I’m not healing

[[hl...]]

I’m not healing. It simply isn’t happening. I’m stuck where I am at and I haven’t been getting better, in fact I think I’m getting worse. My mind is just damaged. I’m stuck with trauma and terror. Fear and anxiety that will never go away. I’m so agoraphobic that when I go out in the world, klits such a foreign concept to me that I feel like I’m living in a simulation. Like I can’t accept the world is real anymore. Everytime I go out I just feel a sense of dread.

 

When I’m at home I don’t feel “safe”. Something is just wrong. I always have this sense of not being in the real world. I just have this feeling burned into my brain. It won’t go away. Im stuck in some fight or flight mode. Stuck in a state of disrepair and trauma and it isn’t getting any better.

 

I don’t think I am going to ever heal. It’s time to get real with myself. It’s been a year since my last dose and frankly I feel like I’m still in acute.

[[jo...]]

I’m not healing. It simply isn’t happening. I’m stuck where I am at and I haven’t been getting better, in fact I think I’m getting worse. My mind is just damaged. I’m stuck with trauma and terror. Fear and anxiety that will never go away. I’m so agoraphobic that when I go out in the world, klits such a foreign concept to me that I feel like I’m living in a simulation. Like I can’t accept the world is real anymore. Everytime I go out I just feel a sense of dread.

 

When I’m at home I don’t feel “safe”. Something is just wrong. I always have this sense of not being in the real world. I just have this feeling burned into my brain. It won’t go away. Im stuck in some fight or flight mode. Stuck in a state of disrepair and trauma and it isn’t getting any better.

 

I don’t think I am going to ever heal. It’s time to get real with myself. It’s been a year since my last dose and frankly I feel like I’m still in acute.

 

I have the same experience.  I forced myself out today and it was surreal.  But I am glad I did because I feel better now.  The idea of getting up and going out is torture.  But once you are out and around familiar places and faces you realize it was not that big of a deal.  I know when I wake up tomorrow morning it will be groundhog day and I'll feel imprisoned again.  All I can do is try to force myself out, or at least communicate with people in my ever smaller circle. 

 

Are you the exact same today as the day you jumped?  There is no improvement at all?  My endless research here shows that healing is very slow at first.  Yes there are terrifying protracted cases that don't seem to heal at all.  But it is more likely that you are not in that camp than you are. 

 

I bookmarked this success story as it seems this woman refused to take it lying down and overcame the odds by taking an active role in her healing.  This is what motivated me up and out today:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=205360.msg2658464#msg2658464

 

I hope you take a small step to change your outlook.  Sometimes that is all that it takes. 

 

J

 

[[pi...]]

I wasn’t healed at my one year anniversary. On one hand I was thrilled to be a year away from benzos, but a little disheartened that I wasn’t well. I did find good healing took place the second year.

 

The fear of not healing can be strong. You have to remember how you were prior to all of this, and know that person is still there, waiting to emerge from the benzo haze. The best thing I did was to accept the process and be patient. I also quit looking at the calendar and found ways to distract myself from symptoms. This really helped and I did heal, completely.

 

pianogirl 

[[Pi...]]

I took Ativan for 30 years.  You just have to hang in there.  You are killing time till you feel better.  I was agoraphobic at first.  Now I just have social anxiety (Yeh!).  Slowly, slowly it gets better. 

[[mo...]]

You may not be healing just yet. Six years and counting for me (decades of benzos and other poisons). Do I think I'm not healing? Oh yes - every single minute but there is something inside me that won't let me give up. Have faith - you may heal very quickly. Good luck.