia, coupled with a skin disorder that is similar to a burn victim appearance.

  I think the standard treatment is exposure therapy, but good luck on finding that therapist.  I had one for a while, it did help but I disliked her so much. But forcing yourself out, with someone if possible everyday or other day is a good idea. Libraries are a good choice since you're not bombarded with loud activities.

  I think you have to fight it, or you'll become so detached from the world, I'm half way in that state now, and have been all the way, that you can't function. PM me or keep posting or start a new post. We must fight this.

[[ea...]]

Velmdd,

Thank you for opening up to me, that couldnt have been easy for you to do. Im so confused about this subject. Agorophobia is anxiety (fear) that gets out of control when you leave your house? Do you have the anxieties while you are home or does it just disappear? Im asking you because I dont know who else to ask, and Im sorry if its painful for you to talk about.

    I had very bad social anxiety for most of the years I took benzos. Dont know whether the drugs caused it or not, it just was, but I didnt know the words to explain it and the drugs numbed me enough to get by. I am not sure if agorophobia was a part of it or not. It is still with me now, but it seems different. I can walk into a restaurant and not completely lose it, but the idea of going to a social function does get me going. (Not that I go out much. Finances are a big problem.)

    Im quite down today because of the grief Im in. I know its coloring my every thought and Im trying to cope but its hard, as you know.

eastcoast

[Guest [ve...]]

Velmdd,

Thank you for opening up to me, that couldnt have been easy for you to do. Im so confused about this subject. Agorophobia is anxiety (fear) that gets out of control when you leave your house? Do you have the anxieties while you are home or does it just disappear? Im asking you because I dont know who else to ask, and Im sorry if its painful for you to talk about.

    I had very bad social anxiety for most of the years I took benzos. Dont know whether the drugs caused it or not, it just was, but I didnt know the words to explain it and the drugs numbed me enough to get by. I am not sure if agorophobia was a part of it or not. It is still with me now, but it seems different. I can walk into a restaurant and not completely lose it, but the idea of going to a social function does get me going. (Not that I go out much. Finances are a big problem.)

    Im quite down today because of the grief Im in. I know its coloring my every thought and Im trying to cope but its hard, as you know.

eastcoast

Sorry EastCoast, I do hope you find something to make you feel better. I'm watching a ridiculous show "Amish Mafia" to distract myself, I think it's a mini marathon. But I have work to do and my bodyaches are so bad I can't seem to get it done.

  I'm happy to open up about it. You say you don't know who else to ask, I definitely think you should start a thread asking for people's experience with it, because there are some variations. Some people work full time with it. I did at one point. Some people are total hermits.

I'm becoming one.

  It doesn't just "disappear" when you walk in the door. It's a big relief when I am in my own home where I can control everything and not worry about variable in my environment. There are times when I have been room confined, especially early on w/d's. Even bed bound.

  For me too much stimulation, like malls, I probably won't ever do malls again just brings on panic/anxiety attacks. But I also have PTSD and just driving to doctor's offices sometimes I'll seem something that triggers a flashback to a bad event, which makes me not want to be in any uncontrolled environment. Some times it's tied to paranoia, since I have a very visible disfigurement, I just can't deal with the stares from others, but that is a recent development.

  Sometimes just being accompanied makes it all go away, other times that mildly - doesn't help at all. My mother thinks I'm faking because she says sometimes I seem fine and then she thinks it's when it's something I don't want to do, I feign agoraphobia.

  When something actual does happen, (ie I was called a racial slur) it just drives the over reactive fear into overdrive. I think I stayed in 3 weeks after that.

  I did well when I had a weekly therapist and I was able to use the X under my tongue when a panic attack came on. But because of forced c/t, having the accident and not working and no therapist, it has come back full force. But I beat it once, I will beat it again.

  So will you. Post asking for others's experiences. Someone recommended ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) I think that's a good place to start. Just remember it only reinforces itself the longer you stay in