I think I did a lot of damage with a previous botched taper....

[[st...]]

I've been having a hard time with psychiatrists/myself trying to figure out what really happened to me. Basically I was on 15mg olanzapine/20mg citalopram for like 3 and a half years stabilized. What I did..... And I now regret this..... I found survivingantidepressants.org.

I was still very hard headed at the time/on stupid high doses of the most potent antipsychotic out there/didn't wanna listen to anyone or anything.

So what I did, was take their idea of tapering into my own ill witted hands and persisted through it even though I knew it wasn't going to work.

I bought a pill cutter and I cut my citalopram and olanzapine into quarters. I'd take 3/4 of the citalopram pill and 3/4 of the olanzapine pill. This would end in after about 4-6 days of that dose, going back up, back down and repeating. I did this for like a year, I thought it would work and the time and get me off if i just kept pushing through it maybe? I had no psychiatric help and wasn't in a position to taper myself off either.

 

It's insane. Now i'm sitting here having a hard time stabilizing on anything, wondering why I can't reach through to anyone about this, even the doctors that claim to have read surivvingantidepressants themselves and i'm just like ah.... crap.... I see what's going on....

Currently on 20mg lisinopril and 100mg quetiapine. I'm going to request that my psychiatrist give me a taper schedule, as I feel like everytime I bring up a taper they intentionally keep me in the dark. I have a hard time trusting they will follow through on a taper as well.