The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[oz...]]

Hi.

I'm new to the forum. Been a Xanax user for 2 years, ever since I started having panic attacks. I wish I could meet the psychiatrist who first prescribed me attack..... I'd spit in their face. I hate this drug and hold it has over me. I halved my dosage just over 2 weeks ago and had no problems. When I stopped my morning dose a couple of days ago, the withdrawal was so bad I thought the world had ended. I've had enough of this shit so that's why I'm here, to get off the Xanax and reclaim my life again, with some help. Good to meet you all.

[[La...]]

Hi Oz, welcome and hope you're doing well today. I'm having morning cog fog and am not in a proper state of mind right now to say more than what's in my head. Hope you're doing better.

 

Nothing new here really. I'm in that fog where I'm just plain uncomfortable with myself. I'm not in any panic, or do I even feel depressed. It's weird, as I'm not myself, but then I'm not what I've felt before. I've been outside and shoveled some snow already. But just do not feel as if I'm myself right now.

[[va...]]

Oz, hello, and welcome to the forum.  There are a lot of people tapering from xanax, and also people who've finished tapering, and some who CTd as well.  You're on a relatively low dose already, so it shouldn't take you too long to taper off of it.  A lot of people dry cut and quarter the .25mg pills (.0625mg x 4 = .25mg), then take away .0625mg at a time.  Some people cut once a month, some every 21 days, some every 10-14 days, and some once a week.  I think the most important thing is to listen to your body.  If you need to wait longer in between cuts, then do that.  If you can cut every week, then do that.  There are a lot of people here who can share their experiences with you so you can make an informed decision about how to proceed.

 

Good luck! 

 

Namaste,

 

~K

 

 

Lakeside, hey you!  I haven't been around much lately, but I'm happy to see you.    I hope things pick up for you again soon.  <3

 

Namaste,

 

~K   

[[va...]]

Hey Lakeside, here is an article on the tree of life meditation.

 

http://www.finerminds.com/meditation/meditation-technique/

 

pt 2  http://www.finerminds.com/meditation/meditation-tree-of-life-part-ii/

[[oz...]]

Oz, hello, and welcome to the forum.  There are a lot of people tapering from xanax, and also people who've finished tapering, and some who CTd as well.  You're on a relatively low dose already, so it shouldn't take you too long to taper off of it.  A lot of people dry cut and quarter the .25mg pills (.0625mg x 4 = .25mg), then take away .0625mg at a time.  Some people cut once a month, some every 21 days, some every 10-14 days, and some once a week.  I think the most important thing is to listen to your body.  If you need to wait longer in between cuts, then do that.  If you can cut every week, then do that.  There are a lot of people here who can share their experiences with you so you can make an informed decision about how to proceed.

 

Good luck! 

I find the brand of pills I'm prescribed don't easily cut but instead crush. With this in mind I thought it would be easier to titrate in water. I understand I'll be working with a suspension not a solution and that I need to work quickly to draw off and discard the liquid, but I look forward to the challenge. I ordered a couple of 100ml glass cylinders yesterday so hopefully I can start in the next week when they arrive.

 

Just a quick question, should I reduced my intake 1 ml daily as is usual with titrating or should I titrate and discard the equivalent of 0.0625mg every week/fornight instead. I'm leaning towards the larger cuts because its a suspension and dissolving half a pill and discarding half the solution maybe more accurate than trying to discard 1ml increments of a suspension. Love to hear opinions

 

OZ

[[va...]]

Oz, hello, and welcome to the forum.  There are a lot of people tapering from xanax, and also people who've finished tapering, and some who CTd as well.  You're on a relatively low dose already, so it shouldn't take you too long to taper off of it.  A lot of people dry cut and quarter the .25mg pills (.0625mg x 4 = .25mg), then take away .0625mg at a time.  Some people cut once a month, some every 21 days, some every 10-14 days, and some once a week.  I think the most important thing is to listen to your body.  If you need to wait longer in between cuts, then do that.  If you can cut every week, then do that.  There are a lot of people here who can share their experiences with you so you can make an informed decision about how to proceed.

 

Good luck! 

I find the brand of pills I'm prescribed don't easily cut but instead crush. With this in mind I thought it would be easier to titrate in water. I understand I'll be working with a suspension not a solution and that I need to work quickly to draw off and discard the liquid, but I look forward to the challenge. I ordered a couple of 100ml glass cylinders yesterday so hopefully I can start in the next week when they arrive.

 

Just a quick question, should I reduced my intake 1 ml daily as is usual with titrating or should I titrate and discard the equivalent of 0.0625mg every week/fornight instead. I'm leaning towards the larger cuts because its a suspension and dissolving half a pill and discarding half the solution maybe more accurate than trying to discard 1ml increments of a suspension. Love to hear opinions

 

OZ

 

Honestly, I'm not the one to ask that question as I'm dry cutting.  My pills sometimes crumble a little as well, or don't cut exactly, but I just use the larger pieces first and work my way down to smaller pieces.  Also, if they're crumbling, you could grind them with a mortar and pestle and then you could divide the powder up and put the amount you want into water (or yogurt or milk or something, the pills taste awful!), that way you aren't wasting any powder.  At least, that's how it would seem to me, but as I said, I haven't done LT so I have no clue.  How did you cut your pills?  Did you use a pill cutter (didn't work for me, completely destroyed the pills) or a razor blade or a knife?  I use the end of a really sharp kitchen knife and cut them on a paper towel on top of a wood cutting board.  (actually, I just use my fingers to break them in half at the line, and then cut the 2 halves with a knife.  I hope I'm not confusing you.)

 

Maybe someone else here can help you with LT.  Good luck!

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Thank you for those links K. My mind still isn't in the right place for me to be able to do it, but I'm getting there. I actually managed about 7 hrs of sleep last night and I'm considerably better than I've been in the last couple of days now. The cog fog in the mornings is just over the top lately. Am finally feeling a bit grounded this morning and am glad of that.

 

Thank you much,

Jim

[[va...]]

Hey Lakeside.  I'm almost done with my taper.  yay me!  I'm down to .1875mg, so two more cuts, then I'll jump.    My surgery date is scheduled for next thursday, jan 29.  I was hoping to be done before then, but I'll be at .125mg.  I might just stay there for a few extra days before I continue.  Since I'm that low, I can't imagine it will be much of a problem for me. I do need to read up on anesthesia though, and talk to the hospital (and my doctor) about whether to use a benzo during surgery.  If it's a different one, like valium, I'm thinking it won't be a problem.  Maybe I should start a thread and ask people though.  My pain doctor (he prescribes me x) is also an anesthesiologist, so I'm hoping he'll be the one with me in surgery.  I'm certainly going to request him.  Anyway.  I'm happy to hear you're sleeping better.  YES!    I hope it continues for you.  <3

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K, you're gonna be alright. Everything I've read, is there isn't a problem with a one time use of a benzo for surgery. However, if you can get your regular in there during the surgery, all the better. I would hold for an extra week or so myself after you get home to continue cutting, you're getting so close now.

 

I am sleeping better and for some silly reason, I thought more sleep would just translate into better, easier going days (more like daze). The cog fog isn't as intense as far as depression and wanting to end it. But the immense feeling of being lost within myself and being so indecisive is frightening for me. I'm at a point of needing to move forward now. Spring is around the corner and I need my life back. I cannot afford another year of being frazzled, incoherent and nonproductive. The time has come to relinquish these things and move on. It just doesn't seem to understand that it isn't going to win with me. I am considerably more committed to my recovery than this is to keeping me at bay. I'm feeling as though I'm coming out of this last wave now, finally. They're getting shorter and less intense now. But the fog is very troubling at times.

 

So the 29th is your day ? Wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.

 

Jim

[[va...]]

Thanks Jim.  And it's so refreshing to hear someone who always stays positive, in even the throes of intense confusion and pain.  If there was an award for that, you would surely deserve one (along with several other people here, who've provided me with much inspiration during my taper). 

 

~K   

[[va...]]

Lakeside, you around?  How's it going?  I haven't seen you post anything in awhile.  I hope everything is going OK!

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K,

 

Hope your back is getting better for you, as recovery can take time. Thought I sent you a message. I apologize for my absentmindedness.

 

I'm existing, I guess.... My days are not what they were a year ago, but I am having parts of days that are like they were 2 yrs ago. The cycling is getting faster, from being depressed to having anxiety. Worry over absolutely nothing and have an attitude for no reason. It's just not me and I've been withdrawing some. My mornings are the worst still. I wake up in a fog or with anxiety for a few hours and it usually clears by noon and then I am able to make progress and function. It usually isn't as intense as in the past, but it has times where it's close to unbearable. I've had bouts with depression and derealization to a point of those intrepid thoughts of moving on begin to overcome me. Having to literally talk to myself out loud to stop the evil deranged thoughts that just invade my mind, seems so ridiculous. Been all high strung today, since 4:30 this morning and it's now 1:45 and a wave of tired just hit. I am suddenly yawning uncontrollably and nonstop. I'm also feeling the chills setting in and my leg muscles are beginning to twitch. This is weird, really weird. Now my body is getting chills. I did some how, some way, manage to make it for my physical therapy for my back this morning. Don't know how, but I knew I had to make it and glad I did, pain and all now.

 

Hope you're having a good day today K and thanks for checking on me.

 

Jim

 

 

[[va...]]

Whoa!  I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles Lakeside!  You probably did send me a PM, but for awhile I wasn't really posting anything or writing for that matter.  It seems I remember something.  I should just go look.     

 

The pain is still here.  Not as bad as it was, but I'm pissed because for 2-3 days after surgery there was NO pain except, you know, where they cut me open.  It's a small incision though and that pain is completely gone.  It was explained to me that, even though they took out the cysts that were compressing the nerves going into my legs, and actually opened up the bone surrounding said nerves to give them more room (I has some stenosis), it's apparently normal for those nerves to get inflamed, still causing nerve pain.  sooooooo...it's still there but lessened a little bit.  *sigh*  I just wish it would hurry up and go away.

 

Aside from that, I'm at my last few days before I jump.  I almost jumped 2 days ago, but I thought I would give a couple more because of this other stuff going on.  The main symptom I'm still experiencing now is tinnitus, and I have flashes of anger, but the anger is well placed and deserved.  I don't want to go into that though.  And if I hadn't had surgery I would've jumped weeks ago.  Oh well.  C'est la vie.

 

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much.  That really, really sucks.  And the fact that it's gone backwards, that must be scary.  I hope this will be the last wave for you, and that huge, never-ending window comes to you.  I'll send good vibes your way.    Hey, did you ever go out of town?  I'm curious to hear about what happened.  Talk at you later. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K    :smitten:

[[La...]]

Sorry you're still hurting K. The back pain is no fun at all. One little move and it can hurt from top to bottom and even limbs too. Hope it settles for you soon.

 

I don't blame you for waiting a few extra days to get through the after effects of the surgery. Hope your jump goes smoothly for you and you don't have any more than the tinnitus for side effects. Sorry about the anger part and getting set off.... I believe I know what you're speaking about, kind of. Hopefully soon and you'll be out jogging.

 

As for me...it's up and it's down. If the cog fog stays away, it isn't so bad. I had some depression yesterday that was difficult and I still have crying moments, but for the most part it is leveling off. Just wish it was letting up so I can move on with life. I'm beginning to go stir crazy not being able to be productive as I wish to be.

 

My hope for leaving town isn't until April. It's a huge, huge hope for a big step forward. I haven't left town since July of 2012 and for me to even be able to consider flying out in 7 weeks seems a bit out there. But I am persistent and am hoping for the best.

 

It's good to feel a little chatty. 

 

Enjoy your evening,

Jim  :smitten:

[[Ro...]]

I am in month 8 of withdrawal after a 6 month taper and 13 years on xanax.  How am I today?  Well, I can definitely say that most of my crazy thoughts are in the past.  Have some days after little sleep but when sleep okay, my mind seems fine.  Deceptive, because my body does not want to cooperate with all the great plans my mind wants to make. 

 

I have lots of extreme fatigue days with sore muscles.    Today is one.  Two days ago I had no symptoms all day.  It was super and a window into the healed body, whenever that might be.  Such a roller coaster. 

 

A year ago when I began the taper I was scared.  It has been awful, as you all know.  A day at a time.  A night at a time.  I am no longer scared.  Just sick of it and so eager to begin my life.  And so grateful I have come this far. 

 

I know this is repeated, but it does get better!!  Really!! 

[[va...]]

Lakeside, the pain isn't really in my back, but in my butt/hip area, and sometimes it goes down into my leg, behind the knee, and especially in my ankle/foot.  When it first started it felt like a vice was gripping my entire leg, or a constrictor snake or something.  But it isn't as intense as it was, and it doesn't always cover my entire leg.  Also, I've never had nerve pain in my right leg, it's always been in my left leg, so I was used to it on the other side.  Now it's in my right leg and I'm having a hard time adjusting to that.  I really wish it just go away completely.  There have been days when it left, but then it comes back.  It's confusing!  And it hurts like crazy to walk sometimes, when it's bad.  argh!

 

I'm trying to decide if I should go ahead and jump.  Anyway.  Tale to you later. 

 

~K   

[[Tr...]]

I'm feeling pretty horrible today. I can't quite describe it but I'll try- unmotivated, feeling of disparity, mild anxiety, head feels fuzzy. I'm having weird thoughts of going back to Xanax use but I keep reminding myself that the withdrawl is not worth it and if I take Xanax again I'll just start back at square 1. Quite frankly I'm nervous. Everything was going smoothly at first but I've hit some speed bumps along the way. I have to just keep telling myself to keep my head up and wade through the murky water. Any positive reinforcement would be greatly appreciated. Namasté

[[va...]]

So I went ahead and jumped 2 days ago.  So far so good.  YAY!  Of course, I still have the raging tinnitus, and insomnia, and some anxiety, etc., but you know, I would have it if I was still taking it, so I might as well go ahead and start healing, right?  So, I'm looking forward to that, and hopefully over the coming weeks/months I'll continue to slowly get better and improve. 

 

I would like to take a minute and thank everyone here for their unrelenting support (you know who you are!).  I'm really glad I found this place, because otherwise I probably would have moved over to valium, and who knows how that might've gone for me?  It might have been easier, and it might have been harder, but one thing is certain, it would have been a lot longer.  I'm so glad I decided to taper directly from x.  And I knew I could come here and ask questions, or just read, and get answers.  Also, I could unload what I was going through, if I needed to.  It really helped, a LOT.  And I even made a few friends along the way.    So, I'm really grateful to all of you, just for being here. 

 

Anyway.  Let's par-tay. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K    :smitten:

[[La...]]

Congratulations K ! I'm so hoping it goes smoothly for you without to many bumps in the road.  Hope you're feeling well today and got some sleep last night and that today is less painful. Added stress doesn't help matters any when healing. Hope things have settled down for you there.

 

Hi TSO, we've all had those thoughts of going back, even me recently. But it isn't worth the life, if that's what you want to call it. It isn't easy, but then life on benzos isn't easy either. Gotta keep pushing, knowing there will be an end. Worst part is we don't know when our personal end will be the new beginning. Keep pushing, keep talking, keep on, keeping on.

 

Hi Roemer, we spent about the same amount of time on Xanax. I didn't know about the long taper when I did my 30 day taper and am paying the price now. Glad you're having better times and yes, I know they're coming. Just gotta keep pushing, like I am today.

 

I've decided to get out on this blistery cold day and what is it I am going to do...? Hmmmm, oh yeah, the casino !! It's the only place I know of to go to where I can walk around and be around hundreds of people and exit if I need to w/o any embarrassment. Not only that, they're giving 5 vehicles away today and one needs to be present to win. My odds are as good as the other 1,500 people there. Only allowed one entry per person and one achieves that by playing a game is all. One game registers me for a chance to win. I'm going more for the seafood buffet and of course I'll hit a few slots.

 

Compared to where I was at 5:30 when I sprung out of bed, this is just not the same Jim I was then and this isn't a window by any means. It's the success I'm achieving by pushing this beast out of my life. It won't just leave me alone and I've come to realize I have to push in order to have any sort of normalcy in my life. Today I'm choosing to enjoy myself, a rarity in the last 30 months.

[[La...]]

...and it went well ! Spent a total of about 6 hrs there, didn't win a car, but had a great time. Played a bunch of penny slots, even though I do like cards and I did go to the poker room but didn't care for their styles of poker. So I just enjoyed playing penny slots and walking around. Didn't win a vehicle, but it wasn't like I planned on it either. What I did was achieve my goal of being able to get out and do, be part of, carry on with some sense of normalcy and I did it. This was a HUGE accomplishment for this guy. I'm not in a window by any means, I am healing. Finally, after 872 days, I am saying that I'm healing. Healing for me is being able to do, to go, to be. Not sitting in my house wishing I was better or hoping to be ok some day. To sit in tears and feel so hopeless, as I was  just days ago had me feeling so helpless. I never believed it could turn round like this, but it does. I've been praying for my time to come and perhaps it is. I've even begun to feel as though the healing wasn't going to happen for me for some reason. I've been getting real scared lately and have had less than admirable thoughts about my future. I've lost 2 1/2 yrs of my life to this now. Not to mention the years I lost with irrational thinking by taking Xanax for so long before I sought help.

[[va...]]

Hey Jim!  I'm soooo happy for you!  This has been a long time coming, and you SO deserve to heal!  I pray it keeps happening for you.     

Too bad about the car though.   

 

~K      :smitten:

[[va...]]

So here's something that's annoying.  I had lost several pounds when I started tapering, and my stomach got almost totally flat again.  All of sudden, my stomach is puffy again and now I'm bummed.  It could be all that ice cream I was eating for a couple of weeks      and I started putting milk in my tea again instead of using almond milk.  (I will stop, I just like to drink milk periodically, but mostly I stay away from it).  But I wasn't watching what I ate really during my taper.  I was even eating a lot of sour dough bread, and I rarely eat bread.  Plus I was putting butter on it, and I rarely use butter.  (It was from grass fed cows, and maybe that makes a difference.)  I also ate a lot of eggplant parmesan, and I'm sure that has a lot of calories because of the cheese.  And I was eating ice cream, but I was eating small portions as a treat now and then, and not every day for a week straight.  Anyway.  I really hope it goes away again since I quit the ice cream.  But does anyone know why some people lose weight when tapering?  And does it normally just go away after you're done?

 

Another thing I noticed - there have been a couple of days where I felt really amped up.  I drink 1 or 2 (and sometimes 3) cups of black or green tea when I get up, but I did that all throughout my taper, and I don't remember feeling amped up.  Weird.

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K, thank you for the kind words. Am sorry you gained a few pounds. I did too and stopped the milk and comfort foods. Am now down almost 20 lbs. I had gained quite a bit after my mom passed away in June '12. It really hit hard and I went into a tail spin.

 

This morning is really, really difficult. I got about 5 hrs of sleep and woke up about 5:30 with my mind in a bad place. Every thought that came into my head was negative. I had to actually tell myself to stop thinking and to consciously think about good things. I've been here writing this for 15-20 minutes now. My back is in need of a good adjustment.  I began therapy, spinal rehab. The last two weeks have been difficult as one of the machines takes my back out of place when I use it and this time it really got me. Am far from being able to drive or walk into a public place and I am really hurting right now.

[[La...]]

Hi, it's been a few days since being here in this thread, so I'm gonna share some odd, but good news...I hope. I have mild anxiety and am going from the feeling of anticipation and not able to sit, to being tired and almost able to nap. I've had 2 rounds of each thus far today. Have taken my dogs not only for a walk, but a nice car ride as well. I feel very different today. Different in the way that what was a wall is now a curtain and I'm able to push it aside. Oh, it casts' a shadow upon me and I can feel it with the chills that keep reminding me it's still within in, still trying, still doing all it can to resolve what little new sanctity that I have. The sun is shining today and it's some where near 40 degree's out there, plus or minus. I think my dogs and I are going for another walk here real soon. I am not in a window and this is different, because it is still there. My 3 windows were all with a total freedom from any ill side effects. I still have mild anxiety and confusion. But I do feel I'm heading in the right direction and a few weeks ago I was not feeling this way. The bad waves are losing their intensity and duration now, even though they're changing up.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm just out of it right now and wishing for the best. As I do have that electrical feeling in my lower legs and feet. When I've had it in the past, it meant to look out for the immense anxiety about to follow. Another thing that has been better, I'm not getting the bad chills as I have been. Seriously, I've been putting on 3 shirts and my sweat jacket and when sitting down, I'm covered up with a blanket. My temps is on 68, so not bad there. It never bothered me in previous winters. So that's something else I'm noticing within the last 24-48 hrs. Another thing is when I've gotten down the last couple of days, it hasn't been leading into tears, or not as profound. I don't know, I am hoping though. Hoping like we all are.

[[va...]]

Hey Lakeside!  check your pm.