Advice? Recovery from c/t ativan then on pregabalin

[[wa...]]

Hey everyone (sorry it's long I tried to write less)

 

For about a year I had a severe addiction to ativan, not knowing the dangers. At the peak I'd take up to 12mg. I tried to wean off but only reached 4mg/day when I was forced to cold turkey end of November 2022. Thing is, I had been to a psychiatrist in September who prescribed me pregabalin and said it was safe and I could stop anytime, they weren't addictive or anything. I believed him. I was on the pregabalin with hopes it could be the life saver for me, but two weeks into the ativan w/d, it felt absolutely useless to be on it so I quit that c/t too (seeing as the doc had said I could). I had mad panic attacks and anxiety and misery for two weeks straight, but I thought it was just from the ativan. I went back on pregabalin hoping it would help my symptoms, thinking, I'll just be on it for a few weeks or so.

 

From January to May I continued to have anxiety attacks, OCD symptoms (Pure O type), and tremors. I was up to 400/mg of pregabalin in Feb/March. I told the doctors I wanted off pregabalin since it didn't seem to do anything but was terrified of the withdrawals I had by now read about, but they insisted they weren't that bad. Finally a doctor put me on buspirone and I took that for about two months I think (March/April) but it did so little and I had to take it like every two hours. I cut down pregabalin in April, but I was only given 50mg capsules, so it stopped at 50mg, cutting 50mg a week. I lasted 5 days off it but the anxiety was unbearable so I relapsed.

 

A few weeks later I reinstated a small dose of benzos to quit pregabalin and buspirone. Stayed off pregabalin for a week but then started taking it every other day for social reasons, just happy I wasn't on it every day, and I guess because of the benzos I felt fine doing that. I did a taper of the benzos I had to the tiniest amount I could over a month.

 

I struggled three weeks without pregabalin before I took some again last week for a few days. But I don't want in the mess again. Should I not touch them at all? Is even once in a while bad?

 

My OCD symptoms are absolutely insane, I cannot stop obsessing over stuff being ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and freaking out. I wake up with very bad anxiety. I have inner tremors and hand tremors. I've had some jolts the last few days when I'm trying to lay down. I'm depressed, cry a lot, panic a lot, have no motivation for anything. Intrusive thoughts, revived anxiety over old memories. I've been this way for 7 months. Ended up in the ER one night. My anxiety pre-ativan/pgb was bad but not like this. My OCD was very minor.

 

Does anyone have advice? I've read a bunch of posts about pregabalin but I'm not sure what the general timeline is or what other things people did to cope? I'm trying to meditate, drink herbal teas, take up Buddhist practices and researching how to handle OCD. Nothing changes. It feels hopeless. Is that all I can do? Should I just throw out my pregabalin at this point? It's been 7 months and I know some people deal with this for two years sometimes and that's without pregabalin... Is there hope?  :'(

 

I might not get much advice but I also wanted my story out there so people understand pregabalin is not safe like doctors keep saying it is...

[[Pa...]]

Hi wandercloud, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

You sound absolutely miserable, I’m so sorry.  I don’t have experience with pregabalin but what you’re describing sure sounds like benzo withdrawal and recovery.  It doesn’t sound like the pregabalin is doing you much good, I’ve yet to see an adjunct medication that can successfully tamp down our benzodiazepine symptoms with everyone.

 

Typical recovery time for those who take benzodiazepines long term is between 1-2 years so if you feel the pregabalin is ineffective I’d probably taper off of it but I’m hoping others with experience will stop by to give you their opinion.  In the meantime, you could use these search tools, they’re much better than the forums. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=251991.0

 

Pamster

[[wa...]]

Thanks. I can be miserable, but some days I do feel better than others. The weirdest thing is how much worse the OCD got. It is nice to hear everyone's stories and not feel so alone and in distress.