24 days since I checked into detox....

[[IG...]]

MLD

It's another one of those pills I c/t'd before I started the cloazapam they thought I had fibromyalgia  but I'm not sure now.

What happened to you in the night?

 

Molly

[[mu...]]

Molly

Last night I was going between hot and cold, nerves inside were tense and I couldn't settle down.  The rest is a blur.  I had a hard time eating today. I was able to get on the treadmill tonight for 20 minutes and I think that helped.  I'm going to try to do that tomorrow morning.  I have to be able go to work tomorrow. 

 

MLD

[[IG...]]

MLD,

 

Gosh that defiantly sounds like a CNS thing, I hope tonight is better, maybe your still recuperating

 

from the holidays I read you did a lot of entertaining and seemed pretty stressed out, hopefully with

 

that dry throat and runny nose your not coming down with something.  Do you ever give yourself time

 

to just relax a "just for you" time, I hope so you deserve it. 

 

Molly

[[Ma...]]

Jillean,

 

Please continue to report on your improvement.  It helps to know not everyone will suffer for extended periods.  It gives me hope to hear that healing can be faster for some.

[[Ji...]]

Hi mairin,

 

I am doing well.  Today Im working a 12 hr shift and doing good.  I've been working Alot so have not had the time to write anything.  How are you doing?

[[Ma...]]

I am doing pretty ok Jillean, thanks for asking.

 

I have just made another cut so am experiencing hightened anxiety, but not too bad.  Just discouraged at how long I have been tapering and how far I have to go.  And not knowing what the future holds, although I know I should not focus on that, just one day at a time.

 

I am so glad to hear you are doing well, it is very encouraging to read your posts.

 

Hugs and love to you

Mairin

[[Ji...]]

I'm glad you are doing okay!

 

  I have been a busy bee these past few days.  I finally have a day off today.  Tonight I'm going to go to NA meeting.  It seems to help a bit, although I have not found a person there who is in the same circumstance as me, so that makes it a bit challenging.  But I have to do whatever works for my recovery and the meetings seem to help by know that I do not suffer alone with my addiction.  Prescriptions or not.  Intended or not.  My husband once told me "He has never met anyone who decided or wanted to be addicted to something."  So the "prescription" excuse has to go out the door.  It is not a place anyone of us desire to be in at this time.  But unfortunately we are here, so we gotta do what we gotta do and hope for the best.  As I used to tell my daughter when she was little " you gotta put your big girl pants on now".  IN other words suck it up and keep moving.  I have found that wallowing in it does not do me any good, so whats the next best thing?  Do something about it, right?

 

My rent check bounced because I was off of work and she took the check in early.  Normally no big deal, it happens to the best of us.  But not for me.  Nothing is normal for me, ever.  She told me I have to bring in a cashiers check with the fee of returned check.  Ok no biggie again.  But my bank is an hour away (due to relocation and them closing down the branches in my area).  And being that I have heightened anxiety when driving along with nobody available to go with me, this terrified me.  BUT I told myself the fear was not going to WIN.  So as soon as I dropped my daughter off at school I hopped on the highway and went.  I know that if I would of went home I would of wallowed in it and possibly convinced myself that I couldn't do it on my own.  Which I proved to myself that I could do it.  I not only did that but after doing so I felt so good and proud of myself I stopped at the mall and rewarded myself with a Bath and Body Works treat  .  But anyways that was my day thus far.  Over thinking and over analyzing everything has got to go.  It does not bring me peace.  Just wanted to drop in a few lines.

 

God bless

♥Jill

[[Ji...]]

I just wanted to drop in a few lines today.  Today I went to the store and actually felt like I remembered everything that we needed at home.  And I ventured out alone.  Yesterday me and my daughter had some time together and we went shopping and I didnt have any panic attacks.    I feel realy great, my mind has not felt this clutter free in ages.  Woo hoooooo there is HOPE!  Thank you God and even if it is a *window* I'll take it!  But am praying and believing it is not and trying to keep my mind in the present moment, enjoying life again.  I am praying for us all and the ones that still have yet to go this journey.  God give us the strength, encouragement, determination, and the healing that we all so very much deserve.

 

God bless

♥Jill

[[ec...]]

Thanks for the prayer Jillean.You seemed to be getting better,I pray you continue in a positive direction.

[[Ji...]]

Thanks  !!

 

The last few days were great!  I feel normal, well I was never "normal" lol but close enough!  In the mornings when I wake up I haven't been having that doom and jittery feeling that I did have.  Sleep is great, even had an uplifting dream last night!!  Thank you God!  He does hear our prayers, oh my how He does!  Prayers continue for those who are suffering for strength and healing.  Love u ALL!

[[ec...]]

Hi Jillean,glad to hear you are continuing to get better.I'm improving to but still hard.

[[Ji...]]

Hang in there eckhart it does pass!

 

love ya

♥Jill

[[Ji...]]

Each day it is getting better  .

 

This morning I actualy woke up in peace.  No impending doom lurking over my shoulders.  The pressure that I had been feeling behind my right eye has seemed to ease up a bit, it felt like somebody was constantly putting their finger between my eyes and pressing down firmly.  I can think clearly and stay on task!!!  I can remember things!!!  My insides are not jittering!  I can relax and realy enjoy my day  .  Every day that I feel Im healed.. the next day is getting even better.  I told my husband this morning..."So this it what if feels like"  .  I only expect for things to get even better as each day passes. 

 

There is hope!  It does end!  Hang in there !  You are all my thoughts and prayers.

 

~blessings

Jill

[[Ji...]]

PS  It's been 90 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Who would of ever thought I would ever be able to kick ativan to the curb?  Man God is good!  He was my strength and is my strength.  This is what gratitude feels like and loving every moment of it!

 

Ok gonna step down from my soap box 

[[Pl...]]

Amen Jill! God is good! Glad you are doing good!  I'm doing so so but I look forward to the day I can tell you I am good!!  I love to hear positive things and you are so positive! God bless you!!

[[je...]]

I am sooo happy for you.  Love your positivity.  90 days already... wow time flies. 

[[Ji...]]

Thanks!

[[ec...]]

So happy for you Jillian,I THINK GOING TO WORK HELPS THE TIME GO BY.