Fear that I will stress myself too much with studies and trigger a wave

[[Tr...]]

So now that I am 75 days off benzos, and the terrible 12-day wave of panic attacks +akathisia like symptoms for ~24 hours have passed...

 

I feel like I am traumatized by the wave? Like fearing when it hits.

 

The more important crucial thing NOW though is that I have a masters thesis to write and finish. I took anti-anxiety drugs because of a fear of failure and fear of critique/scolding/being called dumb which morphed into me avoiding/procrastinating on my thesis.

 

I feel like I can be a bit more free if I finish this thesis. But just thinking of it, doing it, going near my computer... it makes my stomach churn. Not doing it will trigger unpleasant consequences (kicked out, pay millions coz I was on a grant)

Help 😔😭

[[Pa...]]

It looks like you’re between a rock and a hard place so I’m hoping you’ll find a way to write that thesis.

 

I understand how difficult it will be but not writing it looks to have a worse outcome than writing it.  I had a very large project when I was recovering but I found a way to tackle it each and every day and it was helpful.  I can see this as a way for you to distract from your symptoms and the sense of accomplishment you’ll get from doing this each day will be so good for your emotional state.  Our self esteem is in the toilet while we go through this so if you can write your thesis, I believe you’ll feel so much better. 

[[Tr...]]

It looks like you’re between a rock and a hard place so I’m hoping you’ll find a way to write that thesis.

 

I understand how difficult it will be but not writing it looks to have a worse outcome than writing it.  I had a very large project when I was recovering but I found a way to tackle it each and every day and it was helpful.  I can see this as a way for you to distract from your symptoms and the sense of accomplishment you’ll get from doing this each day will be so good for your emotional state.  Our self esteem is in the toilet while we go through this so if you can write your thesis, I believe you’ll feel so much better.

 

Thank you so much for replying. I hit a wave recently while arguing with my mom. The shakes started, didn't let me sleep, I had to stand up and pace. Just nasty excess energy.

 

Been reading success stories of those whose anxiety levels flattened out again. Just reading again and again, trying to get hope and not lose my willpower to live.

 

My anxiety pre-benzos was ant-sized compared to this, and no physical symptoms too. Makes me wonder wtf I was whining about pre-benzos.

 

[[Pa...]]

Yes, stress and confrontation will bring on increased symptoms so I hope you can avoid it if possible.  You’re so right about the anxiety the drug causes, it really puts things in perspective doesn’t it?