Not going to make it

[[...]]

Thanks Becks and jacky

I really hope you start to feel better too. 

[[...]]

How do you keep hope alive? Throughout this ordeal I have been hopeful and confident that one day I will heal. But now coming up on 11 months and still not feeling much better my hope is starting to fade. I used to have my family behind me telling me to hang in there but now I rarely hear from them anymore and when I do they are not very encouraging anymore. Mostly telling me that I am doing this to myself and I need to snap out of it. So now I feel alone in this. I feel like I am slowly losing everything that I love and cherish. I would be sad but I have no feelings right now except for fear. I lost my mother back in July and felt nothing. That scared me even worse.  So how do you keep hope alive and keep believing that you are going to make it?

[[Th...]]

First, I would read the success posts on bb. They really remind you that you will heal.

 

Second, you have to find things that help you forget what you are feeling or thinking. It’s sooooooo hard. Soooooo very hard. We all know this. But, you have to. When I start getting tense, my back starts to hurt, my chest gets tight, I get up and I change what I’m doing, change my mindset, and rewire my thoughts and actions. Yes, the meds make it hard for our brains to return to baseline, but it’s a mental overhaul as well. We have to work just as hard mentally as we do physically to regain what we once had.

 

With that said, what gives me hope is knowing that our bodies do something really amazing every second of the day: Heals. It’s what the body wants to do. It does it 24/7, even if we can’t feel it. That gives me the hope I need to keep it up, even when I feel horrid.

 

I hope that helps. You got this.

 

Edit:  language.

[[...]]

Thanks Bur,

I appreciate the response and I hope your right. Right now its 2am here and I am wide awake after about 3 hours of sleep. It feels like I just drank 10 cups of coffee. On top of that all of muscles are vibrating and my left leg is gaving random spasms. I probably have at least 18 hours now until my brain will let me try again to sleep. All these sleepless nights make me think that im not gonna make it,

[[Th...]]

I promise you will. I didn’t sleep before benzos for about 5 years and your body can do it. It is terrible and it hurts, but once balance is restored, you will begin to sleep again ;_; I’m so sorry.

[[...]]

Thanks bur. I just hope I can make it that long. I know for a fact i wouldn't make it 5 years like this. I honestly don't know how long I'll make it. At some point I am either going to be getting better or I'll have to try to go back on the damn drug. 11 months is to long for me to be be suffering.

[[Th...]]

I promise you will. I felt the same way but your body can do some amazing shit. It will get used to it and eventually you will get better. I promise ;_;

[[...]]

Difficult stuff but do your utmost not to reinstate is my advice.

Given time your normality will absolutely return..you can and will get better but getting there is a very difficult road that one must travel.

My wife found antihistamine sleeping tablets helped her alot with achieving some much needed rest and once whe was recovered from what was her extremely harsh withdrawal process she was able to give them up without any issues.. that was her experience anyway.

She has now been fully recovered for 7 years fyi.

[[...]]

Thanks aaix,

I hope to have a recovery like your wife. Although  since I can't sleep I wont wake up healed, lol.

[[Th...]]

4am here. I miss getting sleepy. Hope you are making it through ok. I keep tell myself "Next month will be better" I kinda leveled off the last couple of months. But some days I just want to see any sign of improvement. I've been told that some people stop improving for a while and then start up again. I hope it doesn't take to much longer for us. But we made it this far, we can make it a little farther. Hang in there friend.

[[Wa...]]

Praying for you XRay…  I hope it turns around soon

[[...]]

Thank you Wantstosleep. I have been a follower of Jesus my whole life and have never asked for anything other than to be loved. I've spent the whole day crying and begging for mercy but my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. I'm just not sure how much longer I can take this. My brain feels like it is slowly dying. My sleep hasnt recovered at all. I will pray for you too.

[[Be...]]

Xray, I'm also a follower of Jesus Christ too and he is my Comforter.  I'll pray for you in Jesus' name.

[[...]]

Thanks Becks, I am trying to hang on to my faith but it is very very hard.

[[Be...]]

Just remember that Jesus is our Savior and has nothing to do with what's happened to us.  Jesus loves you and me.

[[Ja...]]

X-ray,

 

How are you doing, any sleep yet?

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Jacky, no I am not really sleeping.  I wish I had better news but I do not. In some ways I think it is getting worse. I dont know how much longer I can go like this to be honest. I pray for relief every night nut it doesnt come. I am exhausted all day and if I try to nod off get body jerks and then an anxiety attack. Sorry I dont have better news. How have you been doing?

[[...]]

Becks, I try to remember that every day. I know he had nothing to do with whats happening to me but I wish he would come and rescue me from my folly. I always ask him, what kind of father would let his child suffer for so long without providing some sort of help. I still have undying love though.

[[Be...]]

Xray, I don't know either why this happened to you and me.  I often wonder why God didn't protect me from getting harmed by drugs in the first place.  I wish I had the answer, but I don't.

[[Ja...]]

Hi X-ray, 

 

Do you go on long walks for exercise?  I still find it hard to believe your still having trouble sleeping and it’s so frustrating when you can’t sleep.

 

But I know your going to be just fine.  I know the same symptom awaits me but I will get through it like you.

 

I will keep checking on happy because I want to see if the Lord answers my prayer.  I always tell him to be extremely obvious with answering a

 

Prayer because I’m soooo slow 😂.

 

Ok talk to you soon my friend

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you for the prayers Jacky boo. I am not doing to well right now. Not sleeping is very hard and I dont wish this torture on anyone. Your a very thoughtful and kind person. I also hope that Happy is OK.

[[...]]

I dont know what I should do right now. i wish I had not quit cold turkey. I cannot really explain it but my sleep is not good. I sleep sometimes 4 or 5 hours a night but it feels like I am only getting light sleep and REM. I am now shaking uncontrollably when I wake up and my head just feels wrong. My eyes hurt and they are always bloodshot. I dont think that this is sustainable.  I dont think any doctors can help with this but i dont know where else to turn. I cant go to emergenxy room again because they have made it clear that there is nothing they can do for me. Due to so many covid cases I cant see a neurologist until January but the way I feel my body wont last that long.

[[Pa...]]

After my cold turkey, and before I started taking Ambien, I used to change locations (a different bed or the sofa) when I couldn't sleep, do you do this?

[[...]]

Hi Pam,

Yes I have tried switching locations. I think my sleeping mechanism is completely broken. Im sorry I am venting and posting a lot of negative things lately but I just cannot go on much longer like this. Nothing will bring me sleep.I cant even nap even though I am so tired I cant keep my eyes open. Irs horrible and I dont know what to do. I dont even think reinstating will make it better. There is absolutely no remedy. I dont even think I have much time left. My brain is completely shutting down and its losing control of my body. It feels like I have parkinson's disease. I just wish someone could help me. It is really the only symptom I have left and it has not gotten any better in 11 months.

[[...]]

Just had my first physical symptom. I woke up and my left hand was completely numb except for my thumb. Up till now I havent had any physical symptoms except for muscle tremors and heart palps. I hope this doesnt mean Im getting worse. I thought I was getting a little netter except for sleep. It also has been worse lately. I used to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. Now I am aberahing 3 or 4. And its not deep sleep. Its light dreamy REM sleep. What does yhis mean, Has anybody gotten significantly worse and then got better. I also took  metropolol last night because the muscle tremors wouldn't let me sleep.